


Austere

by foreverme233



Category: TsukiPro the Animation
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Androgyny, Angst, Attempted Abortion, Band Fic, Canon - Anime, Canon Compliant, Complicated Relationships, Discrimination, Discussion of Abortion, Drama, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Insecurity, M/M, Male Lactation, Modeling, Morning Sickness, Mpreg, Murase Dai - Freeform, One Night Stands, Panic Attacks, Photo Shoots, Rikkadai, Romance, Sera Rikka - Freeform, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Smut, Strangers to Lovers, Swearing, Tsukipro, Unplanned Pregnancy, dairikka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2020-09-26 17:03:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 107,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20393125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverme233/pseuds/foreverme233
Summary: Shiki's proposal lingered persistently in the air even as fragments of unforgettable memories clouded Rikka's head; blue eyes darkened with lust and rose-gold eyes drunk on exquisite pleasure. Those same blue eyes blinked innocently in response, more questions than answers lingering in the stale Shibuya air.Or...The canon au where Rikka and Dai meet prior to bumping into each other at a bar.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, I’m pretty new to the Tsukipro fandom but even I can see that it’s lacking in fanfiction quantity. So I decided I would give it a try with my own contribution. This is mainly DaiRikka and there will be mpreg without a/b/o dynamics so please bear with me. It’s mostly going to be canon so I would highly advise you watch the animation and/or be familiar with a few of SolidS drama CDs (link to the translations: https://akemilena.tumblr.com/translations). Without further ado, I present to you, Austere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, I’m pretty new to the Tsukipro fandom but even I can see that it’s lacking in fanfiction quantity. So I decided I would give it a try with my own contribution. This is mainly DaiRikka and there will be mpreg without a/b/o dynamics so please bear with me. It’s mostly going to be canon so I would highly advise you watch the animation and/or be familiar with a few of SolidS drama CDs (link to the translations: https://akemilena.tumblr.com/translations). Without further ado, I present to you, Austere.

On that fateful night they met they’d both been searching, searching for answers, searching for guidance, searching for new directions, searching for...something, _anything_. Rikka’s passion (_if passion was even the right word _) for modeling had been wavering for quite some time, frozen in perpetual limbo.

Accepting every job he was offered with little reason to refuse and coming home to an empty apartment was incredibly exhausting. The true strength of his inner psyche was continually put to the test, wearing thinner and weaker as time progressed. He sighed audibly as he mulled over the impact of his various life choices and the prospects of his future.

“Are you okay?” A tentative voice spoke.

Rikka looked startled, flustered to have been caught sighing so dramatically. Though it wasn’t possible for the stranger to have known the reasoning behind his emotional sigh, Rikka chuckled awkwardly.

“Uh, yes. I’m okay.”

The stranger, a tall well-built man with light blue hair and eyes, scrutinized the smaller pink haired man with furrowed eyebrows. Rikka squirmed in his seat uncomfortably, the distance between the charming cafe’s tables suddenly seemed minimal and suffocating.

The blue haired’s eyebrows rose high in understanding, precedent to an embarrassed flush decorating his serious face. “S-sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. Um, nevermind.”

With eyebrows no longer furrowed, the man gave off a much less intimidating aura. The manner in which he flushed and hurriedly took a large bite of a sweet looking pastry made him seem...cute.

Rikka smiled slightly, a stranger expressing enough concern about his well being warranted a show of gratitude. “Thank you for asking if I was okay.”

The man gave a short silent nod before reaching for his earphones that had been abandoned on his table. 

“What are you listening to?” Rikka asked gently. The man seemed startled for a millisecond before Rikka chuckled in a more lighthearted manner than previously. “Sorry, now I’m the one prying.”

“It’s okay. Um, I’m listening to Dvorak.” The blue haired man remained the slightest bit embarrassed.

“Ah. Antonín Dvořák?”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t seem like the type to listen to classical music.” 

“I get that a lot. But I like all music, honestly.”

“Hm.” Rikka hummed in acknowledgment. With every intention of allowing the stranger to resume his music listening and pastry eating, Rikka smiled politely, focusing his attention back to the barely touched drink in front of him. He was all but ready to pay for his drink and head back to his apartment when the stranger spoke once more.

“What are you drinking?”

Surprised by the continuation of their conversation, Rikka responded with, “Just a café crème.” Not wanting to miscalculate the situation nor incorrectly interpret social cues, he inquired cautiously, “Would you like to sit over here?”

The stranger looked toward the empty seat across from the pink haired man, visibly contemplating whether or not switching tables would be a wise thing to do. Unfazed by his slight hesitation, Rikka waited patiently for a response. A response in the form of the blue haired gathering his things, pastry and all, and transferring them to Rikka’s table was unexpected but not unwelcome.

“Are you a student?” Rikka asked when the flash of a black backpack caught his eye.

“Um. Not anymore.” He responded while he sat down.

“Did you graduate?”

The embarrassed flush returned with a vengeance and Rikka hurriedly changed the subject. “It’s fine. You don’t have to talk about it.”

An awkward silence enveloped the both of them before the taller man spoke tentatively. “I was a swimmer.”

“Was?”

“I suffered a shoulder injury recently and now I can’t…” He trailed off, a hint of longing made his blue eyes glimmer sorrowfully.

“I’m sorry.” Rikka responded genuinely. How dreadful it must have been to no longer be able to do the thing you desperately wanted to do.

“It’s fine.” He responded although Rikka could easily tell it _wasn’t _fine. “So, uh, what about you?”

“What about me?”

“What do you do?”

“Oh.” Rikka smiled once more. “I’m a model, actually.”

The taller’s eyebrows lifted in admiration before settling into a neutral expression. “That explains it.”

“Explains what?”

“Um,” he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “you just seem very photogenic.”

Rikka chuckled behind a delicate hand. “Thank you. I’m Rikka, by the way.”

“Dai. Pleased to meet you.”

His name was Dai. 

The name of the man who prompted Rikka to momentarily disregard what had troubled him just a little while ago. A nineteen year old ex-swimmer who could no longer fulfill his dream and pursue his passion. A young man who searched and longed for something more in his life, not so unlike Rikka himself.

Time was lost as the two new acquaintances spoke enthusiastically, finding comfort in the presence of another. Although three years apart in age, they expressed similarities not commonly found in others. If he had to pick one, that would probably be the real reason Rikka invited him back to his apartment in the hopes of continuing their conversation.

“It’s getting pretty late. Is your home close by?”

Dai’s eyes wandered to the large cafe windows exposing the pitch black night sky. He gathered his things in his arms before responding. “Not exactly.”

“Hm.” Rikka pursed his lips, feeling immensely guilty that he’d kept Dai at the cafe until the workers were ushering them towards the exit. The sky remaining a charcoal backdrop. “I apologize for keeping you out so late.”

Dai shrugged indifferently. “It’s no big deal. I liked talking to you.”

“Really?” Spending the night ordering various sandwiches and pastries, talking about nothing and anything for hours on end. Had Dai honestly enjoyed it as much as Rikka?

“Really.” He responded genuinely. 

Rikka took an extra moment to shrug on his light green cardigan, wondering how best to phrase a sudden suggestion. “My apartment is just a ten minute walk from here.”

Dai responded with a silent unreadable expression. Rikka looked away for a split second before speaking again. “This is embarrassing. How do I phrase this? Um, would you like to come to my apartment?”

Dai’s unreadable expression was quickly replaced by a puzzled expression.

Rikka spoke hurriedly for clarification, “Ah, I mean just so you don’t have to travel so far this late. I promise my couch is comfortable.”

For reasons unbeknownst to Rikka, Dai smiled a small smile. The first one Rikka had seen since they’d met. He couldn’t deny how adorable the taller looked when he smiled.

“Okay. Let me just text my parents that I’m not coming home tonight.”

“Of course.”

Rikka waited patiently by the cafe’s exit while Dai texted his parents. Once reunited with the blue haired man, Rikka took careful notice of their physical dissimilarities. Despite his younger age, Dai stood much taller and broader than the petite model. In stark contrast with his appearance, intimidating as it may be, Dai’s personality was gentle and warm. In the number of hours they had known each other, Rikka observed how easily Dai got flustered and how quiet and timid he could be. The minor discrepancy was cute. _Dai _was cute. Though Rikka was pretty sure he wouldn’t appreciate being called cute, no matter how genuine the sentiment.

“Lead the way.” Dai spoke, politely holding the door open for Rikka to exit.

The short walk to Rikka’s apartment was occupied by a comfortable silence. A type of easy silence that prevented either from feeling obligated to contribute with pointless small talk. In the hours they’d spoken to each other, they’d, fortunately, migrated from polite small talk to more productive conversation. Rikka accredited their comfortable walk to their budding sense of familiarity. 

Once arrived, settled into his luxury studio apartment, Rikka was made hyper aware of how much time had passed since he’d last invited anyone over to his place. If he’d known that tonight was the night he’d be entertaining company, he would have presented a more spruced up living environment; dishes washed to pristinity and bed made with more enthusiasm and precision. 

Dai didn’t seem to notice nor care about the apartment’s state of imperfection. The neutral expression on his face could not mask the admiration setting his blue eyes alight.

“Wow.”

“It’s a little messy but-”

“It’s really nice. I guess you weren’t kidding when you said you were a model.”

Rikka had never given much attention to the intricacies forming his home’s foundation. Though he found himself often acknowledging the luxuries of his high rise building and extravagances of his living conditions. He couldn't even begin to imagine the extent of an ex college student’s impression after being presented with an ostentatious display.

“Thank you.” He accepted Dai’s compliments with practiced grace, gesturing to his living room and compellingly comfortable couch. “Are you tired right now?”

“No. As a guest, it would be rude of me to sleep before the host.”

“Of course. Well, make yourself at home. We can watch a movie to pass the time”

“Sure.”

Rikka gestured for Dai to situate himself comfortably before following suit. Both of them sat side by side on the sofa, a reasonable amount of distance between them. 

“I’m surprised you let a stranger in your home so easily.” Dai spoke while Rikka searched for a suitable movie on television.

“Was that foolish of me?” He wondered sheepishly. Their physical dissimilarities were striking second only to the notion that Rikka existed as a notable public figure. If Dai intended to exploit, their association would have been rendered foolish by any reasonable interpretation.

Rikka’s salvation relied on instinct. Everything about Dai thus far had been instinctively positive. “Sorry, I just felt bad making you go home alone. Shiki has told me I can be too nice and caring.”

“Shiki?”

“A friend of mine.”

“Takamura Shiki?"

“You know him?”

Dai shook his head. “I’m only vaguely familiar with some of his music and previous unit.”

Rikka nodded, recalling Dai’s expression of his appreciation for a wide variety of music.

Minutes passed, a suitable movie desiring to be found, and Dai was prompted to speak again.

“Might I ask why you were sighing?”

“Pardon?”

“Earlier today when I first spoke to you, you seemed upset.”

“Oh.” Rikka looked down, almost having forgotten the circumstances leading to their impromptu association. “Forgive me for saying this but I don’t think you’d understand.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you’re young.”

“You are too.” Dai bluntly responded. 

The twenty two year old laughed in frivolous amusement. “I suppose you’re right.”

“If you don’t want to tell me, I’ll respect that. But don’t think I haven’t been through enough shit in my life already. I just can’t understand why someone like you would be upset.”

“Someone like me?”

Dai blanched, responding quickly and stuttering along the way. “I-I didn’t mean that in a negative way.”

“You’re absolutely right. I’ve been fortunately blessed with so many wonderful things in my life. I shouldn’t have a reason to complain. When I was upset earlier, I suppose I was overwhelmed by the realization that I’m not enjoying the things I want to enjoy. I’m not doing the things I want to do nor living the life I want to live.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. It’s silly, isn’t it?” Rikka looked away, the movie search had long been abandoned. 

“No. You started modeling because someone coaxed you and now you’re in too deep and can’t escape. Is that accurate?”

“Unbelievably so. H-how did you know?”

Dai captured and held Rikka’s gaze with a steady one of his own, emanating a deadly serious aura. “It was the same for me with swimming. I started because someone wanted me to. Before I knew it, I’d advanced too far to quit.”

“But it seemed like you enjoyed swimming. The way your eyes lit up when you talked about it, how upset you looked when you told me you weren’t able to do it anymore ...”

Dai nodded slowly, earnestly. “Swimming is, no, _was _my passion. I just had to find a reason to do it for me and not for anyone else. I had to find a reason that made me happy too.”

“How did you find your reason?”

“Once I stopped looking for others’ approval, I started to enjoy myself more. I’ll admit though,” Dai leaned back and closed his eyes in exasperation, “In anything I do, I can’t help but want someone to praise me. I can be pretty self conscious and…It’s embarrassing.”

Rikka shook his head and spoke without thinking, “No. It’s cute."

Dai’s eyes shot open in bewilderment. “What?”

Rikka nervously played with a strand of his long hair, the nervous chuckle returned. “Shit, I said that out loud, didn’t I? Dai, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just really appreciated what you said, about finding my own reason to keep going.”

Dai nodded sharply. “I don’t like being called cute.”

“I’m sorry.”

“But,” He sighed in resignation, “I guess it’s a compliment coming from someone as beautiful as you.”

It was Rikka’s turn to respond in bewilderment. “What?”

Dai looked away bashfully. “If it’s you praising me, then I’m okay with it.”

Having been involved in the modeling industry since childhood, Rikka had always been praised for his ability to be charismatic with others. So for the first time in a long time, engaged in a candid conversation with a familiar stranger, he’d been stunned to a profound silence. His subsequent response was to gravitate towards mindless tasks. He busied himself, hurrying to his kitchen and fiddling with various drawers and cabinets, pretending as if a huge list of things needing to be done materialized from thin air.

“Are you thirsty? Hungry? Do you want a snack? A drink?”

Rather than engaging in inquiries relating to his thirst or hunger, Dai’s response instigated from the sudden and heavy awkwardness electrifying the air, “Maybe I should go home.”

“What?” Rikka froze in place, hand hovering somewhere near his kitchen drawer’s handle.

“It really is late and I feel like I’m intruding upon your personal space. I’ll be fine getting home.”

Rikka remained frozen, inexplicable disappointment uncomfortably twisting his gut. The prospect of Dai leaving left a bitter taste in his mouth. “I’ll get a taxi for you if you truly want to go. But…” He hesitated for a moment, “I’d appreciate it if you stayed. I enjoyed your company and...it gets lonely here sometimes.”

Dai was silent for so long that Rikka couldn’t be sure if he’d been heard. Too afraid to confess to the crippling effects of loneliness a second time, Rikka remained silent and waited for the response he hoped would come.

A response from Dai was rewarded a few long minutes later. A response in an unexpected manner that elicited a surprised gasp from Rikka. He felt a large hand, cautious as expected but determined nonetheless, grasp his slender waist. The exact moment when Dai had sidled up behind him was lost in the heat of the current situation.

“If you want me to, I’ll stay.” Dai spoke in a low voice, undeniably close to Rikka’s ear. 

“I want you to.” Rikka spoke, almost in a whisper. His next astonished gasp was captured by Dai’s own mouth. Careful lips pressing against sensuous ones created an affectionate kiss. 

Dai pulled away a moment later, looking flushed and sheepish. 

Rikka smiled remarkably.

“You can’t kiss me and feel embarrassed right after.”

“The kiss was uncalled for. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not sorry.” 

Dai was pulled into another, more intense kiss before he could respond. Lost in the moment, Rikka wrapped his arms around Dai’s neck. A barely concealed moan preceded Dai wrapping his arms around Rikka’s waist.

Rikka had never been one to act on impulse, prioritizing pleasure over rationality. Nor had he ever allowed himself to be so open with someone he barely knew. Inviting Dai into his home, acknowledging his loneliness and unhappiness, unearthed a vulnerable persona he desperately tried to hide.

That exact persona, that precise _vulnerability_, prompted him to act out of character. 

He took the initiative of leading Dai to his bed, possessing no qualms about their predicament when Dai climbed on top of him. Under the implicit assumption that nothing more would come of their night, Rikka was willing to give himself to a stranger.

Just one night.

He was allowed to be vulnerable for a single night.

Again, Dai’s lips pressed against his own before dutifully pressing against his jaw and neck. Wanting to present more of his pale neck to Dai’s wandering lips, Rikka turned his head.

Though Dai’s kisses were nothing short of soft and gentle, Rikka voiced an important request. 

“No marks, please.”

Dai chuckled against Rikka’s collarbone. “Of course not.”

Tomorrow morning, Rikka would settle back into his familiar routine. Returning to work as polished and poised as always, his moment of weakness with Dai would not discourage him. Maybe afterward, he would take Dai’s advice, only accepting jobs that made him happy, jobs he wanted to complete. But until then, until he had to worry about something so important, he wanted to relish in these carefree moments.

“Dai, are you sure you want to do this?”

Dai chuckled once more. 

To back out now, to come to their senses in the midst, seemed rather absurd. Dai’s shirt had already landed somewhere on the floor and Rikka’s had been pushed up far enough to expose his chest. 

“I can’t brag about being experienced but this isn’t my first time. If you’ll let me have you, Rikka, I would be honored.”

Rikka’s face flushed red, his body involuntarily responding to electrifying sensations of pleasure. “I want you, Dai. Please, take me.”

Per Rikka’s approval and consent, Dai carefully undressed the smaller of the two, eager to appreciate Rikka’s beauty in all its splendor.

“Wow,” He breathed, still in disbelief that for tonight, Rikka was his and his alone. “Where do you keep…?”

Rikka gestured towards his nightstand, not trusting his voice enough to speak. He was in awe at how attractive Dai was, shoulders broad from swimming and muscles prominent beneath smooth skin. Just the thought of Dai being inside of him, the anticipation to drown in shared pleasure, found Rikka moaning and reaching down to touch himself.

“Dai?” Rikka’s voice quivered unsteadily, barely masking his growing arousal.

Dai gulped audibly, highly affected by the sight of Rikka naked, moaning, and touching himself. His cock twitched in anticipation, straining against the confines of his pants. “Yeah?”

“Could you hurry, please?” 

He nodded quickly, uncapping the top of the lubrication he’d just acquired and squirting a generous amount on his fingers. The smaller of the two parted his legs willingly, shamelessly allowing the larger man to settle between them. 

Dauntingly tasked with satisfying a beautiful man of considerable stature, Dai’s timid personality returned with a vengeance. Proving to be only a minor obstacle after enough coaxing and pleading from Rikka, Dai resumed his licentious actions. He started off slowly, inserting his lubricated index finger into Rikka’s entrance, before diligently inserting his middle finger with a bit more confidence and speed.

“More, Dai, please.” Rikka moaned, desperately wanting to be filled with something more substantial before he exploded.

Though well aware of Rikka’s impatience, Dai knew how important it was to prep him thoroughly and accurately. Wanting nothing more than to bury himself to the hilt inside of Rikka, Dai used every ounce of self control to hold back. Only when Rikka’s wandering hands found the button and zipper of his pants did he feel his self control steadily dwindling. 

“Fuck.” Dai groaned at the same time Rikka unzipped his pants. He’d just removed his fingers (_he’d gotten up to three_) when Rikka started caressing the large bulge in his underwear.

“Dai,” Rikka looked up seductively at the man hovering above him, “Please, I’m ready.”

Completely captivated by the attractive man beneath him, more than willing to do whatever was asked _(or begged_) of him, Dai tossed the rest of his clothes carelessly to the floor. 

Everything about that night thus far had been rushed and spontaneous but Rikka felt it wise to set aside adequate time to appreciate and admire the naked man above him. Rikka’s eyes raked over his body greedily, even as Dai reached for the condom he’d previously placed at the head of the bed.

It was ripped open eagerly albeit in a careless manner. He rolled it down over his hard shaft, not missing the way Rikka continuously followed his actions with hungry, lustful eyes.

Dai wrapped a hand around his member, only given the chance to stroke it once, twice, before a smaller, more skillful hand took its place. Rikka, desperately needing to remember how comforting it felt to enjoy the presence of another with his entire being, guided Dai’s cock to his entrance. The enlarged tip was swallowed and enveloped with ease.

Dai grunted incoherently, no combination of words powerful enough to describe how magnificent it felt to have Rikka’s walls caging him in. He was mesmerized, mesmerized by Rikka’s gorgeous eyes and enamored by his beautiful body.

A short gasp preceded full insertion, with Dai buried entirely inside. The intoxicating sensations Rikka felt overwhelmed him. Needing an anchor to ground him to reality, he subsequently clawed at Dai’s bare back. He couldn't recall a moment in time when he’d ever been appeased by penetration alone.

“Rikka?” Dai’s voice resonated from above, sounding strained from heightened arousal.

“Yeah?”

“Is it alright if I move? I’m dying.”

Rikka responded by wrapping his legs around Dai’s waist, pulling him in deeper. They gasped simultaneously, both experiencing similarly intense pleasure waves. With absolute conviction, Dai relinquished all self control. He rested his head on Rikka’s shoulder, embracing the smaller body before thrusting instinctively. 

Astonished by the fact that Dai had found the perfect angle on his first try, a surprised vocalization subsequently manifested. Rikka’s strangled moan powerfully resonated throughout the entire room.

Motivated by Rikka’s encouraging response, Dai thrust harder and more confidently. Eliciting yet another sinful moan from the man underneath. 

Only after he’d built up a steady pounding rhythm did his lips once again find Rikka’s. Rikka kissed back willingly, moaning into the kiss whenever Dai’s hips snapped sharply. The lewd noise of skin slapping against skin filled the room, the sound of their arousal lost somewhere in the midst.

When Rikka started begging for more, whimpering against Dai’s lips for him to thrust harder, faster, Dai pulled back from the kiss and adjusted their position. Knelt between Rikka’s legs, Dai gripped his hips for leverage. Adjusting the speed and force of his thrusts accordingly, he pounded incessantly into the smaller man below. 

Paying close attention to detail, fulfilling every demand requested of him, Dai was a generous lover. He pleasured Rikka thoroughly, providing him with ample opportunity to be a most optimum receiver. 

The further progression of their shared night found Dai’s eyebrows furrowed and beads of sweat gathering. Rikka embraced the moment, studying Dai’s striking features and rhythmic movements. Because, if their night was soon to be stored deeply away in memory, he wanted to be sure his feelings had been real. That _Dai _had been real.

“Rikka.” Dai groaned when it became clear he was approaching his climax. To ensure Rikka would have a similarly satisfying ending, he wrapped a hand around his neglected member, stroking it in time with his final powerful thrusts. 

Rikka arched his back in pleasure, tendrils of release coating Dai’s hand white.

While Rikka came down from his high, Dai’s hips stuttered. He groaned, burying his head in Rikka’s neck as his body shook with waves of pleasure from his own release. He didn’t pull out right away after coming down from his high, necessitating the desire to permanently imprint the moment to memory. Not a word of complaint was heard from the smaller man whom he shared an affectionate embrace.

“Thank you.” Rikka spoke, voice soft and gentle in contrast to thundering heartbeats.

“For what?”

“For keeping me company tonight.”

“You’re welcome.”

Rikka convinced himself that Dai wanted nothing more than to stay right where they were, frozen in elapsed time together. He would have preferred to believe the only reason they separated was that they had no other choice.

“Can I use your bathroom?” 

Rikka nodded, feeling hollow and cold once Dai had pulled out and removed his strong arms from around him. 

He disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Rikka alone in the aftermath of their night. Pillows were scattered haphazardly around the bed, the sheets and comforter in various stages of disarray. Random articles of clothing were strewn all around the bed, the bottle of lube having found its way in their midst. Rikka tucked his hair behind his ears, the long strands having freed themselves from his fastened hairstyle some time ago.

Dai returned from the bathroom at the same time Rikka gathered his hair into a messy ponytail. Rikka’s attention was on him in an instant, the cute man with beautiful blue eyes who got flustered way too easily yet somehow knew all the right things to say.

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, no doubt realizing how naked he still was and how Rikka’s eyes still wandered.

“Um, I can sleep on the couch if-”

“I’d much prefer if you slept in my bed.”

Dai nodded in response, something akin to relief flashing across his features.

“You were amazing. If it’s not too much to ask, I’d like to fall asleep in your arms.”

Dai’s only response was to climb into Rikka’s bed, settling the comforter over both of them and inviting the smaller to snuggle into his arms.

“Goodnight, Dai.”

“Goodnight, Rikka.”

**

Rikka awoke the next morning to an empty bed and a dull pain in his backside. The side of the bed next to him was cold, though a prominent indentation made it clear someone else had recently slept there. So last night _had _been real. Dai _did _exist somewhere, although that particular somewhere was currently unknown to Rikka. All traces of Dai had blatantly disappeared from his apartment while he’d slept soundly.

Though slightly disappointed, Rikka couldn’t say he was surprised. One night stands were nothing more than just. A single passionate night shared between two people who would likely never see each other again. Rikka had been vulnerable and opened up to a stranger. Dai had been naive and easily swayed. The man of few words who flustered easily was no more than a pleasant dream. A phantom that existed somewhere other.

Rikka climbed slowly out of bed, ready and willing to officially start his day. He had a photoshoot in a couple of hours that he desperately needed to prepare for, to ensure he remained poised and polished like the professional he was.

When he stood up and stretched, a flash of something on his nightstand caught his eye. A yellow post-it note carried the weight of a handwritten message on its surface. Rikka picked it up and read the scrawled message aloud:

_You look breathtakingly beautiful when you smile._

-Dai


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos! I hope you enjoy this chapter too

Though not right away, Rikka eventually found the courage to refuse modeling jobs he had little interest in. It was difficult to reject the offers and go against his agency at the beginning. But once his schedule was gloriously filled with jobs he looked forward to, he realized it had been worthwhile. Dai had been right all along, once he learned to model for himself and not for others life seemed much brighter.

Dai. _Dai_.

Rikka hadn’t mentioned Dai to anyone since their fateful encounter. Weeks had passed, marking the conclusion of their shared night. Without a last name for identification or a number for communication, Rikka had no way to reconnect with him. Perhaps it was better that way. If they found each other again, Rikka knew he would become too attached, more so than he already was.

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t think about Dai often and what might have happened if the blue eyed man had stayed with him until morning. Be that as it may, Rikka was far too busy to be distracted by irrelevant thoughts. It really was better that they'd parted ways, he told himself whenever he needed convincing.

Rikka strolled through the busy streets of Shibuya, having just finished an exhausting photoshoot nearby. He couldn’t wait to get back home and sleep the night away. Despite getting a full eight hours of sleep the previous few days, Rikka felt as if his sleep cycle had been considerably off track. He rubbed his tired eyes, unsure of what to make of his growing exhaustion.

Preoccupied with stifling an unexpected yawn, Rikka's failure to pay attention to where he was heading led him straight into the path of a man walking in the opposite direction.

“Oh no. I’m sorry, sir.”

“Rikka?” The man spoke.

Rikka’s eyes glittered with recognition before he smiled brightly in response. “Shiki.”

Although they kept in touch, Rikka and Shiki hadn’t seen each other in quite some time and certainly hadn't spent time together in ages. They’d been swamped with their respective work; Shiki with composing and producing and Rikka with modeling. Despite fighting a losing battle against fatigue, Rikka didn’t want to miss an opportunity to catch up with Shiki.

“Are you busy? Do you want to get a drink with me?”

“Actually, I just finished work. A drink sounds wonderful.”

Rikka followed his friend into a nearby restaurant/bar with every intention of properly winding down. When the time came to order drinks, however, Rikka’s stomach lurched at the mention of anything with alcohol. He settled on ordering a club soda with an uneasy look on his face. Shiki took note immediately.

“Are you okay?”

Rikka smiled reassuringly. “Fine. I’ve just been feeling a little off lately.”

“Off?”

“It’s nothing to worry about. A little fatigue here and there. I just think I’ve been working too hard.”

Shiki furrowed his eyebrows. “Make sure you take care of yourself.”

“Yes, yes. I will. Enough about me, how have you been doing?”

“I’ve been alright. Work is work just like always. It’s different writing songs behind the scenes as opposed to being on the forefront.”

Rikka nodded slowly. “Do you enjoy it?”

“Enjoy is a strong word, seeing as I don’t have as much creative freedom as I’d like. Speaking of, I’ve heard gossip about the modeling jobs you turned down.”

Rikka chuckled nervously. “You have?”

Shiki hummed in response, taking a sip of his drink. “What’s gotten into you lately?”

“It’s a long story,” Rikka took a sip of his drink, ignoring another uncomfortable lurch in his stomach, “but I guess you can say I wanted my own creative freedom. I don’t ever want to quit being a model but...hm...I guess I’m still searching for something more. Something different.”

“Something different?” Shiki tapped his chin thoughtfully. “If you really want something different, I have something important to ask you.”

“Oh?” Rikka was taken aback. Shiki wasn’t one to often ask favors. He preferred to get things done on his own, rest assured they were done on _his _schedule and by _his _way. He was a composer who saw his vision clearly but wasn’t always given the chance to bring his original ideas to fruition. 

“Nothing is concrete yet. This is just a tentative proposition.”

“Okay.”

“The Tsukino president promised me I would have complete freedom with my music if I was able to produce a new unit.”

“Wow. That’s great! Shiki, your music is amazing and if you’re able to take control, you’ll be able to do wonderful things.”

Shiki nodded slowly. “That’s what I wanted to ask you. Rikka, will you do it too?”

Rikka’s eyes widened in surprise. “Do what?”

“Do wonderful things with this unit. Your look is eye catching and I know your voice would be just as promising.”

“Singing voice?” Rikka asked in bewilderment. He’d just been preparing to get home early and get some rest. He hadn’t been prepared for nor hoping to be asked to join a new idol unit. Being an idol and a model were two completely different paths. There was no way that anything he’d learned as a model would prepare him for singing.

“Singing and dancing, of course.”

“But, I’ve never done either.”

“I can help you with singing. And the company has wonderful choreographers to teach you the fundamental basics.” Shiki seemed confident about the prospect although Rikka was not yet convinced. His head was suddenly spinning and he felt more nauseous than before.

“Excuse me for a second. I need to find a bathroom.”

Shiki nodded in affirmation as Rikka hurried away from the bar with his mind reeling. Singing? Dancing? Idol unit? The room continued to spin at a dizzying speed as Rikka hurried towards what he hoped was the direction of the bathroom. Overwhelmed by swirling thoughts, exhaustion, and a dizzying headache, it was impossible for him to accurately pay attention to his surroundings.

Not long after his urgent departure from the bar, in haste to locate a bathroom, did he find himself colliding head on with another individual. He was unexpectedly pressed against a warm chest at the same time large hands grasped his shoulders in an effort to steady him.

“I’m sorry! Are you okay?” Rikka stepped back out of the man’s grasp to speak. He looked up into familiar blue eyes and gasped audibly.

Shiki's proposal lingered persistently in the air even as fragments of unforgettable memories clouded Rikka's head; blue eyes darkened with lust and rose-gold eyes drunk on exquisite pleasure. Those same blue eyes blinked innocently in response, more questions than answers lingering in the stale Shibuya air.

“What are you doing here?” Dai interrogated, his voice low and neutral, giving nothing away about how he was feeling.

“Dai-chan! You can’t be so blunt. People will think you’re rude.” A man of average height with light golden hair and eyes turned towards Rikka. “I’m sorry, Dai’s actually a good guy. People tend to misread him.”

Before Rikka had a chance to respond, to even process the fact that he was face to face with Dai for the first time in weeks, the blonde spoke to Dai once again.

“Weren’t you looking for the toilet?”

At the mention of toilet, Rikka’s stomach lurched more violently than before, prompting him to clamp a hand over his mouth. Yeah, he needed to find one of those quickly.

Dai took one look at Rikka, hand clasped firmly over his mouth, face paler than normal, before grabbing him by the shoulders again and leading him in the opposite direction.

“The toilets are this way.”

So Rikka had been going the wrong way after all.

He was urgently led to the toilets with seconds to spare before he was pushing his way to the first open stall and burying his head in the first open toilet. He gathered his long pink hair at the nape of his neck with one hand while the other gripped the toilet bowl. He felt Dai’s presence loom eerily close, too focused on puking to actually be embarrassed by the fact that Dai was witnessing him puke. It wasn't as if Dai hadn’t already witnessed Rikka in a vulnerable state prior to this one. 

Rikka eventually let go of his hair when he felt Dai’s larger hand nudging at the base of his neck. His hair remained safely away from the mess as he continued to empty his stomach. Dai’s capable hand gripped the pink locks securely while his other hand rubbed Rikka’s back soothingly.

“How much did you drink?” He asked, essentially not expecting an answer since Rikka was not in a position to provide one. But if he had been in a position to answer, he would have made him very much aware that he hadn’t touched a single glass of alcohol in what seemed an eternity. 

The sound of the bathroom door swinging open preceded the sound of a semi familiar voice. It was the blonde guy Dai had been hanging out with.

“Oi, mister, are you alright?”

“Tsubasa, it’s fine. I’ve got it under control.” Dai sounded exasperated.

“It’s the first time I’ve ever seen someone puke after seeing your face, Dai-chan.” The man,_Tsubasa_, joked.

“Shut up idiot. And don’t call me Dai-chan.”

The bathroom door swung open again, cutting off Tsubasa’s playful response. The sound of a familiar deep voice resonated in the room.

“Rikka, what happened?”

Rikka groaned internally, silently wishing for a miracle that would allow him to be sick in peace. Or maybe a miracle that would allow him to travel back in time and close the stall door _before _he started throwing up.

“You know this guy?” Tsubasa questioned. Shiki scoffed.

“Of course I know him. We work in the same industry.”

“Industry?”

“Entertainment industry. Not like it’s any of your business.”

It was Tsubasa’s turn to scoff. “Well, excuse me for being curious.”

For the remainder of the time spent with his head in the toilet, Rikka ignored Shiki and Tsubasa’s bickering. Shiki had always possessed a strong personality that didn’t commonly mesh well with others and it seemed as if Tsubasa’s personality was clashing heavily with Shiki’s. Rikka’s head was already throbbing unbearably and he really wanted to get home to rest and not have to listen to others’ arguing.

After what felt like an eternity, once he was sure he wouldn’t be sick again, he flushed the toilet and stood up. He slowly turned around, coming face to face with a very concerned Dai. His eyebrows were pinched together and his mouth wore a disapproving frown. His serious tone was to be expected. 

“I think you should go home. I’ll help you.” 

Rikka nodded and made his way over to the sink to rinse his mouth. He heard Shiki approach Dai, very clearly imagining the scrutiny Dai suddenly found himself under.

“And who are you to Rikka?”

“Uh...I’m…” Who _was _he to Rikka? 

Rikka wasn’t even able to answer that question himself. Dai was more than an acquaintance but not quite a friend.

“Alright, how about this? How did you meet Rikka?”

Rikka lifted his head from the sink, wiping his mouth with a paper towel, before intervening and mediating Shiki’s unfair interrogation.

“It’s a long story, Shiki.”

“Fair enough.” Shiki nodded, satisfied with Rikka’s answer. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

Dai spoke in weak protest, “I really think…” He trailed off as he so often did, brooding in silence as he looked away sheepishly.

“What do you really think?” Shiki questioned.

“Nothing.” Dai murmured. Who was he to Rikka? A one night stand who never bothered to leave his number. A coward who left before Rikka awoke because he was too afraid to face him again. What right did he have to voice his opinion about someone who had been his for a single night?

Rikka saw everything Dai couldn’t put into words. He saw the flicker of regret and remorse flash across Dai’s typically neutral features. He felt that same twinge of regret and remorse, knowing he had used Dai for his own selfish reasons. A pawn to help relieve some of his pent up frustration. A shared passionate night he’d stored away in his memories.

“I think I’d feel better if both of you took me home.”

A relieved expression flashed across Dai’s face, visible only for a split second and no longer. His default neutral expression took precedence as he nodded. “Alright.”

Shiki also nodded, “Very well. Come on, Rikka.”

“Hey, what about me?” 

Rikka had almost forgotten about Dai’s friend but the blonde was determined not to be forgotten for long. 

“Tsubasa-san, was it? Well I guess it’s only fair that you come along too.” Rikka smiled politely. In actuality he didn’t care who brought him home. He just needed some sleep in the hopes of shaking off his sudden and mysterious sickness.

“It might be best if we call a taxi.” Shiki noted after witnessing how much Rikka leaned on Dai for assistance in walking just a few steps toward the bathroom door. 

“Can we all fit in a taxi?” Tsubasa questioned. 

“Hm, good point. If we have to leave someone behind it can be you. Thanks for volunteering.” Shiki removed his phone from his pocket in preparation to call a taxi. Making it clear by his serious expression that ‘leaving Tsubasa behind’ was not up for debate.

“What? I didn’t volunteer.” Tsubasa spoke indignantly whilst following Shiki out of the bathroom. “Oi, asshole, I’m talking to you!”

Once Dai and Rikka were left alone, Dai spoke softly to the smaller man leaning on him for support.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Rikka smiled reassuringly. He felt it unjust to have someone three years younger worrying so much about his wellbeing.”I’m fine, just a little dizzy. I don’t think I’ve been getting enough sleep lately.”

That was a blatant lie. Rikka had been sleeping undeniably well for the past week at least. Dai seemed unconvinced regardless but he let it go. Though not before suggesting, “If it doesn’t get better in a few days, maybe you should see a doctor.”

“Yeah, I will.” Rikka promised as he was led, slowly but surely, out of the bathroom and through the restaurant. They met up with Shiki and Tsubasa standing outside of the restaurant, Shiki having just completed his call by the time they arrived.

“The taxi will be here in 15 minutes.”

Rikka hummed in response, leaning more heavily into Dai’s side. The tall blue haired man was so warm and comfortable and smelled undeniably good and soothing. So much so that Rikka couldn’t help but remember how nice it was to fall asleep in those arms mere weeks prior.

Before he knew what was happening, he felt his eyelids begin to close. Slowly but surely, they grew heavier with each passing second. He heard Shiki sigh heavily right before his eyes closed for good.

“Rikka, you really need to take better care of yourself,” Shiki stated firmly, as if doing so would make everything go away and somehow right everything that was wrong.

**

Voices floated from somewhere in the distance, coaxing and nudging Rikka’s consciousness to complete awareness. A familiar deep voice that struggled to conceal the magnitude of various emotions. Another voice, only partially familiar in Rikka’s hazy state, spoke with absolute conviction. Honest to a fault, emotions bleeding into the lilt of his resonant voice.

“...what the hell is this?”

“The kick in the ass you need!”

“What?”

“If you’re going to be a composer or producer or whatever, at least do it properly! Don’t write half assed songs for people who can’t even sing them properly!”

A crinkle of paper, a few tense moments of silence, and a sigh. “Who are you to give me this composition? A music student?”

A scoff. “I’m just a normal university student who has a keen talent for ridiculing shitty music.”

Rikka groaned, tilting his head experimentally to the left before similarly testing the opposite direction. Not a kink to be found led him to question the events that had transpired the previous night. Had he not lost consciousness in Dai’s arms? Or had that been a feverish dream spun from a weak thread of realism?

Rikka opened his eyes slowly, his expectations for what scene might greet him were low at best. Mildly disoriented, he expected his eyes to open to another normal morning in preparation for fulfilling his modeling duties. Except, an unexpected flash of blue hair painted a different picture of reality.

Rikka sat up, noting how his head pounded with the effects of a million phantom jackhammers clobbering his skull.

“Rikka, you’re awake.”

That flash of blue hair filled his entire field of vision in an instant, silencing the bitter bickering in the distance.

“Dai, what are you doing here?” Rikka had hoped, those few weeks ago, that he would be given the chance to awaken to the sound of Dai’s voice and feel his comforting presence linger persistently. He just hadn’t expected it to happen under the guise of such elusive circumstances.

“Rikka.” 

Before Dai could respond, Shiki entered his peripheral, followed by Tsubasa. Rikka didn’t know how to feel with three concerned men surrounding his bedside. He shrunk under the weight of each intense gaze, the desire to convince everyone he was fine grew stronger with every passing second.

Tsubasa stepped forward with a glass full of a suspicious looking substance. “There wasn’t even time for proper introductions before you passed out.” He held the glass out to Rikka who took it cautiously, an uncomfortable yet polite smile graced the model’s features.

“What is this, exactly?”

“A hangover cure. It’s 100% effective.” Tsubasa beamed proudly, as if he’d just provided the solution to all of Rikka’s problems in a single half-filled glass.

“Thank you but I’m not hungover.”

“He’s not hungover.” Shiki assured, having spent enough of the previous night with Rikka to know for a fact that inebriation was not the cause for his pounding headache and nausea.

“That’s what they all say.” Tsubasa waved them both off with a dismissive hand before extending it towards Rikka in a show of introductory politeness. “I’m Okui Tsubasa. It’s nice to officially meet you.”

“Sera Rikka.” He grasped Tsubasa’s hand in a friendly shake. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“This tall handsome brooding man next to me is Murase Dai.”

Murase Dai.

Dai stood awkwardly nearby, unsure if he would be able to put on a convincing introductory display. Seeing as how he and Rikka had long since surpassed that formality. 

“It’s nice to…” Dai trailed off and Rikka was ready to pick up the disrupted pace.

“...see you again.”

A surprised gasp of realization escaped from Tsubasa’s mouth. “That’s right! Where had you two met before?”

“A little cafe downtown,” Rikka spoke when it was clear Dai had no intention of doing so. “We talked for a little bit.”

“Really?! Dai hates small talk.”

Dai shot a dangerous glare in Tsubasa’s direction. His hardened stare softened only by Rikka’s warm eyes. There were some minor... _feelings _Rikka had for Dai, that much he couldn’t deny. Rest assured that those feelings weren’t negative or regretful, Dai seemed to visibly relax.

At that moment, Shiki sighed in exasperation, drawing everyone’s attention in one direction. The purple haired man pinched the bridge of his nose, the stressful situation from the previous night having finally caught up to him.

“Last night was quite eventful.” He focused his attention on the bedridden man. “Rikka, please get some rest and think about what I said.” Before Rikka could respond, he was focusing his attention on Dai. “Thank you for carrying Rikka home. But I think it’s time you go home yourself.”

“C-carrying me?”

Tsubasa smiled before patting Dai’s shoulder. Dai was unamused and unfazed by his friend’s actions. “Oh yeah, he carried you to the taxi and then carried you to bed. He used to be a swimmer so he’s really strong.”

Dai and Rikka’s eyes met for a split second before Dai quickly averted his own. There were invisible lines he was afraid of crossing, off limit boundaries he was afraid of overstepping. Everything about the passionate night they shared overly complicated future interactions. Though neither carried a single ounce of regret for shared time, they were both forced to carry the weight of resultant burdens.

“Thank you for looking after me.”

Dai grunted out a monosyllabic response at the same time Shiki addressed Tsubasa.

“I need to speak with you privately.”

Tsubasa snorted in disapproval. “What? Are you suddenly my boss?”

Shiki crossed his arms, seemingly as unamused by Tsubasa as Dai was.

“Anything you have to say to me you can say in front of Dai and Rikka, Takamura-san.”

“Just call me Shiki. Very well, then. Are you involved in any sports?”

“Not really.”

“How old are you?”

“20. Is this a job interview?”

“Potentially.”

“Potentially?”

“I need your contact information.” Shiki held out his hand expectantly towards the blonde. What exactly he was expecting, no one could be sure.

“Huh? Wait, at least take me out to dinner first.”

Shiki pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation once more. “I believe you have the wrong idea. I’m not hitting on you.”

“Could have fooled me.”

“On the contrary, I want to make you a star.”

“Star of what?” Tsubasa was utterly dumbfounded. Not so unlike the rest of the curious onlookers in the room.

“I want to make you an idol, Tsubasa.”

“What makes you think-...Is it because of that musical arrangement I did?”

Shiki hummed in affirmation. “More or less. It’s clear to me that you have talent. It’d be a shame to waste it.”

“Anyone can listen to one of your songs and rewrite the chorus. It doesn’t make me special.”

“That’s true. But not everyone can rewrite the chorus into something better than the original. You made me feel embarrassed after drawing attention to my laziness. You have an impressive ear for music. And I don’t believe appearing in public would be a problem for you. Your personality is overpowering enough as is.”

“He _is _a show-off.” Dai murmured from his seat at the foot of Rikka’s bed.

“Dai!”

Rikka spoke in a soft voice, authenticating Shiki’s outrageous proposal. “You’re really serious, aren’t you?”

“I would never joke about something like this.”

“No, of course not.”

Shiki reached into his back pocket before handing a business card to Tsubasa. The blonde received it with faltering hands.

“Tsukino Talent Productions?”

“It’s a big company,” Dai spoke. His vast musical knowledge providing him with a more fundamental understanding of the situation than his older friend. “They have a lot of impressive talent.”

“Hm.” Tsubasa stared at the business card thoughtfully. “I don’t know much about the entertainment industry.”

“I was instructed by the president to form a new unit and I’m looking for members. In case I wasn’t clear earlier, I would like to recruit you as a member.”

“Alright.” Tsubasa tucked the business card in the back of his pants pocket. Both Shiki and Dai were a little surprised by how agreeable he was acting. There had to be a catch, right?

“You’ll do it?”

“Sure. Under certain conditions.”

“Which are?"

“If Dai can join too.”

“Huh?! Don’t volunteer me without asking!”

Choosing to ignore Dai’s indignant outburst, Tsubasa continued with, “He’s really knowledgeable about the entertainment industry. And he knows a lot more about music than I do.”

Shiki nodded thoughtfully, the components of his genius plan forming together nicely right before his eyes. “Your voice is pleasing to the ears, Dai. And your personality counters Tsubasa’s nicely. You’re honest and straightforward, you’d be popular with an audience. I can see this working out well. You have a passion for music, do you not?”

“I-I do but-”

“So what do you say?”

Dai was rendered speechless. His eyes scanned the room nervously, everyone’s attention on him made him hesitate in his response. His evasive gaze landed on Rikka’s encouraging one. Although still bedridden, the slender man sat upright with poise and grace, awaiting Dai’s answer with as much anticipation as everyone else.

“Rikka.” Dai said the name slowly, wanting to savor each syllable bound to the beautiful man before him.

Rikka’s eyes widened slightly. “Yes, Dai?”

Afraid of getting lost in those sparkling eyes if he stared for too long, Dai’s wandering gaze pulled away from Rikka and focused on Shiki. “I’ll join if Rikka does.”

Shiki raised a curious eyebrow. Maybe Dai requesting Rikka’s participation had not been woven into any component of his plan. But who was he to interfere if the outcome remained the same regardless?

“Rikka? What do you say?”

“I’m flattered that you both want me to join. Shiki, you would have even more creative freedom if you joined as well. Would you not?”

“I suppose so.”

“Then I’ll join as well, on the condition that you are also a member.”

“Hey, good idea!” Tsubasa spoke.

Shiki seemed conflicted. “Why is it good?”

“If you’re singing too then it’s impossible for anything to be less than perfect. You won’t be able to half ass your own creations. I’ll only join if Dai will. Dai will only join if Rikka will. And Rikka won’t accept until you do. It’s all riding on you, Shiki.”

Shiki sighed as he mulled over the sudden and unexpected proposal. There was only one answer he could give if he wanted his new unit to be a success.

“After my previous unit disbanded, I had no intention of joining another.” He shifted his gaze from Tsubasa, Dai, and then to Rikka. “Though I’m not a firm believer in fate, the four of us have been brought together by chance. There’s something unique and special about all of us and the potential is limitless. I’m willing to bet everything I have on this last chance as long as we do this together.”

Tsubasa accompanied a smile with a friendly pat on Shiki’s shoulder. “Great speech, _leader_.”

Shiki nodded in thanks before continuing on, “About that contact information-”

“Yes, yes.” Tsubasa and Dai both provided Shiki with all of the information he requested.

Once satisfied with their exchange, Shiki took his phone out of his pocket. He dialed a number purposefully at the same time he approached the front door. He called out to his future bandmates as an afterthought, “There’s a lot that needs to be done. I’ll keep in touch and update you on the progress of contracts. Rikka, get better soon. We’ll need you in top condition in the coming weeks."

“Yes, leader.” Rikka nodded and smiled. Shiki was out of the apartment before anyone could utter another word.

“Well,” Tsubasa stretched and followed the same routine Shiki had initiated, “It’s been an eventful night. I really should get home. Feel better, Rikka. I guess I’ll be seeing you soon. Come on, Dai.”

Dai hesitated and Rikka spoke in an effort to conceal that hesitation, “Actually, I wanted to speak with Dai for a second.”

Tsubasa shrugged, thinking nothing strange of the request. “Alright. I’ll be waiting in the lobby."

After Tsubasa was gone, Dai let out a relieved breath. It was the first time Dai and Rikka had had a chance to talk privately. If they were going to be coworkers, then it was essential to clear any misunderstandings.

“We’re going to be working together, huh?”

“Seems like it,” Rikka murmured as he made an effort to climb out of bed in search of something more drinkable than what Tsubasa had given him. He’d only taken a single step towards the kitchen before wincing in pain. He brought a hand up to his pounding head, thankful that the dizziness had at least passed.

“Does your head hurt?”

“Just a little.” Rikka admitted. 

“Go back to bed, I’ll get you some water.”

Rikka did as he was told though weakly protesting along the way. After he was settled comfortably again, he watched Dai rummage through his kitchen. Scattered thoughts and emotions bounced haphazardly around Rikka’s head, too jumbled at the moment to make any sense of. However scattered and jumbled they may be, it was with absolute clarity that Rikka realized they were all oriented around the same thing. _Dai._

“Here.” Dai handed Rikka a glass of water which he took appreciatively. 

“Thank you.”

“Is there anything else you want?”

Rikka shook his head. “We really should talk.”

“I know.” Dai looked away, his face suddenly burning with shame as he spoke his next words. “I’m sorry for not staying.”

Rikka smiled to himself, finding it absolutely adorable how sensitive Dai was about such a small thing. “Dai, it would have been nice if you had but I never expected you to stay. You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

“I see.” Dai spoke.

“This is a little embarrassing to admit but I’ve thought about that night a lot. More so than I probably should."

“Really?” Dai seemed shocked. “Me too.”

“It is more than a little surprising to see you under these circumstances. I never expected we would meet again.” A ghost of a smile still lingered on Rikka’s lips. There was something comforting about being in the taller’s presence. Rikka took an extra moment to appreciate it, having been apart for quite some time now. “I liked spending time with you and I’m glad we’ll have more opportunities to do so.”

Dai smiled as well, shyly yet unmistakably. 

“This is sure to be a turning point in my career and your life as well. I’m excited to share this new experience with you. But, everything that happened that night is in the past. Any lingering feelings, any attachments should be left behind, starting from now going forward.”

Dai’s smile faltered and Rikka’s heart ached just a little. But there needn’t be any misunderstandings that could potentially cause further complications.

“If we’re going to be coworkers we need to remain professional about this situation. Whatever we shared that night, we can’t share again. Whatever we experienced, we can’t experience again. I think it’d be best if this was our last time even speaking about it. Is there anything you would like to say?”

“No. I think you’ve made everything very clear.” There was an unmistakable bite behind his words that shocked Rikka. The night they shared was nothing more than a one night stand. Wasn’t that all it was to Dai as well? Had he really invested enough emotion to be irate over the implication that the night was meant to be shoved away and forgotten?

“Dai, I didn’t mean to be so blunt. It’s just better if we forget it even happened.”

“I understand. I should get going now. See you around, Rikka.”

Dai was out of his apartment before Rikka was given an opportunity to respond. It was for the best, right? Taking control of the situation before either of them grew too attached. If it was the right thing to do, if it really was for the best, why did Dai seem so heartbroken by Rikka’s words?

The sound of the door Dai had slammed moments prior reverberated painfully around Rikka’s skull as he searched for an answer.


	3. Chapter 3

Time was an elusive concept, seemingly abundant in an instance and scarce during another. On hectic mornings whenever Rikka found his head in the toilet, in essence, time seemed like a rare, yet desperately needed, jewel. 

On that particular morning, his phone had been pinging nonstop, indicating just how urgently his bandmates had been attempting to reach him. Since they’d made the agreement to join Shiki’s idol unit, things had moved forward at a dizzying pace. Soon after signing their contracts, they were overwhelmed by the scheduling of various photoshoots and bombarded with strict vocal and dance lessons. 

Shiki warned them that not a single aspect of being an idol would be easy, especially having to advertise their names and gain recognition, but Rikka couldn’t have imagined just how difficult it would prove to be. He found himself busier than ever, more overwhelmed and stressed than before when he’d only had to cater to the demands of his modeling career. Not to mention, his mysterious sickness remained an obstacle too large to ignore.

The headaches and dizziness had vanished, much to his relief, but the nausea remained stubbornly in their place. More often than not, he’d either find himself crawling out of bed in the middle of the night or being awakened early in the morning to dash urgently to his bathroom. He’d gag and retch for what felt like an eternity, long pink hair gathered securely away from the mess until the sickness passed as if it had never existed. The following days followed a similar pattern of torture, violently sick during inconvenient hours and perfectly fine during the day.

He grew sick and tired of constantly being ill and his bandmates were starting to worry. The first times he’d been late to morning lessons, Shiki had been pissed. Once it became a regular occurrence, Rikka shuffling into the room an hour after he was supposed to be there and murmuring a steady stream of apologies followed by excessive bowing, the others began to express concern.

Rikka conjured up every excuse he could think of for his erratic behavior. But after a while, the notion of constantly sleeping past his alarm lost its justification.

The pink haired man reached out a blind hand towards the direction of the pinging. Sat firmly on his bathroom floor and ignoring the queasy sensation in his stomach, Rikka knew he wouldn’t be getting up any time soon. He cursed after catching a glimpse of the time. He was already forty minutes late for their group dance lesson.

His phone continued pinging as he skimmed through his missed notifications. A handful of missed calls from Shiki and a couple of texts. A couple of missed calls from Tsubasa and a multitude of unread texts from him as well. Not a single notification from Dai and Rikka couldn’t say he was surprised. 

Ever since their previous talk, Dai had been keeping his distance from the model. He only spoke to Rikka when he needed to, shifty gazes making up the bulk of their communicative exchanges. Maybe it would have been wise to have another private discussion in the hopes of eliminating all negative tension. But with both of them busy with their unit preparations and Rikka preoccupied with his sickness, missed opportunities continually passed them by.

Needing something to serve as a distraction from his lurching stomach, Rikka opened the most recent texts from Tsubasa.

_ Please respond to this message if you’re still alive. _

The next message featured a picture of Dai sitting alone in the corner of their practice room. Dai stared at the phone in his hands with furrowed brows and a tense mouth, unaware that he was being photographed. The caption underneath the picture read:

_ It may not look like it but Dai misses you. This is his concerned face. _

The most recent text, sent one minute ago, featured a picture of Shiki. The purple haired leader had his arms crossed, brows furrowed in a similar manner to Dai. His eyes were narrowed as he looked pointedly into the camera lens, clearly aware that his expression was being documented on Tsubasa’s phone. The caption read:

_ Based on his expression, I can’t tell if he’s really distraught or really constipated. _

Rikka smiled a little before sending a quick text in response:

_ I’m alive. Don’t worry. _

After having spent a fair amount of time together thus far, Rikka had come to the conclusion that Tsubasa was a rather pleasant guy to be around. He had a way with words like no other and possessed a lively aura that brightened even the darkest room.

Rikka opened the latest text from Shiki, the smile on his face faltering.

_ As your leader, I must ask this. Is there something you need to tell me? Is there something I can help with? _

Of course, it was a leader’s duty to know what was happening with his bandmates. If Rikka just explained what was going on, Shiki would surely understand. He would also pester the pink haired man to see a doctor and essentially halt the progression of their new unit. Rikka didn’t want to inconvenience any of them, no more than he already had.

He would meet with a doctor privately, receive a prescription for something treatable, and continue on as normal. The unit would not have to be put on hold because of a single bandmate’s personal matters. Rikka saw, each and every day, how hard Tsubasa worked on his singing and how determined Dai was to perfect every dance step. He saw how much time Shiki invested into the production and management of their unit. Rikka refused to be the one to undermine everyone’s hard work.

He sent a text to Shiki, needing to reassure their leader that everything was under control.

_ Everything’s fine. I’ll be there soon. _

**

One hour and fifteen minutes.

That was how long they’d had to postpone their group lesson because of him. In that time, Shiki, Tsubasa, and Dai had been given chances to practice on their own, to pinpoint and repair personal problem areas. In retrospect, Rikka couldn’t help but feel like he was the weakest link of the group, already falling a few steps behind, too preoccupied with other matters.

“I’m so sorry.” He apologized to his bandmates and their instructor.

“Nothing can be done about it now. Let’s try to make up for lost time.” Shiki spoke and Rikka nodded. Honestly, dancing was the last thing Rikka wanted to be doing at the moment. What with the room smelling sickeningly of Shiki’s favorite coffee and the tension reaching an all time high courtesy of Dai’s heavy lingering gaze.

After successfully completing a particularly difficult step and turn sequence, the rookie unit was instructed to take a five minute break. Rikka spent half of his break alone in the hopes of gathering his thoughts. Standing in front of the large wall mirror, he sucked in a deep breath, wondering how he managed to look composed when a tumultuous whirlwind was swirling around inside. He had his health to worry about, his relationship with Dai to worry about, and his obligations as a model and idol to focus on.

Past his own reflection, Rikka saw Tsubasa and Dai standing towards the back corner of the room. Although they were a good distance apart, Tsubasa’s voice carried prominently.

“Dai, you really need to stop staring. It’s getting creepy. Just go talk to him.”

Dai’s response was too soft to be heard from a distance. Based on his current expression, however, Tsubasa had embarrassed him a great deal. Not a minute passed before Tsubasa was not so subtly pushing a still embarrassed Dai in Rikka’s direction. 

When Dai approached the slender man, Rikka pretended to look unperturbed, not wanting to let on that he’d already heard some of his conversation with Tsubasa. Dai was flustered enough at the moment.

“Hey.” A man of few words, Dai patiently waited for Rikka’s response.

“Hi. Was there something you wanted to tell me?” Rikka smiled, friendly as always, no matter the situation.

“I wanted to ask if you were okay.”

Rikka faltered. Although the intentions were good, he was beginning to get tired of everyone constantly asking him if he was okay.

“I should be asking if you’re okay. We haven’t spoken much lately.”

“I wanted to give you space.”

Rikka’s smile disappeared in an instant. If he’d wanted Dai to give him space, he would have asked for it. Dai had a tendency to jump to conclusions and make assumptions. It was beginning to grate on Rikka’s nerves. Maybe it was the price he was destined to pay for getting involved with a nineteen year old.

“I didn’t ask for space!” He realized a moment too late that he’d raised his voice. 

Dai took a surprising step back at the same time Shiki, Tsubasa, and the instructor froze in place. The entire room was silent, reeling from the effects of Rikka’s outburst. Always calm, poised, professional, and nurturing, it was highly unusual for him to raise his voice. Even Rikka himself was shocked. He’d always had such a secure grasp on his emotions and temper. What could Dai have possibly done to provoke such an easy going person?

Shiki reached the conversing duo, placing a gentle hand on Dai’s shoulder and Rikka’s shoulder simultaneously. If there was a disagreement between bandmates, he wanted to settle it before it spiraled out of control.

“Is something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Rikka spoke. With Shiki being in such close proximity, the smell of coffee was overbearing. “I just need some fresh air.”

“Hey, the break is almost over!” Tsubasa called out, but Rikka had already made a hasty escape out of the room and towards the elevators. Since they were currently practicing on the 6th floor, Rikka had to take the elevator to the ground floor if he wanted to escape outside. He leaned wearily against the wall of the elevator, just as the doors began to close.

Before they could shut completely, a large hand nudged its way in between, prompting them to reopen to their full capacity. Dai silently made his way onto the elevator. Rikka couldn’t help but sigh.

“You didn’t have to follow me.”

“I wasn't following you. I wanted some fresh air too.”

Rikka hummed in response. Not sure if he felt relieved to have company or afraid his desire to be alone would cause him to lose his temper and raise his voice again.

As the elevator made its downward descent, Rikka felt it was the right time to provide Dai with an apology. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I don’t know what came over me.”

“ ‘S okay.”

“I just want things to be more relaxed between us. People will start to notice if we don’t get along. Is it too much to hope that we can become friends one day?”

“Friends?” Dai tested the word, feeling the weight of it on his tongue. “If we become friends, will you start being honest with me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not good with people but I can read them well. Every time you tell us you’re okay, every time you come up with an excuse after showing up late to lessons, I can tell they’re all lies. Since you and I...since we’ve already-” The dinging of the elevator abruptly silenced Dai’s monologue. The taller hesitated, unsure whether or not he should continue. He didn’t have to, Rikka understood what he wanted to say.

Since he’d already opened up to Dai once, in ways he hadn’t opened up to anyone in a long time, what was stopping him from doing it again? Being honest didn’t mean he was weak or vulnerable and Dai was surely the last person who would judge.

The blue haired man sighed, and continued with, “If you were going to be honest with anyone, I had hoped it would have been me. Maybe I thought too highly of myself.”

“You’re absolutely right.” Rikka walked side by side with Dai through the lobby. They exited the building to enjoy the beauty and warmth of the clear morning together. “I’ve just been so used to handling things on my own, I almost forgot that I don’t have to.”

“Do you not have anyone you can talk to? What about your parents?”

“My parents moved back to France a few years ago. We keep in touch, of course, but I’ve been on my own since they left.”

“France?”

“Yeah. My dad’s French and my mom’s Japanese.”

“I see. What about siblings?”

“I’m an only child. I take it you have siblings?”

Dai nodded. “An older sister.”

“Ah. It must be nice. You had someone to grow up with.”

“It was nice,” He murmured before changing the subject abruptly. “Rikka, if there’s something bothering you, you can tell me.”

Rikka mulled over his words for a moment before speaking. “I don’t like burdening others. Especially those younger than me.”

“Age is irrelevant.”

Rikka smiled at the same time a warm gentle breeze caressed his face. He spoke softly, ensuring Dai was the only one who could hear. “You’ve all been working so hard and I didn’t want to be the one to ruin this unit’s progress.”

“What do you mean?”

“Since that night at the bar, I’ve been extremely sick.”

“You’ve been sick this entire time?” Dai asked in bewilderment.

“I should have seen a doctor sooner but I was scared.” Rikka admitted sheepishly. Scared of what the doctor might find, what he might say. “It’s been weighing on me physically and psychologically. Now I have this idol unit to worry about and I still have my modeling career too.”

“Rikka,” Dai breathed, voice heavy with sympathy.

“And then there’s you.”

“What about me?”

“I haven’t stopped feeling bad about the things I said to you. I didn’t say them because I wanted to, I said them because I thought I had to. I don’t want to pretend as if that night never happened nor do I want to deny the connection I felt when we were together. But we _should _ move on.

Dai nodded slowly. “I took what you said too personally, that was my own fault. But you’re right, we should move on. It’s what’s best for this unit and us.”

Rikka wrapped his arms around himself in a display of self comfort. Opening up to someone was never easy nor was being honest about anything personal.

Dai continued when it was clear Rikka wasn’t going to. “I think you should see a doctor.”

Rikka nodded, tightening his arms around his body. “I’m scheduled to meet with one soon.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“Thank you but I think I should go by myself.”

“I understand. But please take care of yourself in the meantime. We need you, Rikka.”

Rikka chuckled, light and sweet. “I’ll admit, it does feel good to be needed. Don’t worry, I’ll be back to normal in no time.” Whether he spoke to convince Dai or to convince himself, he wasn’t sure. But saying it out loud made it feel more authentic. Things would soon go back to normal and Rikka would be able to breathe a much needed sigh of relief.

**

On the day of his appointment, Rikka waited with bated breath, nervously anticipating the end of his physical examination. He’d planned it meticulously, scheduling a day when he didn’t have to work and a time wherein he was sure his illness wouldn’t interfere. 

As the examination drew to a close, Rikka grew more anxious. Expecting answers, hoping for positive news but preparing for bad, he was nothing more than a bundle of frayed nerves.

“Everything looks good thus far.” 

Rikka had been expecting a more..._ thorough _ response from the doctor. 

“That’s a relief to hear but it doesn’t explain why I’ve been sick.”

“I’ll order some blood tests and we’ll go from there.” The doctor spoke formally and stiffly, as if the results of the blood tests _didn’t _have the potential to restructure the trajectory of Rikka’s entire life.

“What do you suspect it could be?”

“It’s hard to say without further tests. It could be anemia, hypothyroidism, hyperthyroidism, the list is endless.”

“I see.” Rikka responded quietly, displeased by the prospect of having to leave the doctor’s office with more questions than answers. 

For further analysis, his blood was drawn in a quick and precise manner. Stored away for future evaluation. Per insistent inquiry, he was reassured that the weighted results would not remain shrouded in secrecy for long.

Towards the beginning of his departure from the medical office, he received a text message. He paused a moment to focus his attention on his phone, uncovering the sender of the newly delivered message.

Dai. 

He couldn’t help but smile a bit.

Since their spontaneous conversation outside of the Tsukino building, he and Dai had been more compliant with communicative association. They messaged more freely and conversed willingly in lieu of obligatorily. 

_ How was your appointment? _

_ Uninformative. _

Not a single answer had been given, nor a perpetual fear alleviated. Rikka felt no better about his unfortunate situation than when he’d first arrived. He waited for a moment, curious as to whether or not Dai would reply. He didn’t and Rikka thought nothing of it.

On his way back home, his phone alerted him to another message. Shiki had utilized their group chat to relay some important information.

_ Shiki: We need to have a meeting in the next couple of hours. Sorry for the late notice. _

_ Tsubasa: No way! I have plans. _

_ Shiki: Cancel them. President’s orders. _

_ Tsubasa: Ugh _

_ Shiki: Rikka, Dai, are you both available? _

_ Dai: Yeah. _

_ Rikka: I’ll be there as soon as I can. _

After replying, Rikka placed his phone back in his pocket. Abruptly rerouting his destination placed him at the Tsukino company building in under an hour. The life of an idol required being at the company’s beck and call, as per outlined in the exclusive contracts. Rikka was unfazed by Shiki’s sudden request, though he was thrown for a loop when the reasoning behind the requested meeting was revealed.

“Remember, we have our first promotional photoshoot tomorrow. Please don’t be late.” Although Shiki didn’t look at him directly, Rikka knew he was the one being addressed.

“Our first performance as a unit is coming up soon as well. Take care of yourselves and remain in top condition until then.”

“Yes, yes.” Tsubasa responded dismissively, already well aware of their upcoming schedules. “What is this meeting really about?”

“It was brought to my attention that we’ll be moving into the dorm after our first official group schedule.”

“Dorm? First official….you mean the photoshoot?” Tsubasa was shocked, that much was easily discernible, and Rikka was as well. Although for entirely different reasons.

“That’s correct.” Shiki nodded. 

Tsubasa, the only member who displayed visible anguish, spoke once more. “I object to living in a dorm.”

“Objections are unacceptable.”

“But I haven’t agreed to-”

“It was written in the contract.”

“Eh?” Tsubasa froze and Shiki massaged his temples in exasperation. 

“If you would have taken the time to read it before signing, you would have already been aware.”

Tsubasa looked helplessly back at Dai. The stoic man gave a short affirmative nod, authenticating Shiki’s previous statement. “It was written in the contract.”

While Tsubasa came to terms with the notion of having to live with others, while Shiki fought off a budding headache, and while Dai sat patiently in the midst, Rikka dealt with his own thoughts and feelings.

Unlike Tsubasa, he had been well aware they would move in together. Although the matter of _ when _ had never been specified. The timing, namely the biggest source of Rikka’s own anguish, couldn’t have been more inconvenient. With the cause of his sickness still unknown, Rikka wouldn’t be able to hide it easily once their living conditions were altered.

“Two bathrooms, a common room, and kitchen will be shared. You’ll each have a private bedroom. Housing, food, and utility expenses will be fully covered by the company. Is everyone satisfied with that?”

“Well,” Rikka spoke, deciding to view the situation as positively as he could, “it’ll be nice to live closer to work. And I’m looking forward to having others to come home to.”

Shiki smiled in response before focusing his attention on Dai.

“Dai?”

“As my first time living on my own, it’ll be a new experience.”

“A good one, I hope.” Shiki spoke and Dai nodded briefly in response.

Rikka didn’t consider how Dai might have felt regarding such a life changing transition. At least, not right away. Only after their eyes made accidental contact did Rikka notice conflicting emotions barely concealed behind steel blue irises.

How did he feel, knowing he’d be living in unfathomably close proximity to the one with whom he shared powerful memories?

“Tsubasa, is there a problem?” Shiki’s voice distracted Rikka from his thoughts, ensuring he didn’t get lost in his own head.

“No,” The blonde crossed his arms and sent a defiant look in their leader’s direction. “I just…”

“Just what?”

“...don’t like being told what to do.”

Shiki scoffed. “Are you a child?”

Tsubasa rolled his eyes before sighing in defeat. "Alright, _ leader_. Tell us more."

Shiki reached into his back pocket before producing a set of six labeled keys. He held up and distributed the first three.

"These are for entrance into the dorm." The next set of keys were distributed in a more precise manner. "Dai, Tsubasa, Rikka, these are your room keys."

"When do we have to move in?" Tsubasa wondered, holding both keys in clasped hands.

"You're expected to start moving in by the beginning of next week. I'll mail each of you the address and a map of the building. I do apologize for the late notice but there was some miscommunication between the higher ups. Any more questions?"

“Will we still have the freedom to do what we want?”

“There will be rules, Tsubasa, though not as strict as you’re probably imagining. You’re free to do as you like, granted your obligations to this unit remain uncompromised.”

Shiki spoke with such finality that further inquiry proved unwarranted. All anyone could do at that point was to accept unquestionable fate under nonnegotiable conditions. Any personal concerns were to be dealt with inconspicuously. 

At the conclusion of the meeting, Rikka and Dai were the first ones to leave. Neither spoke, on the way to their respective homes, both seeking solitary rumination.

Once Rikka returned to his apartment, he became overwhelmed with suddenly intense and positive emotion, filling his eyes with unexpected tears. He laughed heartily, as tears streamed endlessly down his cheeks. What would it feel like to have someone welcome him home at the end of a long day? How drastically would his life change once he had others to share it with?

There were still complicated matters that promptly needed to be addressed, but Rikka decided that for now, he would allow himself to be happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, what do you think is going on with Rikka? How do you think moving into a dorm will affect his and Dai’s relationship? Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments, kudos, and views!

“Your expression is perfect, Rikka! Just like that!”

The camera’s familiar bright flash lit up the entire room, rendering it impossible to see past the blinding white light. The man behind the camera was nothing more than a disembodied voice, temporarily faceless against a pure white backdrop.

“Can you do that pose again for me? Yes, excellent!”

Rikka’s moves were fluid, his body molding into various poses effortlessly. Not a single unsure moment halted the progression of his shoot. No, Sera Rikka was a top tier professional.

Once comfortably settled into an enthralling pose, a sultry expression altered his gentle features. He felt numerous pairs of eyes tracking his every movement, just as the camera flashed thrice more. 

“That’s a wrap! Thank you for your hard work, Rikka.”

Rikka bowed politely, accepting the cameraman’s praise with gratitude.

“Shiki-san, you’re up next.”

The transition from standing in front of the camera to observing behind the scenes was seamless. Possessing such a modest personality, Rikka embraced the moments when the attention was no longer focused on him. Ironic for someone in a profession such as his.

“Woah, Rikka! That was amazing. Such a killer aura hidden beneath a charming personality!”

Rikka chuckled behind a delicate hand. Tsubasa never ceased to amuse him. “Modeling is nothing more than perfecting a façade.”

“Is it different, now that you’re doing it as an idol?”

“It’s…” Rikka searched for the right word. Knowing he was doing it for a much different purpose, contributing to something he was more passionate about, made it immensely enjoyable. He couldn’t help but smile. “...refreshing. I’ll admit my interest in modeling had been wavering, but I’m ready to continue doing my very best.”

Of course, he hadn’t reached that conclusion alone. Dai had been the one to offer earnest advice and Shiki had provided him with a favorable opportunity. 

Speaking of…"Where is Dai?” The tall man with blue hair was strangely nowhere to be seen. 

“Hm?” Tsubasa had been distracted by Shiki’s serious demeanor. The leader’s photoshoot carried a much different aura than Rikka’s captivating shoot. “Oh, Dai-chan?”

Rikka nodded.

“He seemed really affected by your shoot. He dashed off to the bathroom a while ago. I think you flustered him.”

“I did?”

“Yeah. He feels a strong sense of responsibility, so he’s sensitive about a lot of things. Maybe I should go check on him.”

Well aware of how easily Dai took situations to heart, Rikka felt it best for him to be the one to calm anxious thoughts and fears.

“I can go check on him.”

Tsubasa nodded thoughtfully. “He’ll probably want to listen to you more than me. Go ahead.”

Rikka followed the directions he was given to the toilets, stopping in front of a tightly closed door. He knocked gently.

“Dai?”

A few excruciatingly long moments later found Rikka and Dai face to face. Polished to perfection, adorned in flattering stage clothes, Dai stood marvelously in front of his senior bandmate. Their black, gray, and maroon color scheme made his blue hair and eyes even more striking.

Fitting the role of an idol theoretically, Dai’s aura was lacking.

“Is everything alright?”

“Rikka,” Dai sighed, “I feel pathetic.”

“You can talk to me,” He encouraged. As of late, Dai had been the one needing a comforting presence. Someone to offer him advice and assure things would be okay. As a senior wanting to encourage his junior, Rikka was willing to step up.

It didn’t take much coaxing before Dai was opening up to the one who was there to listen. 

“I watched your photoshoot and I suddenly got nervous. You’re perfect in front of the camera and charming, even when you think you aren’t. Shiki's a natural born leader and Tsubasa can capture anyone’s attention. Those things will transfer across photo shoots and performances. How can I possibly compare?”

“Dai, I think there’s been a misunderstanding.” Rikka spoke softly, gently, since Dai seemed rather distressed. “For us, the focus of being an idol doesn’t center around individual skill alone. Rather, the emphasis should be on our abilities as a unit. I’ll admit there’s nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself. But don’t proceed under the guise that you’re doing things alone.”

Dai silently mulled over Rikka’s words, rendering it impossible to tell if they had a positive effect. Finally, he spoke.

“I’m the only one who’s nervous about the photoshoot.”

Rikka chuckled lightly, causing heat to fluster Dai’s face.

“You’re wrong. I was nervous too.”

“Liar,” Dai mumbled, causing Rikka to laugh harder.

“It’s true! I swear. No matter how many I’ve done, I always get nervous before a photoshoot. Though, I’ll admit this one was much easier to complete.”

“Why is that?”

Rikka smiled. “It reassured me to realize I wouldn’t be participating in this shoot by myself."

Dai simply sighed in response, causing Rikka to frown ever so slightly.

“Still nervous?”

The taller nodded.

A patch of silence stretched between the two of them with Rikka contemplating how best to get through to and comfort Dai. The perfect idea descended upon him mere moments later. Rikka’s face lit up accordingly, in stark contrast to Dai’s solemn expression.

“Let’s head back to the shoot, I have an idea.”

Dai remained silent, though Rikka could sense his presence regardless as he followed closely behind. They arrived back at the designated photoshoot area just as Shiki was finishing his individual shots. Dai would be up next, seeing as he was the only one who hadn’t yet completed a shoot. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect as Rikka approached the photography director with a request.

“Sorry for making a request so suddenly.”

“If we can get some great shots, it’ll be worthwhile.”

Rikka beamed. “I think so as well.”

At the conclusion of Shiki’s shoot, the director turned to address everyone in the room and notify them of the sudden shift in plans.

“Let’s prepare for the group shots. Everyone, please be ready in ten minutes.”

“Group shots? I thought we were doing those tomorrow.” Tsubasa inquired, Dai and Shiki looked questioningly in Rikka’s direction.

“I thought it would be better if we did those today. I imagine someone’s first time in front of a camera would be easier with company.”

Tsubasa picked up on the implication with ease, subsequently ruffling Dai’s hair with great exuberance.

“Aw, Dai-chan. Does being in front of a camera make you nervous?”

“Shut up,” He responded, even though there was no force accompanying his words.

Tsubasa laughed, playfully leaning against his taller friend. “Cheer up, you can stand next to me during the shoot.”

“I don’t want to stand next to you.”

Tsubasa pouted, “Eh? Maybe you want to stand next to Rikka. You have been going on and on about how cool he-”

Dai blanched, eyes widening comically, before clapping a panicked hand over Tsubasa’s endlessly running mouth. A hearty laugh bellowed from deep within their leader at the same time Rikka shyly fiddled with a long strand of pink hair.

Shiki laughed hard enough for tears to collect in the corner of his eyes, rendering his bandmates hopelessly confused.

Dai’s hand remained firmly over Tsubasa’s mouth while Rikka’s hair remained fixed between his fingers when Shiki spoke, “Idol unit? More like motley crew.”

Tsubasa removed Dai’s hand from his mouth and narrowed his eyes indignantly. “Is that supposed to be an insult?”

“Not at all.” Shiki responded genuinely. “I don’t quite understand it myself but we mesh well somehow. It will easily translate to the audience we’re trying to reach.”

Before anyone could respond, the director and cameraman were calling them to set for group photos. They made their way over together, all thinking the exact same thing.

Shiki _ was _ right. The four of them shared a unique connection that couldn’t be described with words. Everything about them was unconventional, in more ways than one. From the first time they’d met, awkwardly crowding around Rikka in that small restaurant bathroom, till now, standing proudly together as a rookie unit, things have been anything but smooth sailing.

But standing side by side, just as they were, reminded them of the goal they shared and the new adventures they were excited to experience together.

“Dai, Rikka, would you stand back to back for this next picture? Perfect!”

Rikka leaned against Dai as instructed, speaking softly so only he could hear, “Still nervous?”

“Not anymore.”

“Good.” Rikka smiled and although he couldn’t see it, he had a strong feeling Dai was smiling as well.

“Keep those expressions, everyone. This looks great!” 

The camera continued to shutter, bathing the room in that familiar light. Even as Tsubasa spoke, the shutter sound didn’t let up.

“So what are we calling this unit?”

“SolidS.”

“SolidS? Why SolidS?”

“Don’t ask questions, just go with it.”

“Whatever you say, _ darling_.”

Over the sound of the camera shutter, Shiki’s response was clearly heard. It was also clear that he had no intention of disguising the amused lilt that bled into his voice. “Thanks, _ honey_.”

SolidS.

It had a nice ring to it.

**

The transition to their dorm had not been a difficult one, nor had it been difficult to adjust to the dorm living conditions. Since SolidS had been making impressive progress, the photoshoot having garnered much positive attention, the four of them were getting along with ease.

Thus far, no one but Dai knew or suspected that Rikka had anything to hide. He had been eagerly expecting the results of his blood tests since the day they’d moved in. Since he hadn’t received any news, bad or otherwise, he’d been focusing all of his attention and energy on SolidS. Anything he could do to distract himself.

Even if that meant unpacking his room in the middle of the night because his busy mind would not grant him the luxury of sleep. 

His closet was filled with fashionable clothes and his bed was made to his satisfaction. All that was left to do was personalize his new space. He busied himself with hanging pictures, tidying his nightstands and shelves, and organizing any other knick knacks he brought.

When that was done, he stood back to admire his work. With his hands on his hips, he surveyed his surroundings. His new room was bright and welcoming, tranquil and relaxing. It was perfect. He breathed a sigh of relief, knowing he wouldn’t have any problems calling this new place home.

The growling of his stomach served as another necessary distraction, prompting him to venture out to the common areas. Along the way, he passed by Dai’s room first (_which was next to his_), Shiki’s room and office space and Tsubasa’s room (_which was across from his_), and both bathrooms on either side of the hall.

He passed the common living room and made his way into the shared kitchen. Thus far, he hadn’t had much time to spend cooking, seeing as how busy they all were. It was a welcome change to have it to himself, to admire the sleek and updated appliances whilst creating something delicious. 

Barely halfway through an omurice preparation, his stomach growled even louder than before. He chuckled. After promising his demanding stomach he would be feeding it soon, he carried on with his preparation. Just as he was plating his delicious creation, the sound of an opening door captured his attention. Past the living room and down the hall, he witnessed Shiki emerging from his office.

Shiki was surprised to find Rikka awake, although Rikka couldn’t say he was surprised to find Shiki still awake. It was clear that the producer’s work had kept him wide eyed at such a late hour.

“You’re still awake.” Shiki spoke. Although not a question, Rikka nodded anyway.

“Coffee?” The pink haired gestured in the direction of their treasured coffee machine.

“Yes, please.” Shiki answered, situating himself at the countertop. He watched Rikka for a moment before speaking again. “Having trouble sleeping?”

Rikka paused in the midst of making the coffee before speaking. It wasn’t possible for Shiki to suspect anything was going on with him. Was it?

“Yes. I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Hm.” Shiki responded thoughtfully. “Is there an issue living here?”

“No, of course not. I enjoy living here, actually.”

“That’s good to hear.” Shiki graciously accepted the coffee he was handed. His focus landing on the plate of omurice Rikka had meticulously prepared.

“Oh, I got hungry.” He explained.

“This late?”

“Is that unusual?” Rikka murmured as he searched the cabinets for condiments. He found what he was looking for in the form of a dark bottle with a bright red top. In the blink of an eye, his omurice was drowned in soy sauce. Rikka’s mouth watered in anticipation before taking a large bite.

“I didn’t know you liked soy sauce so much.”

“Hm?” Only after Shiki spoke did Rikka realize just how much soy sauce he’d used. It was a little embarrassing. “I suddenly got a craving.” He replied sheepishly.

“To each his own, I suppose. Although I would suggest everything in moderation.”

“I’ll be more careful next time.”

Shiki nodded, making a point of standing up and heading back to his office. “Don’t stay up too much later. Goodnight, Rikka.”

“You too. Goodnight, Shiki.”

Rikka was left alone to enjoy his late night snack. It wasn’t often he found himself craving something so intensely, especially after midnight. Though his sudden large appetite did surprise him, he didn’t dwell on it for too long once he made his way back to his room.

With nothing left to distract him, he had no further excuse to stay up. He crawled into bed in the hopes that he would finally get some sleep. It proved shocking just how quickly he did fall asleep, though the luxury of it was not granted for long. 

He awoke roughly an hour later with a familiarly queasy stomach. He groaned at the prospect of having to unwillingly dart out of bed. Not left with any other option, he hurried to the nearest bathroom, which happened to be the one next to Dai’s room.

This had not been his first time getting sick since moving into the dorm. But it had been the first time he’d woken someone because of it.

“Rikka?” A knock on the door. Dai’s worried voice. _ Shit_.

A moment passed before the door creaked open and shut once more. Too preoccupied with other things, Rikka heard rather than saw Dai crouch down beside him.

“You can curse at me for invading your privacy later. But you shouldn't have to deal with this alone.”

Rikka hadn’t been in a position to lock the door, nor was he in a current condition to protest. Provided with no other option, he allowed Dai to hold back his hair and rub his back just like he’d done the first time.

Once he was done being sick, he rinsed his mouth and brushed his teeth. He faced Dai for the first time all night. The latter seemed distressed.

“That’s the last time I eat omurice in the middle of the night.”

It was a joke, sure, but the serious atmosphere had not been lifted. Dai spoke firmly. “Rikka-”

“My test results will be back soon. Then I won’t have anything to worry about.”

Dai seemed unconvinced so Rikka continued.

“The doctor said my physical examination looked good. So he doesn’t suspect it’s anything serious.”

Dai sighed before nodding. As worried as he was about his bandmate, there really was nothing he could do. There was nothing_ either _of them could do until Rikka finally received the answers he’d been anticipating.

“Do you need help getting back to your room?”

“No, thank you. I’m fine.” Rikka responded automatically. Though shortly after, he did realize a sudden lightheadedness had crashed upon him. One unsteady step later, Dai was at his side again. Rikka leaned against the sturdy body offering aid.

“Damn it, don’t say things you don’t mean.” Dai’s voice was strained, clearly pinched out of frustration. 

Rikka remained silent, not knowing exactly what to say, as Dai led him out of the bathroom. The nineteen year old had been such a big help through this, whatever _this _was exactly. A large part of Rikka was grateful that someone else knew what he was dealing with. Another part, a much smaller part, couldn’t help but wonder if Dai was so invested because he felt obligated to be. To compensate for taking advantage of a vulnerable situation, to compensate for not sticking around after they’d shared an intimate night together. 

“Dai, we are bandmates and friends. But that doesn't mean you have to do these things for me.”

He didn’t respond right away, too focused on helping Rikka into his bed. When he did respond, he said simply, “I feel responsible.”

“I don’t understand.”

With Rikka settled into bed, Dai’s hands were free. He ran them through his blue hair in exasperation. “Don’t make me say it out loud. _ Fuck_. I just feel like I should be the one taking care of you.”

Rikka blinked his eyes in surprise, he hadn’t been expecting such a response. It left him more than a little confused and he still struggled to understand.

“Why would you feel that way?”

“Please, don’t ask me why. It’s just a gut feeling.” Dai responded, clearly embarrassed to be admitting such a thing. He didn’t want Rikka to ever look down on him, seeing him as nothing more than a childish underling with a silly crush.

“Well, I appreciate your help regardless. And I’m sorry for waking you. Try to get some sleep”

“You too.” Dai purposefully strode to the door, no doubt in a hurry to leave after he’d embarrassed himself in front of Rikka, _ again_. Visibly fighting against every instinct that screamed at him to flee, Dai froze in the doorway before turning around. Rikka looked up curiously.

“If you, um, need anything, you can come get me. You can wake me if you have to.”

“Dai-”

“Goodnight, Rikka.”

He was out of the room before Rikka could utter another word. The nineteen year old carried an air of mystery, no doubt. Sometimes he was easy to read like an open book, other times, it was impossible to even guess what he was thinking. 

Rikka fell asleep with thoughts centered upon Dai, wondering just how much their new living arrangements would affect their relationship in the upcoming months.

He was awakened an unspecified amount of time later by his phone’s incessant ringing. He was disoriented for a few moments before realizing where he was and remembering what had happened last night. Filtered sunlight shone through his curtains while he reached for his phone.

A brief glimpse at the time notified him of the late morning hour, though he didn’t feel adequately rested. 

“Hello?” He hated how groggy his voice sounded. 

“Is this Sera Rikka?”

“Yes.” Rikka hadn’t bothered to pay attention to the number. If he had, he would have been more prepared to receive alarming news from the medical office. They had the results of his blood tests!

Rikka sat up quickly in a panic, suddenly aware that the voice on the other line sounded serious. Unmistakably so.

“Is there something...wrong?”

A deep sigh. “Your results showed high levels of hcG.”

“What does that mean?” Rikka questioned cautiously.

“It means...you’re pregnant.”

“I’m sorry...could you repeat that?” Surely he’d misheard. That was the only plausible explanation. 

“You’re pregnant.” There was no way he could have misheard a second time. Still, he was well aware that doctors and medical offices made mistakes. This was just a simple mixed up scenario. It would be fixed in no time.

“There must be some mistake.” His voice quivered, dropping to a near whisper.

“There is no mistake, I apologize. It’s highly advisable for you to schedule a follow-up appointment...”

Rikka had stopped listening somewhere along the way. His phone dropped from his hands, landing somewhere on the floor with a soft thud. His mind was reeling, the impact of the news rendering him immobile. He’d been more prepared for a diagnosis of a life threatening disease than _ pregnancy _ of all things. It was absurd. What about SolidS? What about his modeling career?

Rikka prided himself on being a smart person, a reasonable person, a _ careful _ person. He had never done anything to jeopardize his public image, future, or career. What was he going to do now? How was he going to handle this? More importantly, how did it even happen?

He always took care of his body, grooming himself to be in top condition at all times. He never abused his body, never slept around, never considered acting so recklessly. That night with Dai was the first time he’d-

Dai?

_ Dai_.

That night with Dai was the first time in a _ very _ long time wherein he’d shared the night with another. Even then, they had taken precautions. When had everything gone so terribly wrong?

Rikka placed his heavy head in his hands, collecting the sudden tears that made a rapid descent. He cursed himself for being so emotional, so vulnerable. If he hadn’t been so desperate for human affection, if he hadn’t been so emotionally and mentally weak, he could have prevented this. If Rikka hadn’t been impatient, then it wouldn’t have rubbed off on Dai. If Dai hadn’t been impatient then the precautions they had taken would have proven more effective.

Male pregnancy was a widespread taboo, not unlike homosexuality. If news about the pregnancy was ever released, SolidS would be ruined, Tsukino productions would be driven to the ground, and too many people would have to suffer. 

Rikka wouldn’t, no, _ couldn’t _go through with the pregnancy. Not if he cared about others’ well being. He wiped his tired eyes, too distraught by the idea of ruining other people’s lives to properly function. 

As he sat in bed, with the burden of his emotions suffocating him, he thought about Dai. Dai, who was only nineteen years old, living away from his parents for the very first time. He flustered when given compliments and valiantly fought budding insecurities. A teenager still searching for his place in the world was nowhere near ready to be a father.

With shaking hands, Rikka retrieved his phone and redialed the doctor’s office. It wasn’t difficult to make a decision when there was only one right option to choose from.

“I would like to schedule an appointment to discuss abortion options.” His voice remained unsteady, although he knew he was making the right decision. He would get the procedure discreetly and not have to stress any longer. No more sickness, no more headaches, dizziness, no more feeling as if his life was off kilter. A quick fix, a simple solution, and then he’d never have to worry about it again.

A baby he never asked for. A baby Dai never asked for.

“I think that would be wise.” The person on the other line responded. 

Rikka held back a bitter laugh. Even _ strangers _ didn’t want him to have this baby. What more convincing could he need?

“Male pregnancy isn’t something we deal with often but rest assured we’ll get you the care you need.” The person on the other line assisted with the process of setting up an appointment quickly and efficiently. 

Just a few minutes later, Rikka had another scheduled appointment to discuss his pregnancy and abortion. Until the appointment, until his abortion was complete, he would have to find a way to function as normal. He couldn’t draw unnecessary attention to himself, not if he wanted to keep things a secret. A secret from his employers, from his bandmates, from _ Dai_.

He couldn’t wrap his head around it easily, the idea of Dai being the father of his unborn baby. How would _ he _ react if he knew his bandmate was pregnant with his child? In the grand scheme of life, Dai and Rikka barely knew each other. They just happened to walk the same unpredictable path of becoming idols. Idols in training who didn’t have the energy or the fucking _ time _to raise a child.

Rikka climbed out of bed slowly, wanting to prolong the moment where he’d have to leave his room. Because once he did, there would be no turning back.

He changed from his sleepwear into activewear, suddenly deciding a mid-morning jog would be a sufficient activity to help clear his mind. He gathered his pink hair into a messy bun, a couple of loose strands framing his soft face. He couldn’t help it, as he styled his hair, when his tired eyes flickered down to his stomach. It didn’t look any different than before, though it remained perplexing to ponder the existence of a _ baby _ inside of him.

If he’d been aware of his ability to get pregnant, the circumstances leading up to conception would have been handled accordingly. He was sure of it. 

Only after he was fully composed, tears dried and personal emotions firmly underwraps, did he leave his room. The hallway was quiet as he ducked into the bathroom to freshen up, affording him a few extra moments of peace and solitude. 

His moments of peace and solitude were overshadowed only by the abrupt appearance of a certain blue haired teen. 

“Rikka?”

“Dai?”

A mere step away from physically bumping into each other, Dai had been leaving his room at the same time Rikka had left the bathroom. Too distracted by the taller’s presence, Rikka struggled to strike up a meaningful conversation. 

Dai really was the father of his baby. No matter how Rikka reworked it in his head, the thought remained too genuine and tangible to be anything but accurate. No wonder Rikka was speechless as he quickly averted his gaze. Whether Dai could sense it or not, everything between them had changed. For better or worse, it was too early for either to discern.

Unsurprisingly, Dai was the first to speak. “Did I, um, overstep my boundaries last night?” So he _ could _sense the awkward shift in the air.

Rikka looked anywhere but the taller’s eyes. He feared to make eye contact before he was ready, in case something about Dai’s innocent expression instigated the truth coming out in a frantic rush. No, Dai needn’t be burdened with further responsibility. 

“No. It’s nothing like that.”

Associating with Dai would prove most challenging thus far. Dai, who was already sneakily suspicious of the way Rikka had been acting recently, would not be easy to convince. One way or the other.

“Right.” He said the word slowly, carefully, before moving on. “Are you feeling any better?”

“I’m feeling better. I was actually on my way out.”

“To the gym?”

“For a jog.”

“I was as well.”

Only then did Rikka notice Dai was also dressed in activewear. What excuse could he possibly give that would prevent them from having to run together? _ Shit_. 

Maybe Dai hadn’t been wrong when he said he was good at reading people. Especially when he was quick to add, “If you want to run alone, I’ll wait and take another route.”

“I don’t want to be rude. I just need some time alone.”

“I understand.”

When the silence stretched for too long, Rikka used that opportunity to make a hasty escape. Once he was safely away from the dorm, he released a heavy breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He broke into a light sprint almost immediately, needing to put as much distance between himself and Dai as he could.

It was a shame, when Rikka thought about it, how many complications stemmed from his relationship with Dai. He wondered if it was even worth it, if given the chance to go back would he have prevented that night from ever happening?

He silently prayed for a miracle, as the fresh scenery passed by on either side, that by the end of the day he would have acquired all of the answers.


	5. Chapter 5

“Did you not suspect anything?”

“I feel foolish looking back on it. Morning sickness, mood swings, cravings...I should have known but I was too careless to suspect.”

Time for thoughtful consideration had been granted, time to weigh the full impactful implications of pregnancy. The idea had swirled around his head since he’d first discovered the existence of another life. The presence of said life carrying a sense of trepidation, something Rikka was determined to detach himself from. 

If there was only one way to do so, its meritable justification was unlikely to be called into question.

The nurse took meticulous notes, inquiring Rikka relevantly or otherwise.

“Your looks are striking. Might I ask what you do for a living?”

Rikka smiled politely, accustomed to others taking an interest in his androgynous appearance. “I’m a model, currently working towards becoming an idol as well.” 

“That’s amazing! Well, it’s a good thing you’re here. You wouldn’t want anything holding you back.” The manner in which her eyes fixated on his stomach made clear the implicit threat which possessed the capability to deter Rikka from the goals he sought after.

“Forgive me for asking such a personal question but how does the father feel about this?”

“He doesn’t...know.” Rikka looked away, a strange bout of guilt settling in the pit of his stomach.

“It’s better that way, is it not? You wouldn’t want him to be looked down upon, would you?”

“No. I guess not.” He was sure that the unexpected news had the potential to overburden Dai to the brink of destruction. Rikka wanted to protect the younger man. He wanted him to have the freedom, the _ opportunity _ to enjoy life as he pleased, building confidence and gaining independence along the way. Dai didn’t deserve to have such a wonderful opportunity violently stolen and held out of reach. 

“Good,” The nurse smiled politely as she completed his case history and routine checkup.

Under the assumption that he was doing the right thing, there shouldn’t have been an ounce of remorse or inkling of regret. Based upon the principles surrounding that exact hypothesis, Rikka searched for an explanation as to why he suddenly felt nauseous on the tail end of those baseless emotions.

Why was it that each of his heartbeats stuttered from pervasive anxiety?

“Shall we move onto the ultrasound now?”

Rikka nodded, his mask of composure undeniably convincing as he followed the nurse from a standard examination room into a highly specialized one. The ultrasound machine immediately captured his attention, surprisingly daunting per its sophisticated engineering. 

The complexity of the machine interfaced with the complexities of the situation. 

“Lie down for me, please.”

She gestured towards a sterile examination table. 

Rikka’s movements were automatic, dispassionate, as he followed instructions. The notion of seeing his baby for the first time left him uncertain. That precise uncertainty facilitated his placid demeanor.

“Lift up your shirt for me.”

He did as requested. 

Rikka had seen this procedure performed in movies. A proudly expectant mother glowingly jubilant, witnessing her miracle baby for the first time. Tears were always present, though the origin remained invariably indecipherable. It must have been a well kept secret, what exactly brought those to tears. A secret Rikka had inadvertently ventured onto the path of uncovering.

Rikka would have never guessed that the appearance of a tiny humanoid figure would have him questioning the authenticity of his own beliefs.

He had already accepted the idea of being pregnant but seeing the baby inside of him challenged his conception of reality.

“That’s...inside of me?"

The monitor captured the humanoid figure’s minuscule movements. Rikka was frozen in awe.

“Yes. That’s your baby. You look to be about nine weeks but the doctor will be able to give you more information.”

Nine weeks? Had it really been that long since he and Dai had sex? Time truly passed in a blur, ensnaring others in its endless web.

Rikka found himself silently tracking the fetus's movements as evidenced by the motion of the grainy ultrasound. He knew, realistically so, that little squirming creature embodied limitless potential. The potential to change the world for the better, to participate in revolutionary innovations, the potential to make Rikka a _ parent_. The possibilities were endless.

“Would you like pictures?”

“Pictures?”

“It’s easy to get emotionally attached. Before abortions, some people want pictures as a way to remember their unborn child.”

A way to commemorate the decision to terminate a pregnancy? No, Rikka didn’t need to be reminded of his choices that fostered the extinction of life’s extensive possibilities.

“I don’t want pictures. Thank you.”

She nodded and smiled. “It’s only customary to ask.”

Even if the options hadn’t been laid in front of him, Rikka could recite them by heart. In his current situation, only one of them was socially acceptable. Only one option would not weigh heavily upon his emotions and psyche like a ton of bricks. One option would not drastically alter his life nor situational outcome. Or so he believed that to be true.

The completion of his ultrasound found him back inside a standard examination room. The nurse, having successfully completed her job, placed Rikka’s complex situation into a doctor’s more experienced hands.

The doctor inspected Rikka’s chart comprehensively before confronting the most prominent reason for the appointment. 

“We’re here to discuss abortion options. Is that correct?”

“Yes.” Rikka sounded more confident than he felt. The topic of abortion was not easy to address and he hoped the conversation would be brief.

“Since you’re only nine weeks, this procedure can be done quickly and effectively through medication. You would take one dose of the first medicine which would cause the placenta to detach. Within 48 hours, you would take one dose of the second medicine which would cause contractions and help expel the pregnancy naturally.”

It seemed almost unrealistic to believe that terminating an unborn life could be so simple. Almost as if the life itself meant nothing to begin with. What _ did _ the life inside of Rikka mean? What could it possibly represent? One night between strangers wherein lust took precedence over rationality. One tiny mistake leading to unintended and improbable conception. 

“Will I be able to continue working during this process?”

“It’s not advised. You’ll likely experience nausea, vomiting, cramping, and bleeding during the next couple of days. I would recommend you to stay at home and have someone you trust to look after you.”

Everything had been simple up until that point. Rikka had planned on following through with the abortion process without giving anyone reason to be suspicious. With work and dorm living inevitably intertwined, he would have to work harder to keep the details of his situation under wraps.

"Will that be a problem?"

Rikka hadn't addressed his own hesitation until his reluctance to respond was undeniable. 

"I have important work obligations. Taking time off won't be easy."

Modeling jobs wouldn't pose a significant problem if he needed to reschedule. Substantial problems _ did _ center around his inability to refrain from participating in extensive preparation for their upcoming performance.

Music shows were not easily rescheduled. Neither were debut singles a simple feat to record.

The timing of his pregnancy, abortion, _ and _ work schedule would not concur seamlessly. 

"I can give you the option to postpone the abortion. But we'd have to resort to more invasive procedures once you're past the ten week mark."

Rikka shook his head. Although it came on the tail end of conflicting emotions, he'd already made his decision. 

"I don't want to wait that long."

"Very well," the doctor mused, "considering the circumstances, the best I can do for you is write a prescription for the pills. As long as you take them as directed any time within the next two weeks, the abortion will have a 97% success rate. You'll need to schedule an appointment two weeks post-abortion so we can check for complications. Does that sound reasonable?"

Rikka nodded, sighing in relief. The prospect sounded perfect, actually. He was confident that he would find a small break in work within the next couple of weeks. During that break, he would hole himself in his room under the pretense of a cold or similar sickness. 

Behind closed doors, he would experience his abortion alone. The pain, sickness, emotions, he was prepared to deal with by himself. Because he had no one but himself to blame for the situation he was in. 

"I would appreciate that. Thank you."

A prescription was written for his convenience towards the end of the appointment. He shook hands with the doctor in parting, receiving an indiscreet push towards a socially acceptable direction.

"I know this can be overwhelming but I can assure you're doing the right thing. Most pregnant males don't follow through with their pregnancies for obvious reasons. It has been and likely always will be taboo. You wouldn't want to put yourself through that."

"No, of course not." Rikka murmured. Taboo or not, when the time came to take the pills, to kill the fetus, he would have to convince himself of every justifiable reason to follow through.

**

“Hey, Rikka’s back! Welcome home.”

Rikka smiled as he entered the dorm, Tsubasa’s positive energy was overwhelmingly contagious. “I’m home.”

After living alone for years, Rikka wasn’t yet accustomed to being greeted nearly every time he arrived at the dorm. In the midst of toeing off his shoes, Tsubasa approached him by the entranceway.

“Are you okay? You’ve been gone for a while.”

“Have I?” Rikka inquired. He’d lost track of time since he left for his appointment early that morning. His day thus far had only consisted of attending his appointment, picking up his pills, and taking a long refreshing walk.

“Yeah. It’s already mid afternoon.”

“Hm. I guess you’re right.” His walk had lasted longer than he’d realized. Its duration positively correlated with the increasing number of thoughts swirling around his head. The baby, the abortion, Dai, SolidS, modeling…

“Shiki said you didn’t have a schedule or anything.” Tsubasa wasn’t suspicious about his bandmate’s whereabouts, though he was curious.

Rikka gave an answer he hoped would satisfy Tsubasa’s curiosity whilst keeping all suspicion at bay. “I’m still so used to being alone. I often find myself wandering in the city and finding various things to do on my own.”

“Makes sense. But you’re not alone anymore! Next time just invite me and we can go together.”

Rikka smiled politely. Before he could respond, a familiar voice preceded the appearance of a certain blue eyed man.

“Maybe he doesn’t want to invite you.”

Tsubasa turned sharply, responding to Dai’s statement with a teasing glare. “And what have you done all morning, Dai-chan? Laid in bed waiting for Rikka to return?”

Dai ignored Tsubasa’s teasing jib, focusing his attention on Rikka instead. It had taken a considerable effort for Rikka to be able to look into Dai’s eyes normally after he found out he was pregnant. It had taken even more of an initiative to speak to him normally after convincing him that the results of his blood tests showed nothing abnormal.

Despite Rikka’s attempts, it was clear Dai’s suspicions were still heightened.

“You’ve been out for a long time.”

Rikka nodded, making his way towards the kitchen to prepare lunch. Tsubasa and Dai followed with every intention of continuing the conversation. 

“Any requests for lunch?” Rikka had assumed the group role of designated chef since he was best qualified for the position. He enjoyed cooking in his free time and took the liberty of ensuring his bandmates ate well and stayed healthy.

“Nope. Whatever you make will be amazing.” Tsubasa gushed, situating himself at the kitchen counter with Dai.

Tsubasa conversed animatedly with Rikka while the latter prepared a hearty lunch. Dai joined in the conversations sparsely, preferring to observe Rikka with an unreadable expression. 

Although Rikka knew no one could see them, the pills inside his jacket pocket pressed uncomfortably against his torso as he moved about. The implications behind the pills nudged even more uncomfortably against his self-efficacy.

Occasionally, his eyes met Dai’s. And every time, Rikka couldn’t help but wonder if their child would have inherited those piercing blue orbs. Mysterious yet innocent, Dai’s eyes held a unique variety of emotion. A beauty like no other, it was uncertain if that beauty would transcend across a successive generation.

Without realizing what he was doing, Rikka placed a gentle hand on his belly. Dai followed the minuscule movement, remaining quiet until Rikka realized what he’d just done.

He removed his hand quickly, regarding it as nothing more than a nonsensical notion. 

Dai’s attention lingered on Rikka’s stomach for a moment before finally looking away. 

Only when lunch preparations had been completed and the three of them sat down to eat did Rikka notice Shiki’s absence.

“He’s been in his office all morning. I think he’s making minor changes to the single,” Tsubasa supplied.

Their first single would be the most impactful representation of their music, of how they wanted to present themselves as an up and coming idol unit. One of the public’s first impressions would formulate based upon the mechanisms and delivery of their debut single. Of course it would be regarded with a high standard of importance.

“Can you believe we’re debuting soon?” Rikka questioned his younger bandmates, knowing it would be good for the preservation of his sanity to focus his mind on a positive (non-pregnancy related) topic.

“It’s insane! We just started preparing for this a couple of months ago.” Tsubasa responded with unrestrained enthusiasm.

“We’ve been working really hard.” Dai added, his words ringing undeniably true.

Most rookie groups didn’t have the opportunity to debut in such a minuscule time frame. Each member of SolidS had the privilege of getting to work with vastly talented and hardworking bandmates. Even Rikka, who feared his bothersome pregnancy symptoms would interfere with his progress, had surpassed an admirable level of dancing and singing. 

However nervous they might be, they truly were ready to entertain an audience.

“I’m a little nervous about the interviews,” Dai admitted, steering the conversation down a slightly different path.

Tsubasa chimed in before Rikka had a chance. “What’s there to be nervous about? We answer some questions about ourselves and each other. Piece of cake.”

“I don’t like talking about myself,” Dai added before smiling, “I’m not self-centered like you.”

Tsubasa returned the smile before continuing their playful banter, “If you don’t want to talk about yourself then you’re going to have to talk about us.”

“What about you?”

“Hm. I don’t know. But we can’t come off as boring to an audience. We need to talk about each other not relative to singing and dancing. We all need to hang out more and do things not work related.”

“What do you suggest we do?” Dai wondered.

Tsubasa tapped his chin thoughtfully before brightening with an idea. “Let’s start simple with a movie marathon!”

Dai lifted a curious eyebrow, his reply dripping with sarcasm, “Movie marathon? Are we turning this into a slumber party now?”

Tsubasa chuckled. “We _ do _ live together.”

Dai shook his head quickly. “I’m not sleeping in your room.” 

Tsubasa laughed some more. “Fine, fine. But seriously, none of us have anything planned for today and the company generously furnished our living room with a super comfy couch and expensive TV. Why not take advantage of it? Rikka, what do you think?”

“Hm?” Rikka was taken by surprise when Tsubasa requested his opinion. He’d been so keen on letting the childhood friends continue their banter that he hadn’t expected to be addressed anytime soon.

“A movie marathon to help us bond. What do you think?”

Rikka smiled. He would do anything to keep his mind occupied and sated by relaxing activities. A movie marathon with his bandmates sounded lovely.

“I think it’s a great idea.”

Tsubasa’s excited response was overshadowed by the appearance of their caffeine laden leader exiting his office/studio room. He joined his bandmates at the table on the exhale of a relieved sigh.

“All done?” Rikka questioned his long time friend.

Shiki nodded. “I finished tweaking the arrangement for the single. It’s perfect. You’ll get to hear it tomorrow.”

“Can’t wait,” Rikka replied honestly.

“Shiki,” Tsubasa interjected, dead set on bringing his bonding idea into fruition, “what do you think about having a movie marathon with the four of us?”

Shiki shrugged before taking a sip of his coffee, “I’ll humor you, Tsubasa.”

“Perfect,” Tsubasa quickly stood up, “I’ll get the movie ready.” He turned towards Dai who had just finished his lunch. “Dai, you prepare snacks.”

“Tsubasa, I already told you to stop volunteering me for things,” He replied, though he was already standing with every intention of preparing the snacks.

“Shiki, Rikka, you two relax until we’re done.”

Rikka chuckled and Shiki rolled his eyes at the same time Dai and Tsubasa left to fulfill their respective tasks. Left with nothing to occupy his mind and time, Rikka took it upon himself to clear the dirty dishes from lunch.

“Are you hungry, Shiki?” Rikka, always caring about others, wondered.

“I’m not.”

Rikka gestured towards his half filled coffee mug. “Maybe you should cut back on the coffee. It suppresses your appetite.” He spoke, his words accompanied by a gentle smile.

Shiki returned the smile. “You’re probably right. I’ll work on it.”

It was refreshing to converse with Shiki and not have to respond to inquiries about his morning absence. Their leader had likely been working all morning and hadn’t noticed Rikka’s absence. Or if he had noticed, he didn’t draw unwanted attention to the matter.

Time was left over after Rikka put away the dirty dishes. Since Dai and Tsubasa were completely engrossed in their respective tasks, since Shiki was enjoying his nth cup of coffee, no one noticed when Rikka slipped away to his room to spend his leftover time.

A suffocating weight was lifted from his entire being once the abortion pills were no longer carried on his person. He hid the pills in a secure and inconspicuous place, needing to ensure they wouldn’t be seen until they were needed. If the medicine was consistently visible, Rikka knew he would grow to associate those white pills with negative thinking and painful regret.

The prospect of killing his and Dai’s baby filled Rikka with enough regret on its own.

“Rikka, are you ready?”

Rikka’s back had been turned to his door, his visitor’s arrival had taken him by great surprise. He turned around quickly to face his charismatic bandmate. Tsubasa cocked his head to the side curiously.

“Are you okay?”

Rikka smiled, though it felt forced and inauthentic. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You were staring out the window.”

Rikka could attribute falling victim to his urgent thoughts to his lack of awareness towards his own actions. “I was just considering what movie you might have picked out.”

Tsubasa brightened, his attention span regarding serious topics could be rather short at times. “It’s a surprise! Come on!”

Rikka followed closely behind, shutting away his fear and unease behind his bedroom door.

In the time Rikka had been away in his room, the living area had been transformed into a movie lover’s paradise. All the curtains were drawn, creating a substantial barrier in an effort to combat sunlit glare. An extraordinary assortment of snacks was arranged meticulously on their polished coffee table while a large variety of comfortable pillows and fuzzy blankets were provided for unrestrained use.

Shiki and Dai had already settled themselves on the L-shaped couch, ready to indulge in Tsubasa’s whims as promised. 

Tsubasa, rather pleased with the movie marathon’s presentation, situated himself next to Shiki with a fuzzy blanket, a handful of chips, and a cold beer. Since Tsubasa had occupied one end of the couch, the only available place for Rikka to sit was next to Dai. Prepared with a fuzzy blanket of his own, Rikka did just that. He sat next to the teenager, forcing himself not to consider the implications of having to sit next to the father of his baby for an unspecified amount of time.

No matter how strange it felt to Rikka, no matter how awkward he felt whenever he was close to Dai, the teen would never know the truth. Rikka wasn’t sure how to process that indisputable fact.

Needing something to occupy his time as he waited for Tsubasa to start the movie, Rikka helped himself to a wide variety of snacks. Though lunch had been completed not long ago, he ate with renewed vigor, attesting to the fact that he was eating for two. 

“In contrast to your appearance, you have a really healthy appetite.” Dai mused and Rikka laughed uneasily.

“You prepared the snacks so well, I couldn’t help myself.”

Dai smiled a small smile, more than appreciative of Rikka’s overt praise. No matter what was happening around them, he didn’t ever want to have an uncomfortable or strained relationship with Rikka. Not when he valued the opinions of and regarded the pink haired man with the utmost respect. 

“Is everyone ready?” Tsubasa teased with his finger hovering over the play button on the remote.

Shiki spoke for everyone when he deadpanned, “Just start the movie.”

“Lighten up, _ darling_.”

“Start the movie, _ honey_.”

Rikka chuckled in amusement, wondering if there would ever come a point in time where he and Dai could joke freely and exist so comfortably in the other’s presence. Maybe if the one night stand had never happened...Perhaps if the baby had never been conceived...

No matter how much Rikka pretended to have moved past that night, no matter how easily he convinced the others that everything was fine, he _hadn't _been able to detach his feelings from that night and everything was certainly _not_ fine.

“Everyone will get a chance to pick out a movie, okay? You can tell a lot from someone’s personality based on the movie they choose.” Tsubasa’s last tidbit of information segwayed into the official kickoff of their marathon. 

Not surprisingly, the revelation of Tsubasa’s choice unveiled an R-rated comedy. The content of which was predominantly crude humor with a dash of absurdity. Absurd as it may be, Rikka, Dai, and Shiki did find it rather amusing.

Not of his own volition, Dai was volunteered to be the next person to share his preference in movies. With a personality to contrast his looks, Dai gravitated towards the drama genre. His sentimentality shone through, brighter than anyone had seen, once he was engrossed in the melodramatic plot.

The storyline revolved around a young girl who had never been accepted by the family she was born into. The movie chronicled her inspiring journey through life as the recipient of abuse, hatred, and discrimination from her family members. Towards the end, her success was well deserved as she journeyed into adulthood.

Though the ending was positive and left no questions unanswered, Dai was lost in deep thought.

“Dai-chan, what’s on your mind?”

Flustered at having been caught pondering a drama movie, Dai quickly brushed his actions off as insignificant.

“It’s nothing.”

“Come on,” Tsubasa pressed, “we’re all trying to bond here. You can tell us.”

After great consideration, Dai sighed in defeat. “Fine, I’ll tell you. Just don’t make fun of me.”

“I would never.” Tsubasa replied in a very unconvincing manner.

“I could never understand how a parent couldn’t love their child. I do understand that life is unpredictable and stressful and that having a child won’t make things easier. But, no matter the circumstances, all life is precious. As a parent, it’s your responsibility to nurture and protect such an innocent life. The world is scary enough as is so it only makes sense to have unwavering love and support as you navigate through it.”

Unless he felt strongly about a topic, Dai never spoke much. For obvious reasons, the impact of his words affected Rikka the most. So much so that he had to excuse himself to the bathroom.

Once alone, Rikka let out a choked sob, the meaning behind Dai’s words bringing him to uncontrollable tears. The tears were not selfishly shed for himself but for Dai. A man with such a pure and sensitive heart didn’t deserve to have his baby taken away from him, killed out of convenience, without having a say in the matter.

Nor did he deserve to have his life ruined before he even had a chance to _ live_.

Rikka’s decision remained unchanged, though it carried a more substantial burden than before. If given the opportunity, Dai would have been a good father, aware and understanding of the child’s wants and needs, sensitive to its emotions. No matter how the future played out, Rikka would always carry the weight of knowing that he stole an unborn child’s opportunity to be the son or daughter of a wonderful guy.

He placed a gentle hand on his belly, murmuring a needless apology at the same time. Apologizing would not change the outcome. Nor would it rid Rikka’s heart of any guilt. He apologized, simply because, if the circumstances were different, he would embrace becoming a parent. He would relish in the idea of raising a child whom he would give all of his love. 

Once the tears stopped, Rikka splashed his face with cold water as a much needed reminder that the circumstances remained as they were. The world remained as it was with no place for his and Dai’s baby. Hypothetical scenarios, no matter how promising, held no merit in reality. 

When Rikka returned to the living room, looking every bit as calm, collected, and poised as he didn’t feel, his bandmates’ conversation hovered around the sensitive topic Dai had brought to attention.

“Shiki would definitely be a strict parent,” Tsubasa spoke as Rikka reclaimed his spot next to Dai.

Shiki nodded in a display of agreement. “I stand to agree.”

“And Dai,” Tsubasa turned his attention to his younger friend, “would be an overprotective parent.”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“Hm. Let’s say you had a daughter. Would you let her drive a car?”

“Never.”

“Would you ever let her date?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Would you let her go anywhere without you?”

“No.”

“That’s being unreasonably overprotective, Dai-chan.” Tsubasa teasingly sing-songed before focusing on Rikka.

“Rikka’s an easy one. He’d be a really good parent.”

Rikka’s eyes widened in surprise. “You think so?”

Tsubasa nodded. “You’re patient, nurturing, and caring. And you’re super easy to talk to. Not to mention your cooking is amazing! You’d make some kick ass bento lunches for sure.”

He smiled warmly in response though the gesture was bittersweet. He appreciated the sincere praise for what it was worth although he didn’t think he was deserving of it. Not when he knew, given the situation, he wasn't capable of being a good parent.

To everyone but Rikka, Tsubasa’s talk was nothing more than playful banter and Dai’s earlier musing consisted of nothing more than hypothetical thoughts. It was simple for them to move away from topics that held no relevance. For the sake of obscurity, Rikka had to pretend it was easy for him to move on as well.

Proceeding based upon their unstructured viewing order, Shiki was the next person allowed to dictate their form of entertainment in the coming hours. He presented his choice by way of a dated, black and white, noir movie. That of which was neverending in length and only mildly interesting in content. 

Tsubasa yawned loudly, which Shiki ignored, about halfway through. The concepts dealing with fatalism and cynicism were abstruse and required a concentrated effort to follow. The implications of moral ambiguity found Rikka disengaged and struggling against heavy eyelids.

He situated himself more comfortably under his blanket, disregarding the afternoon hour. He’d already had a long emotional day and the side effects of pregnancy were once again catching up with him. 

Before he could fully comprehend what was happening, he found himself following the alluring tendrils of sleep. Hypnotically and methodically, he was pulled further under. Unaware of his surroundings and too drowsy to regard his own actions, Rikka instinctively settled against a familiar chest. The chest moved once, nothing more than a flinch of surprise, before resolving to remain still.

For the first time all day, Rikka felt relaxed and at ease. Lured into a sense of security by the steady rise and fall of the chest and a strong rhythmic heartbeat. He slipped further and further away from reality into an imaginary place where melancholy thoughts held no significance and debilitating fears ceased to exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rikka loves falling asleep on Dai’s chest, doesn’t he? Haha. Stay tuned for the next chapter. Thanks for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just per my own personal preference and the sake of genetics, I’m going to say that Dai has naturally black hair that’s dyed blue and Rikka has naturally golden brown hair that’s dyed pink. The eye colors are still the same.

Since he was a baby, his appearance had captivated widespread interest. A beautiful boy of mixed French and Japanese descent with golden brown hair and enchanting rose-gold eyes. Possessing a beauty so alluring it was destined to be shared with the world. 

When he was too young to have an opinion, Rikka’s parents held their son’s modeling career in high regard. Their prideful desire to show off their precious child placed him in front of a camera before he was old enough to speak. As he grew older, Rikka chose to prioritize his modeling career in order to please his parents. Modeling became an integral part of his life and he grew to appreciate it. Though it had never been something Rikka had chosen, rather it had been chosen for him.

Standing in a recording booth and singing his heart out to the encouragement of his bandmates were consequent of the path that _ he’d _ chosen. Performing in front of an audience and freely entertaining fans with his unique personality (_not his modeling persona_) were anticipatory opportunities unlike anything he would ever experience. Rikka had a strong inkling that pursuing a career as an idol would exceed his expectations.

“Perfect, Rikka. That’s a wrap!” Shiki spoke at the conclusion of Rikka’s solo part.

Recording of the single was complete and their official debut was just around the corner. 

As he exited the recording booth, bombarded with various suggestions on how to celebrate their single’s completion, Rikka decided he wouldn’t mind living as an idol in the coming years.

_ Nothing _ would stop him from achieving his newly discovered dream.

**

The coming days passed by in a dizzying blur. Whenever Rikka found a moment to refocus his attention on the passing time, he took advantage. To lose track of time was to undermine the seriousness of his current situation. To undermine the seriousness of his situation was to admit disgraceful defeat. 

Provided with a single opportunity in the midst of a hectic environment, he could procrastinate no longer. 

The dorm was quiet and empty on the morning of the 72nd day. The 72nd day past conception marked the final day of their child’s calamitous existence. 

As of late, life had effortlessly continued on a forward trajectory towards a promising future. Things had reached a constitutional degree of normalcy in preparation for their upcoming debut. Namely, Rikka’s morning sickness had lessened tremendously as all other symptoms had become easier to deal with. On the other hand, Dai’s suspicions that Rikka hid a large secret had not dissipated, though they never had a negative effect on his interactions with the pink haired man. 

The terms of his and Dai’s relationship remained questionable at best but they got along well and would contribute to a positive atmosphere for the fans.

There was but a single daunting task, if left unattended, that threatened to offset the favorable balance of perfect equilibrium. Knowing that there existed no alternative way of escaping the inevitable fate, Rikka approached the task with unwavering resolve.

The process of retrieving the pills and placing them in his open hand required thoughtless effort. Only when it was time to bring his hand to his mouth and force the pills past his pursed lips did he hesitate. His unwavering resolve, short lived in nature, preserved a striking contradiction to the uncontrollable shaking of his hands and the pounding of his heart.

Perched at the foot of his bed with the thunderous sound of his heartbeat filling his head, Rikka froze. He stared at the little white pills in his hand, deceiving in their innocuous appearance. 

Rikka didn’t need to convince himself why it made sense to follow through with the abortion. He just hadn't expected the pills to make him experience such a loss of feeling in control. His repressed emotions were overpowering, hammering his soul all at once. His inability to constrain them brought frustrated tears to his eyes.

He and Dai would never become parents. Rikka would never know whether the baby would have rose-gold eyes or sapphire eyes; never get to caress beautiful golden brown or shiny black locks. Their baby would never get the opportunity to grow into a child, never get a chance to live, love, or be loved. It would never get a chance to make mistakes and learn from them. Nor have a chance to decide on a dream and relentlessly pursue it. 

What right did Rikka have to steal so much from an innocent life? Upon what justification did he conclude that he was doing the right thing?

He was willing to trade the baby’s life for his own. To relentlessly pursue his own dreams whilst learning from his honest mistakes. To live, love, and be loved as he careened through life’s trials and tribulations.

It wasn’t fair that he was forced to make such a life altering decision in the midst. Not when he was used to feeling a sense of control and knowing exactly what he desired or didn’t desire. He prided himself in knowing right from wrong, of trusting his gut intuitively. He’d always embraced the concept of self-honesty and valued his emotions and feelings from an objective point of view.

How could an unexpected pregnancy change his thoughts, emotions, and actions in such a drastic manner?

His sense of control no longer held an ounce of validity. He couldn’t clearly discern what he desired or didn’t desire. He was no longer certain what constituted right from wrong. Those stupid fucking pills distorted reality into an imperceptible and formless essence of moral ambiguity. A loss of control was certainly imminent.

In an effort to reconstruct the fabric of his reality, Rikka shoved the vile pills into their container and hid them out of sight. The shaking of his hands intensified and the pounding of his heart increased with dizzying speed. He felt unsteady on his feet. His ability to walk back to his bed was consequently hindered. In an effort to regain his bearings, left with no other choice, he immediately sat where he stood.

Sat on the floor alone, he drew his knees to his chest. He didn’t realize he was crying until the sounds of his broken sobs took precedence over the sound of his racing heart. At the same time, a debilitating sense of dread followed by an immobilizing sense of fear encased his entire being. 

His never ending sobs forced his breath out in short wheezing gasps. He felt dizzy, each time his breaths quickened, and was convinced he would pass out if he couldn’t stop crying. He closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands. The world continued to spin as he experienced suffocating waves of negative emotions across the same spectrum of intensity.

On the exhale of a ragged breath, he prayed and begged to every God that might exist. He begged for forgiveness for his immoral actions and prayed for a solution to his problems. 

What a cruel twist of fate to be lured into a false sense of security. To mistakenly believe to have figured everything out until reality reared its ugly head and revealed life’s unavoidable truths.

Nothing was ever black or white. Right or wrong. Yes or no. Rikka felt like a fool to have ever believed such a disastrous misconception.

As a consequence of the reduced concentration of oxygen successfully getting to his brain, the world was hazy when Rikka first heard a voice. 

He thought he’d imagined it, as expected of someone suffering from extreme lightheadedness, until he felt a familiar arm wrap around his limp body.

“Rikka, you’re shaking like a leaf. What happened?”

What did happen?

He thought he was doing the right thing, the most _ practical _ thing by deciding on abortion. As he sat there, confused and shaking, he no longer knew what the right thing was. He’d lost his ability to make sense of his emotions and felt like he was spiraling out of control. _ That _ was what had happened.

Though he was too choked up and unsteady to collect his thoughts and respond to Dai in a coherent manner. 

“Shit. I need to get you to the hospital.”

“No!” Rikka managed to choke out. 

Lab tests were performed as a standard procedure for those rushed to the hospital. With only a couple of weeks left before he entered his second trimester, Rikka would not be able to hide his pregnancy from any medical doctor. In his vulnerable condition, the last thing he needed was for another authority figure to remind him how disgraceful male pregnancy was and how seriously abortion should be considered.

Dai cursed again, visibly torn between whether or not he thought Rikka needed to see a doctor. He’d seen Rikka vulnerable before but never to that extent. He wasn’t exactly sure what to do.

In the end, he decided to abide by Rikka’s wishes not to be taken to the hospital. Rikka was eternally grateful.

“Here, let me help you get in bed.”

Dai quickly came to the realization that Rikka’s violent shaking made it impossible for him to stand. A solution was thought of swiftly as he lifted the smaller man into his arms. Not unlike the night Rikka had been sick and fainted from exhaustion, Dai carried him to his bed and laid him down gently. 

Rikka’s breathing had begun to even out but the shaking annoyingly persisted. 

“I’ll get you some water.”

Before Dai had a chance to disappear, Rikka reached out an unsteady hand. He pleaded in a small hoarse voice, “Please. Don’t go.”

At the given moment, he was too afraid to be alone. He didn’t want to be reminded of the unforgettable fact that he still had a tough decision to make. At least, he didn’t want to be reminded on the cusp of his mental breakdown.

Dai focused his eyes on Rikka’s pitiful ones before sighing in resignation. “I’ll stay.”

Rikka _ needed _ comforting, more than he’d needed anything in a long time. As the only available person to provide that comfort, Dai was willing to do whatever it took to help restore Rikka’s uplifting spirit.

Needing someone to hold him, to remind him he was still a person worthy of affection after nearly killing his baby, Rikka requested compassion and Dai complied with his request.

When the opportunity presented itself, Rikka buried his head in Dai’s familiar chest. Dai responded in surprise, as he always did whenever Rikka inched abruptly close. When he felt Rikka’s shoulders shake with fresh sobs, he brought a timid hand to the man’s back. He moved his hand in a gentle circular motion, hoping it would significantly contribute to relaxing and restoring Rikka to his old self.

Though not right away, Rikka’s sobs eventually quieted and his body stilled. He no longer felt the same intense fear and dread that had gnawed through his soul. Nor did he feel as if he was wrestling with his own thoughts and emotions and losing terribly. 

He was still confused and longed to make the _ right _ decision but its discovery was not as imminently sought after. 

Dai’s presence was always comforting and served as a much needed aid to help lift away any suffocating burdens. Secured firmly against Dai’s chest, Rikka felt as if he could finally breathe for the first time in a while. Without the weight of his negative emotions dragging him down, he was able to welcome the influx of positive emotions.

When he needed someone to be there for him, Dai had been there. Rikka couldn’t even begin to express how appreciative he was.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Dai wondered once he was sure Rikka had calmed enough to speak freely.

Rikka shook his head that was still buried snugly in his chest. “I can’t.”

“You can’t or you won’t?”

“Does it matter?” Rikka questioned, his voice slightly muffled against Dai’s shirt.

“I guess not.”

Rikka pulled away from Dai’s chest, needing to make direct eye contact in order to express his genuine gratitude. “Thank you for being here with me and I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”

“It’s difficult seeing you so upset.” Dai’s eyebrows were pinched together in an honest show of concern.

Rikka smiled sadly. “I don’t mean to make you worry. I’m dealing with something personal right now but I promise I can handle it on my own. I just got a little overwhelmed.”

Dai sighed, clearly unconvinced by the spoken promise.

“I’m serious, Dai,” He spoke firmly, “Once I get this sorted out, everything will be fine. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“Rikka,” He began slowly, trying to make sense of the situation and squinting his eyes in concentration, “you confuse me. One moment you’re okay and the next you’re not. One moment you promise to be honest with me and the next you’re suffering under the heavy weight of something alone.”

Rikka chuckled uneasily, hiding his face in Dai’s chest out of sheer embarrassment. “I’m a mess. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be acting like this.”

“If you’re dealing with something personal, it can’t be helped. Just, _ please_, look after your condition. Physical _ and _ mental.”

Rikka removed his head from Dai's chest in order to meet the younger's gaze. At such a low point in his life, Rikka realized that Dai was the only one who could make him feel better. To offer comfort like no other.

In situations similar, Rikka tended to forget how young Dai was. When someone was able to speak so honestly and rationally, ponder critically and intuitively, age became irrelevant. Dai could sense the dynamic aura shrouding Rikka in uncertainty and proved capable of adjusting accordingly.

His sensitivity to Rikka's restless temperament could presumptively be attributed to the intimate bond that they shared. Embodied by the inglorious fetus concealed clandestinely away. 

When their eyes met again, Rikka was left speechless. Dai’s sapphire blue eyes were as clear as the daytime sky, reflective of every emotion glistening in Rikka’s own. His empathetic understanding of the situation was bewildering at best, though it inspired Rikka with an epiphanic revelation.

No matter what decision was made; right or wrong, moral or immoral; Dai would prove Rikka’s emotions worthy of validation. Though the significance of the perplexing situation remained incomprehensible to him, Dai’s comforting presence would serve as a humble offering to the bearer of his child. In that sense, Rikka would not be dealing with the heavy burden alone. 

Dai carefully searched the infinite depths of rose-gold eyes. The primary objective of his search was unclear until he extended a tentative hand towards Rikka’s beautiful face. With the gentlest of touches, he tucked a few long strands of hair behind his ear. 

Rikka’s eyes closed instinctively as he leaned into the soothing touch. Dai’s thumb caressed the apple of his cheek where a single tear journeyed downward. Lost in the sentimentality of the moment, he proceeded with a light brush of cautious lips against delicate ones.

The desire to adhere to the subtle connection of lips was instinctive.

With newly restored integrity pertaining to the prospect of his future, Rikka delicately kissed back. The experience of sharing such an intimate moment was inherently different from their first. Suspended in time, the kiss was patient and affectionate, gentle and warm, comforting and reassuring. The lovely tactile sensations lingered long after they pulled apart.

Dai rested his forehead against Rikka’s, his hand still caressing soft features when he spoke, “I like you, Rikka. I really do.”

“I like you too. But…” The pink haired turned away, gifted insight orienting him to draw inevitable conclusions.

Teetering on the edges of reality, the kiss they shared was a manifestation of emotional fatigue. Another explicit moment of weakness undermining the value of self control. 

Mindful of the dramatic shift in the air, Dai removed his hand from Rikka’s face. His arm fell limply at his side.

“...we shouldn’t be doing this,” He murmured, completing Rikka’s unfinished thought.

Rikka nodded in solemn affirmation. Never would he deny that he and Dai shared something special between them. But they could not act inappropriately upon the basis of personal feelings alone. Not without more suitable justification.

If anyone were to discover them in such a compromising position, alone in the same bedroom and resting atop the same bed, any flimsy excuse would not adequately compensate for their actions.

Courtesy of Dai, Rikka was able to recover from his emotional distress. To reconstruct a more logical way of thinking and a more productive manner of reasoning. He would be able to approach his complex situation from a broader perspective, comforted in knowing he would have someone waiting if he ever needed to vent his emotions. Someone who was intuitively concerned with his well being and could offer practical reasoning.

Rikka was fully prepared to express his final notion of gratitude, in an effort to remedy any potential misunderstandings. He opened his mouth to speak, to thank the man once again. Dai voicing his own distracting thoughts before Rikka had a chance.

"But nothing will change the fact that I want to kiss you again."

Rikka's eyes widened in shock. He hadn't been expecting such a forthright revelation. "D-Dai."

"Tell me you don't want the same thing. And then I'll leave you alone."

Dai's eyes were set with determination. It was somehow inspiring. Despite his better judgment, Rikka chuckled. The determination didn't waver.

"You're serious about the things you want. It's really adorable."

Dai finally looked away, his face flushed in embarrassment and his eyes burned with shame. "I was too forward, wasn't I? Fuck. I-I should leave."

His urgent need to retreat from yet another embarrassing situation found Dai's hand on the doorknob in record time. Rikka continued laughing in amusement, speaking before the humiliated teen could successfully escape.

"You shouldn't jump to conclusions."

"Huh?" Dai spun around in response.

Rikka remained perched atop his bed, smile as warm and inviting as always. "I don't think you were being too forward."

"You don't?"

Rikka shook his head before looking down at his hands. He played with his fingers, twiddling his thumbs as he contemplated how best to handle the situation.

He looked up after reaching an erroneous conclusion. "Dai, I meant what I said when I told you we needed to remain professional about our situation. I don't want to confuse you or give you any mixed signals."

Dai nodded slowly, unsure of where the conversation was headed. 

"But, I can't lie to you and pretend as if I don't have some feelings for you."

"Rikka, what are you trying to say?"

Rikka chuckled again since it was much easier to laugh than to grow frustrated by the complexities comprising their relationship.

"I should get straight to the point, then. When it's just the two of us, it's clearly not fair nor realistic to hide our mutual feelings. When we're around others, it only makes sense for us to remain professional."

With his hand still on the doorknob, Dai gulped audibly. He nodded once more, not trusting his voice enough to speak.

Rikka continued.

"In either situation, I don't want you to feel hesitant around me. Nor do I want to come off as such to you. We _should _work on moving forward. I just don't think it's fair for us to let anything that happened in the past hold us back."

His secret pregnancy, their awkward exchanges at the beginning of their shared ordeal, no longer should anything hold them back from being honest about their mutual attraction and feelings. So long as they approached the situation in a rational and acceptable manner.

Rikka hoped he wasn't requesting too much out of his relationship with his bandmate. He hoped he wasn't misreading any signs.

"Does that make sense?"

"It does. But…"

"But what?"

"What does that make us, Rikka?"

Rikka smiled gently. "It doesn't make us anything. We're just two people who care about each other. Is that alright with you?"

Dai grunted in affirmation, still processing the full implications of Rikka's words. If they could find a way to make things work, he hoped their relationship could evolve for the better.

"Despite these affectionate feelings, we're friends and bandmates foremost."

"Of course," Dai murmured. Now that Rikka was a permanent and important aspect of his life, he didn't want that to change.

At the end of Dai's softened response, their serious discussion drew to a close. The room was filled with a prolonged silence at the same time Rikka nervously played with a strand of his hair. He wasn't ready for Dai to leave. Not without a well deserved display of gratitude.

"I want to thank you again," He began, unsure of how to approach a sensitive topic.

Before the day drew to a close, Rikka knew he would follow through with the abortion. He'd made his decision based upon what made the most sense given the circumstances. He'd made the most _ rational _ decision whilst fully prepared to deal with the emotional aftermath.

Dai would be there if he needed a shoulder to cry on. He wouldn't pry for an explanation like anyone else would. 

Rikka couldn't thank him enough for his loyalty. At least, not with words.

"You're welcome."

Rikka shook his head, smiling in amusement. "Words aren't enough to show you how grateful I am."

Dai's blue eyes widened innocently. He blinked in confusion.

Rikka continued. "You've been here for me when I needed you. It's only fair for me to prove that I'm willing to be here for you. If you need _ anything_, you can come to me."

The implications associated with the word 'anything' were lost on the teen. Characterized only by the slight tilt of his head and the confused expression twisting his features.

Rikka finally stood from his bed, realizing that he needed to take a more direct approach in order for Dai to recognize and understand the subliminal message.

He strode over to the taller man with a purpose, reaching a nimble hand behind Dai’s back and clicking his door locked with ease. 

Tsubasa would be attending his university classes until evening and Shiki would be working at the company building for most of the day. Though, if he and Dai were to freely act upon their intimate feelings, precautions would still need to be prioritized. 

"I want to properly express my gratitude. If it's okay with you."

"Y-yeah," Dai choked out. Everything was happening so incredibly fast and he was at a loss for words. Once it finally sunk in, that he and Rikka were going to freely embark on more intimate and sexual endeavors, he would find more words to express his emotions and opinions.

At that precise moment, as Rikka got on his knees in front of him, all he could do was gulp audibly. 

From his place on the floor, Rikka met Dai’s shifty eyes with his own gentle ones. He spoke in a soft voice, soothing the worst of the teen’s anxiety and nerves

“Relax, Dai. Let me do all of the work.”

Dai flustered, as Rikka looked up at him, his feelings akin to being scrutinized under a blinding spotlight. “I just...um...have never...had anyone…”

Before Dai could find the words to complete his thought, Rikka was nodding in sympathetic understanding. It didn’t surprise him to find that Dai was more keen on giving than receiving. It had been made clear early on that the reserved teen embraced a generous personality.

“I’ll make it enjoyable for you, I promise.”

Dai nodded, resolving to continue using nonverbal gestures for communication.

When Rikka reached for the button on his pants, Dai stiffened instinctively.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No!” Dai gasped out, embarrassingly swift with unnecessary enthusiasm. “I’m just a little...nervous.”

Rikka giggled behind his delicate hand. Dai’s face heated up accordingly.

“I’ll start out slow, okay? Don’t feel like you have to force your reactions. Just act naturally.”

Patience was a virtue. Rikka was more than willing to bestow that virtue upon someone who was worthy. 

“Okay,” Dai murmured, inspired by Rikka’s words. Not a moment passed before he was visibly relaxing.

Rikka smiled in satisfaction. Knowing that, if they wanted things between them to evolve into something meaningful, it was essential they were able to seek unequivocal solace in one another.

In a flash of skilled and nimble fingers, Rikka undid the clasp and unzipped the zipper of the blue eyed man’s jeans. He paused for a moment, allowing Dai sufficient time to process the situation, before transitioning into a more personal phase of their thrilling experience.

As Rikka released him from the constraints of fabric, he ensured his actions were considerate and gentle. He wanted to reassure Dai that his change of heart was genuine and he was serious about the terms he’d promised. He wanted to assure his bandmate that he cared unconditionally about his well being. 

Dai gasped involuntarily when Rikka wrapped a hand around the base of his cock. He looked away instinctively when Rikka used that same hand to draw his member closer to his mouth. Having Rikka’s adept hand touching and caressing his dick was wholly gratifying. Though the concept of having someone eye level with the most private part of his body left him wallowing in mortification.

In an effort to relieve Dai of any remaining hindering emotions, Rikka continued his ministrations in slow steady stride. He proceeded with a chaste kiss to the tip of his penis before moving to the underside with the tip of his practiced tongue. 

Dai bit down on his bottom lip, barely suppressing an inarticulate groan, as Rikka moved up and down his shaft with sweet kisses and tiny licks. While the methodical movements continued, Dai grew increasingly more comfortable with Rikka’s willingness to please him without expecting anything in return.

Diligently heeding and adhering to Dai’s reactions, Rikka approached the intrinsic prospect of oral sex with precaution. He didn’t even consider the probability of enclosing Dai into his mouth until the younger man was comfortable enough to look in Rikka’s direction.

When he first made eye contact, Dai startled and looked away. Only after he discovered his hidden determination to overcome his reservations was he able to capture and hold Rikka’s gaze. With nothing left to hold him back, Dai released a pleasurable groan at the sight of the long haired beauty on his knees in front of him. 

Through delicate eyelashes, Rikka looked compassionately at the man above him. Motivated to display his gratitude by providing Dai with a rewarding experience, Rikka dutifully engulfed the head of his cock with ease. Dai groaned at the sudden and extraordinary sensation that found him lusting for more.

“Rikka…” He gasped, too overcome with desire to form coherent sentences.

Inch by inch, Rikka upheld a painstakingly slow pace as he took more of Dai into his hot, wet mouth. Before Dai could comprehend what was happening (_courtesy of the blood in his body having better places to go than his brain_), he found his hands tangling in Rikka’s long silky locks. He drew them back sharply once the implications of his actions withheld his erotic desires.

Rikka had only managed to fit half of the sizeable cock in his mouth before pulling off with a pop. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, clearing away the saliva that made his lips shine.

The loss of enveloping heat was unexpected. Dai was embarrassed to admit how disappointed he was.

Rikka looked up at him with patient understanding when he spoke. “Dai, I don’t mind if you put your hands in my hair.”

“Y-you don’t?”

Rikka chuckled in response. “No. This is my gift to you. Do whatever makes you feel good.”

“What if you don’t like it?”

Rikka smiled, appreciative that Dai was experiencing such genuine concern for his comfort. “I’ll let you know if I don’t like something.”

Dai nodded. Although it was clear he was suppressing the extent of his arousal, Rikka could tell Dai wanted nothing more than to continue their licentious behavior. He was practically shaking with the intensity of primitive emotions, emanating a carnal aura that demanded Rikka’s attention.

In an attempt to satiate a potentially ravenous inner beast, Rikka expertly swallowed Dai’s throbbing cock and resumed his obscene behavior. Dai held no qualms, the second time around, when his hands instinctively tangled in Rikka’s hair.

Impressed with Dai’s emerging confidence, Rikka responded by sucking harder and faster and bobbing his head to a continuous rhythm. Among the lewd slurping sounds, Dai’s groans were steadily increasing in volume and intensity. 

He cursed as he attempted to suppress an overpowering impulse fighting for sexual dominance. His hold on Rikka’s hair tightening resultantly. When the time came to surrender all self control, his primal instincts unrelentingly sought for sexual gratification.

He steadied Rikka’s bobbing head with a firm grip. The presence of a familiar warmth coiling in his lower belly was characterized by reflexive responses. Complying with the demands of his impending orgasm, Dai thrust shallowly into Rikka’s still mouth.

Rikka moaned in surprise though he made no effort to pull away. 

Dai thrust again, more zealously and determinedly.

Rikka gagged instinctively, the independent action forcing the intrusion further down his throat. Still, he didn't pull away. He maintained unbroken eye contact with Dai in an effort to communicate wordlessly. With his sparkling eyes alone, Rikka encouraged Dai to continue, to let go, to come undone when it was just another secret shared between the both of them.

Dai responded to the implicit encouragement with renewed vigor. He thrust relentlessly into the smaller's mouth. Frantically chasing after his impending orgasm, he cursed and groaned with every pleasurable thrust.

As he approached a most satisfying end, Dai pulled out of Rikka's mouth. Just as he began to pump his saliva coated cock with shaking hands, a pair of smaller, more confident hands replaced his own.

It didn't take much effort, a couple of tugs and practiced strokes, before he was coming undone right in front of Rikka's appreciative eyes. 

In a matter of seconds, Rikka's entire face and some of his hair was decorated in thick ropes of milky white. In that same time frame, no longer influenced by his sexual instinct, Dai scrambled to find a tissue.

"Fuck. I shouldn't have…"

Rikka chuckled, finding it amusing to think that Dai was probably the only person who would get so flustered and disheveled immediately following generous head from his attractive bandmate.

He located a tissue in record time, taking the liberty of gently cleaning the mess from Rikka's face. The gesture was oddly heartwarming, adding to the growing list of secrets and moments they now shared.

"How do you feel?" Rikka questioned once his face and hair had been cleaned.

"I feel amazing."

Rikka smiled as Dai continued.

"I hope that we can continue this and…" A shy expression graced his features, "... I'm looking forward to getting to know you better. And getting a chance to grow together as we continue our journey as members of SolidS."

Rikka nodded in response.

Dai still had a significant amount of growth to attain in his lifetime. Rikka did as well, evidenced by the success he yearned to achieve. And if they were destined to go through life together for the next however many years, it only made sense for them to unabashedly stand side by side.

"I'm excited to see what the future holds."

"Me too." Dai spoke, quickly averting his eyes from Rikka's. If he stared too long, he knew he would never want to look away, never want to have to suppress every intriguing possibility. "I should probably go to my room now."

Rikka nodded slowly, eternally grateful that the terms of their arrangement were well understood. No matter how they felt about each other, no matter what they desired, there still exist important boundaries too detrimental to cross.

"That's probably a good idea."

"Thank you. For allowing me to share something special with you today," Dai murmured as he made his way to the door.

He didn't specify which 'something' he was extending gratitude for. Rikka didn't ask for clarification.

"You're welcome," He spoke just before he was left alone with his thoughts and feelings.

Motivated by the prospect of a promising future, Rikka retrieved his hidden pills. Though the pills still embodied the existential despair of wasted potential, Rikka held them in his hand with unwavering determination.

He forcibly brought the pills to his mouth, valiantly fighting against the weight of guilt and regret as aftereffects.

He swallowed them with a heavy heart, mourning a life he never knew or got a chance to love.

He wondered, as he rightfully should, if his bond with Dai would no longer culminate as strongly once their baby ceased to exist.

He sat on his bed, pondering the consequences of his conscious decisions, as his eyes filled with tears. His vision blurred his pleasant surroundings, symbolic of the blurred barrier between immoral and moral decisions.

Although the boundaries between right and wrong could never be demolished, a willful person's constitution could be strong enough to realign the rigid bounds.

Rikka attributed his strengthening physical connection with Dai and his advocacy for the desired outcomes of the future as tangible justifications for his amended resolutions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this chapter was definitely a roller coaster with the abortion and Dai and Rikka’s relationship. I hadn't initially planned on them working out a 'bandmates with benefits' sort of deal but lo and behold, that's exactly what happened. Thanks for reading.


	7. Chapter 7

The first time Rikka heard their sanguine tune broadcast across multimedia, he was intoxicated by a passionate embrace ablaze with fervent arousal. 

The music filled the electrified air of Dai's room, intermingling with the pulsating of inexhaustible sexual energy. 

Rikka threw his head back, mouth agape on the cusp of a soundless scream, as he masterfully circled his hips to an effervescent rhythm. Dai's hands roamed the expanse of the man's energetic body, his mouth cautiously exploring each tantalizingly exposed nipple.

Rikka gasped when Dai's hot mouth latched onto the erect pink buds, sensitive to an unrestrained fault. He rode Dai with heightened fervor, coming undone to the conclusion of their familiar song.

Dai released his own pent up excitement with a grunt, filling the condom with every last drop reminiscent of another shared encounter with Rikka. His relationship with whom had transitioned into a phase of extensive exploration over the past few weeks.

Dai had extended unconditional support for Rikka dealing with the emotional aftermath of his confidential abortion. As Rikka had gifted Dai with equivocal support pertaining to lingering insecurities. No longer fighting a losing battle against primal instincts, they gravitated towards each other. Safely hidden away in protective isolation. 

Still buried snugly inside of Rikka, Dai reached a blind hand for his phone. He silenced the contemporary music blaring from its compact speakers.

"Can you believe it? They're playing our song on the radio."

"It's shocking to hear." Rikka mused, wrapping his arms around Dai's neck before placing a quick kiss on his lips.

Dai's response was lost in the suddenness of Rikka's kiss.

The pink haired man chuckled. "You don't have to be surprised every time I kiss you."

"I know. But…" The notion of having to sneak around and hide behind a monumental facade was inauspicious albeit unavoidable. Dai was still processing the potential impact of such an unstable promise. "...it feels odd to sneak around."

Rikka nodded his head. "It does. But as it stands, this is all we can do."

Dai nodded thoughtfully and Rikka smiled encouragingly. 

The members of SolidS were strengthening their budding relationships every day and Dai's relationship with Rikka continued to blossom correlatively. _ Despite _ the external constraints that prevented it from developing wholly.

"Come on, let's get dressed. Tsubasa will be back soon." Rikka spoke, vigilant of their accompanying responsibilities.

Dai nodded, also cognizant of the late afternoon hour. 

Rikka consequently climbed off of Dai's lap, drawing their intimate moment to its inevitable close, and navigated through the younger's room with casual ease.

He situated himself in front of the framed wall mirror hung vertically above Dai's clothes dresser. Too concerned with grooming his collarbone length hair into an acceptable state, Rikka didn't notice the subtle implications of wandering eyes right away.

Once his hair was restored to its prior elegant style, his eyes met Dai's through the mirror's reflective surface. Disclosed details emerged, highlighting the blue eyes widening in surprise before averting in mortification. A faint blush subsequently reddened Dai's face.

"S-sorry. I didn't mean to stare."

"Hm." Rikka hummed in amusement, facing the flustered boy directly. "Is something wrong?"

Dai shook his head, eyes fixating on anything but Rikka's flawless naked body. There wasn't much time for further distraction, not if they wanted to greet Tsubasa in an unostentatious manner. 

Dai persistently avoided Rikka's gaze when he spoke. "No. There's just…"

"Just what?" Rikka prompted.

"...something about you that's different."

"Is that a bad thing?" Rikka couldn't help himself when he gave in to the sudden urge to cross his arms tentatively around his body

Desperate to clear any misunderstandings, Dai spoke in a hurried rush. "No. You've just been more beautiful lately. Your body is glowing."

Rikka grew bashful under the praise, dressing in an unimposing manner. “I’ve actually been gaining a little weight lately.” 

A rapidly changing body was not a suitable ordeal for a working model nor an emerging idol. He’d been dealing with the delicate matter privately, convinced the changes constituted a simple hormonal byproduct of terminating his pregnancy. Up until that point, he’d been desperately hoping to remedy the situation before someone noticed anything amiss.

Intuitively decoding Rikka’s complex feelings surrounding the sensitive topic, Dai offered a perpetually valued opinion and satisfyingly wholesome advice.

“For what it’s worth, I think you look stunning.”

Rikka smiled, murmuring a quiet, “Thank you.”

“But if it really bothers you, maybe we can go to the gym together or go jogging or...whatever you want to do. But you don’t have to if you don’t want to...” Dai met Rikka’s gaze shyly when his nervous rambling became apparent.

Rikka giggled in response. 

Dai didn’t often stutter or stumble over his words when he was around anyone besides Rikka. Being in the presence of the man he admired devotedly brought forth his own resilient vulnerability. Exposing one’s vulnerabilities to someone they respected was a troublesome and embarrassing feat.

“That sounds nice, actually. I would love to have an excuse to spend more time with you.” He and Dai still had plenty to learn about each other, plenty of opportunities to contribute in helping strengthen the common bond of their idol group. The development of meaningful relationships needn’t be rushed.

Before Dai had a chance to respond, though the delighted expression on his face alluded to his anticipated response, a familiarly cheerful voice was heard resonantly throughout the dorm.

“Oi, is anyone home?”

In a swift and precise motion, Dai slipped a shirt over his naked torso. At the same time, Rikka hurriedly scanned the room for any visible traces of their recent escapade. They’d miscalculated Tsubasa’s arrival by a few minutes, somehow still managing to maintain composure when they greeted their bandmate in the living area.

It was only natural to expect the effects of their intimate relationship to intertwine with and influence some aspects of their expressive behavior. Though, by relying on innate charisma, they would hopefully be able to attribute the subtle changes to the variables of normal bonding.

“They’re playing our song on the radio! Can you freaking believe it?” Tsubasa radiated more indomitable energy than usual.

“There’s no need to yell.” Dai spoke calmly, sustaining the steady balance between his reserved personality and Tsubasa’s outgoing personality.

The blonde haired man feigned astonishment. “What do you mean there’s no need? You should be more excited, Dai-chan.”

“I am excited.”

Tsubasa tapped his chin thoughtfully, scrutinizing his younger friend’s demeanor. When he came to some sort of absurd conclusion, his face lit up in understanding. “I see what’s going on here.”

“What?” Dai raised a confused eyebrow. Although he’d known Tsubasa for many years, it hadn’t proven substantial enough to gain insight into his friend’s unique patterns of thinking.

Tsubasa smiled mischievously before replying. “You’re only suppressing your emotions in an effort to appear cool in front of Rikka.”

“What the hell are you going on about?” Dai groaned at the same time Rikka laughed amusingly.

It wasn’t difficult to ascertain Dai’s considerable admiration towards the pink haired beauty. Nor was it difficult for Tsubasa to relentlessly tease his friend because of it. Embarrassed as Dai might be, Rikka found the interaction absolutely adorable.

Only after Tsubasa had completed his affectionate teasing did the atmosphere between the three bandmates noticeably shift.

“You two didn’t have anything scheduled today. I’m so jealous. How did you spend your day off?”

Dai paled in response, grateful that Tsubasa was too engrossed in searching for a snack in the kitchen to notice. Rikka was the only one who did notice. He offered a reassuring gaze in response.

“Hm. We didn’t do much of anything. At this point, we’re just focusing on bonding.” Rikka spoke easily. His words, though vague, were sincere in every possible aspect. He and Dai _ had _ spent the day bonding. Cooking, watching movies, cuddling, talking, listening to music and, of course, having sex. The details of which were better left undisclosed

“Oh,” Tsubasa gasped in excitement. Whether from the prospect of Rikka and Dai getting along or having found something delicious to snack on, no one could be sure. With Tsubasa, nothing was ever explicitly certain. 

When he joined his bandmates to lounge on their couch, a bag of ume norimaki was secured firmly in his hand. He proceeded to share the details of his own day. Professing his difficulties in balancing his university life with his idol life.

"That's on you for choosing both at the same time." Dai bluntly responded. 

Tsubasa blatantly denied any involvement in postulating the idea of overlapping idol work with university work. "It was all Shiki's idea."

"You agreed to it."

"Ah. _ Shit_. I'm going to be so overwhelmed."

"You're being dramatic."

Rikka smiled from his place next to the bantering friends. It was always reassuring to witness the familiar exchange accompanying lifelong friendships. The easy conversation was representative of an ideal situation where all matters were effortless and uncomplicated. A most desirable reality.

"Speaking of Shiki, where is he?" Tsubasa questioned, directing the inquiry to Rikka.

"He's working at Tsukino."

"Is work all he ever does?" Tsubasa asked rhetorically. "Do you know when he'll be done?"

"I think he said he'd be done early today. Why?"

"Since he was too busy to celebrate when we finished recording the song, he has to at least celebrate now that it's being broadcast."

Rikka nodded. "What did you have in mind?"

Tsubasa shrugged. "We could go out to dinner. Maybe go shopping beforehand."

"Shopping and dinner sound nice." Rikka approved enthusiastically.

"Dai-chan, what do you think?"

"Does Shiki even enjoy shopping?"

Tsubasa brushed the notion off with a lighthearted gesture. "Doesn't matter, he needs to take a break from work anyway. I'll text him that we're going out to celebrate tonight."

"Do whatever you want." 

Diverting his attention elsewhere, Tsubasa busied himself on his phone; providing Dai and Rikka with a silent opportunity for private communication.

Rikka's expressive eyes effortlessly captured Dai's. The intensity of his gaze served as a warning of caution. Any inability to publicly uphold their responsibilities as ordinary bandmates would result in irreversible consequences.

Dai nodded, short and quick, though his eyes flickered with stubborn emotions.

Rikka smiled gently, despite unwanted emotions plaguing him as well. The mutual decision, whether adverse or otherwise, to continually share intimate time placed them in a complicated situation. Hence burdening Dai with mature responsibility.

Rikka hadn't considered, neglectfully impacted by his own selfish desires, if Dai was prepared to handle such consequential matters henceforth.

As the most rational and honorable verdict, he concluded to be held solely accountable if the situation were to ever spiral uncontrollably awry. 

Dai didn't deserve to be swept away by a turbulent shitstorm. Not if Rikka was able to protect and shield him from the unpleasant repercussions.

"Woah, Shiki actually agreed!" Tsubasa restored the situation to its previously simplistic state.

"He did?" Dai seemed mildly surprised.

"His exact words were, 'if everyone has already agreed I shouldn't refuse.' Tsubasa's perfect imitation of Shiki's serious deep voice was comical enough to have Rikka _ and _ Dai laughing.

When Shiki arrived at the dorm a short while later, he was greeted by the sight and sounds of his bandmates snickering on the tail end of an inside joke.

"What's funny?"

Tsubasa jumped up and draped a casual arm around Shiki's shoulders. The leader remained unfazed.

"Don't worry about it, _ darling_."

Shiki smiled slightly, having resolved to humor Tsubasa's antics long ago. "Say no more, _ honey_."

Tsubasa transitioned seamlessly from removing his arm around Shiki's shoulders to placing both palms on Shiki's back. He pushed their leader in the direction of the front door, signaling the growing need for their celebratory outing.

"Come on. It's about time you took your family out."

"Family, huh?"

"Yes, yes. We're all a family now. You're the workaholic dad, Rikka's the awesome mom, I'm the coolest big brother, and Dai's the annoying little brother."

"Huh?! How am I the annoying one?"

A teasing chuckle was the only response given. Dai rolled his eyes in exasperation.

On the way out of the building, Tsubasa reached into his back pocket and handed Shiki a shiny set of car keys.

"Here."

"What's this?" The leader was confused.

"The keys to the new company car."

"How did you get them?”

"I asked nicely."

Tsubasa led Shiki and the rest of his bandmates to the parking lot of their high rise dorm building. Surprisingly, a shiny blue car caught their attention. Shiki examined the keys in his hand thoughtfully.

“I haven’t driven in a while.”

“You’ll be fine.” Tsubasa encouraged. “But if you really need me to, I can drive.”

Dai made a blatant noise of disapproval at the prospect of Tsubasa driving. Tsubasa focused his undivided attention on his friend.

“What? I’m not a bad driver.”

“You can never stay in one lane. You switch for no reason.” Dai argued.

“Sounds unpleasant.” Rikka murmured.

“Dai’s just being dramatic because he gets carsick.”

“Only when you’re driving.”

Shiki interjected before Tsubasa could respond, by jingling the car keys and capturing his bandmates’ attention. 

“I’ll drive. Come on.”

“Let’s go!” Tsubasa enthused, sauntering over to the passenger side. Shiki climbed into the driver’s seat, leaving Rikka and Dai to occupy the backseat alone. The car was rather small and the backseat was restrictive as a result. There was little space between the two of them and it was with great surprise that Rikka found that fact to be...distracting.

“Oh, the navigation system looks promising.” Shiki spoke, fiddling with the car’s built in GPS. 

Dai shifted in his seat, aiming for a better view of the front system that was mentioned. The action caused him to brush Rikka’s shoulder, eliciting a short gasp (disguised as a cough) from the pink haired man.

Dai shot an inquisitive gaze in Rikka’s direction. He was met with a reassuring smile in response.

Once Shiki started the car, Rikka looked away from Dai and out of the window. He focused on the changing scenery rather than focusing on being hyper-aware of his close proximity to Dai. There had been numerous situations where he’d been close to the teen since their private arrangement. None of those situations had ever affected him to the point where he was distracted by how good Dai smelled, how attractive he looked, and how desperately he wanted to be touched by him again.

His sudden and intense feelings were confusing, to say the least, and he knew the car ride was sure to be an excruciatingly long one. 

“Rikka, is something wrong?” Dai inquired, attuned to his bandmate’s sudden and strange behavior.

He received a quick shake of the head and a small smile in response. Rikka was too flustered to speak and more preoccupied with ensuring he sat as far from Dai and as close to the door as physically possible. If he suddenly had no control over whatever was happening to his body at the moment, the least he could do was try to minimize his exposure to the source behind his discomfort. 

Evidenced by wistful blue eyes, it was indisputable that Rikka had hurt Dai’s feelings by his actions. Rikka opened his mouth to offer an explanation, to apologize, but quickly closed it once he realized the potential impact of following through. Shiki and Tsubasa would likely ask questions he wouldn’t have answers for and Dai would be placed in the midst of an awkward situation.

Rikka remained silent, his body angled away from Dai, as he fought a silent war raging inside. He struggled to suppress his _ physical _ yearning towards the blue haired man and his inappropriate thoughts centered around the same man. There was nothing Rikka wanted in the world more than to have Dai satiate his sudden hunger and desire.

Lost in his own head, Rikka reorganized every plausible explanation as to why and how he could have found himself in such a predicament. Why did he feel as if his body was completely unbalanced and out of control?

“Shiki, is it okay if I let the window down?” Rikka wondered as he felt his skin heating up. His voice sounded surprisingly unperturbed despite his situation. Though there _ was _ a slight quiver to his tone.

“Fine.” Shiki responded, too focused on driving to notice anything amiss.

Rikka let the window down as he contemplated the plausibility of interpreting his unwanted feelings as another aftereffect of his abortion. Hormonal unrest could result in a myriad of annoying symptoms. He convinced himself he was experiencing just such.

Tsubasa twisted around in his seat to survey the happenings behind him. He focused on Rikka with a slight curious tilt of his head.

“Rikka, are you feeling okay?”

Rikka nodded uncomfortably, forcing a smile simultaneously.

“I’m feeling okay.”

“Hm.” Tsubasa wasn’t convinced. 

Rikka was sure the sight of his flushed skin was not reassuring.

“Do you get carsick like Dai?”

Deciding it would be easier to convince Tsubasa of the fact, he nodded quickly. “Mhm. Sometimes.”

“Here. Hold this.” 

Before Rikka could respond, Tsubasa was thrusting a large yellow plushie into his arms. The pink haired man held the soft plushie in his lap, slightly confused.

“Where did you get this?”

“It was already in the car.”

“What do I do with it?”

“Just holding it will make you feel better.”

“Thank you.”

Rikka would admit that he had his doubts on whether or not a plushie could offer aid for his current situation. He was pleasantly surprised, as time passed, to find that the soft texture of the toy against his skin somehow grounded him back to reality. He was triumphant in the eradication of his distracting thoughts, successful in overcoming the waves of desire that threatened disastrous exposure.

His skin no longer flushed as his body was no longer immediately affected by symptoms of hormonal imbalances.

Retired to a relaxed state of mind, Rikka chanced a glance in Dai’s direction. Unsurprisingly, Dai was pointedly looking in the opposite direction. His demeanor provided Rikka with an unmistakable indication of how he was currently feeling. 

To have someone you cared about avoid you, for whatever reason, must have been disheartening. _ Especially _ when they were in the midst of exploring and experimenting with their relationship.

Rikka resolved to remain silent, deciding it would be best to address the situation privately at a later time.

For fear of his hormones being thrown off kilter again, Rikka also came to the conclusion that it would be wise to keep his distance from Dai during their outing. Simultaneously acknowledging that he was the major contributor in making their complicated relationship seem even _ more _ complicated, Rikka avoided any close interaction. 

“...we can just look at clothes for Dai-chan.” Tsubasa spoke, capturing Rikka’s wandering attention.

They’d recently arrived at their designated shopping area and were discussing their plans henceforth. Which, according to Tsubasa, included watching Dai try on various clothing.

"Me? Why?"

"Clothes look good on former athletes. Come on!"

Dai groaned but allowed Tsubasa to lead him through the throng of shoppers and into the clothing stores. Shiki and Rikka followed, though at a sizable distance from the childhood friends.

"I've been rather busy, lately. I apologize."

"Hm?" Rikka had been unprepared to have Shiki suddenly apologize. Especially during such a relaxed and casual outing. "Don't worry about it."

"I can't help but feel as if I've been negligent as a leader. Has anything happened that you wish to tell me about?"

"Nothing has happened." Rikka responded, genuine in his reasoning. It wouldn't prove beneficial for Shiki to find out about his relationship with Dai_ or _ the pregnancy and abortion.

Shiki nodded slowly, contemplating the honesty behind Rikka's words and his validating stance and subtle gestures.

There wasn't a single doubt in Shiki's mind that Rikka _ believed _ his own words to be true. Whether the words _ themselves _ were factual or legitimate couldn't be discerned. 

"If anything _ does _ happen, don't hesitate to come to me."

"I won't. Thank you." Rikka smiled brightly, his outwardly placid demeanor was executed effortlessly.

If Shiki had noticed any discrepancies in his friend's behavior, he remained mum about the profundity. Rather, he gestured towards their younger bandmates, efficiently diverting the current topic of conversation.

"It seems as if Tsubasa is enjoying himself."

Firmly stationed among various racks of clothes, Tsubasa and Dai had successfully navigated themselves through the store. The older of the two could be seen diligently yanking clothes from the racks and shoving them in his friend’s unsuspecting arms. Dai stumbled a half step back, overwhelmed by the prospect of modeling a seemingly infinite number of outfits.

“Alright,” Tsubasa beamed once satisfied with the chosen haul, “this should be a good place to start.”

“Start?” Dai seemed none too pleased with the idea of having to accommodate Tsubasa’s demands for an extended period of time.

“Sure. But don’t worry, if you get tired we can have Rikka try on clothes," Tsubasa spoke, taking careful notice of the model and the leader's approaching presence. 

"Models look good in everything. Right, Rikka?" He asked once the aforementioned man was in audible range.

Rikka was quick to refuse, hoping his denial would be perceived as humble rather than an expression of self demoralization. 

"I wouldn't say so. We all have our flaws." 

Whether it be physical or mental, emotional or behavioral, imperfections were inconceivable to deny. Rikka simply wished for his own to remain indeterminate as he worked through overcoming them.

Before disappearing into the fitting room, Dai sent a fleeting look in Rikka's direction. It was intended to reassure, though it produced an adverse effect. Rikka averted his gaze, focusing on a random vantage point in the near distance. 

"I think I'm going to browse a little on my own."

"Sure." Shiki acknowledged.

Rikka departed with a quick smile, needing a moment alone to collect his thoughts. As he walked away from his bandmates, he instinctively tugged on the hem of his fashionable turtleneck sweater. Although no one but Dai knew of the existence, Rikka's budding insecurities about his weight were growing steadily. 

Along with the effects of his unruly hormones, Rikka could no longer ignore the physical impact of his spontaneous abortion. His body was changing in unexpected ways, undermining the emotional aftermath he'd already been forced to endure.

With his body and mind in complete opposition, he was forced to speculate if he had any entitlement to involve himself with Dai. To be intimately engaged with the father of a child who no longer existed because of his own decisions.

He chanced a glance back in the direction of the fitting rooms where Dai had recently emerged. The nineteen year old was impeccably styled by Tsubasa in a mid-length charcoal gray trench coat and fitted black slacks. The outfit drew considerable attention to his muscular build and highlighted the expanse of his broad shoulders.

No matter the justification, nothing could stop Rikka from being drawn to the blue haired teen. No amount of reasoning would stop his body from instinctively craving the sensual touch of one such man.

It was a perplexing phenomenon to yearn so strongly for someone whom Rikka felt he shouldn't want to be involved with. 

Before he could comprehend what was happening, he was navigating his way back to his bandmates. Tsubasa acknowledged his returned presence with a smile and a gesture in Dai's direction.

"He looks good, huh?"

Rikka nodded, more eagerly than intended. If Tsubasa noticed, he didn't say anything.

"Yeah. He looks really good."

Dai was unsure how to interpret Rikka's sudden reappearance nor his enthusiastic response. The pink haired man's intentions were proving more challenging to decipher and the mixing of signals was discombobulating.

Dai would stand by his resolve to never press Rikka for information nor inquire relentlessly. But he couldn't help feeling as though Rikka's erratic behavior was resultant of withheld information that could have had a substantial impact on both of their lives.

Strange as it was, Dai couldn't offer a sole justification for why he had such an absurd thought.

"Oh! Do you hear that? They're playing our song!" Tsubasa gestured frantically towards the general direction of the music. The song resonated vibrantly throughout the shop. 

Shiki smiled, pleased to have caught a few passing words of nearby shoppers' praise.

"It's being promoted well."

Rikka nodded joyously and Dai smiled as well.

"I'm so pumped for our performance!" Tsubasa punctuated his statement with a celebratory jump.

Shiki's smile didn't falter even as he spoke, "Save that energy for then."

"Aye, leader."

The day of their first performance was a single short week away. Nervous excitement emanated from each band member by the realization. Fear of the unknown was infinitely unpleasant. But excitement for the future remained irrepressible.

The song eventually reached its conclusion, shifting the focus of attention.

"Alright, Dai. Next outfit." Tsubasa nudged him towards the direction of the fitting rooms. He disappeared inside without a fuss.

"Tsubasa, could we speed this along?" Shiki questioned after catching a glimpse of the large clothes pile Dai was expected to try on.

The blonde waved his hand dismissively. "We just got started. Relax."

"We need to be back at the dorm at a reasonable time. We have the costume check early tomorrow."

Tsubasa rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "We do, don't we?"

Shiki crossed his arms stiffly. "You forgot. Didn't you?"

"No way!" Tsubasa shook his head vehemently. "Though it _ might _ be best to cut this a _ little _ short so we can have dinner."

Dai's infinite number of outfits was downsized to a more modest number. He looked strikingly handsome in each one. Tsubasa offered, no _ insisted, _on buying him a couple of the outfits that complimented his looks best.

Tsubasa also insisted on buying a few things for himself without even trying them on. 

When Rikka wandered into the houseware section, Tsubasa offered unwavering support for his decision to purchase beautiful porcelain dessert plates.

Shiki and Dai kept their distance, allotting Tsubasa and Rikka with ample opportunity to enjoy their shopping excursion to the fullest.

Towards the end of the shopping trip, Rikka felt more at ease. Though the distance between himself and Dai remained throughout dinner. 

Rikka and Dai spoke very little to each other as they ate. Not because they didn't want to communicate but because anything they needed to say was better left as a private discussion.

Tsubasa made a playful joke about them not speaking and Shiki appeared to be nonplussed either way. 

Rikka’s desire to clear any misunderstandings with Dai remained prevalent throughout dinner. He was only rewarded with the opportunity to do so long after they'd left the restaurant and returned to the dorm.

Shiki, Tsubasa, and Dai had all retired to their bedrooms later that night. Rikka had just retired to his, after a long relaxing shower, when he sent Dai a simple text.

_ Are you asleep? _

It was challenging to accept that if he and Dai ever had personal matters to address, they wouldn't get the opportunity unless the dorm was empty or its co-occupants were asleep.

Rikka never received a response, although it was evident the message had been opened and read. He sent a follow-up question.

_ Can we talk? _

Dai _ did _ send a response, albeit not one Rikka had been expecting.

_Thought you were avoiding me. _

_Dai… _

_I'm confused… _

_I'll try to explain _

_Fine. I'll come to your room. _

A few moments later, a knock sounded on Rikka's door. He opened it quickly, revealing a confused and slightly irritated Dai.

Once the door was shut behind him, the taller spoke. "If you want to call this off, then tell me. Don't just have sex with me and then act like you want nothing to do with me a couple of hours later."

"Dai…"

He sighed. "I'm sorry, Rikka. That was very blunt of me."

Rikka shook his head, smiling gently. "No, I'm completely at fault. I shouldn't lead you on when I'm so unsure."

"Unsure of what?"

"My body, my mind, everything really."

Dai huffed in frustration. "I don't understand."

Rikka captured Dai's gaze and faced him with assuredness. The only thing he was unquestionably sure of, he spoke honestly to Dai, "No matter what happens, Dai, nothing will stop me from wanting to be with you."

Dai sighed again, more so out of resignation than frustration. "Now that I have you, I feel selfish. I don't want to have to let you go."

Rikka looked away. The intensity of Dai's gaze was distracting. "It's problematic to get emotionally attached."

"I agree."

"But my body craves to be close to you."

"I see."

"I don't think anything is going to change that. I didn't think I would feel this way after I..." Rikka trailed off. He hadn't expected to feel as connected to Dai after the abortion. To experience unbridled physical desire towards the blue haired man.

He was just as confused as Dai. Neither could rationalize their thoughts and feelings. Neither could draw any sort of conclusion.

Dai placed a gentle hand on Rikka's waist, their eyes met once more. Neither dared look away.

"Do you think I don't feel the same? It doesn't make sense that I want to protect a man I hardly know. I want to be with you more than I've ever wanted to be with anyone. And I don't want you to keep secrets from me."

"I can't-"

"I know you can't tell me. I'm not asking you to. I just want you to know that it hurts when you don't."

Rikka nodded slowly, thoughtfully.

One day, he hoped he could be completely open with Dai. Provide him with the answers he desired and the honesty he deserved. Maybe even then, the strong connection they felt would remain resilient. Like an invisible force incessantly drawing them together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Rikka is very confused. But in the next chapter, he'll become a lot less confused...and Dai will finally gain insight into Rikka's “situation.” Stay tuned.


	8. Chapter 8

“Our next performers are making their rookie debut from Tsukino Productions. Let’s give a warm welcome to SolidS!”

The announcer’s voice resonated throughout the entire room, signaling the onset of their first performance. The walk from the side of the stage to the center was quickly overshadowed by the urgency to locate their starting positions.

The lights were off, bathing the room in heavy darkness whilst shrouding their upcoming performance in a mystical aura. Though sight was proving to be a most unreliable sense, the four of them were able to settle into their designated spots simultaneously. It was reassuring to discover that their relentless practices had yielded indisputable results. 

Their bodies had been conditioned by instinct, to know where to go and what to do, when all other variables seemed ambivalent. 

They could not see the crowd, as they stood assuredly in their respective places. Although they could feel the heavy gazes of innumerable pairs of eyes. 

As customary of any first impression, Rikka, Dai, Shiki, and Tsubasa had but a single opportunity to capture the attention and steal many hearts. The resulting pressure was immense and the consequent nerves were staggering.

Rikka’s heart pounded in his chest, a dizzying intermingle of nerves and adrenaline engulfed his entire being. From that point onward, his entire life would experience monumental change. Whether the change impacted his future negatively or positively would be designated by the outcome of that pivotal performance.

As he stood courageously, anticipating the start of their energetic music, he could sense a strong aura radiating from each of his bandmates. Powerful enough to substantially influence a mass of passive onlookers, their combined presence was magnificently captivating.

Against his better judgment, Rikka smiled to himself. The _ entire _ stage was electrified by the alluring presence of his bandmates. It was comforting, in essence, and duly motivating. 

When his adrenaline reached a transcendent threshold, there was not a doubt in Rikka’s mind that an unforgettable memory would soon be shared and reminisced with the only other people fortunate enough to have lived through the exhilarating experience.

At the onset of the song’s prelude, the climactic moment approached its dominant peak. There was not a single opportunity for contemplation when the luminescent strobe lights ignited the darkened stage. 

Dai, Shiki, Tsubasa, and Rikka looked upon the expectant crowd synchronously. The audience waited for the triumphant climax with bated breath. An audible gasp was heard throughout the crowd when the intensity in the room reached a passionate level.

Shiki fixated piercing eyes onto the audience members, mesmerizing their very souls.

“Here we go.”

**

_Captivating. Extraordinary. Phenomenal. _

The widespread praise after SolidS' performance had been limitless. Tsukino Production’s up and coming idol group had garnered extensive attention, dubbing Takamura Shiki, Murase Dai, Okui Tsubasa, and Sera Rikka as the newest and hottest rookie artists. Loyal fans had already begun to accumulate and attach themselves to the group and its members. Despite being similarly grateful for the positive acknowledgment of their skills and hard work, each member responded to the growing recognition differently.

Tsubasa reveled in the praise while Dai found it tolerable. Rikka was appreciative and Shiki simply accepted it. Each of them was dutifully aware that greater recognition resulted in greater responsibility, highlighting one of the inevitable downsides of fame. 

Although the praise they received was well earned, it remained a necessity to continue improving and promoting their group as often and as much as possible. As had recently been the case, their schedules were overwhelmingly packed with performances, photoshoots, interviews, and practices. The terms of their contracts were fully coming into fruition as they had to remain respectfully dedicated to the group and adhere to its growing demands. 

It had been a miracle that Rikka had found the time to schedule a doctor’s appointment in the midst. Although grateful that his busy schedule had allotted him some free time, his first visit since his abortion left him a nervous wreck. His symptoms had not yet subsided and were proving a minor inconvenience towards his duties as a member of SolidS. With their popularity skyrocketing to epic proportions, Rikka couldn’t afford to have anything holding him back.

He was a five minute walk from the doctor’s office when an unfamiliar voice shouted his name.

“Rikka-san! Sera Rikka!”

He turned towards the direction of the voice. His eyes landing upon a small group of giggling high school girls. They exuded unbridled excitement when he looked their way. 

One of the girls spoke in an excited rush, “It really is you! You’re even more beautiful in person!”

“You’re so cool on stage!” Another girl chimed in.

“Thank you.” Rikka smiled politely. Even though he’d been a model for many years, getting recognized on the street was still rather unfamiliar. Modeling had never been as mainstream as performing so the effects of such were variably different. 

The girls looked at Rikka with such fascination and adoration that it was difficult to turn them down when they begged him to stay and chat.

“I have somewhere I need to be. I’m sorry.” He hurried away before they could utter another word.

Rikka wanted to enjoy fame and recognition to the fullest extent. He wanted nothing more than to have deep and meaningful conversations with the fans to extend gratitude for their support. But at the moment, having to deal with the aftereffects of his abortion and relationship with Dai, he was far too preoccupied.

He reached the doctor’s office in just a few minutes, hurrying inside before anyone else noticed him. Once inside, he received a text from the blue haired teen.

_ Text me when your appointment is over. _

Rikka smiled before replying with a simple, _ Sure_.

It was comforting to know that his and Dai’s relationship hadn’t been affected by SolidS' newfound fame and recognition. In actuality, it remained steadily unchanged. Fame had not compromised the nights they shared nor the kisses they stole. It had not severed the connecting bonds that had drawn them together in the first place.

Rikka continued to maintain a level of trust with Dai that allowed him to be as honest as he _ could _ be. After admitting he was still dealing with personal issues, he was never pressed for further information. Though it had been evident how concerned Dai was when Rikka admitted to scheduling another doctor’s appointment.

Rikka had assured him that the problem would reach a peaceful resolution in due time. Dai seemed unconvinced.

“Sera Rikka.”

He was called into an examination room by a friendly nurse. She completed his basic examination in a quick and precise manner. Rikka blanched when she wrote down his current weight. He’d gained six unmistakable pounds since his last visit. _ Despite _ his diligent self care efforts.

“Can weight gain be a result of having an abortion?”

“Hm. It can be. Many turn to emotional eating as a coping mechanism for their loss.”

“I don’t have any issue with emotional eating. I watch what I eat and workout everyday.” He and Dai have made it a priority to jog every morning before their schedules. Dai’s innate competitiveness had even pushed both of them to work harder, making it impossible for Rikka not to have slimmed down to his previous weight.

“There could be hormonal issues coming into play. It’s best for you to discuss this with the doctor.”

“Alright, thank you.” Rikka murmured. The doctor would surely be able to figure things out and offer a quick and easy solution. Rikka remained optimistic despite a sudden and growing sense of dread gnawing at his insides.

After the nurse had left and the doctor had taken her place, the sense of dread did not dissipate.

“Rikka, what can I do for you today?”

He swallowed audibly before responding, none too pleased with having to describe his irritating symptoms in great detail. Eerily similar to the first visit when he hadn’t the faintest clue he was pregnant, Rikka anxiously awaited a treatable prognosis.

“You took the abortion pills, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Did you experience cramping or bleeding as a result?”

Rikka nodded. “I had cramping and bleeding.”

Soon after he’d taken the pills, his body reacted uncomfortably. Locked away in his room, he’d had to endure every major physical symptom to be expected. Rikka had attributed his unavoidable discomfort to the success of his pregnancy's termination. There wasn’t a reason for him to think otherwise.

“How heavy was the bleeding and how long did it last?”

“It was moderately heavy. It continued for a few hours.” Rikka replied, finding it difficult to have to relive that night. He would stick by his decision to follow through with the abortion regardless, but the agonizing hours where he’d sobbed into Dai’s chest were best left forgotten. The shattering of his heart was better left disregarded.

The doctor asked a few more personal questions. Each inquiry conjured a painful repressed memory. And each of his answers left the doctor more bewildered. Finally, Rikka was asked the most important question thus far. The only inquiry that instigated a shocking realization.

“Rikka, do you remember when I told you the pill was 97% effective?”

Rikka nodded. Of course, he remembered. The odds were incredibly compelling. 

The doctor steered Rikka towards a narrow path of knowledge and understanding. “Consequently, the pill has a 3% chance of being ineffective. Cramping and bleeding, in and of themselves, do not constitute a successful abortion.”

The pieces of the puzzle connecting a much bigger picture came together all at once. The symptoms Rikka had continually been experiencing had not been byproducts of his abortion. His unruly hormones, his unbreakable connection to Dai, everything pointed to one earth shattering fact.

“I’m still pregnant?!" He squeaked.

“It appears so,” was the given response.

“I can’t be. I…” Rikka trailed off as every plausible scenario careened into him at once. The impact resulted in overwhelming tears filling his gentle eyes. The ruination of his career and life was an undeniable and sinister threat. The external consequences would render him utterly defenseless if he couldn’t figure out another solution.

“We’ll need to do an ultrasound to be sure. But if you do turn out to still be expecting, we’ll be forced to consider surgical abortion.”

“Another abortion?" Did he even have the mental capacity to endure another attempt at stealing his child’s life? Every moment Rikka had cried and mourned his loss, the baby had been _ right _ there. Every moment he spent with Dai, intimate or otherwise, the baby had been present all along. Their first performance, their schedules, practices and lessons, _ everything_.

The baby had been resilient enough to stick by Rikka throughout, strong enough to help strengthen the bond between its parents. How could an invincible creature ever be forced into oblivion? 

Once instructed, Rikka walked on unsteady legs to the ultrasound room. He laid on the examination table as requested and lifted his shirt. He couldn’t help but laugh bitterly at the absurdity of the situation when the screen lit up with the unmistakable form of a _ baby_. A baby who had transformed from a once humanoid _ fetus._

His laughs turned into heavy choking sobs. Tears streamed endlessly down his face as he watched the human inside of him display viable signs of life.

“You look to be about fourteen weeks. The baby is healthy and growing as expected. Do you want to know the gender?” The technician questioned.

From the time he’d found out he was pregnant, Rikka had never considered what gender the baby would eventually be. He never thought it would even _ matter_. All he wanted to know, the only essential factor that had yet to be decided, was how he was supposed to handle the complicated situation. 

How could he possibly follow through with another abortion after seeing how innocent, alive, and _ human _ the baby looked? But if he didn’t follow through, his career, SolidS, and Dai would suffer immeasurable consequences.

“How about a picture?” The technician asked gently after realizing how emotional the pregnant man was.

Rikka didn’t have time to think before he was blurting out an emotional, “Y-yes. Please.”

If he was left with no other option but to attempt another abortion, he wanted to at least have an opportunity to vividly remember the valiant little baby that he and Dai created.

When the appointment was complete, he left the office with a heavy heart, a hidden ultrasound picture, and a written date and time documenting his upcoming surgery.

**

The dorm was empty when he returned. The silence a deafening roar in his ears as he made his way to his room. He crawled into bed, curling into himself as he cried into his pillow. His phone pinged at the same time he retrieved his ultrasound picture.

He ignored the chime, instinctively knowing that Dai was the sender. Rikka wasn’t ready to speak with Dai, not after realizing that he still carried their baby. Not after coming to the realization that the anguish he felt was neverending. Dai didn’t need to comfort Rikka in another broken state. He didn’t deserve to have that overwhelming burden.

Rikka traced the picture with a gentle finger. He highlighted all of the baby’s prominent features. The ears, nose, and mouth were all perfectly aligned. Three and a half inches in length and one and a half ounces in weight, he had been told it was roughly the size of a peach.

He placed a hand on his stomach, wiping away more tears. “The bigger you get, the bigger I get. That’s how it works, huh?”

Rikka sat up slowly, observing his stomach from a different vantage point. It didn’t stick out as prominently as he feared, though the weight gain_ was _ somewhat evident. If Rikka didn’t resolve the problem quickly, the scrutinizing public would begin to notice. _ Dai _ would begin to notice, more than he already did.

Rikka's phone pinged a few more times, drawing his attention, as he finally leaned over to retrieve it. As expected, he saw that he had a couple of unread messages from Dai. Further investigation revealed messages from Shiki and Tsubasa as well. He opened the first message from Shiki.

_ We need to sit down and talk. I won’t accept any objections. _

Rikka reread Shiki’s message a few times, confused by its sharp brevity. It wasn’t until he opened Tsubasa’s message that things started to make sense.

_ Fans saw you leaving the doctor’s office. You looked really distressed. Are you okay? _

Attached at the end of the message was a link to someone’s social media page. The person had documented a sighting of Rikka just a little while ago. The picture had been taken at the exact moment he stepped out of the doctor’s office. Though he had stopped crying at that point, his saddened eyes were tinged red and his shoulders were hunched forward in defeat. The picture perfectly captured the epitome of his broken essence.

When he’d been too wrapped up in his own thoughts, he hadn’t even considered the fact that someone could have seen and documented his vulnerable condition. As a newbie group still settling in the spotlight, damage control would have to be done before any destructive inaccuracies were derived from that single photo.

That was the only plausible reasoning for Shiki demanding they sit together and work something out.

Rikka eventually opened three messages from Dai, tears welling in his eyes once again.

_ Is the appointment over? _

_ Please, you can talk to me. Whatever it is. Even if I can’t do anything about it I can still listen and offer support. _

_ Rikka… _

“Dai.” He whispered.

Dai was the only one who could offer support for the situation. The only person in the world who was entitled to and capable of sharing Rikka’s burden. The baby had not been and never would be Rikka’s alone. Sitting in bed, exhausted tears streaming down his face and a precious sonogram enclosed tightly in his hand, he couldn’t conceptualize why he had supported the idea of making every decision alone.

The fact remained that Dai was only nineteen years old. But it wouldn’t remain that way for much longer. As he grew older and more mature, Dai was fully capable of making his own decisions and being held accountable for the consequences.

As an intelligent young man raised by a respectable family, he was not ignorant about the harsh and unpleasant realities of the world. Nor was he blind to the biases and prejudices that plagued society. Well equipped to deal with life’s unfortunate circumstances, he could handle his responsibilities accordingly. If only Rikka would give him the opportunity. 

With unsteady hands and an erratically beating heart, Rikka sent a long overdue message to Dai.

_I have something to tell you. _

_What is it? _

_I can’t say over the phone. I need to speak with you in person. _

_I’ll be back late tonight. _

_I’ll wait up for you. _

_Okay...I’m here for you. _

_I know. Thank you. _

Rikka couldn't deny how nervous he was to tell Dai the news. There was no way of predicting how he would react to the pregnancy nor how he would react after Rikka admitted he'd already attempted abortion.

If Rikka was going to be honest with Dai, he needed to tell the nineteen year old everything that had been kept secret. Leading up to the fact, nothing could prepare Rikka for instigating such a difficult and personal conversation.

It was best not to stress about the inevitable. It was better to focus on one problem at a time.

The next message he sent was for Tsubasa. He ended up having to convince the blonde for a good few minutes that he _ was _ okay and did _ not _ have any life threatening medical condition.

The last message he sent was for Shiki. Their leader who was likely beside himself trying to ensure false rumors surrounding Rikka’s doctor visit weren’t swirling around the net. From that point onward, Rikka would have to be even more careful when dealing with pregnancy related or any personal matters. He was expecting a very thorough lecture from Shiki consequently.

_ You’re right. I won’t object. _

_ I’ll be back in the next couple of hours. We’ll talk then. _

A couple of hours didn’t give Rikka much time to compose himself nor sort through which information could or could not be shared during the discussion. No amount of reasoning was compelling enough for Rikka to decide to tell Shiki the truth. He would only tell their leader what was directly applicable and leave any further details unspecified.

A long time passed before Rikka found the motivation to leave his bed. Many things were happening at once and he was unconvinced there was enough time in the day to process it all. Sobbing in bed would do him no good. It wouldn’t improve his situation nor provide him with a feasible solution.

He made his way to the bathroom, rubbing against his puffy red eyes. He splashed cold water on his face before he dared to look at himself in the mirror. He looked distressed, understandably so, the look in his somber eyes hinting that he was in the midst of processing concerning news. Past the obvious physical changes, the red eyes and disconcerting frown, he noticed more subtle differences about his appearance.

His face was slightly rounder than usual, gradually softening his striking features. His light complexion was completely clear and unblemished, bright and beautiful. He gathered a long strand of his hair, twisting it between his fingers and examining it closely. Its length had extended considerably past a specific point. He followed the strand to the root, noting the expanded thickness as well.

He took a few cautious steps back from the mirror until the entire upper half of his torso was visible. He turned to the side, grasping the hem of his shirt with unsteady hands. He lifted it on the exhale of a deep breath, examining his figure in the mirror simultaneously. A gasp was caught in his throat.

He hadn’t noticed it before, hadn’t even _ looked _ for it before. But knowing there was a baby still inside, the tiny bump was now unmistakably visible from a lateral vantage point. 

He yanked his shirt down quickly, hiding the disconcerting bump. It had been more of an emotional ordeal to acknowledge his bump than he’d ever imagined.

Needing to occupy his mind with something simple and unrelated to the baby, he made his way into the kitchen. He aimlessly searched through the pantry cabinets and fridge for a random assortment of ingredients before he’d even decided what to cook.

He stared thoughtfully at the recently retrieved ingredients laid in front of him.

“I could make some kind of dessert.” He murmured aloud, weighing his options equally. “Maybe they’d appreciate something French. That would be a nice change, hm?”

Rikka had just finished the beginning preparations for a simple French pastry when he was hit with a confounding realization. He’d been speaking comfortably and conversationally to the baby. Speaking as easily as if a visible person had been occupying the kitchen alongside him.

“No, Rikka, you can’t.” He berated himself aloud. If he made it a habit to associate with the baby, centering his thoughts on the child often, he would grow emotionally attached. If he was too emotionally attached, it would be that much harder to follow through with the abortion. Infinitely harder than it had been the first time he tried.

The most important thing he needed to focus on, aside from his impending discussion with Shiki, was explaining the entire situation to Dai. Once that was done, he would have someone to accompany him and offer insightful support during the abortion. When the abortion was complete, he and Dai would move on together. It would be foolish and unnecessary to overcomplicate the situation.

Instead, Rikka focused all of his attention on the task at hand. He busied himself with mixing ingredients and _ not _ allowing his thoughts to wander towards the baby. He was successful in his efforts and had composed himself to an acceptable degree by the time Shiki had returned.

“I’m home.” Shiki spoke as Rikka removed his pastries from the oven.

“Welcome home.”

“How are you feeling?” The leader wondered. 

Rikka sent a smile in his direction and replied honestly.“Much better.”

“Good.” Shiki gestured towards the dining table not far from where they stood. Rikka interpreted the implication before Shiki even spoke. “We should talk now.”

“Sure.” Rikka sustained his smile even as he suffered the internal impact of emergent nerves.

He and Shiki sat across from each other at the table, Rikka using every ounce of self control not to divert from the seriously lingering gaze. 

“First off, I need to make sure you’re healthy and capable of adhering to the demands of the contract.”

“I am.” Rikka responded. Until his scheduled abortion was complete, he didn’t anticipate his pregnancy posing any serious complications that would prevent him from fulfilling his duties as a member of SolidS.

“If that changes at _ any _ time, you need to let me know. Is that understood?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Shiki transitioned into the next topic of interest, drawing attention to Rikka’s negligence. “I suspect you understand the implications of our rising popularity. You are more visible to the public and more susceptible to being taken advantage of. You need to be more careful about how you present yourself, where you go in your free time, and what you do with that time. There needn’t be any suspicions surrounding your actions.”

“I was careless and made a mistake. It won’t happen again.” He wouldn’t allow himself to get distracted to the point of disregarding how he presented himself to the public. The next time he visited the doctor, he would take precautionary measures to ensure a discreet entrance and exit. He wouldn’t draw any suspicion to his behavior.

“Alright.” Shiki nodded, seemingly pleased with Rikka’s response. “Now, would you like to explain to me what happened? You’ve been in the entertainment industry for a long time. What could have shaken you out of your usual composure?”

There were a million things Rikka could have said. A million different ways to reorganize his thoughts into words. The only thing he did say was, “It’s personal.”

“Personal? Do you realize how much effort it takes to ensure these incidents don’t cause scandals and wind up as tabloid articles?”

“I apologize for my temporary lapse in judgement but this matter is not up for discussion.”

“Rikka…” Shiki massaged his temples in exasperation. 

“I’m sorry, Shiki, but this matter will be resolved quickly without a need for intervention.” It was as far as Rikka could extend his honesty. Anything beyond that would delve into details he was not willing to share. At least not with someone who had no direct association with the issue.

Shiki was a dear friend and a _ close _ friend. An exceptional leader by and large. But nothing could disregard the fact that he had no entitlement in regards to Rikka’s child.

“This issue of yours cannot cause problems for the band.”

“I know.” Rikka knew how much effort Shiki had put into their unit and would never do anything to tarnish its reputation. “It won’t cause problems.”

“How can I be sure if I don’t even know what the issue is?”

“You just have to trust me.”

Shiki sighed in frustration. "I do trust you. But I refuse to take any chances.”

“I’m sorry.” Rikka apologized again. Yet he remained firm in his decision not to reveal his secret to Shiki. “But this is none of your concern.”

“Damn it. If it affects the band it _ is _ my concern!”

Rikka sighed, standing up from the table at the same time. He understood the awkward position Shiki was in, teetering on the line between close friend and strict leader, but he could offer no consolation to make things easier. 

“I believe this discussion is over. I’ll be in my room.” 

Rikka heard Shiki curse in frustration as he retreated to his bedroom. Once safely behind closed doors, Rikka let out a long weary sigh. The discussion could have gone more smoothly if it had been steered in another direction. As it currently stood, the only plausible solution to the entire ordeal was for Rikka to follow through with the surgical abortion.

There was no other way around it. Not when his pregnancy was already causing problems for people other than himself.

Rikka cursed to himself and raked exasperated hands through his hair. No matter what perspective he viewed, he arrived at the same conclusion.

Dai _ needed _ to know the truth to help ensure that the situation did not spiral irreversibly out of control.

**

Rikka was struggling to stay awake when he received the first nerve-racking text from Dai.

_ We’re on our way back. _

Suddenly aware of how little time remained before he would have to face the father of his baby, Rikka was on high alert. He sat up in bed and ran a tired hand over his face. His emotional exhaustion was definitive, following the events of the day, but he was too apprehensive to entertain the idea of restful sleep.

He struggled to type out a response, his nerves were nearly immobilizing. 

_ You can come to my room when you get here. _

After his discussion with Shiki, Rikka hadn’t been able to think about anything but telling Dai the truth. He’d planned out what he was going to say, how he was going to say it, and where best to have the conversation. Taking into account all possible outcomes, he came to the conclusion that his bedroom would prove most resourceful for a multitude of reasons. 

If Dai was not receptive to the news or needed time to process it alone, he would have ample opportunity to retreat to his own room. On the other hand, if he _ was _ receptive to the news and requested more details about the baby, the sonogram would be in easy reach. 

The progression of time was interminable as Rikka anticipated the inevitable knock on his door. He drew his knees to his chest as the minutes ticked by. With nothing to do but wait, Rikka didn’t move a muscle. He was left alone with his thoughts as the critical moment drew near.

When a knock on his door finally resounded throughout the room, it was hardly comparable to the thunderous pounding of his heart. He hurriedly rushed to the door, knowing he needed to blurt out the truth before his cowardice prevented him from following through.

Dai stood on the other side, still dressed in a sweatshirt and shorts from his joint dance lesson with Tsubasa, when Rikka flung open the door.

He was taken aback, it seemed, by how flustered Rikka looked.

“How was your lesson?” Rikka questioned, willing his heart rate to return to normal.

“Fine. I was nervous thinking about what you had to tell me.”

“Well, I’m nervous to tell you.” Rikka responded with a barely concealed quiver in his voice.

Dai shut the door behind him when Rikka started walking back to his bed. The older of the two gestured for the younger to join him.

“We should sit.”

The nineteen year old gave a short nod in response.

When both of them were seated, Rikka spoke. The quiver in his voice remained. “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to say.”

Dai faced the anxious man, extending a supportive hand. He hadn’t the faintest clue what could have caused Rikka to struggle with his words. His own nerves jittered restlessly.

Rikka accepted the offered hand, his smaller one fitting into Dai’s larger grasp. He didn’t meet the blue haired’s eyes right away, embarrassed by the sudden tears that welled up in his own.

“I shouldn’t have kept this from you. I’m so sorry.” Rikka’s tears began to pour down his face. An endless stream of guilt and sorrow haphazardly intermixed.

“Rikka, what is it?” Dai hated seeing Rikka cry. His heart twisted painfully each time he bore witness. 

Rikka looked straight into Dai’s sapphire eyes. His gaze was unwavering despite the tears that made the situation appear hazy. He spoke only when he was certain his voice would not quiver.

“Dai, I’m pregnant.” 

An unsettling pause hurtled the room into a deafening silence. 

Dai searched Rikka’s eyes for any indication that the words he’d spoken held no real significance. The desperate search proved futile as he was met with nothing short of genuineness and honesty behind rose gold orbs. Once he’d acknowledged the authenticity of pronounced words, his blue eyes flickered behind the intensity of his racing thoughts and raging emotions.

When he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper. “W-what?”

“I’m pregnant.” Rikka wiped away emotional tears only for them to be quickly replenished. “The baby is...yours.”

Dai averted his gaze and removed his hand from Rikka’s. The older man tried his best not to feel hurt by the action.

“How far along are you?” 

Rikka hesitated before responding. Once Dai was able to estimate the date of conception, he would realize how long the pregnancy had been kept a secret. When the silence dragged on for much too long, the question was repeated. Knowing an answer and explanation were rightfully in demand, Rikka spoke.

“Fourteen weeks.”

“_Fuck_.” Dai cursed, running a hand over his face. “How long have you known?”

It was Rikka’s turn to avert his gaze. Feeling guiltier and more ashamed as the truth painted a startling picture.

“I found out during the eighth week. But…”

“But what?” Dai pressed. The request sounding much harsher than intended.

Rikka’s eyes found Dai’s once again. A slew of unreadable emotions made the blue eyes appear more intense.

“I attempted to have an abortion and it failed. I just found out today that the baby is alive and healthy.”

Rikka startled when Dai abruptly stood. He expected the teen to storm out of the room, sorting through his own emotional unrest. He mentally prepared himself to be left alone, sobbing in anguish for no one to hear. 

Despite Rikka’s expectant fears, Dai did not leave. He didn’t seek an easy escape route nor a way to retreat from his responsibilities. Rather, he stayed firmly near the bearer of his child while he endured his most pervasive thoughts.

“Why didn’t you tell me in the beginning?” Though not angry, Dai’s voice was demanding and uncompromising.

“I didn’t want you to feel burdened. You’re only nineteen.” Rikka spoke softly as he watched Dai vigorously pace the room.

"This baby is just as much mine as it is yours, right?” The intensity of his words matched the intensity of his emotions.

Rikka nodded.

“So how is it fair that you’re the only one who gets to make these decisions?”

Rikka remained silent. Dai was absolutely right. It wasn’t fair for Rikka to be the only one making decisions that would impact Dai and the baby. He had come to the realization much later than he should have. Though it felt liberating to acknowledge that a weight was lifted from his shoulders.

Dai _ knew. _

Dai finally knew and Rikka didn’t have to go through the situation alone.

Just as abruptly as he stood, Dai sat down. He slowly placed his heavy head into his hands. Rikka allowed him the time to process the impact of the news. He allowed him the silence to ruminate over the consequences of the pregnancy and the inevitable outcomes resulting.

When he reached the same conclusion that Rikka had pondered long ago, once he uncovered the same disheartening truth, Dai’s shoulders began to shake with heavy sobs. Rikka rubbed soothing circles into his back, offering reassuring comfort to the one who currently needed it the most.

Dai had never cried in front of Rikka before. It made the situation seem all the more devastating. 

When the teen finally spoke, his voice broke. “If you have the baby then SolidS could be ruined.”

Rikka nodded though Dai couldn’t see. He wiped his eyes again before responding. “I can’t do that to Tsubasa and Shiki. I can’t do that to _ you_.”

“Rikka…” Dai removed his head from his hands, his eyes were glassy. “I don’t want you to have an abortion.”

“I don’t think I want to either. But what choice do I have? We’re not ready to be parents. We can’t be.”

“We can figure something out.”

“Dai.” Rikka smiled a sad smile. The situation was incredibly unfortunate. “We’re both males. This situation isn’t right.”

“Why can’t it be right?”

Rikka didn’t have an answer of course. 

“I don't know.”

Dai focused his attention on Rikka, his sad blue eyes navigating their way towards his hidden stomach. He looked sheepish when he next spoke, “Can I see it?”

Rikka smiled and nodded. He allowed Dai to lift up his shirt and place his large hand on his belly. He’d caressed and kissed Rikka’s body many times. But he’d never had the opportunity to caress and kiss their baby.

“It’s weird when you know there’s a baby in there, isn’t it?”

Dai grunted in the affirmative, too compelled by the subtle curve of Rikka’s stomach to speak.

“Everything must make sense now.” Their unexplainable connection...their unwavering desire to comfort and protect the other...“I’m sorry I kept you in the dark.”

“You were placed in an awkward position. I’m not mad.”

Despite the circumstances, Rikka smiled happily. He’d been so afraid to tell Dai the truth without any justifiable reason. As expected, Dai was willing to deal with the situation responsibly and rightfully share the overloaded burden with Rikka.

“Do you want to see the sonogram?” He wondered as they basked in a well deserved peaceful moment.

“Yeah.” Dai nodded, his hand still caressing Rikka’s stomach.

He didn’t have to reach far to retrieve the picture. Not a moment later, Dai was seeing their baby for the first time. It was clear that the picture overwhelmed him with positive emotion, evidenced by the large smile and twinkling eyes that softened his features.

“Wow. It’s really ours?”

Rikka nodded. 

The moment was bittersweet, as Dai acquaintanced himself with their baby, since it was likely he would never get a chance to watch it grow. Nor would he ever get a chance to caress the baby outside its home in Rikka’s stomach.

He knew, just as well as Rikka, that the impact of having a baby would be too great for them to handle. It wouldn’t hurt to imagine, just for a little while, what could have been if the circumstances were different.

“Do you think we could have been good parents?”

“Yeah,” Rikka responded honestly and without hesitation. “I think we could have been great parents.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that the chapter was so long but Dai finally knows. Did you all expect him to react the way he did? Thanks for reading.


	9. Chapter 9

“Sera Rikka-san? Are you ready?”

A nurse entered the waiting room, seeking out the pink haired man with ease. He was accompanied by a taller individual with striking blue hair. They stood simultaneously, hovering incredibly close to the other. 

Rikka approached the nurse, the blue haired remaining by his side instinctively, as apprehension bled into the tone of his voice. “Is it okay for me to be accompanied up until I go into surgery?”

The nurse smiled a friendly smile, gesturing to Dai. “Is he your designated support person?”

“Yes.” Rikka replied.

Since the revelation of his pregnancy, Rikka had overwhelmingly craved the presence of the taller. Too afraid to be separated from his unborn baby, Dai had voluntarily remained firmly by Rikka's side. 

The public had regarded their interactions as nothing more than bandmates bonding and sharing deeper interests. To Rikka and Dai, their interconnectedness delved further beyond the boundaries of harmonious bandmates. 

Until the circumstances were no longer favorable, they were responsible for nurturing the unborn life that resided unmistakably beneath Rikka's own broken heart. Once the effectiveness of their private discussions and the impact of their joint ruminations paved the way for a single feasible option, a painful decision was forced to be made.

They’d reached the agreement together that abortion was the most practical approach. 

Given a final opportunity, they were willing to say their farewells to their child together. To whisper a solemn goodbye on the marginal pretext of merit and responsibility.

"He can stay with you before you're taken to the operating room."

Rikka nodded, turning to search for anything more than pain and heartbreak behind Dai's hardening expression. The emotions were resolute and Rikka's heart consequently shattered into a million more pieces.

"Come on, Dai." He murmured as both of them automatically followed the compassionate nurse. Every so often she attempted to reassure the dispiriting pair with a friendly smile and a kind-hearted gesture.

"It's difficult at first but I promise you'll be able to get through this. I've escorted and coaxed many patients through this surgery."

Neither Rikka nor Dai spoke a word while the subtle differences in their expressions indicated an active process of grievous contemplation.

"It's a simple surgery. You'll be in and out in under an hour."

For the first time in a while, Dai spoke. His voice was clipped and curt. "Simple? Do you actually think it's simple for us to give up our child's life?"

"Dai…" Rikka rested a gentle hand on the taller's shoulder. Whenever he felt passionate about a matter, the teenager was unafraid to express his feelings. Rikka didn't want Dai to lose control of his emotions because of the aforementioned fact. Especially not in the midst of such a sensitive situation.

"A child I've only known about for one _ fucking _ week."

The nurse reeled away from Dai's steely blue eyes. She sputtered out an apology, escorting them to a private room in subsequent silence.

"Please remove all of your jewelry and undress from the waist below. I'll be back shortly." She handed Rikka a clear plastic bag for his discarded belongings and an unflattering hospital gown to wear in the coming hours.

She left quickly after the fact, leaving Dai and Rikka alone. The former of the two sat down with a heavy heart, burying his head in his hands not unlike when he'd first found out about Rikka's pregnancy.

Rikka stood frozen in place, too distraught to move and too afraid to actively contribute to the continuation of an arduous process.

Dai's strained voice filled the small room. "If this is the right thing, why does it feel so wrong?"

"I don't know if it's the right thing. But it's the most practical." Rikka reasoned. The same reasoning he'd used as an excuse to follow through with his first abortion. Back then, as painful as his choice had been, it didn't tug relentlessly on his heart in the exact same way.

"I'm too young to be a dad." Dai spoke so quietly Rikka wasn't sure if he was meant to listen. "But how can I use that as a selfish excuse?"

Rikka forced his body to move under the weight of his emotions. He took a few unsure steps in Dai's direction, placing another gentle hand on the teen's shoulder.

Rikka remained silent as he allowed him the chance to verbally work through his thoughts and feelings.

"This unit is important to me, to _ all _ of us. But isn't our child important too?"

"Of course." Rikka nodded without hesitation. Each life was precious and their child was no exception. However…

"This _ is _ the most practical thing to do. But maybe it's not right to base such an important decision on practicality alone." Dai removed his head from his hands. He captured Rikka's inquisitive gaze with a beseeching one of his own. Rikka was too transfixed to look away.

"Rikka, please don't do this."

"Dai-" Rikka was speechless. Adhering to Dai's request would result in undermining the immoderate effort it had taken to stand in that very room. The magnitude of such a decision could not be assessed spontaneously.

Dai suddenly looked away. Berating his spoken request. 

"I probably sound unreasonable. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. A lot is happening at once."

Dai chuckled dryly, humorlessly. "I don't need to make excuses for wanting to give our child a chance."

Rikka stood his ground vehemently. He needed Dai to be supportive of the decision they both made. He needed Dai to take responsibility for the decision they arrived at _ together_. Not to demoralize the effort it had taken for Rikka to expressively abide by the obligations of emotional honesty.

"A chance for what?! A chance to be ridiculed and scorned? To be regarded with contempt?" The unavoidable truth was that their child would stand to resist every principle deeply rooted in their society. Conceived out of wedlock and fornication, with two young male parents, their child didn't have a defining chance of escaping the world's disabling hostilities.

"A chance to live! A chance to be loved by both of us!"

Rikka didn't respond. His conflicting emotions twisted his gut painfully. He wanted to give their baby another chance at life. He wanted to be responsible enough to embrace his predetermined role as a parent. But at what cost would the exchange commence?

Dai reached hesitantly towards the slender man. Rikka didn't retract from range and was subsequently brought closer into the younger's embrace.

In their current position, with Rikka standing and Dai sitting, the latter was eye level with the treasured representation of budding life. He rested a heavy hand on the hidden bump. Rikka didn't shy away from the touch.

"I couldn't sleep last night." Dai admitted. "I kept thinking about the baby. How it's a part of you and me. How it's our responsibility."

Rikka placed a gentle hand over Dai's own. He remained silent. Preoccupied with the weight of Dai's words, Rikka was utterly speechless.

"It would _ kill _ me, if I couldn't take responsibility for my actions. I want to do my duties as a soon to be father and protect you and the baby at all costs. I promise to."

Rikka finally spoke, instigated by Dai's extraordinary promise. "Are you ready to make such a permanent commitment?"

Dai shook his head slowly, thoughtfully. "I don't think I'll ever be ready. But I'm indisputably willing."

"Do you understand the impact this will have on our lives?"

"Yes." Dai responded resolutely. 

Before him, Rikka saw a frightened man apprehensive about the future. He saw a man who was much too young to be having such an impactful discussion. He saw a man who needed more time to grow and more opportunities to mature. Behind sharp blue eyes, he also witnessed the determination and strength that was predictive of his capacity to wield the disadvantageous conditions alongside his tremendous promise.

It was not a simple feat for Rikka to either agree or disagree with Dai. Not when he was blinded by his own feelings and influenced by detrimental prospects.

He only spoke when he was certain. Certain that Dai's determination would not waver during times of imminent hardships. When they would have no one to lean on but the other, Rikka had to be sure Dai could be dependable.

A man whom he'd known for a few short months was promising to be in his life forever. Even as a split moment or a split _ second _could change the trajectory of their shared path.

Under the guise of reasonings some might call foolish, Rikka trusted those sapphire blue eyes. Honest. Steady. Diligent. Responsible. Rikka hoped their child would inherit such a magnificent gaze.

"We're going to have a lot to work through." Once they figured through the details surrounding the rest of Rikka's pregnancy, they would have to consider the advancement of their careers. They would have to work through the progression of their idol unit if the possibility remained accessible.

On the other hand, they would have to admit their faults to Shiki, Tsubasa, and their management. Valuing honesty with their families above all else whilst simultaneously figuring out ways to maintain a positive relationship steady enough to sustain and nurture their growing child.

"I know." Dai murmured. Since it had been placed on Rikka's belly, his hand had not moved. Even now, he accented his decisions with gentle caresses across the bump.

"We could lose our jobs and our fame."

"Fame comes and goes. Jobs can be replaced."

"Our relationship with Shiki and Tsubasa might never be the same."

Dai smiled sadly as he spoke. "They make a great team. They'll be successful if they have to move on without us."

Rikka caressed Dai's cheek when he noticed the tears gathering in the blue orbs. Acknowledging that he might have to give up everything to be a parent, Dai was understandably emotional.

Having experienced the rewarding excitement that came alongside being an idol, fleeting as it might be, had already provided them with unforgettable memories. Memories that were sure to be treasured as the hands of time progressed onward. 

"I'm not ready for this." Rikka murmured as he felt tears gathering in his own eyes. He was not ready to give up his life before he'd had adequate time to revel in the joys and successes of its remarkable journey.

But Dai was unquestionably right. Their resilient child did deserve a chance to live. Even if its birth would be a product of extraordinary sacrifice. 

The given opportunity to foster and care for an innocent life would be worthwhile. And knowing how passionate Dai was about the baby was reassuring. It allowed Rikka to be certain that their decision would produce advantageous outcomes.

"I'm not either."

"But we are responsible for this baby and every choice we make will have an impact on it." Rikka sucked in a shaky breath, wiping at tearful eyes. Dai had arrived at the appropriate conclusion long before Rikka and it was difficult for the pink haired man to acknowledge his considerable misinterpretations, "I was wrong to ever disregard my responsibilities. The baby should not have to suffer as consequences of my own actions. I will accept my role as this child’s parent and deal with any impending issues as such.”

A rush of emotion opened a floodgate of tears that plunged from Dai’s emotional eyes. He buried his face in Rikka’s stomach, embarrassed to have been so affected by his words. Rikka chuckled consequently, running his hands soothingly through Dai’s short blue hair.

“Are you going to cry this much when the baby’s born?”

“Shut up.” Dai murmured, his voice muffled by Rikka’s shirt and trembling with unconcealed emotion.

His ability to be sensitive and aware of his and others' emotions would allow Dai to be a wonderful father. His humility and selflessness would transfer across his parental duties, benefiting their child tenaciously. 

There wasn't a doubt in Rikka's mind that Dai could fulfill his duties as a parent and protector. Not when his resolve was extraordinarily strong. 

"I think Tsubasa was right," Rikka murmured as he observed Dai wiping his eyes and placing a kiss on his belly.

Dai seemed startled when he pulled back and met Rikka's gaze. "Right about what?"

"You _ will _ be an overprotective parent."

"No way." He groaned and Rikka chuckled again. Following the influence of their pivotal decision, the atmosphere in the room was no longer heavy and suffocating. Rather, it was light, redemptive, and upliftingly inspiring.

In knowing that he would not have to go through life alone nor make decisions by himself, the prospect of the future was hopeful for Rikka. The only way to translate such positive emotions was with genuine smiles, sparkling eyes, and playful words.

They would still have to take life day by day and cautionary moment by cautionary moment. But the envisaged future no longer filled Rikka with unshakable feelings of dread.

"It's true. It'll be so cute seeing you hold a tiny baby in your arms."

Tall, fierce, and intimidating in appearance, the image of Dai holding a newborn with all the care and patience in the world brought a smile to Rikka's face.

"I don't know about that." Dai looked away shyly. "I just hope…"

"What do you hope?" Rikka inquired gently.

Dai's gaze remained stubbornly averted. His shy posture persisted. "That the baby turns out as beautiful as you."

Rikka's heart warmed at the compliment. Fluttering in his chest simultaneously. Before he could respond, a knock sounded on the other side of the door. 

When they'd been too immersed in their discussion and too emotional to function properly, they'd forgotten where they were and what decisions had driven them to that place. The knock refocused their attention and served as a painful reminder of past mistakes.

The nurse entered the room with a syringe and an empty tube. She spoke before taking the time to process the situation.

"The doctor will be ready shortly. I just need to draw some blood for basic screening."

The clear bag and hospital gown laid untouched on the examination bed and the jewelry that accented Rikka's gorgeous features remained dazzling on his body.

"Is something wrong?" The nurse questioned.

Rikka shook his head. "Not at all. I'd like to cancel the surgery."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "I'm afraid you can't cancel at the last minute."

"I'll pay for any inconvenience but there's been a change of heart. I won't be having an abortion."

"Rikka-san," she began in a condescending tone, "I don't think you realize what you're doing. An abortion will be the best thing for you and your baby."

Rikka's gentle and polite personality was an inherently positive trait that offered him many benefits. He was able to get along with any person and mesh well with any other personality. Be that as it may, he would never accept the advice of a person who believed they had any entitlement to tell him what was or wasn't right for _ his _ personal well being

"I know exactly what I'm doing. Thank you for your concern but your opinion is not needed." His smile was overly sweet and his tone was sickeningly so. He was passive-aggressive in his communication and the nurse was appalled.

Rikka confidently strode out of the room with an elegant flip of his long hair over his shoulder. Dai followed obediently on his heels, more than ready to be at every beck and call for the mother of his baby.

**

He and Rikka had remained undetectable when they left the doctor's office through the back door. After making a life-changing decision, they knew there were many pressing issues that needed to be resolved. Namely, there wasn't much time before they would have to face Tsubasa and Shiki to tell them the truth.

Until that moment inevitably descended upon them, while things were still lighthearted and calm, they'd decided to make the best out of their afternoon outing. 

Strolling together through a busy, colorful shopping district had garnered attention. Undetectable no longer, a small group of high school and college girls had resorted to following them.

It was a strange phenomenon, Dai concluded, to realize how much strangers took notice or even _cared _about what they were doing.

He looked back every so often, confusion evident on his features whenever the girls giggled and squealed accordingly.

"Why do they keep giggling?" Dai questioned, utterly confused in contrast to Rikka's obvious amusement.

Rikka chuckled behind his hand, smiling in response to Dai’s naivete, before speaking. “Because they think you’re attractive.”

"Huh?" Dai looked behind them again. As expected, the giggling increased in pitch and intensity. A loud shout made its way to Rikka and Dai's ears. The latter flushed as a result.

"Dai-san, you're so hot! Do you have a girlfriend?"

Dai simply responded to the inquiring girl with a polite smile as he refused to answer any personal questions. _Especially_ ones referencing his love life. He wasn't quite sure where his relationship stood with Rikka. They hadn't established labels and never integrated the word 'dating' into conversation.

Unable to show any public displays of affection, Dai would say their relationship was nothing more than a casual affair with mutual attraction, trust, and agreement between them. They would raise their child together without a doubt, though whether they would ever migrate towards exclusivity remained to be seen.

Rikka seemed unperturbed by the notion of Dai being in a relationship. For the time being, that topic was best left to be addressed at a different time.

It was best not to think about how the public might react if Rikka's pregnancy was revealed. It was better not to consider the disappointment and distress the fans would surely feel. Faced with the inevitable situation, all Rikka and Dai could hope for was that Shiki and Tsubasa were not negatively affected by their decisions. Everything beyond that was out of reasonable control.

"Are you hungry?" Dai wondered after the group of girls had finally tapered back and given them privacy.

"Mhm." Rikka nodded. The notion of eating sounded heavenly. His stomach growled in response.

"What do you want?" Attentive to Rikka's needs and knowing it would benefit their child, Dai was willing to provide him with anything he asked for.

Rikka smiled to himself. Dai had helped him through his pregnancy symptoms before he'd even known Rikka was pregnant. Now that he _ did _ know, he would make it even more of a priority to be readily available for aid. 

“Soba noodles.” He answered automatically. One of the odd things about being pregnant was knowing exactly what he wanted to eat without a moment’s hesitation. Eventually, he would have to learn to accept his pregnancy symptoms rather than disregard them as a nuisance. As long as he was experiencing symptoms, he knew the baby was healthy and growing.

“Alright. I think there’s a restaurant nearby.”

It took just a few minutes of searching before locating the soba shop. Rikka’s mouth watered at the thought of the buckwheat noodles. Too distracted by the prospect of food, Rikka didn’t notice a familiar figure right away. Not until Dai nudged him and questioned, “Isn’t that Shiki?”

In the back corner of the restaurant, Shiki sat alone while enjoying his lunch. Regarding the close proximity of the restaurant, their dorm, and the Tsukino company building, it shouldn’t have been a surprise to see their leader. They were only taken aback because they hadn’t expected to see him so soon after the doctor’s visit. They had hoped to have more time to mentally prepare before facing either him or Tsubasa.

“When should we tell him?” Dai whispered, maintaining a calm external composure though his nerves were churning his insides.

“I don’t know but we can’t do it here. We’ll tell him when the time is right.”

A week had passed since Rikka’s discussion with Shiki. They’d resolved their minor differences in that time frame and it broke Rikka’s heart to think about how he would inevitably have to be the one to sit Shiki down for another discussion. It pained him to imagine what effect the inevitable discussion would have on his leader; how his and Dai’s decision would impact SolidS and everything Shiki had worked hard for. 

Shiki noticed Rikka and Dai a few moments after they noticed him. He gestured for them to join him at his table and they did without hesitation.

“What brings you two out here?”

Rikka spoke for himself and Dai. “With you and Tsubasa gone, we got a little bored at the dorm. We decided to do a little exploring. Right, Dai?”

Dai grunted in the affirmative, hoping that Shiki would not be able to see past his cool and stoic exterior. Shiki seemed unsuspecting when he nodded in response.

“Go ahead and order whatever you want. I’ll pay for it.”

“You don’t have to do that.” Rikka spoke, voicing Dai’s sentiments as well. Shiki had proven time and time again how great of a leader he was. From that point onward, any act of kindness he bestowed would only add to the weight of the guilt Dai and Rikka shared.

Shiki _ needed _to know the truth as soon as possible so they wouldn’t have to sneak around nor be dishonest for much longer.

“I insist. Go on and order.”

Fully aware that Shiki would not retract his offer of kindness, Rikka accepted graciously. “Thank you.”

After their orders were placed, the conversation shifted to their unit. Shiki beamed whenever he spoke about SolidS, often emphasizing their growing exposure and positive spikes in album sales. He expressed his sentiments, speaking highly of their group and their promising future.

Dai and Rikka were quiet as he spoke, simply nodding when appropriate. Eventually Shiki picked up on the sombering mood.

“Is something wrong?”

“No. Nothing.” Rikka smiled his perfect smile to deter Shiki from inquiry. The leader noticed Dai staring off into space, distracted by whatever thoughts were racing through his mind.

“Dai, is there something you need to say?”

“No.” He responded, simple and quick.

He scrutinized Dai for a moment before speaking. “Well, if something comes up, let me know.”

“Of course.” Rikka’s smile remained frozen in place.

When their food arrived, they ate mostly in silence. Shiki, having finished his food a while ago, sat back and observed the pair. He quickly took note of their curious interactions. Dai first inquired Rikka on whether the food was to his liking. He received an answer in the affirmative and seemed pleased. Rikka was then instructed to eat well, encouraged by Dai to finish every morsel of his lunch.

“Do you want dessert?” Dai wondered gently when their lunches had been consumed.

Rikka shook his head. “I couldn’t ask Shiki to pay for dessert too.”

“I don’t mind.” Shiki spoke honestly. 

Dai encouraged Rikka to order any dessert of his choosing. Rikka did so, encouraged similarly as before to finish every bite of his food.

It was strange, Shiki noted, how involved with and how concerned Dai was about something as insignificant as Rikka’s eating patterns. As a matter of fact, Rikka and Dai’s entire relationship had been odd since the beginning. When the four of them had haphazardly been brought together after the pink haired had gotten sick, Dai had expressed abundant concern for someone he hardly knew.

Then, there have also been noted inconsistencies. Namely, their dynamic relationship had been fluctuating peculiarly.

There were instances wherein they got along exceptionally well and others wherein eye contact was dually avoided. The constant change was perplexing, causing Shiki to ponder what had recently happened to make Dai look at Rikka as if his whole world rested in the pink haired's hands.

"What are your plans for the rest of the day?" Shiki pondered in order to gauge their reactions closely.

Dai looked to Rikka for an answer. It was strange that he kept relying on someone else to relay basic information. Rikka responded nonetheless.

"We don't have plans. It's probably best to rest before tomorrow's schedule."

The next day was sure to be busy. They had a long day of interviews and other promotional activities. Though vague, Rikka's response was reasonable. 

Shiki nodded. "Get as much rest as you can. We need you in optimal condition."

"Of course."

Because of work, Shiki had only a limited amount of free time to spend. He was exchanging goodbyes with his bandmates much sooner than he would have preferred. Rikka and Dai were left alone soon thereafter. Dai spoke when Shiki was safely out of earshot.

"Do you think he suspects anything?"

"Shiki's too smart not to suspect something. We can't hide this for very long."

Dai nodded and Rikka let out a small exasperated sigh. "Let's just head back to the dorm. We still need to talk about some things."

Dai agreed wholeheartedly.

The walk back to the dorm was quiet and contemplative. They spent that time sharing similar thoughts and feelings. Both wondering how much longer it would be before they were forced to give up the things they had grown to enjoy; the performances, photoshoots, interviews, appearances and cherished memories they shared with Shiki and Tsubasa.

Since it would all be over in the blink of an eye, they valued that time to process everything.

"We're going to have to tell our parents." Dai murmured once they arrived at the dorm.

Rikka nodded. He hadn't been looking forward to telling his parents the truth. His contact with them was infrequent enough and he didn't want to have to dedicate precious time in admitting he'd made a colossal mistake.

"And where are we going to live when we can't live here?"

It was safe to assume that the dorm would not be suitable for them to live after their announcement. It was better to have an alternate plan.

"We can find a nice apartment." Following the success of Rikka's modeling career, finding and affording a suitable apartment would not be a problem. Although it would be a nuisance.

Dai blushed and looked down when he next spoke. "Are we going to live together?"

"We're living together now."

"It's different now. We're bandmates. What are we going to be after…"

"After the baby's born?" 

Dai nodded and Rikka sighed.

"I don't know, Dai. We can't rush into something we're not ready for."

Naturally, if they were to raise a baby together, the most appropriate and expected thing to do would be to agree to a committed relationship. Since nothing about their situation had been typical thus far, it would be worthwhile not to force societal expectations upon their relationship.

"Where does our relationship stand now?"

It was Rikka's turn to blush as he contemplated the answer to Dai's question. He answered as honestly as he could.

"My body has been and will be changing a lot. You might find me more attractive. And my hormones have been changing a lot as well. I might find _ you _ more attractive."

"Oh." Dai's blush deepened once he understood the hidden implication. Whether they were in a committed relationship or not, one thing was for certain. They'd be having a lot of sex.

"Is that alright with you?"

"Y-yeah."

Rikka fiddled with his hair sheepishly when he spoke next. "Tsubasa and Shiki won't be back for a while. So…"

Well, it _ was _ Dai's job to take care of the mother of his baby. In whatever way was needed. 

The feeling was different, he decided, once he was presented with another chance to hold Rikka. To kiss and caress every exposed inch of the pregnant man's body. To revel in the bliss of knowing that he and Rikka were now bound to each other for life. 

He couldn't help himself when he paid special attention to the pink haired man's stomach. Knowing that the beautiful life they created would have a chance to grow and exist would be worth any hardship they would inevitably have to face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rikka will be referred to as a mother in the story even though he is and identifies as a man. Dai will be referred to as a father. It's no different from Rikka being referred to as a princess and Dai as a knight in the anime. It's mainly for the purpose of distinction. Thanks for reading.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully everyone's enjoying the story so far. We're halfway done! I hope you stick with me to the end. Thanks so much!

Only a year apart in age, Dai and Tsubasa have been friends for as long as they could remember. Alluding to the bond they shared remaining strong and unbreakable as that of biological brothers. 

Though drastically different, their personalities were complimentary. There existed a balance of perfect equilibrium that remained unperturbed. Tsubasa had always been able to interpret Dai's actions and emotions well. So it was foolish for there to have been any reasonable assumption that _ any _ secret between them would remain undetected amongst the progression of time.

Tsubasa had supported Dai following the emotional aftermath of his shoulder injury. Despite his cool and stoic exterior, despite the dismissal of the weighted impact that pushed him further and deeper into a bottomless abyss, Tsubasa had seen through to his very soul. A soul that was tasked with rebuilding its broken spirit. 

Getting Dai to open up and be vulnerable had never been simple. But with a bond as strong as theirs, Tsubasa would be a fool not to try. Whatever he was going through, Dai would not have to struggle without a shoulder to lean on, without the encouragement of someone who had always been supportive. 

Someone who would never give up on a friend regardless of any unforeseen complications or exacting circumstances.

**

Dai's sudden disappearance generated a wave of uncertain inquiries over the span of an entire day. He'd been absent from his routinely scheduled jog with Rikka when concern first arose. When all efforts to reach him had proven futile, unease settled in. 

Tsubasa, from careful observation, had long since deduced that Dai silently struggled to make sense of something crippling. Whenever Dai was too conflicted and didn't want others to witness his struggles, he had a tendency to disappear. 

There was only one place he ever sought out when he needed to clear his mind. Only a single place in the world allowed him the luxury of sorting his thoughts into manageable proportions. A place that offered a unique sort of tranquility and beauty.

Tsubasa knew exactly where to find his dearest friend.

The elevator ride up to the dorm's rooftop was quiet. Tsubasa's own thoughts filled the silence as he contemplated how he could help Dai through whatever was troubling him.

The blonde remained optimistic when the elevator dinged on the top floor. Per the receptionist's instructions, he located the indoor pool rather quickly. Nestled on the topmost floor of the high rise, the pool was centrally located and bounded by floor to ceiling windows on every side. Up above, the brilliant sunlight filtered from the skylight and bounced off the sparkling blue water.

That same clear water was displaced only where the conditioned strides of a skilled swimmer disrupted its placid surface.

"Yo." Tsubasa crouched by the pool's edge as Dai lifted his head for air.

The teenager removed his goggles and gestured towards a white towel folded neatly on a nearby lounge chair. Tsubasa retrieved and offered the towel to his friend at the same time Dai placed a hand on his left shoulder.

He massaged the area with a pained expression. Tsubasa spoke compassionately. "You need to be careful."

Dai nodded slowly, murmuring a 'thanks' as he hopped out of the water and grabbed the towel from Tsubasa's extended hand.

"I'm going to change." Dai spoke, nodding in the direction of the changing rooms 

"Go on," Tsubasa waved him away, "I'll wait here."

When Dai disappeared, Tsubasa was left alone. The blonde meandered around the expanse of the pool, taking in the serene environment. The large windows offered an unobstructed view of the busy city while simultaneously allowing the observer to remain in uninterrupted peace and silence. Likewise, the skylight above welcomed the warmth of the sunlight on the watcher's face.

It was a wonderful place to uplift the spirits and revitalize the soul.

"How did you know where I was?" Dai questioned once he rejoined his friend.

Tsubasa laughed in amusement. "Dai, whenever you disappear you always go to the nearest pool."

"Do I?" He murmured, sitting slowly on the edge of a lounge chair.

"Mmhm." Tsubasa nodded, sitting on a chair close to his younger friend.

Dai didn't respond so Tsubasa continued with an overly dramatic sigh preceding his words. "Alright, enough stalling. You know you can tell your big brother Tsubasa everything. What's been going on with you?"

Dai looked away, staring at a random area of the shimmering pool. "It's nothing."

Tsubasa tsked, shaking his head slowly. "I've waited long enough for you to tell me. I can't wait any longer. Not when you're clearly upset."

"I'm not upset." Dai retorted, rubbing his injured shoulder carefully and absentmindedly. His blue eyes were distant, indicating he'd been lost in thought.

Sensing the standoffish aura emanating from his friend, Tsubasa tackled a different approach.

"Rikka's really upset. He was devastated when you didn't show up for your daily run. I think you made him very concerned."

"I did?" Dai's demeanor changed instantly. His eyes flickered with worry and remorse, his shoulders hunched forward with guilt. "I didn't mean to…"

"Don't worry. He'll be alright once you explain things."

Dai nodded although he still looked incredibly worried for his bandmate and guilty about his own behavior.

Tsubasa smiled gently. "You care about him. Don't you?"

"He's my bandmate…"

Tsubasa shook his head, his comforting smile was firmly in place. "Don't think Shiki and I haven't noticed the way you fuss over him. You're always by his side and it's clear how much you hate being separated. Even now, it's written on your face."

Dai ran a tired hand through his hair. When he spoke, his voice quivered. "Tsubasa, I can't-"

A firm hand was held up before Dai could continue. Tsubasa wore a disapproving frown. "Don't you dare say you can't tell me. You can tell me anything you need to."

Dai placed a heavy head in his hands and sighed a contrite sigh. Still, he didn't speak. Tsubasa would not rest until whatever burden was weighing him down was lifted. He would do anything to restore his friend's spirit.

"It's been a couple of weeks since the picture was released. Something between you and Rikka is different. Things have always been a little different between you two. But now…"

The picture he referred to was the one taken when Rikka had left the doctor's office. The one that captured the essence of the pink haired's distress stemming from unidentified circumstances. Shiki and the company had successfully terminated any further sharing of the private picture and effectively resolved any other possible issues surrounding the incident. Although the picture was now rarely mentioned, Tsubasa could not remove the image from his mind.

At the time, Rikka had seemed completely disheartened and Dai had responded to the situation peculiarly as a result. Since then, he and Rikka had become a connected pair, exchanging whispers amongst themselves and keeping secrets hidden away. Sometimes, Dai's expression even mimicked the same disheartening and distressing expression that plagued their pink haired bandmate.

Tsubasa would no longer accept being left in the dark, remaining clueless and helpless to alleviate the tension his bandmates felt. Not if there was an opportunity to help with whatever was going on. If only Dai felt he could be honest. Honest with someone he'd known for his _ entire _ life. 

Dai's head remained firmly in his hands, his expression hidden from Tsubasa's sympathetic eyes when the blonde spoke.

"Dai, we've known each other our whole lives. We've always been there for each other. I'm here for you now just as I've always been. You can tell me anything and I will still be _ right _ here. I'm not going anywhere."

A pained sound escaped the blue haired man. Almost as if he were holding back a strangled sob. When he removed his head from his hands, glassy blue eyes were revealed. Tsubasa felt a pang in his chest when he witnessed the heavy emotion overtaking those eyes.

"Rikka and I…" Dai froze as if the words were too effortful to formulate. Tsubasa urged him to continue. Finally, he did. "Rikka and I are quitting SolidS."

"What?" Tsubasa's eyes widened. His heart dropped and his stomach twisted simultaneously.

"We decided it's best for…" Dai covered his face with his hands once more. If he kept his eyes covered long enough, he would not have to see the distress in Tsubasa's eyes while his heart broke into a million pieces.

Rikka and Dai had stood by their decision to raise their baby. They'd also shouldered the responsibility of deciding what it would take to ensure their child would be raised well. Knowing they needed to act fast in order to prevent the ones they cared about from becoming trapped in a problematic situation, they made a last minute decision to quit the band. If they were no longer tied to Shiki, Tsubasa, or Tsukino, they could deal with their problems without affecting innocent bystanders.

In exchange for giving up their dreams and aspirations, they would be able to raise their baby away from prying eyes. They would be able to live their lives abiding by the demands of their responsibilities in a private and controlled environment. It was what was best for their child. Every decision they made had to be in the best interest of their child.

Tsubasa and Shiki would simply never understand their decision and it was better for them to remain oblivious. It was better for everyone to be able to move on.

"Best for who?!" Tsubasa was hysterically incredulous.

"Best for everyone." Dai responded. It was painful enough to have to admit he had no choice but to give up something he loved. It didn't make the situation any easier when evaluating the level of distress in Tsubasa's voice. 

Dai needed to be alone before the dam burst in his heart and he broke down in front of his friend.

He stood up to leave, Tsubasa held him back. 

"I don't understand."

"You're not meant to understand!" Dai wiped his eyes in frustration when a few tears escaped. Their popularity continued to skyrocket at lightning speed, so it was better to end things sooner rather than later, Dai reasoned with himself. But the devastated look in Tsubasa's eyes made him waver in his disposition. 

"We're doing so well. _ All _ of us. You can't just give it up."

"I don't have a choice." Dai's voice broke and Tsubasa's heart continuously followed suit. "We were planning on telling you and Shiki tonight."

Rikka was already sixteen weeks pregnant. Each week their baby grew bigger and stronger. And each week it became more difficult for Rikka to hide everything. Life was moving way too fast and they didn't have time to think anymore. They needed to take action.

Tsubasa sighed in resignation. Whatever Dai's reasoning for quitting, he was adamant about his decision. Whatever his decision, Tsubasa had to be accepting. He just couldn't understand Rikka's deep connection with whatever unfortunate situation Dai seemingly found himself in.

"Why Rikka? Why does this involve him too?"

Dai cursed when he met Tsubasa's heartbreaking gaze. His own gaze was emotionally despairing. "Because…"

"Because what?"

"Because we both fucked up." Dai was too mentally drained and could no longer stand. He sat down with a heavy heart, reflective of his thoughts and feelings. Every moment he spent with Rikka, every chance he got to caress his belly, strengthened their connected bond. Dai could explicitly feel a part of his being, a part of his essence growing inside of Rikka. Even before he knew his bandmate was carrying his child, he felt the instinctual pull towards Rikka and their baby.

He couldn't ignore how much affection he felt for their child; the little human being who would rely on him the moment it was born. Though the timing was unfortunate, Dai was willing to do anything for his baby. Even if it meant hurting his best friend's feelings. 

"What are you talking about?"

"Rikka and I both fucked up." He murmured, allowing the impact of the words to settle into his overloaded brain. Up until then, he'd never admitted aloud his undeniable faults. On that fateful night, if he hadn't gone back to Rikka's apartment, if he hadn't initiated the kiss, if he hadn't acted recklessly then nothing would have been as complicated as it was.

He had been too trusting, too easily influenced, and too lost in his own desires for rationality to be a contributing factor. As a result, he found himself looking into the pitiful eyes of his best friend. His friend whose spirit had been crushed because of him.

Tsubasa rested a comforting hand on Dai's shoulder and sat next to him. He spoke gentle words. "You can talk to me now. I'm listening."

He shook his head adamantly. But even as he wanted to vehemently deny and protect Tsubasa from the consequences of his actions, the words came tumbling out of their own accord.

"The first day we met, we made a mistake."

"He said you met at a cafe."

Dai nodded, sighing as he closed his eyes in exasperation. He would much rather not see the expression on Tsubasa's face once he admitted the truth. He hoped Rikka would not be angry at him for being brutally honest with Tsubasa.

"We did. I went back to his apartment that same night and…" Dai paused for a long moment. Tsubasa didn't press him to continue. He continued on his volition. "...we had sex."

Tsubasa gasped in shock but didn't speak. So, Dai continued. 

"We thought it was only going to be a one-time thing."

"O-only?" Tsubasa stuttered as he tried to comprehend the implication behind the words that had been expressed.

"We've been sneaking around behind your back and Shiki's."

A long moment passed before Tsubasa spoke. During the silence, Dai couldn't help but prepare himself for Tsubasa's impending reaction. He braced against an approaching storm.

"How could you do that?!"

The taller flinched, looking anywhere but at Tsubasa's eyes. He was afraid of the disgust and repulsion he might find reflecting.

"I know. We're both guys. We shouldn't have done what we did."

"Huh?" Tsubasa suddenly sounded confused. It was only in that moment when Dai realized the comforting hand on his back remained stubbornly in place. Tsubasa's tone lowered in volume and intensity as he continued. "I don't care that you're both guys. I'm just pissed off that you didn't tell me earlier."

"Y-you don't care?" Dai slowly met Tsubasa's gaze. There was not a hint of judgement or repulsion in the golden orbs. He was clearly surprised, hurt, and a little betrayed but was genuine with his words and the shake of his head.

"Dai, no one can help who they like. But if you would have told me, I could have given you two more privacy and been a little less annoying with my teasing." Tsubasa smiled a little bit and Dai returned the smile.

The fact that Tsubasa was accepting of their relationship was a huge weight off of his shoulders. He hated sneaking around and treating his relationship with Rikka as something that wasn't worthy of being known.

"That does explain a lot. But it still doesn't explain why you want to quit."

Dai's smile faltered once he became cognizant of the huge burden that still weighed him down. An internal battle commenced while he contemplated whether he should tell Tsubasa the whole truth. If he told him, he would become involved in their mess. If he didn't tell him, having to uphold a considerable lie to his best friend would weigh on his conscience. Even if it were best for Tsubasa to never find out about the pregnancy, would it even be possible to keep it a secret forever?

No.

Whether they quit the unit or not, it would be impossible to keep the secret forever. Especially from the people closest to them, the ones who cared about their wellbeing the most.

On the exhale of a long breath, the words came pouring out, Dai could no longer keep them contained. Not from one of the most important people in his life.

"We were careless on that first night. Now we have to deal with the consequences ...Rikka's pregnant."

Tsubasa's eyes widened in immense surprise and his jaw dropped accordingly. He struggled to speak but no words came forth. Once he finally could speak, all he managed to say was, "Holy shit."

Dai allowed Tsubasa a moment to process his words. The prospect of Rikka's pregnancy was not to be taken lightly. It required thoughtful consideration and thorough contemplation before every implication was recognized and understood. 

Only after he'd organized his thoughts into a more detailed expression did Tsubasa speak again. "Dai, you're only nineteen! How are you going to raise a baby?!"

"Shh." Dai put a finger up to his lips. They were the only ones in the pool area but Rikka's pregnancy remained a sensitive topic and needed to be treated as such.

Tsubasa sighed before lowering his voice accordingly. He was stern when he next spoke. "You can't make reckless decisions. You need to think things through."

"I _ have_." Dai responded firmly. "Rikka and I both have. We decided to keep the baby. It's why we can't be in the unit anymore."

Tsubasa ran an exasperated hand through his hair. He sighed once more. "Are you sure?"

Dai nodded resolutely.

It was clear that Tsubasa was contemplating whether the decisions Rikka and Dai had made were decided in an impromptu manner. Maybe they _ had _ been decided in the spur of the moment. But that didn't change how Dai felt about his baby and how he felt about Rikka. He wanted to be there for his child, regardless of his young age and the circumstances surrounding conception. He could be a good father despite those things. 

"It's our responsibility and I'm not going to turn away out of fear. I have to step up."

Tsubasa ran a tired hand over his face when it became clear that Dai's decision was steadfast and his determination was unwavering. He would be supportive of his friend's decisions no matter what. Though, if possible, Tsubasa would have done anything to make things easier on Dai and protect him from every bad thing he would be forced to face. As it stood, all Tsubasa could do was promise to be there for his friend no matter the obstacles.

"You've always had a strong sense of responsibility. I just hope you realize what you're getting yourself into."

"I do."

Tsubasa managed another smile. Although it was weary in nature. "I appreciate you telling me the truth. As promised, I'll still be here for you. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know."

"Thank you." Dai murmured, accepting the affectionate hug he was suddenly embraced with. 

"No more secrets between us, okay? You've stressed me out enough."

Dai chuckled as they simultaneously pulled away from the hug. "I'm sorry. It's just been tough trying to work everything out with Rikka."

Tsubasa hummed in sympathy. "I can only imagine. So...how far along is he?"

"Sixteen weeks."

"_Jesus_," Tsubasa breathed. "So when we first met him, when he was sick…"

Dai nodded. "Neither of us knew at the time."

"Have you told your parents?"

He shook his head. “You’re the only one who knows.”

“Do you think Rikka’s going to be mad that you told me?”

“Maybe.” Dai admitted. “But this was my choice to make.”

“I’m sorry if I pushed you too much.” Tsubasa looked away sheepishly.

Dai had been hesitant, of course. But the relief he felt after opening up and expressing his honesty was immense. If anything, Tsubasa did him a huge favor. 

“No, I needed to tell someone. Telling other people makes it feel more..._real_.”

Tsubasa nodded in sympathetic understanding. “You’re going to be a _ dad_.”

“I know.” Dai murmured. He would be in charge of another human’s life for the rest of his own. There would one day be a little boy or girl running around calling him papa. He would have to hold them when they cried and shield them from every bad thing in the world. He would have to teach the child right from wrong and answer every inquisitive question. When the child was old enough, he would have to explain difficult concepts and address sensitive topics. He would have to shape and mold the child to be a respectable addition to society. 

It was a lot for a nineteen year old to handle.

“Do you even know how to hold a baby?”

“No fucking idea.”

Tsubasa laughed. “You’ll need to learn to watch your language too.”

“Right.” Dai looked down sheepishly. There was an overwhelming amount of things he would need to learn and prepare for. Such as changing a diaper, bathing the baby, preparing for sleepless nights and midnight feeds...

“Although it’s an unfortunate situation, you’re lucky that you’ll have Rikka to help you.”

Dai smiled a little. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that Rikka would be a good mother. He already possessed every trait characteristic of a wonderful parent. Kind, compassionate, nurturing, and gentle, their child would be lucky to have Rikka as its mom. 

“Yeah. We’ll get through it together.”

“But do you really have to quit?” Of course, the topic of their resignation could no longer be avoided. 

“We don’t want to. But if we don’t, Rikka’s pregnancy will become public.” If his pregnancy became public, people would gossip and the group would be crudely stigmatized. There would be a domino effect soon thereafter which could negatively affect the company. SolidS could cease to exist because of them and they were not willing to selfishly take that risk.

Tsubasa understood everything Dai didn’t verbalize. He understood the seriousness of the situation and the sacrifices that would have to be made. But that didn’t mean there was only one solution. With exhaustive contemplation, there had to have been another option. Tsubasa was adamant to find one.

“There has to be another way.”

“There’s not.” Dai sighed. It wasn’t as if he and Rikka hadn’t considered a better solution. There was just no other plausible scenario.

“Maybe you should tell Shiki. He can probably work something out.”

Dai was hesitant since telling Shiki the truth was something Rikka had been afraid to do. They’d put it off before deciding it would be better if he didn’t know. Shiki was a dear friend to Rikka and his opinions were important to him. If he responded poorly to the news, Rikka would be devastated. 

“It’s Rikka’s decision. Shiki's opinion means a lot to him."

Before Tsubasa could respond, his phone alerted him of a new notification. The small ping filled up the large space, capturing both males' attention. The blonde removed his phone from his back pocket, immediately scrolling through his most recent messages.

"It's from Rikka." He murmured as he skimmed the newly open chat box. "Shit, I forgot to tell him that I found you. He's worried sick."

Dai berated himself for forgetting to bring his phone. In his haste to clear his head, he hadn't bothered to notify anyone of his whereabouts. He never imagined that being gone for half a day would warrant a serious cause for concern.

"Dai." Tsubasa spoke after sending a reassuring message to Rikka. Dai was startled for a moment, caught off guard after getting lost in thought.

"Yeah?"

"You need to keep in mind that Rikka is very hormonal. He's going to be more sensitive about a lot of things. Especially pertaining to the father of his baby."

"Of course." Dai murmured, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "I should have thought about that."

Tsubasa gave his shoulder a gentle pat, sending a reassuring smile simultaneously. Dai needed to be reminded that making mistakes was completely normal. He needn't internalize minor mishaps or berate himself for the things he couldn't do or didn't yet know _ how _ to do. 

He would be okay. He and Rikka would figure things out and make it work.

"Let's head back down. I'm sure Rikka would appreciate it."

Dai nodded, following Tsubasa out of the pool area and onto the elevator. He leaned against one of the elevator's walls, losing himself in his thoughts once again. He had been apart from Rikka for several hours and it was beginning to descend upon him. Ever since Dai had found out about the baby, he and Rikka had been inseparable. As the only ones who understood exactly what the other was going through, they had to rely on each other.

When he found Rikka in his arms just a few short minutes later, Dai realized how much they had longed to be reunited. They relished in the other's familiar presence without any desire to pull apart. 

"Dai, you had me so worried. Please don't do that again." When Rikka spoke, his voice quivered with emotion, concern over the wellbeing of his baby's father.

"I won't." He promised. "I'm sorry." He would make it a priority to communicate his whereabouts to Rikka, assuring his safety to the pink haired man. Dai would expect Rikka to do the same, letting him know his whereabouts and assuring his safety _ and _ the baby's safety.

Their communication skills had to improve if they were to successfully raise their baby together.

"It's okay." Rikka murmured from his place in Dai's strong arms. He was just glad that Dai was safe.

They pulled back simultaneously, just enough to look into each other's eyes. A developing habit of his, Dai tucked a few loose strands of hair behind Rikka's ear. He received a warm and beautiful smile in response. 

It would be marvelous, he concluded, if their child inherited Rikka's smile. 

When their lips connected tenderly, it was impossible to discern who had initiated the kiss. The physical expression of their strong affection was mutual and sealed in that single kiss. A gentle brush of the lips conveyed an unspoken promise. A promise that they would be there for each other and for their child. To protect him or her _together_.

The kiss served as an acknowledgment as well. An acknowledgment that they had an infinitely long road ahead of them. 

The continued caress of their lips represented their dedication to walk the road together. 

In the midst of their kiss, Dai's hand found the more defined swell of Rikka's belly. Each week, the presence of life radiated more prominently. Serving as documentation of how their difficult decisions and sacrifices would be worth every effort. A perfect reminder of why they were willing to make such decisions and sacrifices.

Rikka placed his smaller hand over Dai’s, uniting the three of them indefinitely. Although it was a fresh and new concept, the three of them would become a family in just five short months. Maybe that’s why Rikka was hesitant to pull away from the kiss. Because he wasn’t ready to separate their newly developing familial bonds.

Eventually the kiss did come to an end at the same time Dai removed his hand from Rikka’s belly. Although separated, the bond was not broken. There would be plenty more opportunities for the three of them to spend time together. More opportunities for them to strengthen the bond with their unborn baby.

An interjecting clear of the throat sounded just a few paces away.

Dai’s eyes widened and his heart dropped when he saw the silhouette of their leader. When he first arrived at their dorm, he had been too captivated by Rikka’s presence to pay attention to their surroundings. He’d completely disregarded the fact that they had expressed their affection in a manner that was visible to their bandmates. He cursed his own carelessness and stupidity. Now their secret had been revealed to Shiki.

“Shiki, I can explain...” He felt nervous beads of sweat gather on his forehead that he quickly wiped away.

Shiki crossed his arms in response. A solemn expression twisted his facial features. “Explain what? How you so carelessly seduced my friend?”

Dai raised a confused eyebrow at the same time Rikka laughed beautifully and lightheartedly. “Shiki, stop teasing him. You’re only confusing him and making him nervous.”

“I-I don’t understand.” Dai stuttered. With Shiki’s eyes piercing through to his very soul, of course he would be nervous. Shiki could be rather intimidating at times. Even more so than Dai himself. Though the sound of Rikka’s laugh prompted him to relax a little bit.

“Shiki already knows everything. I told him earlier today while you were gone.”

“What?” Dai’s eyes widened again. Nervously shifting from Rikka to Shiki and back again. Shiki actually knew everything? He knew Rikka was pregnant and that Dai was the father?

Shiki’s serious façade was eradicated by a gentle smile on his face. He nodded slowly, speaking as if he’d just read Dai’s mind. “I do know everything.”

“How?” Dai sputtered, still in disbelief.

“Well, I found it odd that Rikka was so affected by your absence. I discovered him crying in his room and he broke down and told me everything.”

Dai looked towards Rikka who nodded sheepishly. “My hormones made me really emotional and I couldn’t stop myself.”

Dai ran a heavy hand through his hair as he let the news sink in. Shiki knew. Shiki knew everything! That meant they no longer had to lie or sneak around. They could be open and honest and not have to worry about any repercussions. Despite his best efforts, Dai laughed. He found the absurdity of the situation all too amusing.

“Tsubasa knows too.”

Shiki nodded. “He just went to his room because he wanted to give you privacy.”

When his laughter died down, Dai met Shiki’s gaze. His eyes remained piercing and serious despite the smile on his face. The blue haired man looked away, still flustered that Shiki now knew their secret.

“So…” As he often did, Dai trailed off. 

“What is it?” Shiki prompted, his voice was a bit stern by nature.

“Are you mad?”

“Absolutely.” Shiki responded bluntly. 

Dai flustered as Shiki continued.

“We have strict rules against intimate relationships between bandmates and you’ve broken every single one. Both of you lied to me multiple times _ and _ snuck around behind my back.”

Dai murmured an apology as he looked at the ground sheepishly. 

“Do you know what made me particularly furious?”

There was a steely sense of intimidation accompanying the rhetorical question. Dai did not respond. He didn't dare say a word. Shiki continued to speak unperturbed by the perceived silence. 

“The ludicrous fact that you two even considered quitting the unit. Did you really think we would let you go so easily?”

"B-but-" Dai was at a total loss for words. Shiki was clearly and understandably livid. But not for the reasons one would expect given the situation. 

Shiki held up his hand for silence before Dai could stutter his way through a full sentence.

"No one is leaving the band. Do you understand?"

Dai nodded slowly even though he couldn't quite comprehend the implications behind their leader's words. How could Shiki make such a bold statement seemingly out of the blue? Upon what justification did his statement hold any merit?

When he saw the perplexity and exhaustion brimming in Dai’s eyes, Shiki's own softened in sympathetic understanding. Given the nature of Dai and Rikka’s situation, assuming and preparing for the worst outcome was nothing more than an instinctual defensive mechanism. 

He spoke in a gentler, more reassuring tone. “I can’t imagine what you two have been through nor what you’re going through. But rest assured, both of you will always have a home here. We’re a _ team_, guys. All four of-” 

Shiki’s monologue came to an abrupt halt and his eyes flickered to Rikka’s stomach subsequently. He chuckled, briefly and warmly. He spoke once again, his eyes fixated on the utmost representation of pure life. “All _ five _ of us, I should say. We’ll work everything out, okay? Don’t worry.”

It was only natural to be a little apprehensive about their future and their child’s future. But there was a certain undertone of Shiki’s voice that couldn't fully be explained in words; a tone quality of the warmest color that painted a most glorious picture.

Their deepest fears have been alleviated with the help of two extraordinary friends. The future wasn’t quite as intimidating once they recognized the dedicated devotion of their budding support system. 

Shiki _ was _ right. They were a team and would work relentlessly to find a solution together. 

Everything would be okay.


	11. Chapter 11

Per the dramatic shift in the dynamic of the unit, structured rules were designed in direct conjunction. Implemented in order to ensure the safety and wellbeing of their bandmates and preserve the integrity of SolidS.

The most important rule required Rikka to have someone accompanying him each time he ventured away from the dorm. For an independent individual such as himself, the constant presence of another demanded an adjustment in his manner of perception.

Thus far, his pregnancy and relationship with Dai remained a well kept secret from the public. Though a few fans _ were _ perceptive enough to notice subtle changes in his appearance despite everyone's best efforts. His hair had grown more beautiful and longer than before, his face was slightly rounder, and his stylish wardrobe had undergone a unique change. In correspondence with his growing belly, he dedicated his efforts toward embracing and glamorizing tunic tops and other discrete clothing pieces.

As a fashion icon, his new trademark look was becoming a trend and receiving positive accreditation. It was impossible to discern how much longer the public would idolize and respect the pink haired man's endeavors. Once the truth was revealed, it would be ludicrous to expect the public to view Rikka as a role model in the same positive manner.

Before the details of the shocking announcement could be set underway, there were other issues that needed to be addressed. 

Starting with Rikka and Dai being honest with their parents. If their child was to be accepted or disregarded by its grandparents, it was better to discover which scenario was most plausible as soon as they could. Time was of the essence and they would not be rewarded the opportunity for very much longer.

**

Shiki ran an exhausted hand through his hair at the same time a pile of papers was released from his other hand onto the coffee table. The papers made a soft thud, capturing everyone's attention.

Tsubasa and Dai were immediately transfixed by the papers while Rikka's worried gaze wandered to their leader. His tired eyes and stressed demeanor were troubling.

"Did you stay up all night?"

"That's irrelevant." In other words, Shiki undoubtedly did stay up all night. 

After the group had approached the president and other higher ups of Tsukino with the pregnancy news, Shiki's stress level had reached its highest peak. He had been firm in his stance to support Rikka and Dai, resulting in having to shoulder the entire responsibility of managing SolidS whilst taming the probable chaos following the upcoming announcement.

If Shiki could not manage to maintain or regain control in an allotted time period, SolidS would be forced to disband.

He'd been relentlessly working day and night, taking preventive measures to ensure SolidS would not have to disband. Lately, he'd been withdrawn, lost in complete thought. He contemplated how best to approach the situation and which approach would produce the most favorable outcome.

With Rikka halfway through his pregnancy, time was scarce. At least Shiki had finally come up with a tangible idea and was proud to present his first hopeful solution.

"Duets."

"Duets?" Tsubasa cocked his head to the side. 

Shiki gestured enthusiastically to the pile of papers, soon revealed to be musical scores. He then distributed the papers in correspondence to who would be singing which particular song. 

Dai and Rikka's scores were identical. Tsubasa and Shiki's were identical.

Tired as he was, their leader remained enthusiastic when he spoke. "Before we share the pregnancy news, I wanted to take a subtle approach relating to Dai and Rikka's relationship."

Since the beginning, Rikka and Dai had agreed that their relationship did not need labeling. They simply continued to share intimate endeavors while strengthening their friendship and were in mutual agreement about decisions pertaining to their baby. It had been decided that when they finally did reveal Rikka's pregnancy, Dai would be open and honest about his involvement. He would embrace his personal relationship with Rikka and present it as such to the public. 

"Subtle, how?" Dai inquired. 

"By highlighting the contrast between our song and yours. You and Rikka will be singing a mellow song with emotional depth and sensual overtones. While Tsubasa and I will sing an uptempo rock composition."

"I think it's a good idea." Rikka murmured thoughtfully. Of course, if they were to pull things off without a hitch, he and Dai would have to translate every passionate emotion they felt for each other into that one song. Their performance would have to perfectly represent their genuine emotions in order to touch the hearts of their audience. Otherwise, it would be meaningless.

"When you perform this," Shiki began, "you need to show the public how much affection you have for one another. It's my hope that the subtle messages can be easily interpreted and we can gauge the reactions accordingly."

"I see." Dai murmured, also in thoughtful rumination.

Being honest about his relationship in front of a large audience wouldn't be easy. As a rather private individual, Dai was having a difficult enough time being open about their relationship in front of Shiki and Tsubasa. He froze every time he was caught leaving Rikka's room in the middle of the night and flustered every time he was discovered conversing with or rubbing Rikka's belly.

But if he wanted to stay in SolidS, it would be more ideal to announce their relationship and Rikka's pregnancy on chosen terms rather than by default. 

"How do you feel about this?" Shiki inquired, directing his point of interest to Dai and Rikka.

"Nervous." Rikka admitted. "If they react poorly to Dai and me, it's upsetting to imagine how they would react to my pregnancy."

"Cheer up." Tsubasa beamed. "Whatever happens, we're here for you. It's all of us or none of us."

'All of us or none of us' had been Tsubasa's argument when Rikka and Dai had been advised by the president to withdraw from the company. Because Tsubasa and Shiki refused to continue on without their bandmates, a compromise was forcibly implemented. 

"Thanks." Dai spoke quietly albeit gratefully.

He and Rikka were unspeakably grateful for the support system their bandmates had provided them. When things got even tougher, they would surely need others to lean on.

Tsubasa smiled warmly in response before shifting his attention to their leader."When are we recording the songs?" 

"The beginning of next week, then we'll work on the promotional videos. I'll send you the demos soon. Study them well."

"Aye, aye." Tsubasa nodded before changing the topic, his eyes wandering towards Rikka's belly consequently. "Can we talk about something not so serious?"

Shiki raised an eyebrow. "What do you suggest?"

"Well," Tsubasa's eyes lifted from Rikka's belly and flitted between him and Dai. "Do you know if you're having a boy or girl?"

Rikka smiled and rested a hand on his second trimester belly. It was refreshing not to have to hide his pregnancy from his bandmates. "We don't know."

Tsubasa leaned forward inquisitively. Before Shiki had interrupted, they'd been gathered in the living area discussing more positive aspects surrounding Rikka's pregnancy. Tsubasa had been asking a multitude of questions and was more than pleased to continue his inquiries.

"What do you want?"

"Hm." Neither Rikka nor Dai had considered weighing their desires for a specific gender. Nor had they weighed the pros and cons of either. "A boy would be nice." Rikka continued.

Tsubasa smiled and turned to his lifelong friend. "Dai-chan?"

Dai sighed before responding. Still not particularly fond of Tsubasa's chosen honorific for his name.

"A boy would be...preferred." He murmured, silently contemplating how challenging raising a girl would be. 

"Eh? Why's that?"

"I can't talk to a girl about dating and…" Dai's voice faded away. His implications were blatantly clear to all.

Tsubasa laughed heartily, addressing his pink haired bandmate. "Rikka could do it, right?"

The man in question smiled uneasily. "I'd rather not."

Tsubasa's amusement did not dissipate when he continued with, "It would be nice to have a girl around here. There's plenty of guys already."

"Then _ you _ should have a daughter. Don't force it upon us." Dai retorted. Having a daughter would be a rather complicated ordeal requiring extensive effort. Especially with two male parents whose expertise in girls' wants and needs was nonexistent.

"No way. I'll just be the cool uncle. I'll teach her everything you don't want her to know."

"Stop assuming it's a girl."

"It's definitely a girl." Tsubasa teased. "You'll have to braid her hair _ and _ play with her dolls."

"I would never play with dolls."

"Uh-huh." Tsubasa said in a way that implied he didn't believe anything Dai was saying. "Well, if you don't want to play with dolls she's gonna make you play dress up games and make-believe. You'll be _ forced _ to wear tiaras."

"Shut up." Dai mumbled.

Listening to Tsubasa and Dai talk back and forth was amusing. Rikka chuckled as the scenarios Tsubasa was describing painted a vivid picture in his mind.

Dai, slightly over six feet in height and broad and muscular in stature, sitting cross legged in front of a tiny little girl. Matching plastic tiaras shimmering prominently on top of their heads as they played with a variety of dolls. It was a beautiful picture, actually, and Rikka beamed just a little brighter because of it.

"It doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl. We'll love them regardless." Rikka spoke and Dai nodded in agreement.

Shiki spoke thoughtfully in response. "Wouldn't it be convenient to know the gender? Then you have the option of detailed personalization. For the nursery and such."

Shiki did have valid reasoning. If they knew the gender, they would have more inspiration towards designing and decorating a nursery. Which, honestly, they hadn't given much thought to either.

"Where is the nursery going to be?"

Rikka shrugged slightly and shook his head. He made eye contact with Dai when he spoke. "We don't know. But I guess there's only one option."

"Hm? What option?" Tsubasa wondered curiously.

"The baby can sleep with me in my room. It’ll be most convenient for everyone."

Tsubasa nodded thoughtfully. Convincing the higher-ups to allow the baby to live in the dorm had been incredibly difficult. But in everyone's defense, Rikka and Dai would need to have easy access to work and remain in close proximity to their bandmates in the best interest of the group. As members of one of the most acclaimed rookie groups, continued success was not only desirable but also expected of them.

"Well, you spend enough time in the other's room anyway. Why don't you just switch? You and Dai can share a room and the baby can have whichever one is left." He spoke bluntly.

Dai blushed and Rikka cleared his throat uncomfortably before speaking. "Moving into the other's room is a big commitment. It shouldn't be considered lightly.

"Fine, fine." Tsubasa waved dismissively. If asked, he would have been more than pleased to offer a thorough and detailed opinion about Dai and Rikka's relationship. Namely, how they were making an already complicated situation even more complicated. What was the harm in agreeing to date for a trial period to see if things went well or not? There was no need to dance around obvious feelings.

"Tsubasa," Shiki spoke sternly, a subtle cautionary tone hinted at his increasing awareness of Tsubasa's opinionated views. "There's no need to formulate opinions on matters not relevant to you."

"I got it, I got it," What Shiki _ really _ meant to say was, if Rikka and Dai wanted to have regular intimate relations whilst denying being in a committed relationship, that was entirely up to them.

"If that's the case," Tsubasa continued in response to the aforementioned issue regarding room swapping, "The baby should have Shiki's office space."

Their leader made a noise of blatant disapproval. "Unacceptable. As a more realistic solution, the baby can have your room."

"How the hell is that more realistic?! Where would I sleep?"

"Hm." Shiki pretended to be deep in thought before gesturing to the L-shaped couch presented before them. 

"I'm not sleeping on the couch, asshole." He pouted.

With Tsubasa and Shiki engaged in a rather captivating exchange of words, Dai and Rikka sought to escape to a more quiet and private environment. Fleeing to Dai's room discreetly had been incredibly successful.

Important matters relating to the baby required serious discussion without the involvement of external opinions.

"Do you want to know the gender?" Rikka inquired when Dai's hand automatically wandered to his stomach. 

The taller nodded firmly. "I want to start preparing."

Rikka chuckled lightheartedly. Four and a half months was not nearly enough time to prepare for a certain gender. Especially a girl. But they would try their very best. 

"I should make an appointment, then." Rikka murmured softly, absentmindedly witnessing a strengthening bond between father and baby.

When Dai leaned his head closer to Rikka's belly, the pink haired smiled gently.

"Can it hear us yet?"

"I don't think so."

Though the circumstances had been unfavorable, Rikka berated himself for not valuing nor taking his pregnancy seriously in the beginning. Deep down inside, he would always feel guilty for viewing abortion as his first and only option. They were just lucky their baby remained healthy despite its parents' misinterpretations and lapses in judgment.

Dai placed a kiss on Rikka's belly before sitting upright on his bed. There were a few more topics that needed to be addressed. He looked sheepishly at the floor before speaking. "About what Tsubasa said…"

Further prompting was unnecessary as Rikka knew exactly what was being implied. Dai's body language and demeanor expressed everything that wasn't spoken.

"We don't have to share a room if it's something we're not ready for. Things are moving fast enough as is."

With only nine total months to sort out most issues, life was moving forward at a rapid pace.

"I know." He ran a hand through his hair. "But I wouldn't mind. I-If you wanted to." He cursed himself for stuttering and giving away how nervous he was to discuss the subject matter. 

Rikka smiled gently. Seeking out the other's presence when desired was one thing. But devoting themselves to being in the other's presence without clear separation was another thing. Something that might strain their growing relationship.

Rikka spoke in a light tone. "You would grow tired of having to see my face every night before you went to bed and every morning when you awakened."

In stark contrast with Rikka's tone, Dai's tone was serious and definite. The honesty behind his statement was indisputable. "I would never tire of seeing you."

Rikka was a beautiful person inside and outside. Dai would never grow tired of being honored by such a presence.

Understandably so, the pink haired was surprised by his statement and flustered without a reasonable doubt. Dai was the only man in the world capable of rendering him speechless and filling his heart with warm emotions. He was lucky that he would get to raise his baby with such a wonderful man. 

"Thank you, Dai, for saying that. Even after the things I did."

"Rikka...I already told you I wasn't angry with you." For keeping his pregnancy a secret, for attempting an abortion, Rikka had been left with few options. There was no blame in Dai's heart towards the mother of his child.

Rikka was the one who blamed himself.

"I appreciate that. I just still need time to process it."

"I understand."

The topic of conversation was reverted back to a more lighthearted topic. The gender of their baby.

Since there had been some miscommunication and confusion towards the beginning of his pregnancy, Rikka was not under the permanent care of an unbiased obstetrician.

He would seek one out as a necessary requirement while Dai attended to personal matters related to his parents.

The notion and luxury of having their own privacy justified Rikka leaving the younger's room and disappearing into his own. That same luxury would not be granted if they happened to share a bedroom. Sharing a room was a serious matter that extended beyond a single night and would need more consideration before a decision could be made. 

With more pressing matters at hand, Rikka took it upon himself to search for and contact a variety of obstetricians nearby. He was quick to discover that the overwhelming response was unanimous and disheartening.

"I'm sorry, Sera Rikka-san. We don't treat pregnant males. It's probably best for you to have an abortion."

Frustrated beyond words, Rikka began to hang up without a polite goodbye. The fifth office he'd called had provided the same discouraging response. 

He ran a weary hand over his face.

Their baby's chance to live and grow would not be compromised, no matter the extenuating circumstances. But as long as society remained firm in its beliefs, Rikka and Dai would not be able to account for every possible scenario that might inconvenience them and their child.

He'd just hung up on the tenth office that refused to treat him when a knock sounded on his door. Fearing it to be Shiki or Tsubasa, Rikka was relieved to discover it was Dai. He had no qualms about breaking down in front of the father of his baby. Embarrassing as it still was, he didn't hesitate to bury his head in Dai's chest when it was offered.

Dai rubbed his back soothingly, disregarding Rikka's every attempt to apologize for sobbing without warning.

"It's okay." He offered consolation. "Your hormones are still changing."

Situations that would normally produce mild emotional responses were resulting in significant responses. Prospects that once seemed hope_ful _were beginning to seem hope_less_. The uncontrollable changes were discombobulating and incredibly frustrating.

"It's not fair." Rikka murmured around heavy sobs.

Dai was unsure about which issue Rikka's statement referred to. He resolved to silently comfort until more information provided a clearer interpretation.

"I've called ten different obstetricians." Rikka began once he pulled away from Dai's embrace. He wiped his eyes as he continued. "They've all refused to treat me. I was advised to have an abortion from each one."

Dai's response was not given with words. Rather, his demeanor altered subsequently. His jaw and fists clenched tightly and his eyes burned with intense rage. Thankfully, a gentle hand accompanied by a gentle voice was all the means necessary to extinguish the fire.

"I'm making this a bigger deal than necessary. We'll find a doctor and everything will be fine."

Dai silently nodded in response. His instinctual need to protect Rikka and their baby was overwhelming. He would have to learn to keep his emotions under control in order to prevent any repercussions.

"I'll try again tomorrow." Rikka resumed optimistically. There was sure to be someone who would be respectful and willing to treat him with unbiased perspectives. He just had to remain positive.

Deciding it would be best to focus on a topic that was less likely to anger Dai, Rikka changed the subject.

"How did the call with your parents go?"

"Fine." He murmured. "They want me to visit this weekend."

"That's great." Rikka smiled, though he knew which direction the conversation was inevitably headed.

"I told them about you."

"What did you say?"

"That you were my bandmate and someone important to me."

"What else?" 

Dai hesitated for a moment. "That we had something important to tell them."

Rikka nodded. He'd figured they couldn't avoid the inevitable for much longer. "How did they respond?"

"Unremarkably. They don't suspect anything amiss. You were invited to spend the weekend with us."

Rikka smiled encouragingly. "It sounds fun."

Dai's expression was slightly more solemn. He looked down at the ground when he spoke. "We can tell them at the end of the visit. In case…"

_ In case it didn't go well_. 

That was exactly what Dai had been meaning to say but couldn't bring himself to say.

"That's probably best." Rikka admitted. "How do you expect them to take the news?"

"I don't know. But I made the mistake so I have to take responsibility."

"You don't think the baby was a mistake, do you?"

Dai's eyes widened once he realized how negatively his words could have been interpreted. He shook his head for clarification.

"I think the timing was a mistake. That's all."

Rikka hummed in agreement. It was difficult enough being twenty two and knowing he was going to be a parent. He couldn't even comprehend how he would feel if he was still a teenager like Dai.

"What about your parents?"

"Hm?"

"How are you going to tell them?"

"If I can find a way to tell them face to face, that would be preferable." Speaking with his parents in person required him to travel to France or for them to travel to Japan. It wouldn't be easy either way but it would be better than them finding out with the rest of the public.

"How do you think they'll react?"

"I'm optimistic but I'm not expecting them to react positively."

His parents were stern by nature and strict in their views. They valued hard work above all else and having an unplanned baby would inevitably interfere with Rikka's work. Although Shiki and Tsubasa had every intention of preserving SolidS' activities after Rikka had the baby, the pink haired wondered just how much he would be able to participate with a demanding newborn to look after.

There was an overwhelming amount of factors to be considered when planning for the baby. It was better to take things one step at a time.

Before Dai could respond, Rikka's door was being nudged open. Tsubasa's blonde head popped up through the small opening. His eyes widened when they landed on Dai. 

His expression settled into a teasing smirk when he spoke. "Dai-chan, I wasn't expecting you to be in here. Am I interrupting _ something_?"

His unnecessary emphasis on the word 'something' implied the type of activities he expected to be occurring between Dai and Rikka.

"Idiot, why don't you try knocking first?"

"The door was unlocked." He replied as his reasoning for _not _knocking.

"We'd never do anything with the door unlocked knowing you could walk in."

Tsubasa laughed. "Fair enough."

Contrary to what he'd mentioned before, Tsubasa had actually amped up his teasing towards Dai since he'd found out about him and Rikka. If possible, he'd gotten even more annoying. 

Though Dai _ was _ secretly thankful for Tsubasa's quirky mannerisms. It made the whole ordeal seem a little less daunting.

Rikka lightly chuckled before questioning, "Was there something you needed to tell me?"

"Oh yeah. Shiki wants us to listen to the music for the duets."

"Right now?"

Tsubasa nodded. "Yeah. He's ready in his office."

Dai stood up first, grateful for the opportunity to no longer have to talk about their parents in correlation with the pregnancy. He extended a hand towards his pregnant bandmate in an effort to help him stand.

Although he hadn't yet reached a point in his pregnancy wherein the size of his belly prevented him from doing simple tasks, Rikka was still grateful for the help.

The three of them made their way over to Shiki's office on the opposite side of the hallway. Tsubasa _ actually _ took the liberty of knocking when standing in front of the black door. Dai sent Tsubasa a questioning look and the blonde shrugged innocently.

"Shiki's terrifying when he's mad. I don't want to have to deal with a pissed off leader."

Shiki did get rather curt whenever his privacy was not respected. No one wanted to suffer in the aftermath.

"Come in." A muffled voice was heard on the other side.

The door was promptly opened, revealing the impressive setup of Shiki's treasured office and personal studio. 

Inside the room, two large computer monitors and a compact laptop were strategically arranged in front of four localized speakers. While an array of other expensive electronic components were situated against the left wall, the opposite wall was home to a brand new keyboard and a variety of CDs and books stored on layered shelves.

Low lights emitted a soft glow and the room itself had undergone partial acoustic treatment. Making it an ideal place to comfortably concentrate.

Shiki was situated in front of both computer monitors when he gestured his bandmates closer. He unplugged a set of black supra aural headphones from one computer as his bandmates crowded around his chair.

He directed his first statement to Tsubasa. "We'll start with the instrumental for our song."

"Sweet." Tsubasa approved.

Shiki opened whatever music program he'd used to compose the duets and pressed play on the first labeled song. 

Within seconds, the first bars of the song resonated strongly within the stand up speakers. Playful guitar riffs paved the way for a jazzy piano melody and groovy bass line reminiscent of a bar lounge soundscape. The rich and groovy undertones of the song hinted a playful yet alluring atmosphere to allude to the suggestive theme of the song.

"What do you think?" Shiki asked once the final chorus had faded into a powerful stream of drum and bass elements.

"Woah, it's amazing!" Tsubasa exclaimed.

Dai and Rikka voiced their resounding approval as well.

"Was the theme clear?"

"It's very playful and suggestive, is it not?" The blonde wondered.

Shiki nodded. "We need to be sure to capture the differing essences between the two songs. Otherwise, our message won't be optimally received."

"Got it." Tsubasa smiled. There wasn't a single doubt in Shiki's mind that Tsubasa would embody every playful, energetic, and suggestive element emanating from the song. 

Rikka and Dai, on the other hand, were tasked with embracing a more complex approach. 

Shiki pressed play on the second available composition. 

The atmosphere of the room was immediately infused with an emotional and melancholic ambiance. The slow paced instrumental provided layers of intricate design to sustain emotional development. The ethereal and mesmerizing tones were sure to captivate an audience's undivided attention. 

A one of a kind addition to their repertoire, the song would challenge Rikka and Dai with the task of upholding an aesthetic quality.

Shiki spoke once the song reached its dramatic conclusion. "The music will immediately captivate the audience. It's up to both of you to convey your passionate emotions in your lyrics and performances. Can you do that?"

"It won't be easy." Rikka admitted. Translating his complex feelings about Dai into a single performance seemed theoretically impossible.

Shiki spoke in sympathetic understanding as he shifted his gaze from Rikka and a completely silent Dai. "I can only imagine how you're still trying to work out your feelings towards one another. But we need to take advantage of this opportunity. I'll help direct you during the promotional video but the essence of this song has to come from within you."

_ We really don't have much time. _

Shiki didn't speak those words aloud but the message was received and understood.

Dai nodded slowly. His gaze wandering towards Rikka simultaneously. His eyes met Dai's before quietly looking away. 

Somehow, they would need to find a way to organize their feelings in perfect tandem with the release of the duet. 

The pressure was mounting and the unease had begun to settle in. They had but a single chance to outwardly project their devotion towards each other. Failure would not be tolerated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone was unaware, Lady Joker (Tsubasa & Shiki) and Adonis (Dai & Rikka) were the duets mentioned. Also, do you think they're having a boy or girl?


	12. Chapter 12

The haunting melody emanating from his earbuds transported Dai to a transcendent dimension, an _ ethereal _ universe. The rich overlaying lyrics complimented the alluring timbre of the composition.

Dai closed his eyes and leaned his head against the headrest. He wondered if he and Rikka would be able to bring justice to the masterful elements of the musical composition. He wondered just _ how _ he would be able to express his feelings for his bandmate in such a precise and amicable manner. Even while he was still in the process of interpreting his feelings towards Rikka.

When the car slowed to a complete stop, he opened his eyes. No longer disoriented by confounding prospects, he inspected the surrounding scenery. 

The car had been parked in front of a service area where a large variety of individuals entered and exited through the same sliding doors. Among those individuals was a familiar pink haired man. He disappeared inside the building in the blink of an eye.

Dai removed his earbuds and leaned forward, capturing Tsubasa’s attention. He gestured towards the now empty passenger seat and spoke. “Is Rikka okay?”

Tsubasa nodded. “He just took a bathroom break.” They’d only been driving for approximately thirty minutes, prompting Tsubasa to add, “It must be hard being pregnant.”

“Don’t make me feel guilty.” Dai murmured as if he hadn’t already considered how difficult it must be for Rikka having to deal with pregnancy symptoms.

“Aw.” Tsubasa reached a hand back to ruffle Dai’s hair teasingly. “Don’t feel guilty. He’s already halfway done.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better.” He muttered. The blatant reminder that there were only four and a half months left before he became a parent was unwarranted and incredibly terrifying.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Tsubasa’s tone immediately changed from playful to serious. A much needed reminder that he was available for serious talk whenever Dai needed someone to listen.

Dai sighed. “It’s just...difficult.”

“What’s difficult?”

“Trying to sort out my feelings for Rikka _ and _ prepare for becoming a dad at the same time.” He cared about Rikka without a doubt. He wanted to be close to the man whenever he could. But because they were soon to have a child together, the line between caring about Rikka for who he was as an individual versus caring about Rikka for being the mother of his baby was beginning to blur.

“Well, you liked Rikka before he got pregnant. Otherwise he wouldn’t be pregnant.” Tsubasa offered after Dai explained his current predicament.

The teenager looked away as a blush decorated his face. Thinking about the night they conceived their baby was another complicated matter. “That was...different.”

“How so?”

“Don’t make me say it.” Dai grumbled.

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“Fine.” He sighed again. “That was physical attraction alone.”

“Hm.” Tsubasa hummed thoughtfully. “You agreed to go to his apartment, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t tell me you agreed just because you liked the way he looked.”

“Of course not.”

“Then why did you agree?”

“Because…” Dai trailed off thoughtfully. What _ had _ prompted him to accompany a stranger back to his apartment? In retrospect, he hadn’t been expecting them to sleep together. He’d just acted on a whim and Rikka had been receptive towards his advances. “...we talked for hours beforehand and I thought he was nice and intuitive. I wanted to get to know him more.”

“There’s your answer!” Tsubasa spoke as if he’d just offered a foolproof solution.

“Huh?”

“You liked his personality so much that you wanted to spend more time with him. That goes beyond just liking someone because of their looks.”

“Does it?” He questioned sheepishly. He didn’t have much experience with dating and relationships. He’d only ever been intimate with one person besides Rikka and that particular instance had never amounted to a significant relationship. 

“And Dai,” Tsubasa’s tone was serious once more, “It doesn’t matter if you feel a connection to him because of the baby. All that matters is you like him and want to be with him. It doesn’t have to be complicated.”

“He says he doesn’t want to rush things. He doesn’t want us to label our relationship.”

“That’s perfectly fine.” Tsubasa nodded in understanding. “But there’s not a time requirement for relationships, you know. If you like someone and they like you, it doesn’t matter if you’ve known them for one week or one year. Have you ever asked him why he doesn’t like labels? Why he feels like everything’s being rushed?”

He and Rikka would soon be approaching the half year mark since they’d first met. In that time span, they’d caressed one another, kissed one another, and been physically intimate more times than could be counted. Since they weren’t in a committed relationship, it was disheartening to imagine how quickly and easily those experiences could come to an end.

Dai was more than willing to take the next step, to seriously consider the idea of dating Rikka, but the pink haired man seemed rather hesitant.

“I’ve never asked.”

“If you want your relationship to progress then you should ask.”

Dai didn’t seem thrilled about the prospect of inquiring for more information than Rikka was willing to give. Especially since Rikka had been so content in letting their relationship be ambiguous and their feelings for each other remain persistent yet unexplained. 

He’d gone along with whatever Rikka wanted, knowing it would make the pregnant man content and happy. But was Dai also content and happy with the unresolved ambiguity? 

When he didn’t respond, Tsubasa continued. “I know you’ll be great parents. But you’ll be even better parents if you can learn to communicate well.”

“You’re right.” Dai mumbled. He and Rikka were still learning how to be honest with one another. A significant component of honesty required asking questions for clarification and responding with genuine sincerity. 

“What was that?” Tsubasa cupped his ear dramatically. Pretending as if he hadn’t heard Dai praise his advice giving skills.

“I said, you’re right.” Dai spoke at a more audible volume. If he and Rikka were to make things work, they also had to be in agreement on matters pertaining to their relationship.

Tsubasa beamed brightly. “When you and Rikka get married, can I be the best man?”

“You’re talking nonsense now.” Even though Tsubasa had been correct when he mentioned that relationships did not abide by specific time rules, marriage was definitely out of the question. Marriage between two males was even more unthinkable. Though, as things were beginning to pan out, Dai _ was _ preparing to spend a good portion of his life with Rikka. At least until their child turned eighteen.

Tsubasa simply chuckled in response, turning back around in his seat to face the front. The timing couldn't have been more ideal as Rikka was just exiting the building. 

While the pink haired man approached the car, Dai couldn’t help but notice how well Rikka concealed his pregnancy. His belly was easily hidden beneath strategically layered clothing and accessories and his weight gain was not overtly noticeable to the unobservant eye. His in-depth knowledge about fashion had benefited him well, as had engaging in routine exercise and maintaining a healthy diet.

Dai’s parents would surely not suspect anything until he and Rikka were ready to tell them the truth.

Rikka climbed into the passenger’s seat wearing an apologetic expression. “I’m sorry. We haven’t been driving for very long and I’ve already requested to stop.”

Tsubasa waved his hand dismissively as he shifted their rental car into drive. “It’s not your fault. It’s Dai-chan’s fault.”

“Huh?!” Dai blanched. “You told me not to feel guilty.”

Tsubasa laughed mischievously at the same time Rikka questioned, “Guilty about what?”

Dai blushed when Rikka turned around to look at him. “About you having to deal with these side effects.”

Rikka smiled gently. “You shouldn’t feel guilty. It takes two people to make a baby.”

“R-right.” Dai stuttered before sticking his earbuds back into his ears. 

For the remainder of the hour and a half drive home, he didn’t want to have to talk about anything else. He just wanted to lose himself in his music, travel back into a different dimension where he didn’t have to think or feel, just listen. 

When he closed his eyes once more, he was able to forget. Forget where he was and where he was headed. Forget how nervous he was for his parents to learn about the pregnancy.

For a few brief moments, everything was calm and peaceful.

**

Arriving back home stirred up a slew of mixed emotions. Ever since he’d been busy with SolidS, Dai hadn’t had a chance to see his parents. Needless to say, he’d missed the simple things that made his home feel warm and welcoming. Like the deliciousness of his mother’s cooking, the familiarity of his old room, and his father’s sensible advice. He missed the normalcy and simplicity of his life when he lived at home. 

“Oh, Rikka-san! It’s so nice to meet you.” Dai’s mother embraced Rikka upon their designated arrival.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Rikka smiled politely as Dai’s mother pulled away from the embrace to get a better look at the model.

“Goodness, I’ve seen you in magazines and on TV but you’re even more stunning in person.”

“Thank you.” Rikka beamed at the compliment before exchanging pleasantries with Dai’s father.

Soon enough, it was Dai’s turn to be greeted with warm regards.

“We missed you, son.”

“I missed you too.” Dai murmured before hugging his father followed by his mother. The past couple of months marked the longest time period he had gone without seeing them. He’d missed their comforting words and advice, more so now that he knew Rikka was expecting with his son or daughter.

“Tsubasa, are you staying for dinner?” Dai’s mother addressed the blonde who had been waiting patiently for his turn to greet the married couple.

“Not today, Aki-san.” He hugged Dai’s parents before continuing. “I just wanted to stop in and say hi. I’ll be heading home in a moment.”

“Of course. Tell your mother I said hi.”

“Will do.” Tsubasa was halfway to the doorway when he turned around abruptly. He focused his attention on Dai, addressing his next statement accordingly. “I almost forgot. Good luck, Dai-chan!”

“Idiot.” Dai cursed under his breath.

Tsubasa was gone before any further inquiry was warranted. In lieu of questioning the blonde, Dai’s parents faced their son curiously.

“Why is he wishing you luck?”

“Who knows?” Dai responded nervously. Thankfully, his parents had known Tsubasa for as long as anyone could remember and were more than accustomed to overlooking his strange remarks and teasing behaviors. 

His parents changed the conversational topic without a note of suspicion in their voices.

“Dai, why don’t you show Rikka the guest room? Dinner will be ready soon.”

Dai grunted in the affirmative, instinctively reaching down to hoist Rikka’s overnight bag onto his shoulder. Their visit would only last for the weekend and the bag wasn’t particularly heavy but Dai didn’t even entertain the idea of allowing Rikka to carry it. He was much too cautious with the mother of his baby.

His parents regarded their son’s actions as nothing more than polite customaries as they disappeared into the kitchen. 

Rikka smiled graciously as he followed Dai upstairs to the guest room. Inside the comfortable room, the bag was placed at the foot of the bed. 

“Thank you.” Rikka spoke, noting how on edge Dai seemed now that he was back at home. He placed a gentle hand on the taller’s shoulder, noticing how tense the muscles were. “Are you nervous?”

Dai nodded silently. 

Rikka offered the only comfort he could. “Whatever happens, I’ll be here with you.”

“Rikka…” Dai wanted nothing more than to kiss the man before him. Kiss, caress, and embrace him until the situation no longer felt intimidating and scary.

He began to slowly lean towards the smaller man before he realized what he was doing. Rikka turned his head away from an approaching kiss whilst Dai looked at the ground sheepishly.

“Dai, we can’t. Not now.”

“That was careless of me. I’m sorry.” It was only natural to want to seek the comfort of someone important when he was so deathly afraid. Rikka just happened to be the person he longed for most. 

“Dai-” Rikka began, wanting to assure the teenager that he had nothing to apologize for. He wanted to express his shared sentiments about the situation but wasn’t given the chance. He was cut off abruptly by a hurried and anxious voice.

“I’m going to put my things in my room.” He gestured towards his own overnight duffel bag hoisted over his shoulder. He exited the room before Rikka could utter another word.

The pink haired man sighed, allowing the teenager a few moments alone to gather his thoughts. He sought after Dai only when he was sure the man had calmed down enough to speak. 

He found the blue haired in his bedroom just a couple of doors down from the guest bedroom. Dai was hunched over on his bed, sitting with his elbows on his knees. His face was hidden behind his hands and his heavy sighs were ongoing.

Rikka knocked at the doorway to signal his presence. Dai looked startled, relaxing slightly after realizing Rikka was the one who requested his attention.

“May I sit?” Rikka gestured towards Dai’s bed. 

With no valid reason to refuse, Dai nodded. A moment passed before Rikka sat next to him. Though they couldn’t openly kiss or be intimate at the moment, sitting so close to the other was soothing for both of them. Comfortable silence enveloped them, as they were not in a hurry to discuss difficult issues.

Rikka took the silent opportunity to glance around Dai’s room. When his eyes landed on a myriad of trophies and medals on a display above the dresser, it dawned on him that he was sitting in the exact room where Dai had spent the entirety of his childhood and teenage years. 

“Wow.” Rikka breathed, interrupting the prolonged silence. “Are those all for swimming?”

Dai followed Rikka’s gaze and nodded. 

“You were really good.” Rikka smiled as he stood to examine the awards more closely. The majority of the medals were gold. There were only a few silver and not a single bronze to be seen. Dai had taken his competitive swimming career seriously. 

Almost every personal picture plastered around his room was taken at a pool with other swimmers, alluding to the fact that swimming had not only been a huge part of Dai’s life, but it had been his whole life. It was a shame he’d been forced to give up something so significant.

“I don’t need pity.” Dai spoke after Rikka had stared at the medals with nothing short of sympathy in his rose-gold eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

Dai stood up and strode over to where Rikka stood. He picked up a random medal and gently traced the grooves of its engraved surface with his fingertips.

“I still go to the pool whenever I’m stressed. Swimming is no longer my life but it’s still a part of my life.”

Rikka nodded. “Of course. But I’m sure you miss competing.”

Dai’s right hand gravitated towards his left shoulder. He squeezed it absentmindedly, ignoring the dull pain that resulted. 

He was devastated when it first happened, when he’d pushed himself too hard. When he suffered an injury so great that he’d pay the price for the rest of his life. The pain had been searing, etched permanently in his mind and heart back then. But it was now nothing more than a dull reminder. A limit he would never be able to overcome, no matter how hard he tried. He’d long since accepted his fate. 

Maybe he’d go so far to say he was appreciative.

“I do miss it. But if I hadn’t been forced to give it up, I never would have met you.”

“Dai…”

He continued when it was clear Rikka could not. “You and the baby are my life now. SolidS is as well.”

Rikka looked away. Gathering his own thoughts before he spoke. “Whenever you say these things, I can’t…”

“Can’t what?”

“Resist you.”

“Rikka...” Dai faced the pink haired man, caressing his face instinctively. Rikka did not turn away. “You don’t have to resist me.”

“You don’t understand.” Rikka murmured, leaning into Dai’s familiar touch.

“Then enlighten me.”

Rikka searched Dai’s curious blue eyes before responding. In the time they’d known each other, the innocence had begun to fade from those sapphire eyes. Every day, Dai grew older, wiser, and more mature. He didn’t need to be protected from the truth nor did he need another to make decisions for him. Though Rikka already knew those things, he wasn’t sure if he would ever stop wanting to protect Dai.

“I don’t want you to feel forced to be with me because of the baby. I want you to explore and enjoy the freedom you were meant to have.”

“I don’t like having decisions made for me.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Dai sighed. His eyes bore into Rikka’s very soul. “Whether it’s because of the baby or not, I want to be with you. If you would just give it a chance, we could make things official.”

“I…” Rikka looked away, Dai’s gaze was too intense for him to focus. “...don’t know if I’m ready.”

“What’s holding you back?”

Rikka didn’t respond so Dai slowly removed his hand from his face. “If you’re not ready, I understand. But is it fair for either of us to continue this if it doesn’t amount to anything?”

Dai was referring to the ongoing intimacy they sought in one another. Was it really fair to be together physically if they couldn’t commit emotionally?

“I don’t want this to end. I just need more time to think.”

_ Think about what? _

Dai wanted to scream in frustration but remained silent. It was disheartening to realize they had not yet reached an optimal level of trust wherein they could be honest without hesitation. Rikka was still holding back. And Dai was afraid that nothing could be resolved until he was willing to open up.

The teenager ran a hand through his hair before cursing. 

“Okay, Rikka.” He finally spoke. “I won’t press the issue. Things can remain as they are and I won’t question it now. But that doesn’t change the fact that I want things to progress. I _ want _ to be able to call you mine unconditionally.” 

Rikka smiled gently. Of course he wanted the same things, he wanted Dai to be his, but there were personal limitations he was struggling to overcome. Until he could overcome them, things would proceed as they currently were.

“Thank you for being patient with me.”

Dai nodded briefly before changing the subject. He didn’t think he would be able to discuss their relationship any further. Not when he was unsure if there would be any significant progress in the foreseeable future.

“We should probably go downstairs. I’m getting pretty hungry.”

“Me too." Rikka, who was eating for two, agreed.

Dai led Rikka downstairs where his parents were just finishing up dinner. They were welcomed at the dinner table after every offer to help with preparations had been refused.

"Rikka-san, would you like anything to drink? Beer, wine, sake?"

Rikka smiled politely as he took his seat next to Dai at the table. "Please, just call me Rikka. And water would be fine."

Dai was handed water as well without being offered a choice. His mother spoke accordingly. “Dai’s still too young to drink.”

Dai flushed in response. Mainly because he didn’t want to be reminded that he was and would always be a year younger than Tsubasa, three years younger than Rikka, and five years younger than Shiki. He would forever be the youngest in SolidS and the youngest in his family. He just hoped he wouldn’t always be treated as such.

Once dinner was distributed and everyone sat down with a full plate, after Rikka had gushed about how delicious the food looked, Dai’s father spoke. “You two must be so busy with your unit. Do you have any special projects coming up?”

Both Rikka and Dai shared a similar look. They were both thinking the same thoughts. The duets were coming up in the very near future. But because the duets pertained to a topic they were not ready to discuss, it was quickly disregarded.

“We do have some projects coming up.” Rikka spoke. “But we can’t discuss them right now.”

“Of course not. It should be a surprise for your fans, right?”

Rikka smiled. “Yes. Something like that.”

“I’m sure everyone gets along very well.” Dai’s mother spoke. “It’s a shame we couldn’t meet your leader.”

“Shiki and Tsubasa do butt heads every once in a while. But they work incredibly well together.”

She chuckled. “That doesn’t surprise me. Tsubasa has a strong personality.”

“Shiki does as well.” Rikka chuckled also.

As predictive of his charismatic personality, he found it easy to converse with Dai’s parents. Dai ate silently during, grateful that he was not expected to contribute to the conversation. Rikka was more than capable of handling the conversation on his own, more than happy to answer any inquiries relating to his modeling career or SolidS.

“You and Dai must get along well too. He said you were someone important to him.”

Rikka smiled and nodded. “We do get along well. Dai works hard and never gives up. It’s inspiring.”

Dai smiled a small smile. In anything and everything he did, he was willing to give his all. That was one of the reasons why he wanted to raise his baby with Rikka. He would work tirelessly to ensure he was a good father and be willing to do anything to make sure his baby was taken care of. 

Once his parents knew the truth, he was hoping his obvious determination would be inspiring to them as well.

“I can see why you’re important to Dai.” His mother began. “You have such a charming personality and you’re someone he can look up to.”

“Thank you.” Rikka accepted the compliment with grace and poise though he’d never perceived himself as someone ideal to be admired. He had many faults and insecurities of his own and had been letting those same insecurities get in between him and Dai. He had been too cowardly to progress his relationship with a man he genuinely cared about because of it.

“Though Dai has always been independent and responsible. We've seen how far he’s come since his injury. We’re incredibly proud.”

Dai shrunk under the weight of their praise. He believed he was undeserving of such high regard given the situation he and Rikka had found themselves in. Would his parents still be proud of him once they knew the truth?

“Oh.” His mother’s attention was suddenly drawn away from her son and towards Rikka. She gestured to his now empty plate. “Would you like more?”

Rikka nodded sheepishly. “Please excuse my sizeable appetite.”

His mother laughed in considerable amusement. “Don’t worry about it. We’ve saved a ton of money on groceries since Dai moved out.”

His father agreed wholeheartedly. “When he was in the middle of competition seasons, he ate as if he could never get enough. The bill was through the roof.”

Rikka chuckled behind his hand, subsequently sending a sympathetic look towards his embarrassed bandmate. 

Embarrassed as he was, Dai simply authenticated his parents’ statements. “Eat as much as you need. They really don’t mind.”

“Of course not.” His mother spoke thoughtfully while she filled Rikka’s plate with an assortment of meat, vegetables, and rice. She handed the plate back to him with a curious look. “Dai said to eat as much as you need. Have you been sick?”

Rikka shook his head and Dai cursed the slip of his tongue. It could be interpreted that Rikka was in the process of needing to build up his strength. From whatever ordeal, Dai’s parents couldn’t be certain.

“I-I meant to say want. It was a minor slip of the tongue. Eat as much as you want, Rikka.”

“Yes, I will. Thanks for the food.” He murmured before digging in quickly and silently praying any suspicion was diverted.

“Hm.” His mother mulled before smiling brightly. “Dai’s right. Eat as much as you want. Though, in contrast to your appearance, you have a really healthy appetite.” 

Rikka chuckled in amusement. “Dai said the same thing before…”

“Before what?”

_ Before he knew I was pregnant. _ “Um, just before we knew each other well.”

“Hm.” His mother mused once again. “You must spend a lot of time together these days. I can only imagine how close you’ve gotten.”

“Yes. Our individual schedules line up very closely. So we do have a lot of free time together. We exercise often.”

“Oh, are you athletic like Dai?”

Rikka laughed and shook his head. “I wouldn’t say I was athletic. I just view my health very seriously.” The side effects of any complications following his failed medical abortion were small, but he was not willing to take any more chances with his baby’s health.

Besides, spending time at the gym or jogging with Dai were special moments Rikka valued that had nothing to do with sex, intimacy, or discussing the baby. Those were special times where he and Dai were able to talk about everything and not have to worry about anything.

They meshed well, whenever they hung out together, and never ran out of topics to discuss or reasons to laugh. 

Just recently, a fan spotted them together grabbing post workout smoothies. In the discreetly snapped picture, their eyes were bright and joyous, temporarily free of worry. Thoughts of the baby had not been in the forefronts of their minds during that instance. Even so, the close connection they shared had been visible enough to translate to a single snapshot.

A connection strengthened because of the child extended far beyond the child itself. It originated from deep within their souls and its presence was unconditional.

If Dai was aware of that, whether consciously or subconsciously, and Rikka was as well, why did their relationship remain stagnant?

Dai’s father spoke, drawing Rikka away from the snare of his endless thoughts. “Dai said over the phone that you had something important to tell us.”

“Oh. That’s right. What is it, honey?” His mother focused her attention on her son. 

Dai refused to meet her gaze, finding great interest in trivial matters pertaining to the last bit of food on his plate. He pushed the food around the plate before speaking softly.

“It can wait until tomorrow.”

“Why not now?”

“Because…” The grip on his fork tightened, evident only to Rikka who quickly spoke before Dai’s parents were provided an opportunity.

“Because we both had full schedules earlier today. We’re a bit exhausted.” Rikka accentuated his statement with a friendly and reassuring smile. Dai’s parents were immediately convinced that there was nothing to worry about, nothing to be suspicious about, if only temporarily.

“That makes sense.” His mother smiled in response. “Please feel free to go to your rooms after eating. We can talk more in the morning.”

“Thank you.” Rikka murmured, internally breathing a sigh of relief. Because Dai would be affected the most, positively or negatively, Rikka was only willing to tell his parents once it became clear Dai was ready. Based on his current demeanor, furrowed brows, deep frown, and death grip on his fork, he was nowhere near ready for them to know.

Dai stood up not long after Rikka spoke. Everyone’s attention was on him simultaneously. With so many eyes boring into his own, he sputtered out an excuse. “I-I’m going to my room now.”

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Just tired...like Rikka said.” He mumbled. It was approaching late evening and he was not mentally prepared to deal with the effects of a shocking revelation. 

“Alright.” His mother seemed disappointed that her first time seeing her son in months would have to conclude so abruptly. “We’ll spend more time together tomorrow.”

“Sure.” Dai agreed before retreating to his room. 

Rikka was left alone with his inquisitive parents. 

“Is he really okay?” His mother spoke once her son was out of earshot.

“He’s very sensitive, as I’m sure you already know.” His father began. “He has a tendency to bottle his emotions up. Whenever he has something to hide, he gets more distant.”

Rikka shook his head slowly. He spoke as honestly as he could. “I don’t feel comfortable talking about him behind his back. But I don’t exactly know what he’s feeling right now. Our job is very demanding and he probably _ is _ rather exhausted.”

“Yes, of course.” His mother mused before addressing Rikka directly. “Why don’t you head to your room as well and get some rest?”

Rikka stood and bowed politely, more than grateful to be allowed an escape. He hurried upstairs, hesitating when he passed by a tightly closed door. He considered knocking before deciding Dai needed and deserved uninterrupted privacy. 

He disappeared into his own room, closing and locking the door securely. Once he was completely alone, away from any curious eyes, he placed a hand underneath his shirt and over the swell of his belly. It dawned upon him right then that Dai’s hand had not been on his belly for the entirety of the day. Whether his mind had been too preoccupied or he’d been too nervous to consider it, Dai had not caressed their child in over twenty four hours.

Rikka placed his other hand on his belly for reassurance. Reassurance that he and Dai would be able to overcome the current obstacle placed in front of them together. Despite the fact that, even though they were only a couple of doors away, it currently felt as if they were miles apart from one another.

To occupy his mind with a thoughtless task, Rikka took the liberty of preparing for bed. Even though he knew sleep would not be easy to obtain, he fought for it regardless. He tossed and turned for hours as he could not stop thinking about Dai and Dai’s parents. His thoughts swirled like a violent whirlwind and he sighed. He stared at the dark ceiling above as every feared scenario played out inside his head.

What were they to do if Dai's parents didn't accept them, if the fans didn't accept them? What could be done if he and Dai could never sort out their relationship? What if-

Before another intrusive thought could invade his state of mind, he felt frozen in time when a small flutter originated from inside his lower belly. He held his breath as he waited for the same sensation to increase in prominence or duration. As the moments passed by, he was prepared to brush the incident off as nothing more than a figment of his imagination when the fluttering returned.

Stronger and more distinguishable than before, he felt the unmistakable movement of an active creature dancing within himself. The fluttering did not stop for the span of many minutes and Rikka chuckled lightly.

"Are you trying to keep me company?" He murmured as his eyes began to well up with sentimental tears. "Or maybe, you're trying to encourage me to go talk to Dai. Your father, I mean."

Feeling his baby's movement for the first time gave Rikka the opportunity to put their situation into perspective. If he could not be entirely open and honest with Dai, how could they possibly work towards becoming good parents? If he could not be honest, how could he expect their relationship to progress?

Before realizing what he was doing, he reached for his charging phone on the nearby nightstand. He sent a text to Dai before he had a chance to stop himself.

_ I can't sleep. _

Dai sent a near instant response.

_ Me neither. _

Rikka hesitated before typing his next message. He was given plenty of time to think and consider what his next plan of action should be. Even after weighing every pro and con that could possibly arise from the given situation, his inquiry did not change.

_ Can I come to your room? _

Dai replied after a long moment of contemplation.

_ Yeah. _

Rikka abandoned his phone on the bed as he climbed out from underneath the blankets. He maneuvered his way through the darkness as he sought out Dai's room. When faced with the closed door, he didn't think it wise to knock; just in case Dai's parents would be awakened by the noise, Rikka eased the door open slowly.

Once inside, he closed the door behind him. Taking notice of the darkness that similarly encased Dai's bedroom, Rikka's eyes needed a moment to adjust.

Dai sat up in his bed, unsure of where the night would progress and his subsequent contribution.

Rikka didn't expect anything more than for Dai to be an avid listener. Something he already excelled in.

"If you want, you can lie down with me." Dai began hesitantly before the potentially explicit implications behind his statement dawned upon him and his eyes widened; visible even in the dark. "I didn't mean…um…or we can sit instead."

Rikka giggled at Dai's adorable tendency to stutter over his words whenever he was unsure. Too afraid of being demanding with his straightforward speech, yet determinant in his views and values, Dai's personality was as gentle, steady, and unpredictable as a light breeze.

"I'd rather lie down. It's more comfortable."

"S-sure." Dai would never assume nor pressure Rikka to do anything he wasn't comfortable with, no matter the circumstances. He was a gentleman at heart and Rikka always felt comfortable in his arms.

Rikka settled into Dai's bed with ease, resting his head on the warm sturdy chest, relishing in the familiar presence of another. Dai wrapped his arm around Rikka, drawing the pink haired man closer in a comforting embrace. Neither spoke for a while. The room was silent and peaceful. 

"I felt the baby move." Rikka murmured after the silence had stretched plentifully.

"Really?" Dai gasped in surprise, his hand searching for a familiar spot on Rikka's belly. 

The smaller man didn't bother to hold back his smile when his belly was caressed fondly. "I don't think you'll be able to feel it yet."

"Oh. You're probably right." Dai tried to hide the disappointment in his voice but the pout was unmistakable. 

Rikka smiled even brighter once he realized Dai's hand didn't stray from their baby regardless. He placed his hand over Dai's, deciding that the moment was right for him to finally be open about discussing their relationship.

"We should talk about us."

Rikka kept his head firmly planted on Dai's chest. He felt the vibrations of his voice when Dai questioned, "What about us?"

"I owe you an explanation, about the terms of our relationship." As Rikka began to speak, the feelings and insecurities he had kept hidden inside for such a long time came forth on his own terms.

Dai hummed to prove he was listening.

"I've been alone for a long time and I'm comfortable making decisions on my own. I know that won't translate well when it comes to raising our baby together so I promise to work towards overcoming my reservations."

"Okay." Dai murmured as Rikka continued.

"In the time I've been on my own, I've never been in a committed relationship. The idea of giving everything I have to one person and knowing I could be left with nothing in return is terrifying."

"Rikka…" Dai began but trailed off when he sensed how important and difficult it was for the pink haired man to be admitting his truth.

"Looking the way I look, being the person I am…" Rikka trailed off for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. He spoke once more when he was certain of his words. "My appearance and career have justified others believing they could take advantage of me."

He felt Dai stiffen because of his words. Rikka continued before there was any chance for misinterpretations. "I've never been forced to do anything, if that's what you're fearing. I've just been the recipient of too many empty promises and too many lies. It was easier to be alone, when I could protect myself and never have to worry about others. But being alone for too long starts to get lonely."

Rikka kept his hand over Dai's, caressing it gently as he continued to speak. "If I don't expect anyone to give more than they're willing, I find it easier that way. By giving you permission to leave whenever you want, I don't have to be afraid that you'll suddenly leave me with nothing."

Rikka's eyes began to well up with tears for an entirely different reason than before. To protect his heart, he'd placed a steel barricade around it. If he kept Dai at arms length, he would never have to question the resilience of the barricade. If he pursued his relationship with Dai on his own terms, he would never have to fear being taken advantage of.

Dai leaned his head back against his bed's headboard. He cursed out of frustration. The mere thought of anyone taking advantage of Rikka left his blood boiling. He cursed himself as well, for not staying with Rikka after their first night together. If only he'd known, he never would have left.

"I'm sorry. I took advantage of you that night as well."

"No." Rikka was adamant when he protested. "You didn't expect anything from me. We both took advantage of the situation with the mutual agreement to leave it in the past."

Dai removed his hand from Rikka's belly to caress his cheek. He spoke only after Rikka leaned instinctively into his gentle touch. "Let me apologize properly."

"Okay." Rikka murmured.

"I'm sorry I didn't cherish you the way you deserve to be cherished. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when I _ could _ have been there. Let me replace all of those empty promises with sincere promises. Let me turn all of those lies into truths."

"Dai…" A single tear fell from his eye and Dai was quick to wipe it away with his thumb.

"I'm too young to have all of the answers and I'll never pretend as if I do. But I promise to be here for you no matter what. If you're willing, I promise to give our relationship a chance. If things don't work out, I'll be honest with you as I expect you to do the same. I'll never leave you and the baby no matter what happens between us. You don't have to be afraid."

Rikka ruminated over the implications behind Dai's words. He considered the impact behind each powerful phrase. Dai was offering a chance to care for him unconditionally. Providing him an alternative if their relationship didn't work out, promising that hope would remain if such a thing were to occur.

His heart had never yearned for someone as it did for Dai. A promise had never sounded as genuine as it did coming from such a gentle person. A presence had never been as comforting to alleviate all of Rikka's fears. 

They would try their best to make things work. And if things unfortunately did not work between them, they would still be supportive of each other and still be present in their child's life.

"Okay." Rikka murmured because he was too overcome with emotion to elaborate further. 

Dai pressed a tender kiss to Rikka's waiting lips. When he pulled back, not wanting to fully separate from the man he cared about, he rested his forehead against Rikka's own. 

Hoping he would soon be honored with another opportunity to kiss those familiar soft lips, he murmured softly, stuttering adorably along the way, "C-can I...um...is it alright if I call you my boyfriend?"

Rikka smiled and nodded, accepting another kiss from the compassionate teenager. A reassuring kiss, a genuine kiss, a _ promising _ kiss. 

The barricade surrounding Rikka's heart began to weaken. As Dai repositioned Rikka with all of the care in the world, ensuring the man was comfortable on his back as their intimate moment continued, the barricade surrounding Rikka's heart began to crumble.

When they finally reconnected physically, for the first time in a long time, the debris of the barricade withered away into oblivion. 

Dai was the first man Rikka had ever welcomed into his heart. The first man who had gifted him hope and courage in the face of adversity. The first man who had ever been patient despite impending hindrances, treating him with such delicacy and affection without reservations.

Dai was slow and gentle when he finally entered Rikka. Each time they'd been intimate prior to then, lust and desire had taken precedence. 

At that moment, there was nothing but trust. Trust and affection paving the foundation for a romantic companionship and a successful partnership.

His thrusts were considerate and drawn out, attentive to Rikka's wants and needs. The smaller man wrapped his arms around Dai's neck accordingly, wanting to convey his gentle and sincere emotions in every subtle gesture.

In response, Dai cherished Rikka. He cherished the man's sacred body as well as his pure heart. He cherished his emotions and his humble soul, his very essence of being.

"_Dai_." Rikka moaned as the man stimulated his body in the most beautiful way.

"Shh." Dai silenced Rikka's moans with a sentimental kiss. He caressed the man's body with the softest of touches, ensuring Rikka was too captivated by his amorous sensibilities to make another sound.

"Dai. Please..." Rikka whimpered as he approached his climax.

"I'm right here." Dai assured, pressing soft kisses against Rikka's neck in conjunction with the careful motion of his hips.

Rikka's body rocked to the rhythmic cadence of Dai's own, willing to follow wherever Dai was leading. Consequently, Rikka could feel the fondness and devotion emanating from Dai's being and caressing his very soul.

Rikka's own unwavering fondness and devotion encased Dai in a powerful embrace, characterized by silent understanding and mutual empathy. 

The physical manifestation of their shared empathy found Rikka and Dai gasping simultaneously as they both approached the highest peak of a seemingly infinite mountain of pleasure.

Their shallow and uneven breaths intermingled as their warm bodies reacted instinctively. Rikka held on to Dai tightly as the blinding waves of pleasure settled into more manageable currents.

Dai held Rikka closely, wanting to bask in the moment for as long as he could. Only when there was no other probable option did Dai pull away. He departed with a tender kiss before disconnecting their physical connection. Their emotional connection remained perfectly intact as Rikka grasped at Dai's hand when he tried to leave the bed.

"Don't go." Rikka murmured.

Dai smiled softly. "I'll be right back, okay?"

Rikka nodded, though time passed painstakingly slow when Dai wasn't next to him. When the taller finally did return, with a damp washcloth, he cleared the remnants of their night away from Rikka's body.

Once he was done, he placed a chaste kiss on Rikka's belly. The pink haired man's heart swelled affectionately in response. 

Without a moment's hesitation, Dai climbed back into bed. Certainly not for the first time nor the last time, they basked together in the afterglow of sex. Rikka's head found its previous place on Dai's chest and he took it upon himself to follow the beat of the man's earnest heart.

Dai wrapped a protective arm around Rikka's body, drawing him as close to his own as humanly possible. He pressed a kiss atop Rikka's head, murmuring sweet promises into the smaller's ear.

Settled comfortably in Dai's arms, Rikka eventually succumbed to the tantalizing reaches of a deep slumber. Knowing Dai would be right by his side whenever he awakened from his sweet dreams.


	13. Chapter 13

Rikka opened his eyes slowly as the filtered sunlight bathed the room in its familiar glow. Directly outside, the birds demanded he bear witness to their beautiful songs. 

The first thing he noticed upon awakening was that the sunlight’s angle of incidence shone exponentially on the swimming medal awards, glinting brilliantly in the private room. 

The next thing he noticed, the most significant and unforgettable of tangible effects, was the continued physical and psychological presence of Dai. His _ boyfriend_.

Still fast asleep, not yet ready to escape from the fantasies of his dreams to the complexities of reality, Dai unconsciously snuggled closer to the smaller body in front of him.

Rikka chuckled to himself, not surprised by the revelation that Dai was an avid snuggler. 

They'd fallen asleep together many times before but because of extenuating circumstances, Rikka had always awakened in an empty bed. 

Wanting to savor the revitalizing experience, the feel of Dai's bare body pressed against and intertwined with his own, of the protective arm draped securely over his belly, Rikka closed his eyes. He closed his eyes and listened to the murmurs of nonsense Dai spoke in his sleep, he took note of the comforting warmth radiating from Dai's body and enveloping his own blissfully.

Not wanting to wake him from his peaceful dreams, Rikka took it upon himself to adjust their positioning carefully and meticulously. He longed to be face to face with the man he now called his boyfriend, he wanted to imprint every detail of Dai’s handsome face to memory. The sharpness of his jaw, the slope of his nose, and every contour of his bone structure.

Rikka traced each prominent feature with a gently caressing fingertip, wondering fondly which of those features would be passed down to their child.

In stark contrast with his intelligence, maturity, and life experiences, the teenager looked so young and innocent when he slept. Despite his best efforts, Rikka couldn’t help but place a chaste kiss on the tip of Dai’s nose. He stirred ever so slightly as Rikka traced his fingertip from his sleeping face down to his neck and the dip of his collarbone before resting on the broad expense of his chest. He traced the toned muscles underlying his smooth skin and smiled to himself.

He wondered how he had gotten lucky enough to be the recipient of such a wonderful man’s affection. Of course, the baby played a huge role in eliciting their feelings towards one another. But beyond the child they shared, the affection they had for one another ran deeper. 

They had surpassed every milestone necessary to make their relationship official. All that was left was to announce the good news to their friends and family and, when the time inevitably descended upon them, the public and fans as well.

But that was another matter for an entirely different time.

“Rikka…” Dai murmured the man’s name, slowly opening his eyes and finding himself face to face with the most beautiful man in the world. Last night had not been a wonderful dream. It had been the most realistic night he had ever experienced. “...you’re still here.” He didn’t sound surprised at all. He simply sounded pleased to still be in the presence of his boyfriend. 

“Of course.” Rikka smiled.

Dai returned the smile, placing a kiss upon Rikka’s waiting lips. When they pulled away, Dai’s eyes flickered down and a subsequent blush decorated his face. “And we’re still naked.”

Rikka chuckled. “Undeniably so.”

Dai chuckled as well, blaming his actions on instinct when he extended a hand to rest on Rikka's waist. Now, in knowing that Rikka was more than willing to embrace the full extent of his affection, Dai couldn't fathom the idea of having to hold back.

Rikka welcomed the comforting hand caressing his body, consequently drifting nearer to the source of affection.

Face to face, side by side, laid together upon the same bed and underneath the same blanket, Dai spoke out of earnest sincerity.

"Thank you for giving me a chance." 

Rikka smiled. "Thank you for being patient with me." It hadn't been easy for him to release the protective barricade surrounding his heart. One that he'd resorted to relying on for some time. 

Dai was appreciative of the tremendous effort Rikka had put forth for the sake of someone whom he'd be sharing his life with. Someone who promised to be supportive of them and their future family unconditionally.

"I look forward to these moments that we'll get to share. But I'm not yet ready for this one to end." Dai spoke. Waking up together, falling asleep together, even something as trivial as holding hands, he wanted to treasure every second of the little moments he would get to spend with Rikka.

"It doesn't have to end right now." Rikka’s voice was soft and inviting, drawing Dai irresistibly closer until there wasn’t even a centimeter of space between them.

Not a moment’s hesitation befell them before their lips were connecting intuitively. A few lazy good morning kisses were endearingly exchanged. As he basked in the delight and romanticism of their personal exchange, Rikka’s smile was unwavering.

In the midst of their kisses, evolving more eagerly and passionately with every passing second, Rikka could feel Dai’s smile synchronously match his own. Disrupted only by a tiny bemused gasp, Rikka’s smile transformed into a light chuckle when Dai’s hand wandered from his waist to caress his upper thigh. The large hand gently squeezed his thigh, prompting them to reposition their bodies ever so slightly.

Rikka draped his slender leg over Dai’s hips, held securely in place by a firm hand, as the teenager intertwined his legs between Rikka’s own. 

The pink haired man took the initiative of silencing their kisses, only after he became mindful of the consequent direction their burning desires would ultimately lead them to. He reluctantly pulled away from Dai’s searching lips as the short term repercussions were too severe to be brushed off heedlessly. 

“Dai, we should stop. Your parents…”

“Shit.” Dai cursed under his breath. Lest they forget exactly where they were and precisely what they had traveled there to do. They had come to Dai’s family home to relay the news of Rikka’s pregnancy, nothing more or nothing less. It would be inexcusable to allow the enlightenment of a brand new relationship to steer them astray. 

Rikka smiled gently and empathetically in response. Laid on their sides in bed, facing each other whilst intertwined, they had never felt more physically or emotionally close. It was disheartening to have to abide by the laws of their impending separation. 

As a reluctant and parting farewell gesture, Dai gingerly brushed Rikka's bangs away from his soft eyes. The long haired man chuckled.

“Is it too disheveled?”

“It just...um...draws attention to what we did...last night.”

Rikka chuckled once more, earnestly and amusingly. It was probably the most polite and subtle way of implying that his hair was mussed and tousled in an obvious post-sex state.

Before he could respond, something akin to a teasing statement highlighting Dai's adorable embarrassment to talk about sex after the fact, Rikka felt a recognizable fluttering sensation in his lower belly. He disentangled his limbs from Dai's own before sitting up in bed and allowing both hands to gravitate towards his stomach.

A moment passed, wherein Dai was disappointed by their sudden separation, before complying with their baby's demands for attention. He placed his hand over Rikka's. The fluttering sensation remained inconspicuous to him.

"It's moving, _ a lot_." Rikka murmured in awe. The rapid fluttering of their baby was of no predictable fashion nor appointed time. Its appearance was sudden in nature and transient by interim duration.

"When it gets bigger...I'll be able to feel it too. Right?" Dai's eyes were downcast and his quiet tone alluded to the sensitivity of his gentle heart. He longed to feel their baby's movements as much as Rikka could, just as he longed to compensate for the lost time when he hadn't been aware of the baby's existence. A single sonogram was not enough to capture the extent of their child's extraordinary beauty.

Rikka hummed in agreement, caressing Dai's disheartened face before placing a sweet peck on his lips. "Whenever we have the ultrasound, you'll get to see the baby move. It's...a life changing experience."

Dai's mood was uplifted by Rikka's words. His eyes sparkled with such genuine enthusiasm, Rikka couldn't help but wonder to what extent that same enthusiasm would have reflected in the teenager's eyes had he been given the chance to support their baby's existence from the beginning. 

How might things have panned out if Dai had been there to hold his hand during his first ultrasound? 

As he sat there, hand caressing Rikka's belly affectionately, Dai realized he would have done anything in the world to make their fantasy with each other last for a while longer. To savor the opportunity to share similar thoughts and feelings whilst resonating empathetically on an existential continuum.

Once they arrived back at the dorm in Tokyo, there would be ample time for an exuberant celebration of their harmonious partnership.

They looked forward to Tsubasa teasing them about finally taking the initiative to move past the awkward ‘friends with benefits’ stage and extend towards an _ official _ relationship. They even looked forward to recording their duet and filming the promotional video to highlight their indisputable feelings towards one another. 

Even something as trivial as the idea of a trial period for sharing a bedroom before their baby was born filled their hearts with joy.

After overcoming every debilitating reservation that held them back, Rikka looked forward to each opportunity of celebrating the next important step in their lives.

But before any one of those ideologies could come to fruition, they had to tell Dai’s parents the truth. About them _and _ their baby.

Dai was the first to climb out of bed, begrudgingly so once he caught a glimpse of the time. His parents were sure to be awake by then and seeking the presence of their son and his company for breakfast.

He and Rikka dressed in a timely manner, the latter of the two running careful hands through his long hair in an effort to smooth away any disorderly strands. Its length had long surpassed that of his collarbone and rested comfortably against each shoulder. 

Dai took notice once Rikka's braided hairstyle had been set.

"Your hair's getting longer."

Rikka hummed in agreement. "It's the pregnancy hormones."

"Oh. Of course." Dai murmured. He knew Rikka's body was and constantly would be changing for the next few months. Yet he felt uneducated about those resultant changes. He wanted to take care of and help his pregnant boyfriend in any way he could but his knowledge about pregnancy was limited at best.

As if sensing the teen's uncertainty and worries, Rikka reached out a reassuring hand. Dai took it without hesitation, receiving a gentle squeeze in response.

"Don't worry, we'll figure this out together. I'm just as unprepared as you are."

Unpreparedness would not hinder their ability to become good parents. Rikka was certain of that and wanted Dai to be certain as well.

"Y-yeah. There's books and…" Dai trailed off softly, running an awkward hand through his hair.

Rikka giggled delicately. Imagining Dai holed up in a bookstore with every colorful book about pregnancy and babies in his possession, Rikka couldn't help but express gentle amusement.

Only when the laughter faded away, did Dai reciprocate a gentle squeeze of Rikka's hand. He brought the soft hand up to his lips, pressing a chaste kiss on the back. The resulting atmosphere of the room was more serious and severe than before.

"Let me make sure everything's okay. I don't want you to get in any trouble."

Rikka nodded at the same time their hands were pulled apart. Though there was no way of knowing when they'd be given the chance to intertwine their hands once more, they departed strictly on the basis of necessity.

Dai opened his door and disappeared from view. Rikka stood alone in his boyfriend's bedroom, counting each muffled footstep that echoed back. 

Only when the footsteps faded away into the distance did Rikka exit the bedroom. Ensuring his boyfriend was provided adequate time to converse with his parents in whichever manner was deemed appropriate, Rikka freshened up in the bathroom. He showered and changed into a more appropriate outfit that drew attention away from his growing belly.

Unsure of exactly when Dai would want to tell his parents the news, Rikka didn't intend on drawing unwanted attention to the currently unsettled matter.

When a sufficient amount of time had passed, Rikka made his way downstairs to join Dai's family. Mentally preparing for the worst scenario but hoping for the best, Rikka's elegant demeanor took precedence.

"Good morning." Rikka bowed politely to Dai's parents. The gesture was returned favorably and the pink haired man breathed an internal sigh of relief. As it stood, Dai's parents remained unsuspecting about the meaningful relationship between their son and Rikka. For now, the situation was deemed desirable.

"Good morning, Dai." Rikka spoke politely towards his boyfriend. Successfully convincing Dai's parents that they hadn't already spent the entire passionate night and much of the romantic morning together. 

"Good morning, Rikka." Dai spoke quietly.

His mother interjected earnestly, "Did you sleep well, Rikka? Was the bedroom to your liking?"

"Yes, thank you." Rikka hoped his smile didn't reflect how uneasy he felt about the situation. Guilt was beginning to settle in at the prospect of lying to Dai's parents. But at the moment, an alternative solution was nonexistent.

"Now that everyone's awake, we can enjoy breakfast together."

Breakfast sounded lovely. The baby seemingly fluttered excitedly at the idea. Rikka brought an instinctive hand to rest on his stomach. Dai's mother's curious eyes followed the action before it could be terminated.

"Are you feeling unwell?"

Rikka smiled politely. "I feel wonderful, actually. I'm just a little hungry."

"Of course. You and Dai can sit at the table. Breakfast will be ready shortly."

Rikka bowed once more before following Dai into the private dining room. They sat down on the tatami floor chairs wordlessly, each searching for an excuse to avoid discussing their unfortunate predicament.

When the tension became too suffocating for Rikka to bear, once he ran out of excuses for procrastination, he spoke softly. "Dai, I don't want to rush you but we can't procrastinate this for much longer."

"I know." Dai chanced a glance towards the open doorway of the room, ensuring his parents were safely out of earshot before continuing. "W-we can tell them. After we finish eating."

Rikka nodded, placing a hand over Dai's own for reassurance. For the briefest of moments, Rikka's hand rested atop Dai's hand on the wooden chabudai table. From that fleeting touch, Rikka could feel every concentrated tendril of nervous energy radiating from Dai's entire being. The hand beneath his shook accordingly and was withdrawn from sight in a matter of seconds. 

Rikka placed his own hands in his lap, fighting against every enticing instinct that demanded he took further action to protect and comfort the father of his baby. At the given moment, he was utterly helpless. Unable to provide Dai with the reassurance he needed nor the comfort he deserved.

Rikka's heart had never ached as painfully for someone else's sake. 

"Here we are." His mother beamed as she filled the table with the most delicious looking breakfast that neither Rikka nor Dai suddenly had the appetite for.

"Rikka, I thought you were hungry."

The pink haired man smiled politely, taking the initiative to fill his plate with every dish offered. Dai followed suit, though his hands shook noticeably as he carefully filled his plate.

His parents sat across from him and Rikka, both visibly concerned about their son's odd behavior. His father spoke first, his tone was gentle and comforting. "Is something wrong, son?"

Dai's face had appeared a few shades paler and his hands had begun shaking uncontrollably. Beads of sweat had gathered on his forehead and his brows furrowed uneasily. His uncomfortable gaze was fixated on a random point on the table, his shoulders were hunched forward. He swallowed audibly before speaking in a strained and arduous manner, "E-excuse me. I don't feel well."

Dai's exit was abrupt and staggering. He rushed out of the room with a hand covering his mouth, leaving behind a perplexing dilemma.

Rikka cleared his throat uncomfortably, capturing Dai's parents' undivided attention. He spoke assuredly, not allowing an opportunity for objection. "Excuse me. I'll go check on him."

Whatever was going on with their son they hadn't a clue. But it was clear to them Rikka was intuitively competent on the matter. _ Whatever _ the matter turned out to be.

His exit was not as abrupt nor confounding as Dai's exit had been. He left the room as gracefully as he could, though his insides were nauseatingly twisting with worry over his boyfriend's wellbeing. He hurried down the hallway in the general direction in which Dai had fled, stopping in front of a closed door. 

He winced when the sound of the teenager being sick reached his ears. His heart broke simultaneously when he realized just how nervous Dai was about telling his parents. Nervous enough to render him physically ill.

He knocked once as a precautionary measure, to alert Dai of his forthcoming presence, before slowly opening the door. Since Dai was not in a position to speak, Rikka slipped into the bathroom unhesitatingly. He shut the door behind him quietly, ensuring privacy for the sick teenager.

Once they were alone, as Dai had done many times for him, Rikka crouched down and rubbed his boyfriend's back. His hand worked soothing circles into the man's tense muscles until the blue haired found himself in a position to speak. He did so, flushing the toilet consequently.

"I don't want you to see me like this."

"Dai," Rikka began gently, his hand stopped moving but it remained a comforting presence on the taller's back, "I want to be here for you. I'm not leaving your side until we sort things out together."

Dai stood slowly, forcing Rikka's hand to fall from his back. He rinsed his mouth in the sink, leaning against the counter once he was done. His hands were still shaking and his stance was evidently unsteady. His panicked eyes frantically searched everywhere but Rikka's caring eyes.

His voice quivered when he spoke. "I-I don't think I can do this."

Rikka grasped his shaking hands, situating himself in front of his terrified boyfriend. Although they were now facing one another, Dai still refused to meet Rikka's gaze. He was too ashamed to do so.

Rikka's voice remained gentle when he spoke. "You _ can _ do this."

"No I can't." Dai murmured with absolute resignation.

Wordlessly, Rikka removed one of his hands from Dai's own and pressed it gently against the pane of the teenager's chest. He could feel each and every thunderous heartbeat, pounding anxiously against his outstretched hand. Each heartbeat represented the severity of his crippling anxiety and every debilitating fear that prevented him from moving forward.

He removed his hand from Dai's chest, grasping one of Dai's larger hands between both of his own. He lifted the shaking hand and pressed it against his own chest. The beating of his heart was felt against Dai's palm. Every rhythmic, steady beat caressed the teenager's palm reassuringly. 

He met Rikka's soft gaze, only after acknowledging the symbolism behind their encounter. Though they wouldn't always exist in perfect harmony nor make decisions indicative of a balanced equilibrium, they would always exist _ together_. Their hearts were aligned in the most perfectly imperfect paradigm.

"You _can_ do this because I'm right here with you. This involves our child, Dai, so we need to do this together."

Dai nodded slowly as Rikka's words began to make undeniable sense. They had to do it together, for the sake of their child, or the intent would be meaningless. 

He kept his hand against Rikka's chest, sensing the steady thump, until his own heartbeat was returned to a calmer and more manageable rhythm. He rested his free hand against the pink haired man's waist as the tremors began to dissipate.

Rikka allowed Dai sufficient time to recover from his heightened emotions before placing a quick kiss on his lips. Dai kissed back, longing for more and hoping the moment would last longer than it did. 

Too soon, they simultaneously pulled away, Rikka translating encouraging thoughts and feelings into a single captivating gaze. 

Dai was visibly relaxed, eyes twinkling with restored faith and optimism when Rikka next spoke.

"Are you ready to tell them?"

The teenager nodded in response. Since he'd worked through his feelings and mental breakdown with Rikka by his side, he was now confident he could do anything with the pink haired man by his side.

"Can I hold your hand while we tell them?"

"Of course." Rikka murmured. Dai's parents were sure to be shocked once they witnessed the couple holding hands, but it was nothing more than an unavoidable precursor to the revelation of the pregnancy.

For that reason alone, Dai emerged from the bathroom with newfound determination and his hand securely clasped with Rikka's own. They navigated their way back to the dining room together, reclaiming their seats across from Dai's bewildered parents.

"Rikka and I have something we want to tell you."

"Explain." His father demanded when his eyes fixated on their connected hands.

Displeasure and confusion were equally distributed across his parents' faces when Dai sucked in a deep breath. He shared a fleeting look with Rikka before responding.

"Rikka and I...we're in a relationship. And…"

"...I'm pregnant."

"I'm sorry, you're what?" His mother gasped, her eyes widening accordingly. 

Rikka tightened his grip on Dai's hand. He had been fearful that his parents would not accept them and Dai would have to suffer as a result. But the truth had already been revealed and there was nothing more they could do than continue down an honest path.

"I'm pregnant." Rikka repeated.

"We're together. In a relationship." Dai repeated as well.

His father ran a tired hand over his face while his mother shook her head in disbelief. The disappointment was more than evident on their features as Dai was bracing for the worst possible reaction. Neither his father nor mother spoke for a long while. The atmosphere in the room approached a distressing level once his father finally spoke.

"Is it yours?"

"Huh?" Dai was momentarily confused by the question before his father reiterated out of exasperation.

"The baby, Dai! Is it yours?"

"Y-yes." Dai murmured softly. His mother made a strangled noise in the back of her throat after he'd confirmed exactly what she had feared. 

"Dai, Rikka, I don't know what to say. How did this happen? _ Why _ did this happen?" She inquired with a dissatisfied tone to match her expression.

"We didn't...plan this." Dai continued, shrinking under the weight of his parents' intimidating glares.

His father ran another hand over his face, cursing simultaneously. "You weren't careful."

"Not as careful as we should have been." Rikka spoke up.

"Dai, what were you even thinking? I thought we raised you to make better decisions than this!"

"You raised me to take responsibility for my actions. That's exactly what I intend to do."

His mother shook her head once more out of sheer disappointment, "You're only nineteen, you can't raise a baby."

"With all due respect," Rikka began, "we've already decided to raise our baby. There will be no further discussion on that matter."

“Do you intend to discontinue your careers?” His father questioned.

Rikka responded. “Our leader and our company already know about the pregnancy. Tsubasa does as well. We are proceeding with every intention of continuing our careers.”

A long and indecipherable silence stretched between the four of them. Interrupted only by Dai’s mother’s weary sigh and his father’s stern voice. “Your mother and I should have a private discussion about this. In the meantime, you and Rikka should reflect on the choices you’ve made.”

Dai’s father spoke resolutely, not lenient in the way of objection nor disagreement. Rikka and Dai were powerless against the man's request. Out of politeness, obedience, and an aversion to confrontation, they simply nodded their heads. 

His parents left the room in an eerie hush, leaving the young couple behind with their own thoughts. Dai sighed audibly and placed his head in his hands. Rikka rubbed his back soothingly, speaking softly and optimistically. 

"It was sudden and unexpected news. They need time to process it. Just like we did." Although they hadn't found out about the pregnancy simultaneously, both Rikka and Dai had instinctively reacted with raw emotion. Dai's parents deserved to have that luxury as well. The opportunity to categorize their emotions and coherently organize their thoughts.

"I know." Dai murmured, his voice slightly muffled by his hands. "I just wish they hadn't looked so disappointed."

"They'll come around." Rikka scooted closer to Dai until he was in a comfortable position to rest his head on the taller's shoulder. Dai welcomed the touch, wrapping a sturdy arm around the smaller's waist as a result.

They didn't speak nor move for the duration of his parents' absence. They sat alone at the small chabudai, lost in their own thoughts and feelings. Rikka hoped, with every fiber of his being, that Dai's parents would accept them. For the sake of Dai's sensitive heart, Rikka prayed that the four of them could reach a mutual understanding regarding his pregnancy. 

If no compromise was made, Dai would be absolutely heartbroken.

After his parents returned, an unspecified amount of time later, Rikka hadn't removed his head from Dai's shoulder. Dai, on the other hand, quickly removed his hand from his face. In an effort to discover whether his parents had reached a definite conclusion, he needed to assess the raw emotions brimming in their eyes.

The heavy disappointment was still present, as he had expected yet feared, but there was another emotion fighting for dominance in their eyes.

_Sympathy_.

His parents sat back down across from him and Rikka. When they spoke, the tone of their voices maintained a steady balance.

"We have a lot of questions, as you might suspect, but now isn't the time to ask them." His father spoke.

His mother continued by saying, "You should know how disappointed we are. In _ both _ of you. For lying to us, for acting irresponsibly..."

Dai looked at the ground, accepting the scolding from his parents with the utmost respect. 

When his mother spoke again, the sympathy that plagued their eyes became duly accounted for. "But we are proud of you for taking responsibility. Especially because we know this will not be easy. The struggles you'll have to overcome, the difficult situations you'll have to face; I wish it didn't have to be this way."

"Thank you for your sympathy." Rikka began softly. "We are aware of the struggles we'll have to face. But we decided long ago that it would be worthwhile as long as our baby was given a chance at life."

"I care about Rikka." Dai spoke next, earnestly and without reservation. "More than I've ever cared about anyone. I'm honored that he's willing to have my baby and willing to stay by my side."

Dai's mother resignedly sighed, as the topic of conversation progressed in a timid and hesitant manner. "How far along are you?"

"Eighteen weeks."

"Do you know if you're having a boy or girl?"

Rikka shook his head slowly. "We don't. I haven't been able to find an obstetrician willing to accept a pregnant male patient."

"I see you've already experienced some of the struggles given your situation."

"Yes, unfortunately." Rikka murmured. The contrasting irony between how the doctors had treated him when abortion had been a likely option versus how they treated him after abortion had been disregarded was staggering.

It was frustrating as well. 

He and Dai deserved more than unfair and brief consideration. If not for them, then for the innocent life they would do anything to protect. 

"This unfortunate situation is unfair to you as it is to us. You've put us in an awkward position and we still need time to process this." His father spoke in a heavy and exasperated voice.

Dai bowed his head apologetically. While his parents continued to sort through their own emotions, he was unable to offer them anything more than painful regret. 

The repercussions of the pregnancy would have irreversible effects on his parents as well as himself. Since Dai's potential exceeded that of a distinguished public figure, his actions would begin to reflect on his family. There would be no obvious way to escape the sticky web of consequences once his decisions (good or bad) had been scrutinized underneath a public spotlight.

His mother clasped her husband's hand in her own, suddenly facing Rikka and Dai with a critical and sharp gaze. Her tone was unyielding and strict. Her words were irrefutably stern.

"I have many opinions on this matter that will be discussed later. As for right now, if you're serious about raising this baby and pursuing a relationship you need to have an effective plan." She spoke in such a way that demanded the entirety of their attention and cooperation. 

"This child deserves parents who are willing to make a lifelong commitment. Which _ means_, neither resignation nor deterrence will be tolerated once this child is born. If you are unable to follow through with your decisions you will not receive our support. Do you understand?"

"Yes." They murmured simultaneously. Their decision remained unchanged despite the tremendous pressure being placed upon their shoulders. 

Satisfied by her son and Rikka's unwavering devotion towards their child, she spoke in a gentler tone succeeding her critical demeanor. "With that being said, you're sure to be overwhelmed. You're both having to deal with this at such young ages. In the meantime, we will try to do our best to help you sort some things out."

Dai abruptly lifted his heavy head, inspired by the gentle promise underlying his mother's tone. "W-what?"

His father spoke for optimal clarification. "You're our son, Dai. We love you unconditionally and will do what we can to help you through this."

Dai was speechless and Rikka was overwhelmed with joy. With the added support of two very important people, the nerves and anxiety that once permeated the atmosphere were lifted like a transparent veil.

In the blink of an eye, Dai was enveloped in the warm embrace of his wonderful father. Muffled sobs were intermingled and impossible to distinguish between the two men.

Simultaneously, an extended embrace welcomed Rikka on the other side of the chabudai. Having missed the feeling for too long, he relished in the devoted hug of a loving mother.

Tears welled up in his rose-gold eyes when Dai's mother spoke sincerely. "Rikka, you're carrying our precious grandchild so please look after yourself. If you have any concerns or questions, let me know and I will do my best to help."

"Thank you." Rikka murmured. If it were possible to express the entirety of his gratitude in words, his appreciation would have no definitive end. 

Rikka could only hope, in the aftermath of the promising encounter, that he would be able to provide their own child with the unconditional love and support of a devoted mother.

His dreams surpassed those of reality in wishing, with an optimistic disposition, that his own mother and father would acknowledge his and Dai's shared perseverance as a beautiful everlasting commitment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, they find out the gender of the baby. Stay tuned


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With everything going on in the world these days, I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy. I hope this chapter can serve as a much needed distraction from all the chaos. Enjoy:)

"I'm home." Rikka spoke as he toed off his shoes in the dorm's entryway. 

Although a familiar flash of blue hair was visible in the distance, a responsive voice didn't immediately follow.

Rikka chuckled softly behind his hand as he approached the preoccupied man. He stealthily snuck up behind the seated figure, draping his arms over a familiar chest and placing a kiss on his exposed neck.

Dai responded to the affectionate gesture with surprise, though he was more than happy to return the next kiss that was placed upon his lips.

"I'm sorry. I didn't hear you come in. How was your run?"

Rikka smiled. "It was nice." Even though their overprotective leader had been adamant that Rikka didn't leave the dorm by himself, Rikka had been desperate for a chance to be alone with abundantly pleasant thoughts and feelings.

Consequently returning to the dorm feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and with a better outlook on life's simple moments. 

He gestured suddenly towards the open book in Dai's hands. The book that had captured his boyfriend's undivided attention since it first came into his possession.

"You're almost finished."

The teenager nodded sheepishly. "I wanted to have it read...you know...before the baby came."

Rikka chuckled again, resting a hand on the swell of his twenty week baby bump. With roughly four months left before they became parents, Rikka appreciated Dai's enthusiasm and initiative.

"Your mother sent me one too." A pregnancy/baby book, not entirely different from Dai's yet catered towards expectant mothers, had yet to be read. They still had time, of course, but his ability to hide his baby bump was being hindered by the growth of their eager child. 

"They really want us to be prepared." Dai murmured softly.

Rikka hummed in agreement. "I can't thank them enough."

Ever since Dai's parents had learned about the pregnancy and lovingly sent the new couple back to their everyday life in Tokyo, they'd taken the initiative to provide them with invaluable parenting advice and supplementary materials to ease any uncertainty and anxiety. 

Though they still had nearly everything to learn about becoming parents and raising a baby, they finally had a designated starting point. The positive effects were slowly but steadily materializing.

Wanting to provide Rikka with all of the affectionate attention he deserved, Dai bookmarked his current page, nearly two-thirds of the way into his expectant father book, for future perusing and studying. He gestured for the pink haired man to sit next to him on the black L-shaped couch.

Rikka did so happily, finding himself in the strong arms of his boyfriend mere moments later. Their lips connected once more, ensuring that, although they resolved to progress their relationship slowly and carefully, the passionate feelings still burned with relentless intensity.

A loud and familiar voice interrupted their private moment, though their intense feelings remained prevalent. "Woah! I still can't get used to seeing that so early in the morning."

"What are you doing up this early?" Dai deadpanned when Tsubasa invited himself to join them on the couch. 

"Couldn't sleep." The blonde responded, beaming towards his friend and his friend's _ boyfriend._

As expected, when they first informed Tsubasa of the current status of their relationship, the blonde man clung at every opportunity to tease them. Two weeks post the formation of said romantic relationship, the novelty of teasing them had yet to wear off. Tsubasa remained as shameless yet supportive as ever.

"Why not?" Rikka inquired. 

Tsubasa's eyes widened in shock as if Rikka had just asked the most needless question with a most resoundingly obvious answer.

"Because today's the big day! I can't wait to see the look on Dai's face when he finds out you're having a girl."

Tsubasa had remained faithfully and openly steadfast in his beliefs that the child Rikka carried was female. If only to tease his friend with horrifying thoughts and scenarios pertaining to raising a girl. Toilet training, potential participation in dreaded activities (dress up, makeovers, playing dolls), _ puberty_, dating, the list was endless.

"Idiot, you're not coming with us." Dai retorted.

"Eh?! Why?" Tsubasa exclaimed in bewilderment. It had taken an innumerable amount of effort from everyone to seek out an obstetrician who was willing to work with Rikka. By some extraordinary miracle and Tsubasa's charismatic and persuasive tendencies, they had recently found a good doctor who agreed to provide services to the pregnant man.

Since Tsubasa _ had _ found the aforementioned doctor, he mistakenly believed he was entitled to certain benefits. Namely, accompanying the couple to their first ultrasound together.

When Dai simply resolved to ignore his pestering friend, Tsubasa was forced to focus his attention on the pink haired man. "Rikka, you remember what Shiki said. Right?"

Rikka nodded, he couldn't forget their leader's stern lecture. After Shiki had been made aware of the couple's budding romantic relationship, the congratulations were short-lived while he considered the professional implications of said relationship. Mainly, the suspicions that might arise if Rikka and Dai were spotted alone in public too often. 

Before his bandmates' relationship was exposed prematurely, before a potential scandal disrupted the trajectory of their unit's progression, Shiki made it a priority to ensure the couple's public outings involved another active person or other participating people. 

"It does look suspicious when you guys are always together in public." Tsubasa was sincere in his desire not to have their relationship revealed before they were ready. Especially not before the promotional videos were filmed.

"You're right." Rikka spoke and Dai sighed in resignation. He didn't want to draw negative attention to himself nor Rikka in the midst of still figuring some things out. 

"Fine." Dai murmured. "But you're staying in the waiting room."

"Works for me." Tsubasa beamed. "I'll get to see your reaction either way."

Rikka giggled at the same time Dai retorted an annoyed remark. 

It _ was _ exciting to think that they'd know the gender of their baby by the end of the day. Then they could start planning and creating the baby's nursery. The exciting days ahead did warrant some playful banter.

"You know, Dai-chan, whatever the gender of the baby, it _ is _ your fault. Biologically speaking, that is."

"I know." Dai mumbled, as if he needed a lecture on the biological development of babies. He and Rikka were _ more _ than educated on all aspects surrounding the creation of their child.

"Then you can start working on the nursery. Right, Rikka?" Tsubasa continued as if Dai hadn't even spoken.

Rikka hummed in agreement, smiling happily. Though he and Dai were still working out the logistics regarding room sharing, he looked forward to the day when they would have their own and the baby would have his or her own.

Although sharing a room would likely not be a perfect scenario once they made the transition, they cared about each other enough to work through the uncertainty. 

As if sensing what Rikka was thinking, Tsubasa spoke teasingly. "Make sure the nursery is really comfortable. That way, if you get pissed off at Dai and things go wrong, you can make him sleep with the baby."

Tsubasa laughed in amusement as Dai's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. Rikka laughed as well, thoroughly amused even when he snuck away to give Dai and Tsubasa time alone to talk and joke.

Making his way down the hallway and heading towards the bathroom to shower, he ran into Shiki who was in the process of exiting his office.

"Oh, Rikka. How are you doing?" Shiki smiled while he closed the door behind him. His eyes were as tired as always but he was genuinely happy to see his close friend. 

Rikka had spent so much time with Dai lately that it seemed as if it had been ages since he'd had the chance to casually converse with Shiki.

"I'm doing alright. I'm still amazed at how fast this little one is growing." Rikka beamed, placing a hand on his belly. It was hidden from view as per usual but that didn't prevent Shiki from smiling in response.

He was ecstatic that Rikka was happy with his pregnancy and relationship with Dai. But there were still logistical details that needed to be laid out for future endeavors.

"That's great." Shiki murmured, shifting towards a more serious tone. "We have a date set to film the videos."

"Really, when?"

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Rikka's eyes widened. As a precursor to his eventual pregnancy announcement and their relationship news, he'd long been preparing to film the promotional video with Dai. But he hadn't expected to have to film the video on such short notice.

After they filmed the video, it would be broadcast across Tokyo. An exorbitant amount of people would witness some of the private romanticism he and Dai had diligently kept hidden. Whatever response observed by the public, they would all be rendered powerless against its impact. 

There was only a single day left to prepare for a potentially catastrophic event.

Shiki could sense Rikka's hesitation. He was quick to offer reassurance. "I'm sorry for the late notice but it couldn't be helped. Whatever happens, Rikka, we're here for you. I imagine you'll feel relieved once you don't have to hide your relationship or pregnancy."

"It will be a relief." Rikka murmured. "But at what price?"

What price would he have to pay for being open and honest with the public? What price would Dai, Shiki, and Tsubasa have to pay for publicly supporting him?

"It doesn't matter." Shiki spoke assuredly. "We'll deal with whatever happens as it comes."

"Prepare for the worst but hope for the best." Rikka spoke softly, more to himself than Shiki. Whether it was a probable motto to live by or not, he still chose to believe in its infallibility.

"That's all we can do." Shiki rested a reassuring hand on Rikka's shoulder. He gave it a gentle squeeze. "I look forward to hearing about your appointment today."

The seamless transition to a more positive topic of conversation relieved some of the burdens of the more difficult matters.

Rikka smiled in response. "Tsubasa's going too so we'll make sure you're well informed."

Shiki chuckled in response. "I regret that I'm going to miss it. We could have made it an entire group outing."

Rikka chuckled as well. "The fans would surely enjoy it. Though we shouldn't draw too much attention to ourselves."

Their dedicated fanbase continued to grow rapidly to the point where very few of their outings could be completed without public recognition. The three of them would have to enjoy their outing as discreetly as possible.

Shiki hummed in agreement. "The fans _ are _ loyal. Try to keep that in mind if things start to get rough." They were all eternally grateful for the support of their fans, Rikka needn't forget the magnitude of their loyalty. 

"Yes, of course." He nodded. His and Dai's entire support system was built upon a strong foundation. Its strength was unquestionably sufficient to handle the repercussions of a public outcry. He was certain of it. Or at least, he had to be certain if he wanted to stay sane.

Following their brief conversation, he and Shiki departed with sincere farewells. The leader was off to work to address any pertinent manners regarding SolidS' upcoming projects while Rikka was soon to occupy himself with matters pertaining to his and Dai's little family. 

The difference in responsibilities among the band members was striking. Shiki dealt with and handled every issue regarding their unit whilst Rikka found himself further engrossed in his relationship with Dai and their baby.

As life progressed and the baby came into the world, Rikka hoped the four bandmates would be able to maintain the balance necessary to keep their idol unit functioning. The adjustment period following the integration of the baby would not be easy. Nor would the dynamic between the members remain the same.

The upcoming months were sure to test everyone's resilience and dedication to each other and the unit. The integrity of the group and the prospects of its future would be revealed in due time.

**

In the center of a specialized examination room, the same sophisticated machine captured Rikka's undivided attention. His gaze flickered from the machine towards the examination table when he'd been instructed to lie down. 

“Lift up your shirt for me.” He did as he was told, revealing his hidden bump that had been meticulously covered away from any suspicious curiosity.

The hold on his hand tightened in surprise when the lights were dimmed and a clear sonogram was expertly sought out.

The expression on Dai’s face was unreadable, while he dutifully sat next to Rikka and paid careful attention to the procedures being performed. Present in an environment entirely new to him, he remained unsure of what to do with himself and what typical behavior constituted that of an expectant father. 

Though the sudden on-screen image diminished every one of his uncertainties and realigned the center of his entire universe.

_ Their baby_.

Even though it hadn’t been born, despite the fact that it lived far beneath the vantage point of the naked eye, their baby could be seen as clearly as any other physical being. Its presence could be felt as strongly as if it were already in their arms. The heightened sense of feeling and savoring the powerful presence of their baby brought tears to his eyes. He wiped them away with his free hand before they could fall.

Rikka gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and sent an encouraging smile in his direction. Immediately following the subtle affectionate gestures, Rikka became transfixed upon the moving image of their baby. Dai was transfixed as well.

“Your baby’s pretty active today.” The tech smiled as she glided the transducer along Rikka’s stomach to observe the baby from various angles.

“It usually is.” Rikka chuckled. The high-resolution ultrasound image attested to the intense fluttering movement he’d been feeling on a regular basis.

“Hm. Are either of you athletes?”

“I used to be a swimmer.” Dai murmured. He received a smile in response.

“Well, you might have to prepare for another active athlete in the family.”

Dai nodded, somehow successfully concealing his beaming smile from the technician. Although Rikka was not fooled and could see just how much the prospect of their child becoming a swimmer filled Dai with an immeasurable sense of pride.

Rikka smiled to himself as he continued to watch their child live and grow inside of him. From the time period spanning his first two ultrasounds, Rikka had witnessed the expanse of their baby’s growth. The little humanoid figure he’d been uncertain about had recently grown into the most beautiful baby in the world.

Its features were becoming more prominent and defined, alluding to the revelation that it was beginning to resemble its mother.

“It looks like you.” Dai spoke and Rikka was rendered speechless by the accuracy of his words. The mere thought that there would soon be a small human in his arms that resembled him and reflected other characteristics of Dai remained staggering.

“Y-yeah. It does.” Rikka stuttered in awe.

The tech continued to observe the baby from various angles while the soon to be parents worked through their emotional reactions. 

She spoke after an unspecified amount of time passed. “For twenty weeks along, you are quite smaller than average.”

“I am?” Rikka’s eyes widened with concern. His mind raced with every possible effect that could have prevented him and the baby from growing properly. Maybe he hadn’t been eating enough or maybe he’d been exercising too much. What if the abortion pills had a negative effect after all? What if he’d been too stressed? What if…

“Relax.” The tech smiled once she sensed the concern emanating from the soon to be mother. “The baby is perfectly healthy.”

Rikka breathed a quiet sigh of relief as the tech continued to speak. “Since this is your first pregnancy it’s expected that you would be smaller. If you plan to have more kids in the future you’ll notice that each pregnancy is different.”

“M-more kids?” Dai spluttered. The idea of raising one child was intimidating enough but the thought of raising any more was unfathomable.

The pink haired man chuckled in response whilst ensuring Dai they would _ not _ be caring for more than one child in the foreseeable future. 

“Being an only child isn’t so bad.” Rikka spoke as adequate reasoning for the probable decision not to have another.

“Not at all.” The tech agreed before gesturing to the ultrasound monitor. “I’m sure this one would love to have all of your attention.”

Dai grunted affirmatively. In wishing and hoping his romantic relationship with Rikka would extend far beyond the birth of their child, he made a mental note to implement more careful precautionary measures to ensure the risk of any accidental pregnancies was minimal. 

The transducer on Rikka’s stomach was shifted over the expanse of the bump for a few more minutes before the tech spoke again. “Would you like to know the gender?”

“Yes.” Rikka spoke with a smile.

“You’re in luck. She’s giving us a perfect view.”

“She?” Dai’s eyes widened comically before the tech chuckled.

“Yes. Congratulations, you’re having a girl.”

With the overwhelming news weighing heavily on his mind, Dai removed his hand from Rikka’s. He hunched over in his seat and buried his head in his hands, mumbling to himself repeatedly. “Damn it. Tsubasa was right.”

The technician looked towards Rikka curiously who returned the gaze with a sheepish smile.

“Is he okay?”

“He will be.” Rikka assured, patting his boyfriend’s back gently. The pink haired man allowed Dai adequate time to process the news before speaking once more. “The gender doesn’t matter, Dai. It’s only important that the baby’s healthy.”

“I know.” Dai murmured before lifting his head from his hands. He was ecstatic that their baby was healthy and growing properly. But he was nowhere near prepared to raise a daughter. _ Fuck_.

“Don’t worry.” The tech spoke. “I guarantee that once she’s born she’ll have you wrapped around her finger.”

“I don’t doubt that.” Rikka smiled when he looked in Dai’s direction. He would undoubtedly be a wonderful father to their daughter and make her feel like the most beautiful and loved child in the world. He would treat her with the respect she deserved from every man and diligently protect her with his heart and soul.

He would hold her when she cried and likely shed a few tears of his own. And he would support her in everything she did and be there whenever she needed him without a moment’s hesitation.

She would be the luckiest girl in the world.

**

_ A beautiful little girl no older than four years peeked her head around her father's leg. Her golden brown hair, styled in a loose braid, glistened with scattered water droplets leftover from her swimming lesson. _

_ Her sapphire eyes were wide and curious, mesmerized by the grandeur lighting and extravagant props staged in complement with her mother's radiant beauty. _

_ With one hand safely enclosing the stem of a blue lily and another hand securely clasped on the hem of her father's shirt, she watched her mother in awe. Captivated by his fluid poses and graceful posture, his enchanting gaze and luminous aura, she startled when an unfamiliar voice preceded an unanticipated interference _

_ "You're amazing as always! Let's try some shots with you looking directly into the camera." _

_ The four year old disappeared from sight behind her father's leg while the unfamiliar voice spoke. Due to the large number of strangers flitting around the set of the photoshoot, her extensive view of the awe-inspiring shoot was compromised. A silent pout twisted her features as she longed to witness the intriguing process of transferring a single moment in time, a single pose and breathtaking expression, into an everlasting snapshot. _

_ A familiar hand rested comfortingly atop her head. She looked up into her father's identical blue eyes. He smiled down at her. _

_ "I guess you can't see mama now. Do you want papa to pick you up?" _

_ She nodded enthusiastically, removing her hand from the hem of his shirt and reaching upwards. She was settled into her father's strong arms a short moment later. He kissed her forehead soon thereafter and she beamed as the whole set materialized right before her curious eyes. _

_ From her place in her father's arms, offering a broader perspective, she could see above everyone in the room. Each vivid detail was laid out in crystal clarity. _

_ She saw every flash of the camera reflecting the comprehensiveness of her mother's elegance, every subtle variation of his featured expression creating a spellbinding ripple effect that stole everyone's breath. _

_ She tightened her hold on the stem of her lily and spoke softly. "Mama's pretty." _

_ Her father nodded with a poorly concealed smile on his face. "Yeah. We're lucky, aren't we?" _

_ The four year old beamed, flashing a smile identical to her mother’s smile just as his rose-gold eyes fixated on his loving family. _

_ “That’s beautiful. Your energy is absolutely radiant!” The man behind the camera praised the model following the brilliant capture of his most cheerful expression. _

_ The joyous energy emanating from the pink haired man extended to the boundless reaches of the photoshoot’s set. Its positive impact found the brunette child rejuvenated with energy and squirming in her father’s arms. Unable to contain his daughter’s restless enthusiasm, the blue eyed man placed her back on the ground. _

_ Unrestrained and free, she was drawn in by her mother’s irresistible presence. Navigating her way through the throng of surrounding adults, she reflected on just how lucky she was. Lucky enough to have a beautiful mother and handsome father who loved, cherished, supported, and provided her with everything she needed. Lucky enough to feel as if she was the happiest child in the world. _

_ “W-wait!” Her father called after her as she ran towards the source of the flashing lights. _

_ She was more than willing to accept the scolding she would receive from running off without permission if it meant she didn’t have to wait a moment longer to be in her mother’s warm embrace. _

_ She found the flashing lights to be blinding and intimidating once she’d successfully navigated to the front of the room. She hesitated for a single moment, standing just beyond the borders of the white backdrop, before gathering enough courage to enter uncharted territory. _

_ Just a few paces ahead, her mother stood with his back to her. Dressed in flattering and elegant attire, he directed a sultry expression over his shoulder and towards the camera. The approximate presence of his daughter was not inherently recognized until she called out for him. _

_ “Mama!” _

_ His modeling persona evaporated into thin air when he prioritized the precious four year old over the flashing cameras. He stepped out of his current pose effortlessly, disregarding the trained flashes when he crouched down with extended arms for his daughter to run into. She did so happily. _

_ He enveloped her in the most comforting embrace as she buried her face in his neck instinctively. He spoke in a calm yet firm voice as he often did whenever reprimand was of the utmost necessity. _

_ “Mama’s working now. You know you’re supposed to stay with papa until I’m done.” _

_ She nodded slowly in understanding. Of course she’d already had the privilege of attending many of her mother’s photoshoots prior to that one. And each time she bore witness, she was mesmerized by his poise and beauty. So much so, that she felt compelled to gift him with something nearly as beautiful as he. _

_ She removed herself from his embrace, taking a tiny step back before extending the hand that held the blue lily towards her mother. _

_ He let out a small sigh in resignation, deciding it was impossible to continue reprimanding her in the midst of a heartwarming gesture. The sigh was quickly replaced with a grateful smile once he accepted the flower. _

_ “Thank you. Did you pick this out yourself?” _

_ “Papa helped.” _

_ Rose-gold eyes flickered in amusement, focusing on something behind the child, before returning the four year old’s sparkling gaze. He chuckled lightly before responding. _

_ “Of course he did.” He lovingly brushed her semi damp bangs away from her eyes before continuing. “When I’m finished with the shoot, you can tell me all about your day, okay?” _

_ “Okay, mama.” She smiled happily. She looked forward to explaining her entire day thus far in great detail; her beloved swimming lessons and her fun trip to the florist with her papa. The sweet dango he bought for her at a sweet shop and the group of fans they ran into. Even how she hid shyly behind her father’s leg as he talked to and signed autographs for the heart-eyed admirers. She looked forward to telling him everything. _

_ He kissed her forehead, speaking gently in temporary parting. “Papa’s waiting for you now. Go on.” _

_ The child turned around to find her father standing close by. He waited patiently for their exchange to conclude through a tough exterior. His arms were crossed and his expression was stern. He was none too pleased with his daughter running off without an adult. _

_ Simply based upon the fact that he knew their child could melt her father’s cold exterior with one look, the pink haired man held back an amused chuckle as the blue haired man was approached by the four year old. As expected, once she looked innocently up at him with big blue eyes, his cool façade _ _shattered into a million negligible pieces. _

_ “Sorry, papa.” She apologized in such a way that left her father highly affected by her adorableness. _

_ “It’s okay. Just don’t ever run off again. Understand?” _

_ She nodded whilst verbally expressing her pertinent understanding. With her parents being apart of one of the most popular Japanese idol units and her mother being one of the most talented models in the industry, it was essential that the four year old be cognizant of her resultant fame. For safety assurances, she needn’t ever wander away from a trusted adult. Especially in more public settings. _

_ Keeping her safe from overzealous fans and protecting her from the unforgiving public opinions proved to be the most challenging aspects of parenting whilst under a scrutinizing spotlight. Though they did the very best they could to protect her and regarded their daughter’s bright smile as a reward for their neverending efforts. _

_ “Come on. We need to let mama finish his shoot.” The blue haired held out a hand to their daughter. The glint of silver on his left ring finger brought a smile to the pink haired man’s face. He gazed lovingly upon the matching silver jewelry on his own ring finger before standing up. _

_ Hand in hand, father and daughter slipped further away from the main set as the model faced the patient workers surrounding him. He bowed in apology to those who had stood by while he tended to his daughter. He bowed to the cameraman and director as well, extending his utmost apologies for delaying the shoot. _

_ “Not to worry. I think we have all the shots we need.” _

_ The model was confused and spoke in accordance. “I was under the impression we had a dozen more left.” _

_ "That was the original plan but these last few shots have exceeded our expectations." _

_ "Last few…?" _

_ The model was summoned off the set to examine the newly imported photos in question. He stepped away from the backdrop and crowded around the nearby computer monitor setup for editing purposes. _

_ The photography director eagerly clicked through the various archived photos produced during that particular photoshoot. When he reached the last few pictures in the photo set, the pink haired model was in awe. _

_ Under hidden discretion, the cameraman had digitized the heartwarming moments the model had shared with his four year old daughter. Various snapshots had captured the love and compassion he had for his daughter that extended beyond the constraints of a two-dimensional work of art. _

_ Those moments he shared with her were now forever immortalized._

_ "I do apologize for not asking your permission to take her picture. However-" _

_ He shook his head to silence the cameraman. "No need to apologize. These are brilliant." _

_ The cameraman smiled encouragingly. "I didn't want to startle her so I made sure not to use the flash." _

_ "I see." He murmured as he closely examined the photos presented to him. He brought a hand to his chin thoughtfully when a particular photo unexpectedly stood out the most. _

_ The professionally captured photograph was of the highest quality imaginable. The unimposing white backdrop brought the moment to life with perfect precision and clarity. _

_ In his elegant clothes, with his collarbone length pink hair effortlessly styled and flowing, the seasoned model was crouching down in front of his beautiful little girl. There was a smile on his face so startlingly genuine that his modeling persona could never withstand the impactful gesture. _

_ The four year old girl, strikingly similar in appearance to her mother with eyes as bright and blue as her father, held out a blue lily. In contrast to her mother's attire, the girl wore a cute pink sweatshirt and black leggings while her long hair was swept to one side in a loose braid. _

_ Her smile matched her mother's in brilliance and sincerity. _

_ The picture had captured the heartfelt moment of the flower exchange as the model touched the stem of the lily a millisecond before the child had completely let go. _

_ Brought closer together by a single flower, the mother and child's sacred bond was an emotional expression of artistic beauty. _

_ "That's the one." The pink haired man drew attention to the captivating photograph. "I want to use that one for the cover." _

_ "I couldn't agree more." The director mused. _

_ The model beamed, bowing graciously per the conclusion of his photoshoot. Once the proper pleasantries were exchanged with the staff, he found himself once again in the welcomed presence of his small family. _

_ "All done?" His partner of four and a half years spoke. _

_ The model hummed affirmatively. "I just need to change and then we can leave." _

_ He then crouched down to his daughter who seemed ecstatic by the prospect of getting to go home and spend quality time with both of her parents. _

_ They were often busy with work and allowed her to tag along whenever they could. Though it wasn't uncommon for her to have to spend a day or two with her grandmother and grandfather when the workload was too heavy. _

_ Still, it was unsurprising that the moments she cherished the most were the ones she got to spend with her mother and father. _

_ "Can you hold onto this for me? Just for a little bit." He held out the treasured blue lily that was received with childlike enthusiasm. _

_ He kissed his daughter's forehead graciously before standing up, subsequently accepting the delicate kiss that awaited his soft lips. _

_ "I'll be back in a few minutes." He spoke once their lips parted. _

_ The blue haired man held the model's hand in his own, bringing it up to his lips for a similarly delicate kiss. _

_ "We'll be here waiting." _

_ The pink haired man searched the depths of familiar sapphire eyes. Finding nothing short of love and compassion, he couldn't help himself when a warm smile highlighted his soft features. _

_ He met his daughter's gaze once more, as she looked up at him with unconditional trust, love, and admiration in her own sapphire eyes. _

_ "I know." He spoke gently, appreciatively. _

_ Before he walked away, he couldn't help but notice how perfectly the hue of the lily matched his daughter's sparkling eyes... _

_ ** _

"Rikka, wake up." A familiar voice preceded a gentle kiss before the aforementioned man's eyes fluttered open.

The drowsy effects of disorientation brought a tired hand to his eyes. He blinked sleepily as his surroundings slowly transitioned into focus.

The vivid details of the tranquil room filled in the missing pieces left behind from the man's cloudy memory. The large full-length mirrors and vanity tables, clothing racks and lounge sofas alluded to the common features of a dressing room.

His presence in Dai's warm embrace and their matching attires highlighted their joint participation in an upcoming performance.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep." Rikka removed his head from Dai's shoulder where it had remained for an unspecified amount of time.

"It's fine. Tsubasa and Shiki just finished filming their PV."

"It's our turn now." He mused.

Though not a question, Dai nodded in response. 

Rikka smiled to himself and accepted the hand offered to help him stand. Once on his feet, he smoothed out his outfit and hair that were styled for the video. He simultaneously caressed a hand over his baby bump as various details of his dream transitioned to the forefront of his mind.

He couldn't help but smile just a little brighter.

"That must have been a good dream." The teenager spoke as he exited the dressing room with his boyfriend.

"Pardon?"

"You were smiling in your sleep the whole time." He added for clarification.

"I was?" Rikka chuckled, not surprised to find that the beautiful emotions he experienced in his wonderful dream were powerful enough to transition into reality.

"For what it's worth," Rikka continued as he followed Dai to set, "I've never had such a wonderful dream before."

Dai smiled in response. Though he didn't ask, he had a strong feeling he knew what the dream had been about.

"There you are. How are you feeling?" Shiki, dressed in his contemporary outfit from his recently filmed PV, spoke once the missing bandmates had finally arrived on set.

"Tired." Rikka spoke honestly as per the effects of being five months pregnant. "And nervous."

"Don't be nervous." Shiki reasoned. "The director will only film you from behind and from the chest up."

"Okay." Rikka murmured. Even though his nerves mainly stemmed from the prospect that he and Dai were moments away from transitioning into the early stages of the relationship and pregnancy announcements. 

The first opportunity to publicly express the things they couldn't yet put into words loomed before them. It was a daunting yet essential task for the progression of the band and their relationship. 

"Don't worry." Shiki spoke to both of them. "Just lose yourselves in the music and project your emotions as best as you can."

The couple nodded, approaching the task before them with cautious determination. Once they were ready on set, arranged into their starting positions by the director and Shiki, a familiar voice called out nearby.

"Wait!" Tsubasa hurried onto their set. Extending his hand once he was in Dai's immediate reach. The teenager received the item presented to him by his close friend.

"What's this?" Dai questioned, obviously confused. 

Tsubasa chuckled. "It's a flower, idiot."

"Yeah. But...why...?"

"Because it'll look more romantic if you give it to Rikka during the video."

"Oh." Dai murmured, closely examining the useful prop.

"Thank you." Rikka spoke for both of them. 

The flower was striking in color and contrasted the simplicity of the cinematic set. It would dutifully symbolize the passion they felt for one another and help to clarify the unspoken message for the public recipients.

"You're welcome. Good luck!" Tsubasa hopped off the set, leaving the couple alone with their thoughts and feelings.

"It's a red lily." Dai murmured, more to himself than Rikka. The pink haired man nodded slowly anyway.

"A beautiful red lily." Rikka spoke as his hand gravitated towards his belly instinctively. Their daughter fluttered around enthusiastically, bringing a smile to Rikka's face.

"Are you guys ready?" Shiki questioned from somewhere behind the cameras.

Dai's eyes held just as much determination as Rikka's. The pink haired nodded resolutely, speaking for them both.

"We're ready."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it seems as if we got to see a little glimpse into the future;) Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next chapter


	15. Chapter 15

The public’s instigated response was salient and overwhelming to the point where impromptu accommodations were designated to take effect immediately. 

Plans were devised and reworked, strategized to complement the dramatic shift in widespread opinion and endless speculation.

The magnitude of the aforementioned responses had not been thoroughly anticipated. Though the variability in temperamental propensities presented itself as a naturally ambivalent phenomenon. 

Expectedly, Rikka and Dai were most affected by the outcome.

The recipients of speculations surrounding their sexualities and relationship. Subjects of deep analysis and curious investigation into every interaction they've had nearly the past half-year that might serve as indisputable evidence of their scandalous romance. 

The media attention in response to the promotional video was benevolent at best yet vindictive at worst. The fans were in divided opposition as to whether the rumors were nothing more or if authenticity was therein contained within the circulating allegations.

And if there _was _some truth hidden away in the fabrication, could the loyalty and support overcome the tentative reservations?

"I don't think I need to explain what's been happening recently." Shiki spoke during an informal meeting in their dorm.

The members were seated around their dining table for the impromptu morning discussion.

Tsubasa shook his head, barely containing a prominent and exhausted yawn. "Nearly everyone assumes Rikka and Dai are together or they're just 'hooking up.'

"For lack of a better phrase, yes." Shiki murmured. "SolidS and Tsukino are gaining a lot of attention because of it. Positive and negative."

"Isn't that what was expected?" Tsubasa inquired.

Shiki nodded. "More or less. The idea of Rikka and Dai being together has finally been brought to light. The response is just more overwhelming than anticipated. Dai, Rikka, how are you feeling about this?"

How did it feel to have his private life become public? To have his sexuality be discussed and pondered so shamelessly. Rikka needed a moment to gather his thoughts. To decompose his complex emotions into more manageable components. 

"It's a bit of a relief," He began, "to know that we're a step closer to reaching a point where I won't have to hide this," Rikka gestured towards his second, nearly _ third _ trimester belly. 

Shiki nodded sympathetically before facing their youngest bandmate. "Dai?"

"All the attention is distracting." Dai murmured. It had already taken a huge period of adjustment in getting used to the public's attention on their unit. Having everyone's attention on him and Rikka alone was unspeakably overbearing.

"I hope you're not feeling too overwhelmed." Shiki reasoned and Dai shook his head slowly before finding and capturing Rikka's gaze.

Although he spoke aloud for everyone to hear, his message was only catered to the mother of his baby.

"Since we've decided, for our daughter and ourselves, that we were going to do this, I know we'll make it through."

Rikka nodded, smiling fondly at his boyfriend's words. Their ultimate goal towards becoming insightful parents required them to become outstandingly resilient. Resilient enough not to let others’ opinions deter them from striving for remarkable success.

That was precisely why Rikka felt more ready than before to face the most daunting task he'd been avoiding up until that point.

“Since the video release, Dai and I have been thinking that we should tell my parents about our relationship and my pregnancy.”

The promotional video had been released just a couple of short weeks ago, significantly highlighting Dai and Rikka’s close relationship. Yet the media madness had not breached the territory of the European country his parents called home. The race against time was simply prolonging the inevitable.

“I see. Is there anything I could do to help?” Shiki pondered, mulling over Rikka’s spoken words.

“Well…” Rikka drew the word out slowly, carefully. “I want them to know that my feelings for Dai are genuine. And that I’m serious about raising our child together.”

Shiki nodded, urging Rikka to continue.

"It's something that I need to tell them in person." 

"Rikka didn't want to inconvenience them by asking them to come here." Dai interjected.

"Ah." Shiki nodded with complete understanding. "You want to travel there to tell them?"

"Woah, really?" Tsubasa pondered in amazement. The willingness to put their life on hold, even temporarily, just to have an honest conversation with Rikka's parents was admirable dedication. Though it wasn't yet clear if Shiki and their company would give them permission to leave the country.

Rikka nodded. "They deserve to know the truth before our public announcement."

"Fine." Shiki pondered thoughtfully. "I don't have a problem with it. But I need to run it by the company first."

"Of course." Rikka murmured. Due to unfavorable terms, he and Dai had long since fallen out of favor with their company. But it hadn't stopped Tsukino from supporting SolidS and providing them with invaluable opportunities. Rikka hoped that support would remain steadfast as the severity of circumstances distressingly intensified. 

"Dai-chan, are you going too?"

Dai looked down shyly. "If Rikka wants me to."

The aforementioned man searched for his boyfriend's hand underneath the table. He gave it a gentle squeeze when their hands connected. 

The pink haired spoke softly, his words and their meaning catered only to the father of his baby.

"I want you to come with me. I don't think I can do it without you by my side." 

Dai smiled, losing himself in the sincerity of rose-gold eyes. Rikka found himself equally lost, swimming in the expanse of deep blue orbs. Their sustained and fond gaze was interrupted only by a loud exclamation.

"Rikka, Dai-chan, so cute!"

"Shut up." Dai spoke in response to Tsubasa's unfiltered interruption. 

Rikka chuckled before speaking again, refocusing their topic of conversation. "Things are pretty crazy right now so it would be nice to escape for a while."

Dai nodded in agreement. "I've never been to France before."

"It should be a nice visit." Rikka smiled happily even as the positivity failed to reach his eyes. For him, a trip to France meant having to mentally prepare to face his proud parents with sobering news. Any excitement he felt at the prospect of getting to see them after a long time would be lost somewhere along the arduous journey.

Dai didn't speak, much too aware of and sensitive about Rikka's fears and concerns. Just a few weeks ago, he'd braced through the fluctuating waves of those same emotions when he told his parents the truth. 

If luck were to come into play during the most chaotic time in their lives, they could only hope the resulting effect would reaffirm the sustainability of familial bonds.

**

Seemingly out of place amongst the usually silent atmosphere, the echoes of conversational French carried across the dorm’s hallway. Dai waited patiently for the echoes to diminish before knocking on the bedroom door. 

“Come in.” 

He opened the door, revealing his incredibly beautiful, very pregnant, and rather stressed out boyfriend standing above a partially filled suitcase. 

The pregnant man ran an exasperated hand through his hair, sighing simultaneously. Dai was prompted to speak.

"Are you okay? Do you need me to do anything?" The teenager questioned.

Rikka smiled gratefully, shaking his head subsequently. "I appreciate the offer but I'll be fine. There's just a lot going on."

"Of course." Dai agreed sympathetically. 

Deciding it would be best for SolidS to lie low immediately following the promotional video release, Shiki had managed to reach a mutual agreement with their company that allowed Rikka and Dai to travel to France for a week. 

It would be nice once they were away from the madness, not having fans bombard them in public and question their relationship status, but not before going through all the necessary preparations prior to their spontaneous trip.

Rikka found himself just a bit stressed because of the aforementioned fact. With so many things he needed to do, he resumed his packing in the hopes of spending his time efficiently. 

"Are you finished packing?" He questioned the younger man. 

"Yeah." Dai replied and was more than willing to lend Rikka a helping hand. "Are you sure you don't need me to do anything?"

Rikka smiled once more. "I just need to finish packing and make hotel reservations. Unless you happen to speak French."

Dai shook his head. "Sorry. But, hotel reservations…?"

"Ah, I forgot to tell you. We're not staying with my parents. They rather enjoy the simplicity of a single bedroom condo. And since I don't get to visit as much as I would like, it's never been an issue."

Dai nodded in understanding, though he wouldn't admit aloud that he was incredibly nervous to meet Rikka's parents. The nerves were presented clearly across his dynamic facial features so he didn't even have to say a word.

"Nervous?"

The teenager sighed in exasperation. "Is it obvious?"

"Very much so."

Dai looked ashamedly away. He avoided eye contact when he spoke. "I have no right to be nervous. I already know that my parents will support me. But you don't…know."

Rikka spoke slowly, thoughtfully. "You're right. I don't know if they'll support me. But you have every reason to be nervous. Whether they want to be in her life or not, this is going to affect our daughter. I understand why you would feel nervous."

Dai looked up, focusing his attention on Rikka's prominent belly when he next spoke. "I just want her to have everything she deserves."

Parents _ and _ grandparents who loved her unconditionally, she deserved the entire world's affection if it was possible.

"She will." Rikka promised, resting a hand on his belly.

"And I want you to have everything you deserve." Dai continued, finally meeting Rikka's soft gaze. "Especially parents who support you unconditionally."

Rikka smiled, though the gesture brought upon faint traces of sorrow.

"We should just hope for the best, right?"

Dai nodded, instinctively resting his hand upon Rikka's belly. His eyes widened in bewilderment when he felt a minuscule tap against his hand. A couple more taps were felt in quick succession before he finally spoke. His voice barely above a surprised whisper.

"Did she just move?"

Rikka hummed in confirmation. "She hardly rests. Since she's always active, maybe she will become an athlete when she's older."

"Yeah." Dai spoke, although the statement was not directed towards Rikka. The entirety of his attention was focused on the little baby bump in front of him. To ensure he was at a comfortable speaking level to the baby, Dai sat on the bed while Rikka remained standing. His conversation continued uninterrupted.

"When you grow up, you can be whatever you want to be. But it would be really cool if you become a swimmer like papa. We could go to the pool together, you could get lessons, and...I’m getting way ahead of myself. You have to learn to walk before you can swim."

Hearing Dai speak in such an enthusiastic tone was a rare and special occurrence. Rikka couldn’t help but smile fondly as Dai brought his private conversation to a sincere conclusion.

“You’re going to be my first child, my first _ daughter_. I have no idea what I’m doing so I hope you’ll be patient with me…”

Rikka didn’t dare speak for fear of interrupting their private moment. As the carrier of their child, the bond he felt with the baby was more salient and effortless. She was with Rikka every second of every day, resting peacefully beneath the beating of his own heart. 

The fact that Dai was willing to put in the extra effort to maintain his own bond with their daughter filled Rikka with immeasurable pride and joy. 

“...But I’ll try my absolute best to be a good father.” He placed a kiss on Rikka's stomach as an obvious display of love and affection.

Rikka spoke once he was sure he would not be interrupting. “Dai, you’ll be an amazing dad.”

Dai looked at the ground, speaking tentatively. “I just want her to be able to trust me, to trust us. To come to us about anything.”

Rikka hummed in agreement. Of course they strived to be the type of parents who ensured their child was comfortable enough to voice any concerns or problems to them. They wanted her to be able to trust them without a shadow of a doubt.

“We’ll get there eventually. We just have to take things one step at a time.”

“You’re right.” The teen murmured before gesturing to Rikka’s nearly forgotten suitcase lying on the bed. “I’ve distracted you enough. I should help you pack.”

“You don’t have to.” Rikka protested but Dai was adamant.

“I _ want _ to. You’re getting further along and I should be the one to help you.”

“Thank you.” The pink haired man murmured, lest he be reminded he was more than halfway through his pregnancy. The baby could only stay hidden for a maximum of a few more weeks. His parents would likely decide if they were willing to support them in that same time frame.

“Did you want to take these?” Dai gestured towards a large pile of clothes, interrupting Rikka’s thoughtful reverie.

“Yes.” He nodded. His suitcase would be filled by the time the packing was done. Filled with various clothing pieces and accessories designed to draw attention away from the swell of his belly.

“Are you going to be comfortable?” Dai inquired as he folded one of Rikka’s shirts. “For the flight, I mean.”

Twelve hours of flying while pregnant seemed less than appealing. Rikka answered as honestly as he could. “It won’t be pleasant. But since it’s safe for the baby, I’ll be okay.”

“Well, if there’s anything you need before, during, or after the flight, just let me know.”

“I will.” Rikka smiled gratefully. He didn’t need to be reminded that Dai would be by his side, but it was nice to have that reassurance. 

Once the packing was complete, Rikka was faced with the task of making hotel reservations. The specifications of which had not yet been determined.

“Are we, um, sharing a room?” Dai wondered shyly. With their relationship in its early stage of development, there were still valid uncertainties.

“We probably should.” Rikka reasoned. “Since we’re planning on letting the baby have her own room.”

The likelihood of moving out of the dorm and living on their own would increase as the years passed, though sharing a hotel room was similar in various respects. After a week of being together at every waking hour and beyond, they hoped their relationship would evolve for the better. Or at the very least they expected to learn more about each other and themselves.

“Yeah. That’d be...nice.” To not have to worry about Tsubasa, Shiki, or anyone else interrupting their privacy _ would _ be nice.

Only after Dai agreed with the room arrangements did Rikka make the call. He spoke to the receptionist at an upscale hotel where his parents had insisted on having him stay.

“Oui c'est vrai. Une chambre avec un grand lit.” (_Yes, that's right. One room with a king bed._) “Nous resterons six jours.” (_We'll be staying for six days._) 

“Sous quel nom sera cette réservation?” (_What name will this reservation be under? _)

“Rikka Sera.”

“Ah, votre chambre a déjà été payée, Monsieur Sera.” (_Your room has already been paid for, Mister Sera _)

“Vraiment?” (_Really? _)

“Oui. La chambre est payée. Nous avons hâte de vous voir dans quelques jours.” (_Yes. The room is paid for. We look forward to seeing you in a couple of days._)

Rikka hung up the phone, a look of regret flickering across his beautiful features.

Dai, who waited patiently for the call to end, immediately noticed the dramatic shift in Rikka’s mood.

“Is something wrong?”

The pink haired man spoke without meeting his boyfriend’s concerned gaze. “My parents don’t know that you’re coming with me.”

Dai’s eyes widened in shock. “Why not?”

“Because I couldn’t find a way to explain why you’d be willing to travel twelve hours just to meet them.”

“Rikka…”

“They paid for my flight _ and _ hotel room. I can’t help but feel guilty now.”

“How are you going to explain once we get there?”

“I don’t know.” Rikka admitted sheepishly. “I was hoping to have something figured out by then.”

Dai cursed, bringing an exasperated hand to massage his temples. “Your parents are going to hate me.”

“They’re not going to hate you.”

“I’m showing up to meet them, _ uninvited_. And then I have to somehow explain how I knocked up their only child.”

A trip that had initially seemed positive was beginning to look more bleak and dreary. Dai’s mood adjusted accordingly.

“They might have some... strong feelings about you once they find out. But it’s my responsibility too. Everything will be fine.” He spoke placatingly. Whether to convince himself or Dai that things would be okay, he wasn’t quite sure.

“If you say so.” Dai murmured, though he seemed unconvinced.

Rikka smiled encouragingly, his courageous façade indisputably compelling. Even as the personal effects of their trip had the capability to shake him to his very core. At least he knew, if his emotional turmoil became too great to handle, he would have Dai by his side. 

Someone to offer consolation if ever they found themselves alienated by the pitiless storm of injustice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a pretty short chapter but I felt it was best to leave it there. In the next chapter, Rikka and Dai will be in France. This will be the last main event to happen before the birth of their baby.


	16. Chapter 16

Immersed in a new culture, surrounded by the intriguing intonation patterns of a fluid language, Dai couldn't help but find himself disoriented amongst the unique variables comprising a portion of his daughter's heritage.

Wholly attributed to the uncertainty about whether or not she would get the opportunity to explore and learn more about her genetic diversity. Determinant only by the response of her grandparents to her very existence. Exhaustively representative of interminable procrastination.

"Now that we've arrived, where do we go from here? Do you have any sort of plan?" Dai inquired shortly after they settled into the privacy of their hotel room; when they had nothing more important to discuss.

The journey to France had been a long one. A _grueling_ one. And even after all the effort he put into being there, in accompanying and supporting Rikka, Dai's presence remained disregarded. 

Rikka sat on the bed in exasperation. Sighing audibly before speaking. "Dai, I really don't know."

"Maybe you _ should _ know. I can't hide in the hotel room until you work up the courage to notify your parents of my existence. Let alone our daughter's." He didn't mean to sound as harsh as he did, but the fact that Rikka hadn't yet explained to his parents that the teen was there or even who he was in the first place did piss him off a little. It almost made him feel...insignificant. 

"Well, I'm sorry for _ not _ having a plan after spending the last twelve hours on a flight dealing with the side effects of carrying _ your _ child." Rikka also did not mean for his tone to sound as harsh as it did. But his sour mood was most certainly attributed to the long flight in conjunction with being pregnant.

Not to mention, guilt upon calling his parents to make an excuse about not needing them to pick him up from the airport. He never wanted to have to lie to his parents. Nor did he ever want to seem ungrateful when Dai had agreed to accompany him despite the fact.

The teenager didn't respond, choosing instead to take a seat far away from Rikka in the upholstered chair next to the curtained windows. Ten floors above, he could still hear the energetic sounds of the city slip through the window's barrier. Once things settled down, he might find himself seeking solace in the peaceful scenery of the French city. Until then, the beauty of Marseille was only visible through a narrow lens. 

The silence between the couple grew to be suffocating. So much so that Dai wanted to escape the uncomfortable environment. Though he wasn't sure where to go that would offer any peaceful serenity. Since a hasty retreat was not a viable option, Dai could only offer his sincere apologies.

"I shouldn't push you, Rikka. I'm just a little on edge and everything came out wrong. I'm sorry."

The pink haired man didn't speak right away, bringing a hand up to his face. A few moments passed before Dai realized that Rikka sought to brush away tears.

"Shit." The teenager muttered to himself before rushing over to be by his boyfriend's side. "I made you cry, didn't I?"

Rikka shook his head, grateful to feel a comforting arm drape across his shoulders. "It's been a long time since I've been here. I want to see my parents more than anything but I'm dreading it just as much. I hate the feeling."

"I should be more understanding." Dai spoke quietly. "You're five and a half months pregnant on top of everything else you have to deal with."

Rikka shook his head once more. "That's not an excuse. I need to be honest with my parents. It's my fault for putting it off."

Dai nodded slowly. Only Rikka could be the one to take initiative on matters pertaining to his parents. The teen could do nothing but accept that fact and offer support and comfort as needed.

"So...what do you want to do now?"

"Taking a nap sounds wonderful." Rikka admitted sheepishly, seeing as how he didn't get much rest on the flight. "My parents aren't expecting to see me until tomorrow. So we can rest for today."

"A nap does sound nice." Dai agreed. "Jetlag is a bitch." The seven hour difference between Marseille and Tokyo was more than enough to throw their biological clocks off kilter. 

Rikka chuckled in amusement, relieved to find that, for the time being, the tension between himself and Dai had run its course.

"I'm going to take a shower first." The pink haired spoke once his laughter died down. Per the lighthearted shift in the atmosphere, Rikka paused halfway to the bathroom door. He spun around and directed his attention to his boyfriend.

"Did you want to shower too?"

Dai nodded. "Yeah. But you can go first."

Rikka giggled behind his hand, prompting Dai to raise his eyebrows in confusion. Courtesy of his unassuming and quiet personality, he tended not to be forward in his opinions and advances. He needn't forget that he and Rikka were officially in a relationship and it was more acceptable for them to be straightforward about their impulses and desires.

Still, Dai couldn't help but react in surprise when Rikka next spoke.

"I mean, do you want to shower with me?"

The teenager's eyes widened at the same time his face flushed in various shades of embarrassment. He could barely conceal the nervously excited stutter characterizing his eager response. 

"F-fuck, yeah. I mean it's a great way to...um...save water."

Rikka giggled again, nodding towards the direction of their connected bathroom. "I'll turn the shower on. Come in whenever you're ready."

Dai nodded, watching as Rikka disappeared from view. Up until that moment, the details of his first trip to France had been blurred by various distractions and heavy thoughtfulness. He hadn't even had the opportunity to appreciate the gorgeous hotel and its luxurious amenities. 

Even the burnished cast iron tub, silver decor, marble countertops, and oval undermount sinks were negligible features in the elegant Parisian style bathroom. 

Try as he might, Dai could focus on nothing but the beautiful man standing behind crystal clear shower doors. Enclosed in an alcove of white Carrara marble with wispy clouds of steam shrouding him in a dull haze, Rikka faced the spouting showerhead with his eyes closed blissfully. 

A serene expression had found its way onto the model's delicate face as he ran careful hands through his wet hair. 

Dai smiled to himself when the prominent swell of Rikka's belly captured his attention. In the present moment bestowed upon him, Rikka didn't have anything to hide. His body, as well as his soul, were completely bare for his boyfriend to witness. 

Dai thought Rikka looked the most beautiful that way, whenever he didn't have to shield the presence of their beautiful baby girl.

Dai shed his own clothes effortlessly, the desire to share in the serenity of the peaceful moment was irresistible.

A small cloud of steam escaped the shower when he opened the door. Without a moment's hesitation, Rikka adjusted his positioning to accommodate the addition of his boyfriend's taller and broader body. 

A few kisses were stolen underneath the rush of hot water as their serene moment panned out marvelously.

Dai lathered a clean washcloth with soap, taking the liberty of cleaning Rikka's entire body. He was gentle and affectionate in his motions, caressing the pregnant man's skin with all of the care in the world.

Rikka smiled to himself. Undoubtedly assured that Dai would treat their daughter with the same gentleness and proclaim his love for her in the most beautiful way.

Rikka extended the favor, dutifully cleaning away the excitement of the day from Dai's body. 

The hot shower spray was infinitely relaxing, combined with the familiar touch of committed partners, as the weighted implications of their trip finally dawned upon them.

Far from Japan, and the passionate fans who resided there, awaited freedom like no other. Released from the constraints of a dorm building, they were unrestricted to enjoy the foreign city as they pleased. Though his pregnancy would remain a secret for as long as necessary, his relationship with Dai didn't have to be shoved needlessly away.

Not when there was so much of the city Rikka had never been able to explore.

"I know I said I was tired but, maybe we could go out." Rikka pondered as they dried off following their invigorating shower.

"Out?"

Rikka nodded. "We've been dating for a few weeks but we've never been on an official date. We're in _ France_, Dai. We've finally left the madness of Japan behind. What do you say?"

Dai pondered thoughtfully. Rikka _ was _ right. There were too many strict rules and restrictions in Japan, disallowing them the full experience of being in a relationship. The extent of their affection had only been justified behind closed doors. And their personal outings were forbidden to represent anything more meaningful than a close friendship.

"Will it be okay for us to be affectionate in public?"

"We should still be careful." It would be best for them to avoid more intimate moments that irrefutably alluded to them being in a romantic relationship. Kissing was one such occurrence that needed to be avoided. If they _ were _ caught in the midst of such an act, it would cause a greater scandal. "Since we want to announce our relationship on _ our _ terms and not someone else's."

Dai nodded. Although for the sake of caution and security they would still need to constrain the most conspicuous expressions of their relationship, they were looking forward to not having to hinder the presence of their intimate connection.

They could stroll pleasantly down the cobblestone streets of Marseille shoulder to shoulder. Dai could drape a protective arm across Rikka's shoulders as they browsed the storefronts of stylish boutiques. Place a reassuring hand on the small of his back whenever they wandered into a picturesque cafe for a bite to eat. Sit across from each other under the low light of a romantic restaurant and share the local delicacies of French cuisine.

"It would be nice to take you on a date." Dai spoke with a poorly concealed smile. The trip had been off to a rocky start but there was more than enough time to salvage and strengthen their budding relationship.

Rikka smiled in response. "When the baby comes, we probably won't get this time back. We should take advantage of it now."

Dai nodded. There were only a few months left to explore their relationship before the addition of their previously unexpected child. If the foundation of which wasn't fully developed before then, it would crumble under the pressure of drastic lifestyle adjustments and sleep deprivation. 

He valued his relationship with Rikka, wishing with a twinge of regret that they could have had years to explore each other's quirks and evolve their relationship _before _ the addition of a child. And he hoped, though short as the relationship might already be, that it could miraculously stand the test of time.

"We won't get to do much of..._ anything _ when she's born." Dai murmured. The parenting book he received from his father had effectively laid out every expectation of dealing with a newborn. Dai had been mentally preparing to spend his days changing diapers, feeding, and consoling said newborn. Whilst finding time for work somewhere in the midst.

He would miss the moments when he could be alone with Rikka for hours on end. 

"Our sex life and sanity will probably suffer." Rikka spoke.

By the time their daughter gifted them with her presence, Dai would be twenty years old. Not an ideal age to be sleep deprived nor sex deprived, he dreaded having to deal with those intermingled inconveniences. He nearly shuddered at the mere thought.

When Dai next spoke, the topic of conversation was shifted seamlessly. “We should probably get ready to go.”

Rikka nodded in agreement. Although they were incredibly excited to meet their daughter, it was probably best not to think about the additional stress tangent with her upcoming arrival. Rather, the specifications concerning their first date were much more pressing.

In the midst of planning a stylish outfit suitable for their upcoming excursion, Rikka received an incoming text from his mother. Short in length but rather thoughtful in context, he read the message to himself.

_ It’s a shame we can’t see you today. I hope you rest well. We love you. _

That single text from his mother propelled his current situation into a different and more distressing perspective.

He was abandoning his parents, whom he hadn't seen in a year, to spend leisurely time with his boyfriend. Simultaneously shirking his responsibilities as a son and lying exponentially to the ones he loved the most.

If the roles had been reversed, he couldn't speak with certainty about whether he would have forgiven his own actions.

"Are you alright?" Dai inquired, poking his head into the bathroom's open doorway once he realized Rikka had yet to finish styling his hair.

Rikka adorned the most reassuring smile he could, orienting his tone to a more positive quality. 

"Fine." Rikka spoke, fiddling with his hair to give Dai the impression that he'd been preoccupied with his hairstyle the entire time. Dealing with personal issues was his own responsibility and Dai needn't be affected by isolated matters.

"Okay. Just let me know when you're ready."

Rikka beamed with a conditioned smile. The smile was enough to convince the teen that everything was fine. 

Once Dai disappeared from sight, Rikka let out a quiet sigh. He picked up his phone from the marble countertop and typed a quick response to his mother. 

_ I promise to rest well. I'll see you tomorrow and I love you too. _

Rikka loved his parents with all of his heart but cared for Dai more than he’d cared for any man. He never wanted to be in a position where he had to choose between them. But, as he gradually shifted into the role of becoming a parent, he would have to do whatever was best for his child. Even if it involved making tough decisions that would ultimately affect his relationship with his parents.

“I’m ready.” He exited the bathroom, simultaneously tucking his phone in the pocket of his draping cardigan.

Previously sat on the foot of the bed, Dai stood when Rikka exited the bathroom. The pink haired man always looked great in whatever outfit he wore. But knowing he had catered his outfit specifically for their special occasion found Dai stumbling through a compliment.

“You look nice. Um, you look amazing, actually.”

Rikka smiled. “Thank you.” His draping cardigan, flowing shirt, and fitted jeans were casual yet stylish, hiding the prominence of his belly with ease. Paired with an elegant necklace and matching earrings, he wanted to look impressionable for their first date.

“What did you want to do first?” Dai inquired as he made his way to the main door of their room.

In accordance with every rule proctoring proper first date etiquette, Dai held the door open for his boyfriend. 

Rikka smiled gratefully, responding without hesitation. "There's a nice bakery nearby. The baby wants something sweet."

Dai smiled to himself. The notion of her enjoying sweets found him keeping track of her potential quirks and painting a vivid mental image of her personality.

"She likes sweets too?" 

"I think so. I've never craved them before I was pregnant."

Dai's own inclination towards sugary treats was something he often felt embarrassed about. A man of his appearance was not typically expected to find satisfaction in something as charming as a delicate dessert. But if his preference were to be shared with his daughter, he might be tempted to indulge more often.

"That's my girl." The teenager murmured fondly, directing his statement towards Rikka's well concealed baby bump.

Rikka smiled to himself. If their daughter's personality turned out to be anything like Dai's, she would be even more precious than she already was.

Because the intensity of Rikka's craving was irresistibly compelling, it didn't take the couple much time to secure the location of the bakery. A short stroll away from the hotel warranted subsequent immersion in the cultural elegance of the charming city.

A vibrant territory with unique vintage charm, the city had much to offer by way of scenery and splendor. 

Its urbanized development was not as boisterous nor overcrowded as the hustle and bustle of central Tokyo. The unfamiliarity of its quaint environment was oddly refreshing. The clean, crisp air was equally refreshing.

When a picturesque storefront was spotted in the distance, Rikka led Dai towards the arched threshold and intricate tilework of the aforementioned business. The scent of freshly baked goods wafted near the colorful entrance when the couple disappeared inside.

The interior of the bakery revealed an enchanting display of meticulously presented and beautifully designed pastries. The smell of the pastries was intoxicating and Rikka could feel their daughter flutter excitedly in response. 

Since most of the desserts were unrecognizable to Dai, he stood a couple of paces away as Rikka approached the counter.

He spoke in rapid French to the man behind the counter as he ordered for himself and Dai. The only semblance of understanding the teenager could gather from the foreign conversation was dependent upon Rikka's enthusiastic gestures.

The pink haired man pointed towards a unique creation of ganache-covered round-layered pastry cases filled with creme. A moment passed before he pointed to an oblong creme-filled pastry topped with pink icing, raspberries, and whipped cream swirls.

The man behind the counter nodded in understanding, reaching for the pastries upon request as he continued to converse with the model. Though Dai didn't understand a word of French, he couldn't help but note the friendly tone of the man's voice. Maybe a little _ too _friendly.

"Vous parlez français à merveille. Êtes-vous français? " _(You speak French wonderfully. Are you French?)_

"Mon père est français."_ (My father is French.)_

“Puis-je dire à quel point tu es belle? ” _(Might I comment on how beautiful you are?)_

“Merci.” _(Thank you.)_

“Tu es magnifique, vraiment. Resterez-vous longtemps à Marseille? ” _(You're gorgeous, really. Will you be staying in Marseille for a long time?)_

Rikka smiled politely, though the man’s shameless flirting was beginning to make him uncomfortable.

“Je viens de visiter.”_ (I’m just visiting.)_

“Je n'ai jamais vu quelqu'un d'aussi beau. Dommage que vous ne puissiez pas rester.” _(I've never seen someone so beautiful. It's a pity you can't stay.)_

Before Rikka could respond, a familiar presence encased his own and a comforting hand rested against the small of his back. Dai spoke in a low voice to Rikka, simultaneously narrowing his eyes at the man behind the counter.

“Are you okay? What is he talking about?”

“He keeps complimenting on my appearance.”

A sudden intense and unpleasant feeling planted itself in the pit of Dai’s stomach. From a bitter seed, the emotion grew in vehemence and magnitude.

He spoke to Rikka once more, his tone clipped and curt. His steel gaze remained fixated on the offender. 

“How do I tell him you’re my boyfriend?”

“Dai-” Rikka’s initial instinct was to protest against Dai’s request. If the man happened to uncover their status of fame following a leak of private information, it could cause an unfortunate scandal.

“How do I tell him?” Dai persisted. It was clear by his unforgiving tone that he refused to back down until the man understood that flirting with the model was completely unacceptable. 

Rikka spoke softly into Dai’s ear. Translating his message into one that could be understood by their curious listener.

The taller listened carefully to his boyfriend’s words, wanting to ensure clarity and resolve following his important statement.

When he finally spoke, his words were sure and unmistakably clear. “Cet homme est mon petit ami.” _(This man is my boyfriend.)_

The man’s eyes widened in stunned surprise before averting meekly. He spoke no other word as he boxed up their previously requested pastries. Dai’s gaze remained fierce and cold until they exited the bakery.

Only when they found a nice place to sit outside and enjoy their desserts and the scenery of the city, did Dai visibly relax. He let out a long sigh, releasing his negative emotions in that single breath.

Rikka spoke in a placating manner. “People tend to flirt with me a lot. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Yeah? Well, I don’t like it.” He crossed his arms indignantly. Nothing short of a pout twisting his intense features.

Rikka smiled softly. “It sounds like you’re a little jealous.”

“Of course I am. I want to be the only one who gets to be by your side and tell you how beautiful you are. It’s an honor to call you my boyfriend and…” Dai trailed off, looking embarrassed to be admitting to his cliche sentiments.

“And what?” Rikka gently pressed.

“...I want to be able to do it for a really long time.”

“Dai…” Rikka was touched and nearly speechless. No one had ever treated him the way Dai did nor cared about him to such an extent. The teenager’s honesty and loyalty never ceased to amaze the pink haired man. 

Intelligent and intuitive, responsible and loyal, caring and modest, Dai presented himself as an individual who always appreciated and protected the things he cared most about. _ Especially _ his boyfriend and their baby.

“...I appreciate you saying that. It means a lot to me. _ You _mean a lot to me.”

Dai nodded slowly, speaking so softly Rikka wasn’t sure if he was meant to hear. But he _ did _ hear and was consequently overcome with emotion.

“I hope your parents will be able to see how important you are to me.”

The pregnant man wished for the exact same thing. He longed for their approval and blessing, so much so that his heart ached with unfulfillment. Keeping his relationship and pregnancy a secret from them was becoming more painful to bear. 

His heart and soul would not be able to bear the weight for much longer.

“I’m going to tell them tomorrow. About us.” He spoke in response.

“What about the pregnancy?”

“I don’t want to overwhelm them. I think we should play it by ear.”

“Okay.” Dai murmured. Whatever Rikka thought was best, he would go along with it. His desire to reveal the truth to them was as pertinent as Rikka’s desire. Though the pink haired man would ultimately be the one most affected by the outcome.

Inherently aware of how much their reaction would affect him, how much courage it would take to tell them, Rikka decided to focus on something positive.

He gestured atop the quaint bistro table where the box of pastries rested between them.

“We can’t forget that this is our first date. We should enjoy it.”

Dai smiled a small smile in response, opening the top of the small box. “You’re right. We should just focus on us.”

Tomorrow was an entire day away. With the rest of the day that they currently had to themselves, they deserved to enjoy it.

“So, what are these exactly?” He wondered as he examined the sweet treats. The sheer variety of pastries at the bakery had been overwhelming. So much so that Rikka had simply picked two pastries out at random.

“This one is a religieuse.” He pointed to the round pastry cases. “And this one is a raspberry éclair.” He pointed to the oblong, icing covered pastry.

“Have you had these before?”

Rikka shook his head. “I’ve had an éclair before but I’ve never tried the raspberry flavor.”

Dai nodded thoughtfully, picking up one of the plastic forks placed inside the box. “I think it’s only fair for you and the baby to try them first.”

Rikka giggled, reaching to pick up the other fork before Dai insisted that he needn’t lift a finger for the initial taste testing.

“Which one do you want to start with?”

“Hm. I’ll try the religieuse.”

In correspondence with the request, Dai sectioned off a small piece of the aforementioned pastry. He brought the fork to Rikka’s mouth, feeding him the first sample. The gesture in and of itself was considerate and thoughtful. Whilst the surrounding scenery of the picturesque French architecture and the Mediterranean Sea enhanced the romantic atmosphere.

“Good?”

Rikka nodded, smiling as he finished the first bite. 

“Ready for the next one?”

Per Rikka’s confirmation, Dai moved to the éclair. He sectioned off a small piece just like he’d done for the religieuse and brought the fork to Rikka’s mouth in a similarly considerate manner. 

The teenager was sure that his own eyes sparkled with the same uncontained affection that suddenly shimmered in Rikka’s.

In accordance with steadfast Japanese customs, they’d had to keep their romantic sentiments underwraps. As they were still in the process of easing into their public announcement, those rules hadn’t changed.

But it was immeasurably satisfying to discover that any rule, no matter how strict, could have exceptions.

“Which one do you like the best?”

“The éclair. It’s the sweetest.”

Dai spoke without thinking, berating himself soon thereafter. “No. I think you’re the sweetest.”

Rikka chuckled in amusement at the same time Dai’s face flushed deeply in embarrassment. He had never dreamed of saying something so cheesy and embarrassing in his entire life. On the other hand, Rikka had never heard anything more adorable in his life.

“You can forget I ever said that.” He murmured, still riding the unrelenting waves of humiliation.

“Why? It was really cute.”

Dai winced slightly at the word ‘cute.’ 

He continued with, “I’ve actually never been on a date before. So…” So he needed to warn Rikka that he was liable to be more of an awkward stuttering mess than usual.

The pink haired man smiled encouragingly. “It’s just me, you know. We hang out all the time. You don’t have to be nervous.”

Going to the gym and enjoying morning runs was inherently different than sitting across from his boyfriend in a beautiful and romantic city. Getting a chance to sit and talk with each other whilst flirting instinctively and initiating romantic interactions was uncharted territory. 

“It feels as if we’ve been doing everything backwards.”

Having sex on the first day of meeting, dealing with an unplanned pregnancy soon thereafter, having _ more _ sex, developing romantic feelings and easing into a relationship, and _ finally _ going on their first date. Dai couldn’t imagine a relationship more unconventional than theirs.

“It does.” Rikka agreed with a small smile. “But at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how we got here. I’m just glad to be with you.”

“Me too.” Dai smiled in response. Rikka had a special talent for easing Dai’s nerves in uncomfortable and unfamiliar situations. His beautiful and reassuring smile was something the teenager wouldn’t mind getting to see for a _ very _ long time. 

Wanting to ensure that beautiful smile stayed in place, Dai centered their upcoming conversations around positive topics. Not unlike the day they first met, he and Rikka found themselves losing track of time in the presence of the other. They spoke about anything and everything they could think of. Familiarizing themselves even further with each other, learning more about their upbringings and fond memories, sharing stories of the past and hopes for the future, they talked and laughed until the sun set on the horizon.

At the onset of dusk, they found themselves wandering throughout the city. Taking pictures together to document every marvelous sight and enjoying the finest of dining at local restaurants. Somewhere along the way, they ducked into a gift shop in search of souvenirs for the ones waiting for them in Japan. 

As dusk began its transition into a starry night, Dai’s hand searched for Rikka’s own quite a few times. More often than he could count, he resisted the urge to pull Rikka in for a tender kiss. The look in Rikka’s eyes whenever Dai resisted made them both aware that they were holding back from what was becoming the most natural thing in the world.

When they finally gave in, be it from a lack of restraint or pent up frustration, the moment was magical. Like something straight from a fairytale, they strolled hand in hand along the city port’s promenades. Past illuminated waterfront restaurants, cafes, and bars, they watched the boats sail into the cloudless horizon.

The warm glow of the setting sun shrouded Rikka in an ethereal radiance. His beauty was even more captivating than usual as Dai was drawn to the luminescence like a moth to a burning flame. No longer able to resist the innate attraction, they surrendered to the impulses of their shared emotions. 

Their lips connected harmoniously, molding together in flawless tandem. Rikka smiled into the kiss when Dai tenderly brought both hands to cup his face. The electrifying touch of his boyfriend sent waves of desire sweeping throughout his entire body. When the intensity was nearly too much to handle, Rikka pulled away.

“We should go back to the hotel.” He breathed, fighting against every instinct screaming at him to relinquish control and reconnect their yearning lips.

“You’re right.” Dai agreed. Although they were in a foreign country and the risk of exposure was infinitesimal, they were still prominent idols whose responsibilities were not limited to maintaining a respectable reputation. 

Safely hidden behind closed doors, they would be able to celebrate the progression of their relationship by sealing the end of a wonderful date with something more significant than a simple kiss.

Since the familiar spark between them had been reignited, the trip back to the hotel was seemingly endless. The physical passion that hovered just beneath the surface, existing in correspondence with the development of their emotional intimacy, fought for sequential progression. 

Consequently, the taxi ride back to the hotel had been sexually aroused with sultry expressions and shameless innuendos. The intensification of which found Rikka pressed against the door of their room moments after entering. Dai's body was heated against his own when their lips reconnected without hesitation. 

Their heightened senses were similarly aroused as they dived headfirst into a memorable journey of sexual gratification. 

In an effort to match the fervent demands of Rikka's hot and sensual kisses, Dai's large hands explored the smaller body with passionate enthusiasm. 

Once timid in nature, his caresses had grown bolder in conjunction with their relationship's progress. Bold enough to steal the breath from his unsuspecting partner. 

A gasp of surprise attenuated rapidly when Dai's hands sought for and gripped the curve of Rikka's ass. Quickly replaced with a heavy moan once the touches evolved into something intrinsically intense.

In an effort to catch his breath, Rikka pulled away from the fiery kiss and leaned his head back against the door. Dai adjusted accordingly, focusing his lingering kisses on Rikka's neck and collarbone.

The pink haired man moaned once more, out of sheer discomfort rather than excitation.

"Dai?"

"Yeah?" 

"We've been on our feet most of the day and I really need to sit down."

"Of course. You've been walking for two."

Rikka smiled sheepishly. "She's getting a lot heavier."

The side effects of carrying their daughter were beginning to interfere in ways he'd dreaded. At the peak of his and Dai's evolving relationship, the timing couldn't have been more inconvenient.

It was a simple feat to relocate to the king-sized bed. And much more comfortable for the pregnant man to get a chance to rest again.

The intense passion, following the unexpected request, understandably lessened.

"Sorry, I ruined the moment." 

Dai smiled reassuringly. "You didn't. I guess we just can't rely on spontaneity anymore."

"It was nice while it lasted." Rikka smiled and Dai chuckled.

"Yeah. These three months have been pretty amazing."

Rikka didn't respond, so Dai continued with a rather sheepish demeanor. He rubbed the back of his neck shyly when he spoke. "If you feel up for it, we can keep going."

"Hm." Rikka twirled a long piece of hair teasingly around his finger. "I think I'm up for it."

Dai didn't even attempt to hide the flood of relief that washed over his entire body. Rikka couldn't help but chuckle as a result.

"How exactly do you want to…?" Dai trailed off shyly, approaching the topic of sex specifics was a little daunting. But it needed to be done for the sake of the pregnant man's comfort.

"Lying on my back hasn't been very comfortable recently. So anything that doesn't involve that should be fine."

"Okay." Dai nodded in understanding. "Just let me know if anything makes you uncomfortable."

"I will. Thank you." Rikka promised, grateful at how quickly and easily Dai was willing to adjust for him. It spoke volumes about his character and the type of partner and father he would undoubtedly be. 

Following their honest discussion, Rikka was sure that the fondness in his heart grew tenfold for the considerate teenager. 

Even though it took longer than usual, after further discussion (_Rikka admitting he was too tired to ride on top_), prepping (_lazy handjobs and fingering_), and awkward maneuvering (_their initial spooning position making insertion more difficult than necessary_), they eventually settled into a manageable tempo and steady pace.

The result of which found Rikka on all fours, resting his arms and head on the bed, as a gratified recipient of Dai's sexual generosity. 

On either side of Rikka's bare body, the taller man placed his hands on the bed. In an effort to ensure he wouldn't be putting any weight on Rikka or the baby, he braced himself against the bed when he began to thrust shallowly. 

Courtesy of Dai's careful attentiveness and the effects of his hypersensitive pregnant body, Rikka was a moaning mess in a matter of minutes. 

Since he was responding well to the practiced movement of Dai's hips, the pace remained as it was. The sound of skin hitting skin intermingled with Rikka's moans, filling the room with the familiar noises of sex. 

At the same time, eliciting a higher pitched moan from the man beneath him, Dai angled his thrusts in perfect alignment with his boyfriend's sweet spot.

Over the sounds of his own arousal, Rikka heard nothing but silence from the man above him. In exploring one another's bodies, they learned various quirks and patterns unique to the other. Dai tended to fall silent whenever he was holding back. He only ever held back for the sake of Rikka's comfort.

"Dai, you can go faster."

"Huh?" Dai's hips faltered. "Are you sure?"

Rikka nodded. Their current positioning wasn't ideal for face to face communication. But that didn't stop him from sensing the teen's hesitation.

"You won't hurt me or the baby." Rikka reasoned. It was selfish of him to expect Dai to do all the work and receive very little in return. If they couldn't find enjoyment and satisfaction together, what was the point of intimacy?

"Okay." The initial hesitation remained when his thrusts increased in speed and depth. Though enough encouragement from Rikka allowed him to relax into an accelerated tempo.

Not long after, his shallow breaths and grunts of satisfaction mixed flawlessly with Rikka's own sonant arousal. The intermingling of their senses enhanced the clarity of their emotional intimacy. So much so that Dai could visualize the vivid depths of Rikka's soul. He felt himself falling deeper for the innermost core of the man's very essence.

He was no longer certain if he would ever be able to escape.

In an effort to satiate his desire for more intimate contact, Dai leaned down to place gentle kisses on the smaller man's shoulders and neck. When Rikka turned his head to one side, Dai was able to place an affectionate kiss on his forehead as well.

Their physical connection remained closely bonded when they seamlessly transitioned into a different position. Dai stayed deeply buried within the smaller body as he straightened his torso. Rikka instinctively followed. Straightening his torso as well so they both kneeled upright on the large bed.

With his sturdy chest pressed against Rikka's back, Dai wrapped his arms around the smaller's waist. He rested his hands on the swell of the pregnant belly, placing another kiss on Rikka's shoulder as he thrust deeply.

The pink haired man cried out in pleasure following the sensual ministrations, placing his smaller hands over Dai's affectionately.

Secure in the other's presence, their breathtaking night eventually reached its climactic peak.

It was sealed with finality when the silver moonlight illuminated their entire room. 

Snuggling into his boyfriend's arms after the fact, Rikka sent a thoughtful text message to both of his parents.

_ I miss you so much. I can't wait to see you tomorrow. _

He'd already chosen the path he wanted to take with Dai and their daughter and knew with absolute certainty that he would be there for them no matter the circumstances. His priorities no longer centered around pleasing his parents and meandering down the path they'd chosen for him.

His rose-gold eyes that they'd been eager to show off to the world no longer reflected with obedience to their commands. Rather, they twinkled with the hopeful promise of his own aspirations and dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was more oriented around the progression of Rikka and Dai's relationship than anything else. In the next chapter, Rikka's parents will learn about Dai and the baby. Thanks for reading.


	17. Chapter 17

The morning of their second day in France started off promising. Basking in the bliss of the previous night, they snuggled in bed for a few extra moments before indulging in an elaborate breakfast buffet. During breakfast, Rikka spoke more confidently about matters pertaining to his parents.

He felt more secure about his decisions and more prepared to inform them about his aforementioned choices. 

In preparation to meet up with Rikka's parents for their emotional reunion, he and Dai returned to their room after eating. As Rikka reached for his phone to call them, he came to the realization that the last time he'd seen them had just passed the benchmark for an entire year.

Consequently, their expectations for the familial reunification were likely to be elevated. Similarly as high as the given expectations surrounding their perfect and only child.

The expanse of the phone's ringing was brief before the call was connected to his mother. She spoke with enthusiasm almost immediately following.

"Rikka-chan, how are you feeling today? Did you get enough rest?"

"I did. Thank you." Rikka spoke just before his mother launched into a tangent about how excited she was to see her son. She spoke of all the things planned for them and her hopes for how the visit would pan out.

She, as well as Rikka’s father, longed to be reunited with their wonderful son. Their son who exuded elegance, grace, composure, and class. Their beautiful son whom they groomed into a well-conditioned young man. 

“Your father and I can’t wait to see you. We’re on our way to pick you up now. You can fill us in on how your modeling career is progressing.”

They were stubborn in their long-held beliefs that modeling was the only optimal career path for their precious son. Rarely, if ever, did they acknowledge his enthusiasm towards being a successful idol.

Sat on the edge of their bed with Dai patiently awaiting the call's end, Rikka put the phone on speaker before responding. "Mother, you know that I'm focusing on being an idol right now. Modeling is secondary to everything else."

"But you're so beautiful behind the camera. Modeling captures the essence of your elegance perfectly."

Dai glanced in Rikka's direction, gauging the reaction to his mother's words. Based upon the exasperated look on the man's face, it was not the first time he'd dealt with his parents' insistence on continuing the legacy they had started for him. On the other hand, Dai was surprised to find out that Rikka's parents weren't exactly _ supportive _ of something as important as his career path.

"Thank you. But I enjoy being an idol. Our group is doing exceptionally well."

"Hm." His mother hummed thoughtfully before changing the topic as eagerly as if the previous topic was nothing more than an irrelevant nuisance. "We're about fifteen minutes from the hotel now. Make sure you're ready."

Before she could hang up, as she seemed inclined to do, Rikka spoke once more. Prompting her to stay on the line.

"Mama, I actually called because I wanted to tell you that one of my bandmates will be joining us today."

"Your bandmate? Why?" She inquired. Judging from the tone of her voice, she seemed unenthusiastic to meet any of the people who influenced her son to drift away from modeling.

Rikka faltered only slightly after seeing the disappointed look on Dai's face. The teenager hadn't been prepared for Rikka's parents to be so unaccommodating right from the start.

Nor did he expect Rikka's mother to sound devastated by the idea of anything interfering with the special time she anticipated spending with her son.

"We're really close. And I think it's important for him to be with us."

"I'm sure he's a lovely person but this is our _ family _ time, Rikka."

Of course, as parents to an only child, they were conditioned to be greedy with the uninterrupted time they always shared with him. They couldn't be blamed for wanting to bond with their son without interference from a virtual stranger. 

"He's like family to me." Rikka defended, searching for his boyfriend's hand on the bed. Once their hands connected, they held on tightly as if they didn't want to let go. "If you want to spend time with me you need to get to know him."

"Rikka…" His mother sounded rather heartbroken. It must have been disheartening when the things you had expected and hoped for your only child didn't always come to play. Rikka tried to be understanding of his parents' feelings. But since Dai was now an important part of his life, he deserved to be treated as such.

"Maybe we can spend some time together later on. _ After _ you've met him."

"Alright." She sighed dejectedly before continuing."Why is he so important to you?"

"Because…" It wouldn't be appropriate for him to blurt out the startling news over the phone. So he responded as honestly as he could, highlighting the best parts about their relationship. "...he's a wonderful person inside and out. He's been incredibly supportive of me since we first met. We get along well and complement each other's strengths. So...I really want you to meet him."

Grateful that Rikka was willing to express his honest feelings without hesitation, Dai smiled. He brought Rikka's hand up to his mouth to place a kiss on the back, equally grateful to the man for validating the seriousness of their relationship.

"Okay, Rikka." His mom spoke in resignation. "We look forward to meeting him."

They said their goodbyes before hanging up. Dai captured Rikka's lips in an affectionate kiss soon thereafter. When they pulled away, Rikka brought up a finger to caress his warm tingling lips. Tingling with the lingering effects of deep affection.

He smiled. "What was that for?"

Dai shrugged, smiling to himself. "You spoke very highly of me. I'm grateful."

"Of course I did. My parents should know how much you mean to me. Otherwise, they'll never accept us."

"I see." He murmured quietly.

"They just want the best for me. They always have."

"Even if what's best for you goes against their preferences?"

"Hopefully so." He mused, resting a tentative hand over his belly. Well concealed as usual, the bump represented just about everything in the world that would cause Rikka to drift farther away from his parents' hopes, dreams, and wishes.

Dai rested his hand atop Rikka's own. He spoke in earnest expression. "I'm sorry everything's so complicated."

"It's okay. Honestly I don't think I've ever been this happy and content in my entire life."

For the first time ever, Rikka felt as if his life had a clear purpose and direction. No longer frozen in perpetual limbo and staring ahead to an uncertain future, his directional path was set and secure.

Surrounded by friends who supported him unconditionally and an encouraging boyfriend who stood by him faithfully, any extrinsic complications could not impinge upon life's simple joys and greatest satisfactions.

"I feel the same way." Dai spoke honestly. "There's so much more to life than I could have ever imagined."

"Is it not as scary anymore, knowing that we'll be parents soon?"

"It's not as scary." He murmured. "But it's still terrifying."

Rikka chuckled lightly. "I agree. But it's comforting to know that we'll have some stability. I mean, we will be parents for the rest of our lives."

"Yeah. We'll grow and change as she grows and changes."

Rikka nodded thoughtfully. "Hopefully those changes will be for the better."

Before Dai could respond, a chime from Rikka's phone sounded throughout the room. Coaxing their thoughts away from distant prospects, the shrill tone served as a startling reminder to attend to present demands. 

"They're ready to meet us in the lobby." Rikka spoke after verifying the reasoning for the notification.

He stood off the bed without a moment's hesitation. Realizing a second later that Dai hadn't moved a muscle. He was frozen in place.

"Dai, are you ready?"

The teenager still seemed a bit startled following the official notification of Rikka's parents' arrival. "Not particularly."

"Hey." Rikka rested a comforting hand on his shoulder before leaning down to press a soft peck on his lips. "It'll be okay. We'll just hang out for a little while before we tell them we're dating."

"The pregnancy?"

Rikka smiled uneasily. "We'll take it one step at a time. Just follow my lead, okay?"

"Okay." Appearing slightly less startled, Dai finally stood from the bed. He searched for and gave Rikka's hand a gentle squeeze, seeking comfort from his older boyfriend. 

"Does your father also speak Japanese?"

Rikka nodded. "Both of them speak French and Japanese. But my dad tends to solely speak French whenever he gets emotional."

"So if he switches to French right after we tell them about us then that's a sure sign he's pissed off?"

"Most likely." Rikka admitted sheepishly.

"Good to know." Dai muttered sarcastically.

"Come on." Rikka gestured for Dai to follow him out of their room. The door was shut behind them as they quickly made their way down to the lobby. 

Instinctively, Dai rested his hand on the small of Rikka's back as they rode the elevator downwards. He was met with a gentle smile and a reassuring squeeze before his hand was returned to hang limply at his side.

"I know yesterday was amazing. But we need to be discreet again."

Dai scoffed slightly before murmuring, "It's ironic, isn't it? We get a taste of freedom and then…"

Rikka smiled sympathetically. "One day we won't have to hide it from anyone. We just have to hold out until then."

"One day, huh?" He murmured to himself. Whenever that beloved day could happen would be determined by outside forces. In every effort to cater to societal norms, it often felt as if they had no authority over their own relationship.

How much longer could they fight an ideological battle before finally giving up?

"Mama, Père!" Rikka gushed moments after stepping off the elevator. He ran excitedly towards a handsome French man and a beautiful Japanese woman.

Dai stood a few paces away as the emotional reunion inside the grand Parisian lobby panned out marvelously.

"Rikka, tu nous as tellement manqué. Vous avez été si occupé ces derniers temps." _(Rikka, we missed you so much. You've been so busy lately.)_

"Je sais, mon père. Tu m'as manqué aussi." _(I know, dad. I've missed you too.)_

"Rikka, who's this?" His mother questioned, gesturing towards Dai. Because the teen tended to keep to himself whenever he felt shy, his actions could easily be interpreted negatively. 

"This is Dai. He's the bandmate I told you about."

"Ah. I see. Well, it's nice to meet you." The woman extended a hand for Dai to shake. The French man did as well.

"Nice to meet you too."

"What brought you here with Rikka?" The father inquired.

Dai faltered and Rikka seamlessly interjected. "I wanted him to come with me. He was too polite to refuse."

The nineteen year old nodded quickly in response. Though he remained completely silent. He was unsure how to continue conversationally when it was obvious Rikka's parents were already judging his intimidating appearance and cold exterior.

He simply hoped, as the day progressed, that Rikka's parents would be able to look past his hardened exterior and see him as a man who deeply cared for their son.

"I don't know if Rikka told you about our plans…" The woman began.

Dai nodded his head in response as he'd already been inadvertently informed. Though the fact that he'd heard the entire conversation between Rikka and his mother on speaker remained better left undisclosed.

"Well then, you already know that we're driving down to Nice to spend the day there. We're planning on doing some sightseeing and having lunch at Castle Hill. It's going to be a long day so if you'd rather stay here, we completely understand."

Dai was all too aware that the parents didn't want him to impose upon their family time. But since Rikka had been faithfully insistent upon his presence, refusal was not an option.

"No. It sounds like fun."

The woman smiled politely, though the smile had clearly taken a bit of effort to express.

Once they exited the hotel to make their way towards the waiting car, Rikka spoke quietly to his mother.

"Mama, I shouldn't have waited until the last minute to tell you about Dai. But he really is important to me so I would appreciate if you were more understanding."

She hugged her son to her side lovingly. "Okay, Rikka. How long have you known him?"

"About six months, actually." Even as he said it aloud, he could hardly believe how fast time had flown by. That same rapid progression would find them parents in a few short months.

"Isn't that a short time to be declaring how important someone is?"

"I don't think so. We live together and spend every single day together."

"You live together?" His mother's eyes widened.

Rikka quickly spoke for clarification. Though it was becoming seemingly evident what the response would be to their romantic relationship.

"All _ four _ of us live together. It was requested by our company."

"Hm." She mused thoughtfully, sneaking a glance behind where her husband and Dai walked together. They were having a conversation of their own, it seemed. Judging from the expression on Dai's face, it was a rather austere one. 

"He seems pretty closed off."

"He's just shy. Once you get to know him he's...well he's still shy but you get to see his lovely personality."

"Well, if he means so much to you he's bound to be a wonderful person."

Rikka beamed, also sneaking a glance back towards Dai. The teenager was clearly in an awkward position, having to converse privately with his boyfriend's father, but the mere fact that he was making an effort to alleviate the discrepancies meant a lot.

Too distracted by his appreciation and admiration for his boyfriend, the incessant vibration of his phone went completely unnoticed.

**

Their wayward journey to the Southeast corner of France was unstable at best. Markedly identifiable by Rikka’s pregnancy symptoms. 

His requests for breaks were not excessive, for the two and a half hour drive, though they were unusually frequent. Each time he verbalized the request, he instinctively wrapped his kimono cardigan tighter around his abdomen. With inquisitive looks upon their faces, his parents adhered to said requests wordlessly.

Unspoken questions lingered heavily in the air when the traveling party found themselves divided by interpersonal miscommunication. 

Rikka and Dai sat together in the backseat, speaking in hushed tones following the pink haired’s peculiar behavior. The aforementioned man wore a near constant expression of discomfort during the drive, prompting his bandmate to whisper in his ear every so often. Rikka responded with a simple nod each time. 

Much too often, Rikka’s father's eyes flickered from the road ahead to the rearview mirror and back again. Every time his light-colored eyes evaluated the reflection in the mirror, he saw Dai whispering to his son.

The frequency of which was interfering with their ability to openly converse with their son. Their son, on the other hand, was completely preoccupied with the blue haired boy.

Once the silence in the car reached a heightened point, the father of one spoke.

“There seems to be a lot of discussion back there. Care to let us in on the secret?”

The blue haired man immediately stopped whispering. Looking sheepish and embarrassed, he spoke not a word until Rikka spoke first.

“Sorry. I’m just feeling a little sick.”

Dai nodded. “I was trying to distract him.”

“Sick?” His mother turned around in the passenger seat, looking concerned. “Do we need to stop again?”

Rikka smiled and shook his head. “I’ll be okay. We're almost there anyway.”

His father seemed unconvinced. “That’s what you’ve been talking about this entire time?”

Rikka hummed in affirmation. The statement wasn’t entirely true nor was it a lie since their conversational topics had included and extended beyond his pregnancy-induced motion sickness. 

Their relationship was getting too serious to be hidden and Rikka’s bump was becoming a huge inconvenience to hide. As such, his parents would likely find out the truth by the end of the day. So it only made sense for Rikka to feel uncomfortable and for Dai to feel sheepish.

“Alright. But try to remember this is supposed to be a family trip. We _ all _ should be equally engaging and open to conversations.”

“Yes.” His mother nodded. “He’s right.”

In an effort to start a conversation that would be engaging for both Rikka and Dai, she inquired, “I’ve been curious, what’s the story behind your unit’s formation?”

As it was a hot topic for interviewers and a much requested topic from fans, they’d previously spoken about the formation of their unit countless times. But of course, Rikka didn’t expect his parents to know anything about it. They only invested in matters pertaining to their son’s modeling career. The rest of his activities easily slipped beneath their radar.

“A while ago, my friend, Shiki, decided to start a unit. He asked me to join and I accepted.”

“What about you, Dai? How did you join?”

“Uh, my friend Tsubasa caught Shiki’s attention. He was asked to join and wouldn’t agree unless I joined as well.”

"Interesting." She mused. "I'm sorry to say I haven't listened to any of your music."

"It's fine, mama." Rikka smiled. It was probably for the best that they had no interest in SolidS' music. Lest they find out about their sensual promotional video.

"What about the story of how you two met? I assume you did so before the unit's formation." His father spoke.

As was usually the case, Rikka easily gave a broad overview of his and Dai's first meeting. He spoke just enough to satisfy curiosity and dually inhibit suspicion.

"We met at a cafe. I was a little down and Dai cheered me up. We thought we would never see each other again but we wound up as bandmates. The rest is history."

Outside, the coastal scenery of Nice was beginning to emerge. The beautiful old town, embracing the best elements of Baroque style architecture, panned charmingly before them.

Floral gardens and parks secured the perimeter of the city while ochre-colored streets and sidewalks encompassed the heart. People strolled about seemingly without a care in the world as they basked in the cultural offerings of the animated city.

Dai was enthralled by the majestic beauty of yet another French town when Rikka's father spoke once more.

"Dai, when you first met my son, what did you think of him?"

"Sorry?" Dai turned away from the window, looking ahead to the man in the driver's seat.

"What was your first impression of him?" He persisted.

"Um." Dai thought back to the first day they'd met. Before he'd accompanied Rikka to his apartment, his thoughts surrounding the pink haired had been simple. "I thought he was really nice and easy to talk to."

"Is that all?" 

"Uh…" Dai froze. Was he supposed to speak more on his feelings about Rikka? Would it do more harm than good to elaborate on their critical first meeting?

Before he could find an appropriate way to respond, Rikka spoke. His tone was accusatory in the lilting elements of his second language.

“Papa, pourquoi le questionnes-tu? ” _(Dad, why are you questioning him?)_

“Rikka, il a l'air un peu trop amical avec toi. Je dois m'assurer que vous ne serez pas exploité.” _(Rikka, he seems a little too friendly with you. I need to make sure you won't be taken advantage of.)_

“Il ne profitera pas de moi.” _(He won't take advantage of me.)_

“Comment peux-tu être sûr? ” _(How can you be sure?)_

“Parce que …” _(Because…)_

Because Dai was the only one who _ hadn’t _ taken advantage of him. The only one who had proven himself worthy of Rikka’s trust and adoration. That was how he knew Dai was sincere and genuine.

When he next spoke, he ensured the language of choice was one that Dai was able to understand.

“I’m feeling pretty sick again. I think I need to step outside and get some air.”

The motion sickness had mostly abated but he couldn't think of a better excuse to step away from his parents and be alone with Dai. The fact that they were currently stopped by a red light in the middle of the city didn't deter him. Rather, the situation couldn't have been more ideal.

"Here, let me come with you." His mother spoke, more than prepared to hop out of the car and rush to the sidewalk's safety with her son.

As Rikka already knew, Dai was passionate about the things he wanted and cared for. He dedicated his heart and soul to anything worthy of obtaining and always spoke with regard to its importance.

"I think I should go with him." He spoke firmly, leaving no room for compromise.

"Castle Hill isn't far from here." Rikka stated with his hand on the door handle. He pushed it open as he parted ways with his parents. "We'll meet you there."

Dai followed him out of the car. Darting in between other vehicles as they navigated their way to the cobblestone sidewalks. Once on the sidewalk, they ducked into an alleyway between two older buildings and disappeared from Rikka's parents' sight.

"What was your dad saying back in the car?" He questioned. In an effort to further distance themselves from Rikka's parents, he resigned to follow and quickly maneuver through the sightseeing crowds 

"He said he's afraid you might take advantage of me."

"I would never… "

"I know, Dai." Rikka smiled and grabbed his boyfriend's hand. Pulling him along through the bustling city square and lush Massena gardens, past the impressive fountain sculptures and traditional boutiques, Rikka led Dai through the architectural wonders of the city in search of a more private place to converse.

Their relentless efforts found them along the boulevard of the beach, at the base of a smattering of bright hotels, in front of a faded ochre archway labeled _ Ascenteur Du Chateau_.

"This is how you get to the top of Castle Hill."

"Wow." Dai marveled at the expanse of the limestone structure towering above where they stood. "Have you been here before?"

Rikka nodded as he led Dai down the hallway just beyond the century archway.

"A couple of times when I was younger. Granted, I've never had to take the elevator before." He crossed his arms around his belly, stubbornly attributing his inability to tackle the 426 stair challenge to their daughter.

Dai couldn't help but chuckle. "Maybe we can come back here after she's born."

Rikka beamed. "It would be nice when I'm able to drink French wine again."

The teenager smiled to himself, if only because the image of himself and Rikka sharing a bottle of wine along the Riviera was a truly romantic fantasy, as he stepped into the waiting elevator. 

The ride to the hilltop was three minutes long in duration and limitless in panorama. At the highest peak of the hill, near the remnants of the citadel, the entire bay of Nice stretched across the southern horizon. The natural beauty of the countryside was simply awe-inspiring. So much so, that it was near impossible to imagine doing anything but enjoying its splendid views.

"Follow me." Rikka gestured to a pathway leading away from the ancient ruins and further into a forested oasis. The stunning views persisted as they meandered around the site.

Near a stone mosaic paying homage to the Chateau's Greek beginnings, the couple sat on a shaded wooden bench. Secluded away from eager sightseers, they conversed in isolation.

"Rikka…" Dai began, "I feel like I'm separating you from your parents."

"You're not."

"How do you think they felt when we suddenly left?"

"I told them I felt sick." He murmured.

"Yeah. And your mother seemed devastated when I insisted on being with you instead of her."

Rikka looked sheepishly at the ground. Dai was _ right_. The impact of keeping their relationship and his pregnancy a secret was causing him to force his parents at arm's length. He would not be able to speak openly with them or compensate for the time they'd been apart until they knew the truth. 

The teenager continued truthfully. "I want to get along with them, for your sake and the baby's, but I can't open up to them until you're completely honest."

Rikka sighed in response. "You're absolutely right. This trip is pointless unless we tell them. None of us will be able to enjoy ourselves until then."

Dai nodded in response as Rikka removed his phone from his back pocket. "I'll text them where we are. They should be here soon."

In the midst of texting his parents, he ignored the few extra messages from Shiki and Tsubasa who were likely curious about the progression of his trip. At the moment, he was far too distracted to humor them with French escapades and antics. And he was much too engrossed in his phone to notice the little girl who approached them.

Not until she was tugging on his shirt with tears in her eyes.

The pink haired man met the girl's teary gaze when she wiped her eyes and questioned, "Do you know J-Japanese?"

Rikka nodded, sneaking a petrified glance in his boyfriend's direction who seemed equally as petrified. It wasn't often that a crying Japanese girl approached a couple of strangers in the South of France. Especially one who seemed utterly disheartened.

"What's wrong?" Rikka asked gently, approaching the situation in the best way he knew how.

"No one knows Japanese and I can't find my mommy." She sobbed.

Dai's eyes widened and Rikka's did as well. They both wondered how the hell they were supposed to help a little girl lost in a foreign country. 

"Okay, um…" Rikka looked to Dai for help and the man shrugged helplessly. With their own personal matters occupying the majority of their thoughts and feelings, they seemed useless in finding a solution to someone else's problems.

Only until the girl looked at them with forlorn hope afflicting her innocent eyes did they realize their personal matters, in the grand scheme of things, were insignificant.

"Do you remember where you last saw your mom?" The pregnant man questioned.

She shook her head slowly. No more than five years old, the little girl was lost and scared in search of any adult who could help and understand her. The sole responsibility ultimately fell in Rikka and Dai's unsteady hands.

"Can you tell me your name?"

"Yuri."

"Okay, Yuri-chan. I'm Rikka and this is Dai. I'm going to see if I can find any workers around here to let them know you're lost. I want you to stay here with Dai in case your mom comes looking for you. Understand?"

She nodded. Reassured by Rikka's gentle and comforting voice, the tears in her eyes significantly subsided.

Rikka stood to leave, gesturing towards the place where he'd just been sitting. The little girl climbed onto the bench next to the still petrified teen who stuttered when he spoke.

"Rikka, w-wait-"

"I'll be right back." The long haired man promised.

"What do I…"

"Just watch her." Rikka gave Dai an encouraging smile before hurrying off in search of someone with more authority to help the lost girl.

Left alone, with the most innocent looking child in his care, Dai resisted the urge to curse aloud. With a few extra months before the birth of their daughter, his child care skills were not yet up to par. Consequently, he couldn't be blamed for the anxiety that twisted his gut when she looked up at him with unconditional trust in her eyes.

"You're gonna find my mommy?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Don't worry, we'll find her."

The last of her tears dissipated as she smiled the most adorable smile he'd ever seen. He was sure his heart melted at the mere sight.

"Do you live in Japan?" She wondered, fixating her attention on the tall man beside her.

He nodded in response as the girl's eyes lit up with excited recognition. "I saw you on TV!"

"Yeah. I'm a member of an idol unit."

Her eyes sparkled with uninhibited childish awe. Never had Dai seen someone gaze upon him with such pure excitement and adoration. Nor had he stopped to realize the impact their group might have had on young children alike. Children who longed to follow in their footsteps and live out their dreams.

He conversed politely with the animated girl until Rikka made a successful return. He smiled fondly while his boyfriend and the young girl spoke easily with one another. The latter of whom no longer seemed upset about her unfortunate situation.

When he sat down next to the lovely pair, the pink haired man declared proudly that all of the workers in the park were on the lookout for the girl's mother and knew exactly where the girl could be found. At the same time, the child looked joyously between the adults on either side of her, smiling innocently when she next spoke.

"Are you married?"

Dai paled at the same time Rikka covered a giggle behind his hand. "No, we're not married."

"He's not your husband?" She questioned Rikka. Speaking in such a surprised tone as if she'd been convinced they _ were _ married. 

"No. He's my boyfriend."

"Really?" Her eyes widened in awe as she looked towards Dai for confirmation. The teenager nodded.

"Do you kiss?" She questioned, just as innocently as before.

Dai flushed in response and Rikka chuckled once more. Though surprising at times, it was admirable whenever kids spoke whatever was on their mind. Similarly, it was refreshing to have an honest conversation about his relationship with Dai amidst all the inadvertently dishonest conversations with his parents.

"Yes, we kiss sometimes."

She giggled in response,"My mommy and daddy kiss too," before quickly changing the topic. It was duly noted, for the soon to be parents, that kids had minimal attention spans.

"You have long hair like my mommy." She gestured towards Rikka's shoulder length sideswept braid. "And you're pretty like my mommy."

"Thank you." He smiled graciously. Compliments from young children were to be held in the highest regard. Even as the precursor for a rather complex topic.

"Do you have a baby in your belly too?"

His smile of gratitude regressed to one of unease. Unbeknownst to the innocent child, her sensitive topic breach left the couple fumbling for a response.

"Why would you ask that?" He inquired, unassuming and gentle.

"Because my mommy has one in hers. Do you have one too?" She persisted, focusing her attention on his midsection. 

Rikka sent a panicked look in Dai's direction and the teenager unhelpfully shrugged in response. With neither of them knowing what to say or do when a child held high expectations, it was a rather uncanny foreshadowing of how they would fumble as new parents.

After careful contemplation, Rikka settled for a subtle response by putting his index finger against his lips in a shushing gesture. At the same time, he nodded his head slowly to emphasize an affirmative but secretive response.

Yuri's eyes lit up as she focused more of her attention on his midsection.

"Can I touch it?"

Rikka shook his head slowly. "I'm sorry. It needs to stay hidden right now."

"Why?" She looked crestfallen.

Why indeed? With everyone soon to find out anyway, what was even the point of hiding it any more? Why did it even matter what others' reactions would be, either positive or negative? It didn't matter, at least not anymore. His pregnancy was nothing to be ashamed of and didn't _ deserve _ to be hidden away.

He could have never imagined the enthusiasm from one little girl would give him the courage to publicly remove his outer clothing layer.

"Rikka, are you sure?" Dai questioned, inspecting their surroundings nervously. A few bystanders walked near where they sat, glancing nonchalantly in their direction along the way.

"Dai, there's absolutely no point. I'm so tired of hiding it."

"Me too." He murmured.

_ Even _ if the repercussions proved disastrous, they were willing to trade everything for freedom and honesty. Because, if their daughter's smile would ever inspire them as much as Yuri's, they would have the strength to persevere through any of life's injustices.

When his belly was more prominently seen under his trendy shirt, Yuri placed her tiny hand on the bump. She giggled when she felt a little tap against her hand.

"Is it a boy or girl?"

"A girl." Dai and Rikka spoke together, beaming fondly at the child.

She was the first stranger to have accepted and supported their relationship and baby. The first symbolic glimpse into a promising future manifested right before their very eyes.

When Yuri was emotionally reunited with her mother, her small hand reluctantly detached from Rikka's belly. In return, she bestowed gratitude and appreciation upon the ones who restored her broken spirit.

The gratitude reached far beyond the reflections of a young child. Extending from the sentiments of a young couple motivated by amiable virtues.

Forced into an ideological battlefield without compromise, it was difficult to ascertain which opponents were worthy of consideration. In the midst of a harrowing battle, finding the courage to relinquish voluntary control had been even more difficult.

But once they realized the ongoing battle they fought was not worth the strenuous effort, it felt like nothing short of a relief to wholly surrender.

In the span of a single progressive moment, all of the stress, worry, and fear plaguing their tender hearts dissipated into thin air. Sealed permanently with a kiss, the fulfilling promise was absolute.

The first to bear witness to the progressive change was Rikka's bemused parents. Speechless with astonishment just a few steps away, they discovered their son in Dai's secure embrace. The couple's lips moved in unison, connecting delicately along an evolutionary path, as Dai's hand lovingly caressed the swell of Rikka's belly.

Frozen in place by the psychological effects of a million unanswered questions, his parents couldn't deny the brilliant spark in their son's eyes that had been missing all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's only a few chapters left until the end. Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoy it until the end.


	18. Chapter 18

The timing couldn’t have been more ideal. In an effort to clear all misunderstandings, Rikka and Dai were equally willing and _ ready _ to speak publicly on their private affairs. To adhere to the expected roles on behalf of an underrepresented population, the couple thought it best to share their story. The ups, downs, and everything in between, they wanted the world to know who they were.

And they wanted it to be readily known that nothing would ever hold them back.

**

**2 months later**

Still and obedient, Dai sat quietly while the clip-on microphone was fastened to his collar. The forthcoming words to be projected by the tiny electronic device had the potential to produce a lasting impact.

Directly beside him on the velvet sofa, his boyfriend sat quietly as a staff member fussed over the details of his hairstyle. Ensuring his bangs were swept to the side flawlessly and not a strand was out of place, he would be presented to the world beautifully. Even more so than usual.

A second staff member smoothed the minuscule creases out of his pure white shirt, hovering tentatively over the large swell of his belly. 

Rikka smiled softly. "It's alright. You can touch it."

The hands stayed tentative as they smoothed the shirt over his belly. His pregnancy remained a sensitive topic for most. Eliciting a timid reluctance whenever the topic was unavoidably breached.

The staff members quickly completed the finishing touches on Rikka's appearance. Ducking off the set to disappear behind the cameras, it was difficult to discern whether they were eager to keep their distance from the pregnant man or simply in a hurry to start the interview.

Either way, Rikka's smile did not waver when he looked over at his boyfriend. Dai returned the smile, feeding off the radiant energy from his boyfriend's confident aura.

The decision to sit side by side, across from a famous Japanese talk show host, with cameras filming their every move and microphones amplifying their every word had not been considered lightly.

Announcing their romantic relationship had simply aggravated the chaos of confusion and bold speculation. As such, the continued frustration with swirling rumors and inaccuracies forced them to reconsider their communication efforts with the public. 

In an effort to mitigate the cynical opinions spawned from misleading information, _ before _ the situation spiraled further out of control and SolidS was trapped in the crossfire, they were ready to share their forthright story from beginning to end. 

Minutes before the cameras began to roll, Dai draped a comforting arm around Rikka's shoulders. The pregnant man instinctively leaned into his boyfriend's touch, basking in the consolation of Dai's protective mannerisms.

A hushed murmur circulated among the working staff when Rikka leaned up to kiss the blue haired man. Much too accustomed to the idle murmurs and incredulous stares of hostile onlookers, the couple ignored the adverse repercussions from their kiss. 

After they pulled away, Rikka couldn't help but lean in for one more peck. Despite everything they'd been through thus far, they'd both dealt with the undesirable outcomes better than most were willing to give them credit for.

Having recently celebrated his 20th birthday, Dai was remarkably flourishing and maturing right before Rikka's eyes. Evolving into a more handsome and sensible young man, Dai hadn't let anything deter him from upholding his duties as a soon to be father and supporting his heavily pregnant boyfriend.

The twenty year old returned the gentle kiss before whispering softly to the mother of his baby, "Are you ready to do this?"

Rikka nodded, whispering in response, "We're in this together."

Dai nodded, smiling just a little brighter than before. "Of course we are."

Across from where they sat, the interviewer skimmed through her notecards. Tasked with delivering their groundbreaking interview to the public, a huge responsibility was placed upon her shoulders.

Second to none, their infallible inspiration and subsequent desire to share their story were uninhibited.

Off to the side of the room, the camera director signaled the approaching onset of the video production. The interviewer nodded, relaying the same pertinent information to the young couple.

Overhead, the ellipsoidal reflector light cast a bright luminescent glow over the interviewer and her interviewees. At the same time, a silent countdown preceded the appearance of blinking red lights from strategically angled television cameras.

"We're rolling." The producer spoke from just off the set.

Rikka and Dai faced the interviewer with unshakable confidence as the latter's arm remained draped around the smaller's shoulders.

The young couple was ready for the world to hear their powerful voices.

The world was ready to listen.

**

"I'm here with two members from Tsukino Production's hit unit, SolidS. It's been a roller coaster of events since they first stepped into the spotlight and they're willing to share the details of those ups and downs with us today." The interviewer, a middle-aged Japanese woman, smiled directly into the camera before facing the couple.

"Would you like to introduce yourselves?"

The couple, dressed immaculately in white button-down shirts and black pants, looked at each other simultaneously. The younger man, characterized by his muscular build, handsome features, striking blue hair and eyes, and partially unbuttoned shirt gestured for the other man to speak first.

"Hello. I'm Sera Rikka from SolidS." He bowed ever so slightly and smiled. "I love taking care of our members." The older man, characterized by his slender build, beautiful features, striking rose-gold hair and eyes, and prominently round belly, spoke.

The interviewer smiled in response before turning to the man with blue hair and eyes.

"I'm Murase Dai." He bowed as well. "I'm the youngest member of SolidS."

"How old are you, Dai?"

"I just turned twenty a couple of months ago."

"Happy belated birthday. How did you spend your big day?"

Dai looked shyly at the ground and Rikka chuckled simultaneously. The interviewer seemed slightly confused when Rikka spoke for the younger man.

"He's embarrassed to admit it." Rikka patted his shoulder reassuringly. "But since he's old enough to drink now, we had a little celebration at the dorm."

The interviewer chuckled. "Dai, did you drink?"

The man nodded sheepishly. "Me, Tsubasa, and Shiki did. Rikka made sure we didn't drink too much."

The interviewer turned to the pregnant man and asked, "I'm sure you were the only one who was sober, what happened at the party?"

Rikka giggled when Dai's face heated up ever so slightly. "We all found out that Dai has a very low alcohol tolerance. He was the first one who got drunk. And then Tsubasa followed."

She laughed some more. "It must have been quite an experience."

The embarrassed man finally spoke. "It was fun. I'm appreciative that Rikka didn't mind us drinking around him."

"Of course I didn't mind." He stated. "We have so many responsibilities now and I just wanted Dai to be able to enjoy himself and act his age for once."

The interviewer nodded in understanding. "I can imagine. Well, now that we've gotten the introductions out of the way, are you ready to get started?"

The couple nodded simultaneously.

"Let's start with Rikka. You finally get a chance to sit down and be open to the world. How are you feeling today?"

"Relieved, actually. It wasn't easy scheduling this interview."

"How do you mean?" She questioned.

"We've caused a lot of issues with our company." Rikka smiled a small smile, taking the edge off of his words. "It was difficult to convince them to let us come here."

The interviewer smiled sympathetically before focusing her attention on Dai.

"Dai, how do you feel?"

"Nervous and relieved."

"Why do you feel nervous?" She pressed gently.

"I'm still not used to sharing my life with the public."

"I see." She nodded. "Would you consider yourself a private person?"

He nodded briefly. "I can come off as cold and distant but I'm just reserved."

"Well, I appreciate you both being here today."

"Thank you for having us." Rikka spoke politely.

"We have a lot to talk about today." She speculated aloud.

Rikka hummed in agreement.

"In case you weren't aware, this interview will be completely unedited and uncensored. Feel free to say whatever's on your mind."

Dai and Rikka nodded simultaneously. 

Influenced by his charismatic personality, Rikka sat more comfortably on the velvet couch and visibly relaxed. On the other hand, influenced by his cold exterior, Dai's posture remained a bit more rigid and attentive as the interview progressed onward. 

"Since we have a lot to cover, why don't we start from the beginning?"

The couple agreed.

"Tell us how you met and how the unit first formed."

Once again, Dai gestured for Rikka to speak first. The man did so happily.

"Our friend, producer, and leader, Takamura Shiki, came up with the idea for this unit. He asked me to join first."

"Before you became an idol you were a model. Is that correct?"

"Yes. I've modeled for many years."

She smiled. "I'm sure everyone is quite familiar with your work. You've done some wonderful photoshoots and have been on the cover of countless magazines."

"Thank you."

She smiled in response before turning to Dai.

"Before you became an idol, you were a university student. Is that correct?"

"Yes."

"Did you ever imagine you would become an idol?"

"No. It happened very suddenly."

She glanced down at the notes in her lap before responding. "Your friend, Tsubasa, influenced you. Is that right?"

"More like he dragged me into it." Dai murmured, eliciting a chuckle from the interviewer and Rikka.

"Is it something you wish you could change?"

"Never." He answered immediately before looking at Rikka. The pink haired man met his affectionate gaze with one of his own. The younger man continued to speak. "It gave me an excuse to see Rikka again."

The pink haired man beamed, instinctively leaning against Dai and giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

The interviewer smiled whilst watching the affectionate couple's interactions. "Care to elaborate on when you met him the first time?"

Dai looked at the ground shyly but nodded regardless. His blue eyes stayed glued to the floor when he spoke.

"I guess you could say it was when everything _ happened_. Rikka and I met randomly and spent a long time talking. I accepted his offer to go back to his apartment and…"

He trailed off. Whether he was too embarrassed to continue or simply too overwhelmed to be admitting something personal aloud, no one could be sure.

Rikka spoke in his place. Flawlessly picking up where the blue haired left off. With one of his hands intertwined with Dai's, he placed the other on his stomach.

"And we conceived this little one on that same night."

"This is your first time publicly speaking about your pregnancy."

The pregnant man nodded. "Fans have been speculating for quite a while but this is the absolute truth. I'm eight months pregnant with Dai's baby. She was not planned and we conceived her carelessly."

The atmosphere of the interview seemingly shifted to compensate for the seriousness of the topic they were beginning to delve into. 

The interviewer leaned forward curiously. "How did you find out you were expecting?"

"Morning sickness." Rikka chuckled to himself though the atmosphere remained serious. "I'd been sick for quite some time. So I went to the doctor."

"At this point, you and Dai were…?"

"Just bandmates. Nothing more."

Dai interjected softly, "We agreed that the night we shared was to be a one-time thing only."

She nodded in understanding. "Rikka, how did you feel when you found out you were pregnant?"

Rikka closed his eyes and shook his head. As if to repress painful memories.

"I was devastated." He spoke with his eyes shut tightly. "I wanted the baby gone."

"Why were you devastated?"

Rikka opened his eyes where they suddenly shined with unshed tears. "I was at a turning point in my life. Dai, Tsubasa, and Shiki were as well. SolidS was important to all of us and I was convinced a baby would ruin everything we worked for."

"You felt guilty?" She inquired softly.

"Immensely guilty. And ashamed."

"Why did you feel ashamed?"

"Because I know how society views people who are different. A pregnant man is viewed in utter contempt and imminently disgraced. I was pushed by the doctors to get an abortion and that's ultimately what I agreed upon." A few tears escaped from his eyes, running regretfully down his cheek.

The interviewer handed him a tissue as Dai squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"Tell me about the abortion."

Rikka wiped his eyes, speaking with a heavy voice. "I was only eight weeks when I found out I was pregnant so a medical abortion was the best option."

"Would you mind explaining what a medical abortion is?"

"It's a nonsurgical procedure that uses medication to end a pregnancy. Afraid that there was no other option, I supported ending my child's life. I took the medicine as instructed."

"What happened after that?"

Rikka looked down at the ground, tears still escaping his beautiful eyes. "I mourned privately. Dai didn't understand why I was upset but he comforted me during that time."

"Dai, you had no idea he was expecting?"

"I was suspicious that _ something _ was going on. But I was only nineteen at the time and the last thing I suspected was for Rikka to be pregnant after one intimate night."

Rikka nodded his head. "Dai couldn't have known. I didn't tell him right away. Instead, I continued to let him comfort me and we started offering each other different means of comfort."

"Different means?"

His eyes still shimmered with tears but they no longer descended down his cheeks. He nodded once more. "We started sleeping together on a regular basis."

"What did your bandmates think when this was going on?"

Dai spoke in response. "They didn't know at first. We snuck around for a while."

She nodded contemplatively. "Dai, when did you find out Rikka was pregnant?"

"I don't remember how far along he was. But he told me once he realized his abortion had failed."

"I was fourteen weeks." Rikka spoke for clarification. "My body was still going through weird changes and I assumed they were hormonal effects from the abortion."

"But they were pregnancy symptoms?"

Rikka nodded in response to the interviewer's question. "Nothing in life is ever guaranteed. The abortion had a 3% chance of failure and our baby fell in that 3%."

"How did you feel when you heard the news?"

"Please excuse my language but I felt fucking helpless. I was then influenced to get a surgical abortion whilst still dealing with knowing I would have to try to end my baby's life _ again_."

"Is that when you told Dai?"

Rikka nodded. His voice was heavy with emotion as he continued. "That was when I decided I couldn't deal with it by myself. I told Dai everything."

"How did you feel when Rikka told you the truth?"

Dai sighed pitifully before responding. "I felt frustrated, upset, helpless, _ overwhelmed._ I didn't want to be a young father just as much as I didn't want him to get an abortion."

"How did you get from that…" She gestured to Rikka's large belly and their tightly clasped hands, "...to this?"

Surprisingly, Rikka encouraged Dai to answer the question. The blue haired man spoke, only after resting a gentle hand on Rikka's belly.

"After deciding not to let fear get the best of us. We didn't want to be selfish and decided our baby was more important than anything else."

Rikka nodded. Continuing with, "As long as we could support each other, we were willing to quit SolidS to raise the baby."

"You considered quitting?"

"Yes. We didn't want Tsubasa or Shiki to be negatively affected by something that was our responsibility."

"If you were willing to quit, you must have expected a lot of backlash from the public."

"Exactly. The public is very opinionated and we didn't want negative press for the band or company." Rikka reasoned.

"What made you stay in the band?"

"Our friends." Dai answered without a moment's hesitation. 

"Were they supportive?"

"Definitely. Tsubasa and I have known each other since we were kids. When I told him Rikka was pregnant, he was mad that I didn't tell him earlier."

Rikka chuckled and turned towards the blue haired man. He cocked his head to the side. "Really?"

Dai grunted in affirmation. "He thinks he's entitled to know everything about my life. He said it's because he wants to support and protect me. I just think he's too nosy."

The interviewer joined in on the laugher as Dai continued with a small smile.

"In all seriousness, he's a great friend. He'll never give up on me, no matter what."

"Rikka, how did Shiki react?"

Rikka smiled to himself. "Pretty similarly to Tsubasa. I got so frustrated from hiding it that I broke down and told him everything. He was also mad that I didn't tell him earlier. He told me that he valued our friendship too much to let anything come between it. Once Tsubasa and Shiki knew, they were willing to stand up for us and with us against any backlash."

The interviewer smiled as the story headed in a more positive direction.

"How did your company react to the news?"

Rikka smiled sheepishly. "Fornication between employees is strictly forbidden so we were seriously scolded. But they realized how well SolidS was doing and they knew it wouldn't be beneficial to separate us."

Dai nodded. "They told us we had to deal with things on our own but they would support us as long as we continued to work hard and do well."

The interviewer glanced back at her notes as she continued steering the topic in the right direction. "You just announced your relationship to the public a couple of months ago. And you just made your official pregnancy announcement as well. But when and how did you tell your parents about this?"

Once more, Rikka gestured for Dai to continue first.

"My parents were a little less complicated than Rikka's. We went to visit them one weekend to tell them the truth. That was the same time that we made our relationship official and started dating. We sat down and told them the very next day."

Rikka and Dai shared an emotional glance as they spoke about their past. 

The pink haired man spoke. "Dai's parents were understandably disappointed in their son. But they knew we were serious about raising our baby so they respected our decision. They warmed up to the idea pretty quickly and have been helping us out with preparations."

"Dai, you said your parents were less complicated than Rikka's. What did you mean by that?"

He gestured for Rikka to speak. The older man began his story.

"My parents currently live in France so we both flew over to spend time with them. What makes it more complicated is that we didn't tell them about us or the pregnancy, they found out."

"How did they find out?"

"They saw us kissing and noticed my belly. That was around the time when we decided we weren't going to hide my pregnancy or our relationship anymore."

"That was where the tabloid pictures of you and Dai kissing first surfaced. Is that correct?"

"Yes." Rikka admitted. "Our first day in France, we let our guard down. We were happy to be away from Japan and didn't think anyone would notice or even care who we were. So we kissed in public and, unbeknownst at the time, the paparazzi had been following us."

"It was an unfortunate situation but the timing turned out to be perfect. The France trip helped us realize we were ready to be open to the public. So when the pictures were released, it didn't matter anymore."

Rikka smiled sheepishly. "Our company was furious yet again because of all of the rumors and gossip that followed. But it felt amazing to not have to hide anymore."

"I can imagine." She smiled sympathetically. "How did your parents react, Rikka?"

"After we explained everything to them, they were upset. They thought I was going to throw my life away for Dai and the baby and discard everything I'd worked hard for. I had to explain to them that Dai and I were not going to give anything up for each other nor were we going to let the baby change who we were and who we wanted to be."

"What do you mean when you say you and Dai weren't going to give anything up for each other?"

The couple shared a quick indecipherable look before Rikka continued his explanation. "As you can probably guess, our relationship has been very rushed. We made promises to ourselves and each other that we would proceed through life as individuals who can always lean on the other but not have to _ depend _ on the other."

Dai continued for clarification. "We hope and wish to be together for a long time. But we don't know if that will happen. If it doesn't work out, I don't want Rikka to feel as if he can't be without me or that he can't move on."

Rikka nodded. "We'll always love and raise our daughter together. But we won't compromise our individuality. Once my parents understood that they were more accepting of us and our situation."

"Would you say they're supportive?"

Rikka shook his head slowly, smiling sadly. "Not supportive yet. Just accepting."

The interviewer smiled sympathetically before continuing. "Let's talk more about the progression of your relationship. Can you explain the duet you two sang and the inspiration behind the promotional video?"

"Ah. Adonis." Rikka smiled fondly. "Shiki wanted us to ease into our official relationship announcement and came up with the idea for the duet."

"What was the reaction to the duet?"

Rikka looked thoughtful when he next spoke. "The reaction was as expected. Fans drew their own conclusions from the video. Most of them started imagining us being in a relationship though I can't say for sure how many actually believed we were dating."

Dai nodded. "The main purpose of the video was to get people accustomed to the idea that we _ might _ be dating."

Rikka spoke once again. "Some fans took it seriously and others found it as a light-hearted project with no underlying meaning."

The interviewer nodded slowly. "Is that when you first started noticing the homophobia?"

The atmosphere of the interview shifted towards the more serious end of the spectrum again. Rikka nodded while Dai remained unresponsive.

"We're a same-sex couple in Japan so of course we expected those kinds of responses. It was just surprising to hear them come from supposed fans."

"And that was just from the promotional video, you hadn't announced your relationship yet."

"Right." Rikka nodded.

"Do you remember some of the things people were saying?"

"On the contrary, I can't forget some of the things that were said." Rikka murmured.

"Is it something that you want to share?" She inquired gently. 

Rikka nodded without hesitation. "People should realize that idols have feelings too. It's cowardly to hide behind social media and proclaim to hate someone you don't even know."

"What stuck out to you the most?"

Rikka closed his eyes and spoke as if the words were imprinted behind his eyelids. "A highly visible comment on the internet that said, I knew something was odd about Rikka from the beginning. It doesn't surprise me that he's into guys. It's just a shame that he had to taint Dai's pure soul with his evil sins."

Dai's jaw visibly clenched and his body language stiffened when Rikka spoke. The interviewer looked in Dai's direction, taking his hardened body language into consideration.

"Dai, is there something you'd like to say?"

"It pisses me off." The twenty year old retorted.

"What does?"

"The fact that anyone who has anything negative to say _ always _ targets Rikka. They claim he seduced me or corrupted me or _ tainted _ me." He spat the words in disgust.

Rikka placed a reassuring hand on Dai's shoulder. Likely in an effort to calm him. "People usually judge me by my looks. It's assumed that a man with long pink hair who loves modeling and wearing jewelry would be attracted to the same sex. It's harder for them to imagine a guy like Dai, tall, strong, and athletic, being attracted to the same sex. So it only makes sense for them to think I influenced or forced him to be with me."

"Dai, what would you say to those people?" She wondered only after Dai had visibly calmed down. His jaw was no longer clenched and his posture was no longer foreboding.

"I would tell them that when you find someone you care about, gender doesn't mean a fucking thing. I was attracted to who Rikka was as a person _ before _ we shared a bed. I'm attracted to _ everything _ about this wonderful man."

Rikka smiled gratefully, placing a gentle kiss on Dai's cheek and murmuring a soft, "Thank you for saying that. "

"Rikka, how are you feeling about all of this?"

"I'm incredibly grateful to have someone like Dai by my side. He's passionate about the things he cares about and it always shows."

"Dai, you really care about Rikka, don't you?"

"More than I've ever cared about anyone. It's an honor to fall asleep next to him and wake up next to him every day."

The interviewer smiled sweetly before continuing. "How have the fans' reactions been since you officially announced your relationship?"

"There's been a huge divide. There are fans who support us even more. And then there are former fans who simply despise us."

"Has that had a negative impact on the unit?"

Rikka shook his head. "Not as bad as we feared. We've actually gained quite a few fans who are apart of the LGBTQ+ community."

Dai nodded. "As of right now, we're the only Japanese idols who have been so open about our relationship."

"How does that feel?"

"A little scary." Rikka admitted. "It feels as if we've suddenly become representatives for this group and now have this obligation to be role models."

"Do you see yourselves as role models?"

Dai responded first. "Absolutely not. Just a year ago I was an ordinary university student and now I'm an idol and soon to be father. On top of that, I suddenly have to be a role model for a marginalized community."

"That must be hard to wrap your head around."

Dai nodded in confirmation.

"Rikka, how do you feel?"

"Just like Dai. Except, now I have to represent discriminated pregnant males."

"Would you say you've been discriminated against?"

"Absolutely. I was discriminated against by every doctor who refused to offer me prenatal care. And by every person who's ever disrespected me after they discovered I was pregnant."

"How do you deal with it?"

Rikka shrugged slightly. "I honestly don't know. I just remind myself how I'm doing this for our daughter and how it's all worth it."

The interviewer smiled encouragingly. "The good news is you only have one month left until she's born. Isn't that right?"

Rikka beamed, placing a hand on his belly. Dai beamed as well, placing his hand on top of Rikka's.

"I'm looking forward to meeting her just as much as I'm looking forward to having my body back to myself."

The interviewer laughed and Dai did as well.

"How did the fans react to your pregnancy? I know your official announcement was at the beginning of this interview but I'm sure they already suspected _ something_."

Rikka nodded. "After Dai and I announced our relationship, I stopped hiding my belly. Everyone guessed it right away since it was pretty obvious."

"Were there any reactions that stood out to you?"

"Well, the fans who were already supportive of our relationship didn't have any issue with my pregnancy. The ones who didn't support our relationship had some negative things to say."

"We expected as much." Dai murmured and Rikka nodded. 

"But for the most part, the fans have been pretty understanding. They continue to support SolidS and we're incredibly grateful that we're able to continue doing the things we love."

"What about you, Dai? Were there any reactions that stood out to you?"

The blue haired man chuckled to himself as he removed his hand from Rikka's belly. He spoke in response. "There was something that stood out to me."

He was urged to continue by his curious boyfriend and the curious interviewer.

"There's apparently a joke going around that the reason I got Rikka pregnant so quickly and easily is that I'm a fast swimmer." As expected of such an accomplished athletic swimmer, there were bound to be _ other _ aspects of him that would be just as adept at swimming. 

Rikka's eyes widened at the same time his face flushed in embarrassment and he muttered, "Dai, this interview is going to be broadcast. Don't say things like that."

Dai chuckled again. "It wasn't me. The fans said it."

The interviewer laughed heartily when she asked. "You're a swimmer?"

"I used to swim competitively. I got injured and had to stop competing but swimming is still something I enjoy. Apparently I passed that down to our daughter."

Rikka nodded in rumination. "It's official, we're never letting her watch this interview when she's older."

"She's going to have to learn about sex eventually."

"Not until she gets married. She is _ not _ going to turn out like us."

"You're right." He murmured in resignation.

The interviewer chuckled as the couple bantered back and forth. "This isn't something you would want for your child? Having a baby without being married?"

Rikka shook his head. "Dai and I are making it work. But we would never want her to have to deal with something she's not ready for."

Dai continued with, "But if she did find herself in a situation like this, we would support her without question."

The interviewer smiled warmly as she asked, "Do you have a name picked out for her?"

"We do." Rikka smiled. 

"Care to share?"

The pink haired man shook his head, smiling teasingly. "Everyone will find out her name when SolidS' next mini-album is released."

"Can you give us more details?"

"Dai and I wrote a song for her. The title is her name."

"That's so cute. How did you decide on a name?"

"Well," Rikka smiled dreamily as he continued, "I had a dream about her and kept recognizing events that symbolized her name. We even met a little girl who inspired us to be open to the public. Her name was the same name I'd been associating with our daughter for a while."

"Can you give us any hints on the name?"

Rikka nodded happily. "It's the name of a flower."

"Wow. That's wonderful." The interviewer sounded impressed before shifting the topic of conversation ever so slightly. "You mentioned that a mini-album will be released soon. When can we expect to hear it?"

"It'll be released at the end of this month."

"I'm sure the fans are ecstatic. Speaking of dates, when is the baby due?"

"She's due at the beginning of next month."

The interviewer smiled. "That's great. You can play your album for her in the delivery room."

Rikka chuckled behind his hand. "I think everyone will be too distracted to listen to music."

"Of course." She chuckled as well. "Do you have the nursery ready and everything else ready for delivery?" 

"Yes. We've read as many books as we could and gone to as many parenting classes as we could."

"We're as ready as we'll ever be." Dai spoke, though he seemed apprehensively unprepared. 

"Are you nervous?"

"Terrified." Rikka spoke for them both. Dai nodded quickly, face turning a bit pale. "Once she's here, that's it. She's our responsibility forever."

"Coming from someone who has kids myself, I can tell you that the nerves will pass much quicker than you'd expect. After a little while, taking care of a child becomes instinctual and everything you do will be second nature."

"I hope so." Dai murmured. Rikka gave his hand a soft comforting squeeze in response.

"What are your plans for work after she's born?"

Rikka answered, "We'll continue to work. I just won't be able to participate in any strenuous performances for a while."

Dai nodded. "Our work is pretty flexible. She'll be with us for the most part. But if we can't watch her at any time, my parents have offered to."

"Are your coworkers excited to have a baby around?"

They nodded at the same time, smiling happily.

Rikka spoke first. "Not just in our unit but some of the other units as well. They've been incredibly supportive of us and are excited to welcome the first TsukiPro baby."

"And what about dorm living, will that change anytime soon?"

Dai shook his head. "Not anytime soon. Shiki and Tsubasa are excited to have a baby in our dorm and we'll appreciate the extra help."

Rikka added, "But when she gets a little older, we'll eventually move out and find a place of our own."

The interviewer nodded thoughtfully. "How do you think you'll handle her being in the spotlight?"

"Well," the couple shared a look before Rikka continued, "we can't do much to hide it. We'll protect her from the negative attention as much and for as long as we can. But she's going to be in the spotlight no matter what we do."

Dai added, "We just want her to have a happy childhood. We'll do whatever it takes to make sure she _ does_."

Rikka nodded. "At the same time, we'll continue to enjoy being idols for as long as the fans will have us."

"We won't settle for anything less for our daughter or ourselves," Dai spoke.

The interviewer smiled pleasantly. "Well, I'm sure you'll be amazing parents. I know this journey has been a long one for you and you still have a long way to go, but I wish you the best of luck. With your career and your baby."

"Thank you very much." Rikka spoke.

"Thank you for sharing your story."

Dai nodded in response. "We appreciate you listening with an open mind."

"Is there anything more you want to say? To anyone who looks up to you, to the fans who support you?"

Rikka nodded first, shifting on the couch slightly so he could look directly into the camera. "What I want to say is mainly for the younger viewers who might watch this. Don't ever engage in reckless behavior. Don't take sex and intimacy lightly _ unless _ you're ready to deal with the consequences. Take your time, don't rush, protect yourself, and enjoy being young and carefree. It won't last forever."

"A very good message." The interviewer mused. "So many young people today aren't educated enough about sex and potentially life-altering consequences. Dai, is there anything else you'd like to say?"

He nodded, looking directly into the camera just as Rikka had done moments prior. "For everyone watching, remember to stay true to yourself and don’t let fear stop you from doing anything you want to. Stick to your beliefs."

Rikka nodded, adding, "Remember that anything is possible. Make sure you cherish your family and friends and never take anything for granted."

"Thank you again, Dai and Rikka. And I wish you all the best of luck."

**

"You two did wonderfully." Shiki murmured in the waiting room backstage, enveloping Rikka in a comforting hug.

"Seriously. You were honest and spoke your mind. I really think you'll touch a lot of people's hearts." Tsubasa beamed in approval, embracing Dai without hesitation.

"Thanks for coming here with us." Rikka murmured softly, appreciatively. 

"Of course we'd be here." Tsubasa spoke as if it were the most obvious tidbit of common knowledge.

Shiki nodded. "As one of the few times I agree with Tsubasa, we wouldn't have missed this for anything."

"Hey." Tsubasa crossed his arms indignantly. "You agree with me way more than a few times."

Shiki looked away, playfully disdainful. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oi, don't lie to me!"

As characteristic of Shiki and Tsubasa's (_sometimes questionable_) relationship, the two of them (_playfully)_ bickered back and forth.

Rikka and Dai couldn't help but smile when they were reminded that those who embraced change were inspirational motivators for a brighter future. Discoverable in the most likely _ and _ unlikely of people. Expressed in the most likely and unlikely of ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sure some of you have already guessed what her name is going to be. But if not, here’s the song I imagined they wrote for her.  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nskk0pHlkVc
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning, this chapter references male breastfeeding.

She first honored them with her beautiful presence on a hot summer afternoon. The sun shone brightly outside, its warmth radiating prominently throughout the delivery room. Its golden rays reflected across the many joyous expressions, highlighting a prosperous response to the healthy newborn cry.

One such expression, an adorably scrunched up face and tightly shut eyes, was the most impressionable of all.

Held first by her mother, the baby’s disrupted expression quickly transformed into one of contentment when she latched on for a much-anticipated feed. Her eyes fluttered open instinctively, a surprised and elated response immediately following the action.

“She...has my eyes.” Loving sapphire orbs fixated upon curious ones. A voice quivered with poorly concealed emotions.

“They’re beautiful, Dai. _ She’s _ beautiful.”

The smaller pair of blue eyes searched around her environment. Instinctively fixating upon the one who lovingly held and fed her. 

“Hi, Lily.” He spoke with a familiarly soothing and gentle voice. She was mesmerized by his breathtaking features and beautiful tone. “I’m your mama. You’ve been in my belly all of this time.”

In lieu of a developed capacity to respond in any other way, the baby simply sucked in response. When her little stomach was full, she unlatched instinctively. Rikka carefully shifted her to the opposite side, offering her the other nipple that she refused to take.

"Shouldn't she be drinking more?" The pink haired man questioned, sounding rather concerned.

"Don't worry about it." A voice spoke from beyond the newborn's limited vantage point. "Her stomach is really tiny. As long as she's not crying and needs consistent diaper changes then she's getting plenty to drink."

"Okay." Rikka murmured, holding the newborn affectionately against his chest. Lily basked in the warmth of her skin against her mother's skin, a fully content baby inside and out.

"If you find she's not drinking fast enough and you get uncomfortable, you can try pumping." The unfamiliar voice grew steadily closer until it spoke from beside Rikka's hospital bed. 

"Of course," Rikka murmured before looking down at Lily with lovingly gentle eyes. He chuckled slightly when Lily's eyes curiously widened in response.

The pleasant vibrations of his laugh resonated against the baby's tiny body. 

He carefully stroked her soft face with his index finger and Lily instinctively leaned towards the affectionate caress of his touch.

He leaned down to press a chaste kiss on her forehead, a few long strands of his hair tickling her beautiful little face. He smiled brightly following the onset of a cute and tiny yawn.

"I think she's getting sleepy." The soft vibrations of his voice were undeniably close to lulling her to sleep. Rikka turned slightly to address the man sitting next to his bedside. "Are you ready to try holding her?"

His blue eyes widened nervously but he nodded his head slowly. With all of the shaky confidence characteristic of an inexperienced young father, he cautiously scooped Lily into his arms.

Dai's embrace was inherently different from Rikka's, though it remained equivalently comforting; his hold just as gentle and his chest just as warm. His arms were sturdier and his chest broader, yet his gaze was just as loving when it focused on the tiny human in his arms.

"Wow." He breathed in awe. "You're so small."

Lily let out another tiny yawn and Dai, larger by nature and fiercer in appearance, absolutely cooed at the small child. 

"Lily," He spoke in the gentlest of voices when addressing his only child, "I'm your papa. This is all so new to us and I hope you'll be patient with your mama and me."

She blinked innocently up at her father and he melted from her adorableness. He looked over at his tired and bedridden boyfriend who smiled fondly at the father and daughter interaction.

"Rikka, I've only known her for a few minutes. How is it possible that I already love her so much?"

"I feel the exact same way." Rikka murmured. "She's so precious, Dai. It's hard not to love her. And she's _ ours_."

Dai nodded, looking once again upon the most perfect baby in his arms. "I think it's because she looks like you."

"Hm?" Rikka murmured sleepily. Without Lily in his arms, he was able to curl up more comfortably in his bed. Having just spent many hours in labor, it was no wonder he was exhausted.

"That's why I love her so much. Because she looks just like you."

"Dai…" Rikka was temporarily speechless. The topic of love was something they were learning to settle into. They loved one another and wanted to protect one another without a shadow of a doubt. But the act of _ falling _ in love was a work in progress.

For now, all that mattered was that they loved their daughter together.

Rikka spoke just before his eyes closed involuntarily. "She has your eyes. That's why I love her so much."

The pink haired man was sound asleep within minutes, leaving Dai to look after their newborn on his own. Since Rikka was still reeling from the effects of labor/delivery and would be for quite a while, Dai had expected there to be many times where Lily would fall into his care. But without any real parenting experience, he was still terrified by the idea of her wellbeing falling into his hands alone.

"What do I do?" He whisper-shouted to the nurse milling about the room. He was frozen in place with a newborn in his arms and a snoozing boyfriend by his side.

She smiled sympathetically. "She just ate. Try burping her."

"Oh. O-okay." He stuttered, trying to recall every tidbit of information he'd read pertaining to burping a baby. He accepted a small cloth from the nurse gratefully and draped it over his shoulder before shifting Lily into a position more suitable for the task. He held her against his chest with her chin on his cloth-covered shoulder, supporting her small body with one hand while using the other to pat her back.

"Look at that." The nurse beamed. "You're a natural."

"Really?" He smiled. Never did it occur to him that he might be inherently good at certain parenting aspects.

"Of course." She assured. "I know being a first-time parent is scary but you have to put things in perspective. You're now a father and you're parenting your daughter at this very moment. You're doing the exact thing you feared you wouldn't be able to. How does it feel?"

Dai patted Lily's back in a rhythmic motion, taking advantage of the autonomous action to formulate a well thought out response. "It's not as scary as I thought it would be. Because Rikka and I are both so willing to be involved in Lily's life, it seems much easier for us to learn from her."

"That's exactly right." The nurse nodded. "When you're willing to put forth the effort, you'll see results in no time. Everything will become second nature and the doubts will start to fade away."

"In due time." He murmured at the same time Lily let out a small hiccup sound.

"In due time." She agreed.

Dai repositioned Lily so she was lying on her back in his arms once more. He gently wiped the remnants of spit-up off her mouth, looking up curiously when the nurse spoke once again.

"Before I leave you three alone, would you like a crash course on diaper changing?"

Dai looked sheepish when he spoke, "Yes, please."

Lily let out _ another _ small yawn as she was transferred from where her father sat to a makeshift changing area on the other side of the room. She was carefully placed upon a padded countertop as her father looked over her timidly.

"Have you ever changed a diaper before?"

He shook his head. "I've read about it but I've never actually done it."

"Well, this is the perfect time to practice. Since Lily's tired, it'll make the task much easier."

"What about when she's...not tired?"

The nurse chuckled. "I'm sorry to say you might have to fight against a squirming baby that kicks and cries relentlessly."

"Great." Dai muttered to himself. Thus far, he'd been a parent for approximately an hour and it hadn't been too challenging _ yet_. But he wasn't ignorant enough to believe that his precious yawning daughter wouldn't eventually test the limits of his and Rikka's patience.

She smiled before gesturing to the little newborn on her back who was fighting to stay awake. "Go ahead and unwrap her from the blanket and then undo the adhesive strips on her diaper."

"Okay." Dai murmured, furrowing his brows in concentration as he un-swaddled his daughter and undid the strips of her diaper. Slightly confused by the happenings above her, no longer wrapped snugly in her little blanket, her once sleepy eyes began to fill with tears.

The minute Dai noticed the glistening tears in his daughter's identical blue eyes, his heart immediately sunk. To see his daughter cry was heartbreaking enough. To know that he made her cry was downright devastating.

"Lily-chan, don't cry. Shh, it's okay." He leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead, stroking soft tufts of golden brown hair before stroking her unbelievably tiny palm. She closed her hand around Dai's index finger at the same time her tears subsided.

On the contrary, Dai's own eyes welled with tears at the most precious sight of her hand being too small to fully wrap around his finger. 

"Aw, look at that." The nurse comforted Dai as he wiped his eyes. "You're bonding already."

Dai chuckled to himself. "I think I've loved this little girl before she was even born."

"That's sweet. Many dads find it hard to bond with their daughter right away."

Dai nodded thoughtfully. "I'll admit I did want a boy. But I was just afraid of being too protective over a girl."

"There's nothing wrong with being protective."

Dai smiled to himself when Lily's hand unclasped from around his finger and she yawned again.

"Yeah. I'll just try not to freak out every time she cries."

"Easier said than done. You were pretty emotional during the delivery." The nurse smiled lightheartedly.

Dai flustered slightly. Of course he'd been a sobbing mess when Rikka was in excruciating pain and their daughter was moments away from taking her first breath. His sensitive heart would always ensure he was attuned to his daughter's wants and needs as well as Rikka's.

"It wasn't easy to get to this point, to decide we were going to be parents and raise her. I'm just glad we're here now and she's perfect and healthy and more amazing than I could have ever imagined."

Lily's eyes fluttered closed as her father continued to speak. Only an hour old, she was a long way from understanding the unforgiving world her parents navigated to ensure her health and wellbeing. It would be a long time before she could understand the impact of their difficult decisions as she found herself looking up at one of the two most important people in her life.

He looked down upon her, one of the most important people in his life, with all the love and affection that existed in the universe.

**

Rikka was too accustomed to taking his independence for granted; the ability to take care of himself and make use of his own time wisely. He'd never needed anyone to do things for him nor had he ever imagined requiring such personal requests.

As he sat in his hospital bed with not a single hand free, he realized that the sacrifices he made for their daughter were more personally impactful than anticipated. The demands of his newborn were inherently more important than anything else. But the subsequent lack of independence, though temporary, weighed heavily on his psyche.

"Dai?" He questioned as he held their nursing newborn to his chest.

"Yeah?" Dai was at his bedside in a single moment.

"Would you hand me my phone please?" He gestured towards the table next to his bed where his phone had been vibrating incessantly.

Just a simple reach away, Rikka had been unable to secure the device with their hungry baby demanding to be fed. Just as such, he'd been unable to ignore the constant vibrating noise that nagged upon his sleep-deprived mind.

Dai handed Rikka his phone without complaint or question. For the past 24 hours, the twenty year old hadn't a single qualm about dedicating his time to helping Rikka with intrinsically simple tasks. Rikka was the one who had been struggling.

Struggling with the notion of having to rely on someone else to _ function _ when he'd only been accustomed to leaning on Dai for _ support_.

Even more so with releasing the reigns of his own freedom than he did with taking care of Lily. 

"Do you need anything else?" The blue haired man inquired.

Out of pure instinct, Rikka wanted to deny his utter helplessness. But the truth of the matter was, he did need more assistance.

He gestured to a styrofoam cup with a plastic lid and straw that resided near where his phone had just been. He didn't speak aloud but Dai was already aware of what was needed and was more than willing to hold the straw up to Rikka's lips to allow him a long refreshing drink.

On the other hand, Dai was doing incredibly well with devoting the majority of his time to cater to someone else's needs. Though he still struggled emotionally with taking care of Lily whenever she cried or fussed. 

As such, he could not even begin to understand Rikka's struggles of independence as Rikka found it difficult to understand Dai's emotional struggles. A certain disconnect between them that hadn't been present before was beginning to place the couple at opposite ends of a narrow spectrum.

"Everyone wants to come see her." Rikka sighed as he glanced at his now muted phone. 

"Still not feeling up for it?"

"I don't want anyone to see me like this."

"Like what?"

"Like I'm nothing more than Lily's personal milk supply." He retorted with unexpectedly sharp words.

"Rikka," Dai spoke in an attempt to placate the man, "My parents really want to see her."

"Your parents didn't spend 12 hours in labor with her." He bit back. 

Dai clenched his jaw as if he was visibly fighting to hold back his own sharp words. "You haven't let _ anyone _ see her yet. Don't you think you're being a little selfish?"

"Selfish?" Rikka inquired incredulously. "My hormones feel more out of sync than when I was pregnant! I’m grateful that she's here but at the same time I feel so helpless and I want to curl up on my own and sob with no one around. Excuse me for not wanting to entertain guests."

Dai visibly relaxed, unclenching his jaw and letting out a small sigh. "Why didn't you tell me you were feeling this way?"

"Because…" Rikka trailed off, looking down at their peacefully sucking daughter. Without a care in the world, the newborn lived an unconditionally peaceful life. Rikka couldn't help but feel a little jealous.

"Because you thought I'd be worried or that I wouldn't understand?"

"Both."

Dai smiled a small smile. "Well, I do understand."

"What do you mean?" Rikka sounded perplexed. 

"I tried to do everything I could to prepare not only for Lily's birth but also for taking care of you postpartum. I know that you're going to be really sore and tired for a while and I'll need to help with Lily as often as I can. And I realize it's difficult for you to constantly have to request assistance."

Only a day had passed since giving birth and Rikka found it difficult to even get out of bed without some assistance. He'd been needing Dai to help him get to and from his bed to compensate for the aching pain in the lower parts of his body.

Dai continued while Rikka listened attentively. "I understand that we won't be able to have sex for quite some time and we'll need to find other ways to sustain our relationship. I understand _everything_. I just need you to be completely honest with me. If you're upset, or frustrated, or sad, you have to tell me. If I don't know how you're feeling, I might do or say something that could be perceived as insensitive."

Rikka remained silent, focusing his attention on caressing Lily's soft face. Though it was clear he continued to listen and contemplate Dai's honest words.

"I'm sorry I called you selfish." The blue haired sighed. "I just really wanted to show off Lily."

Rikka nodded thoughtfully, looking up at Dai with a surprising amount of tears in his eyes. He spoke with a shaky voice.

"I'm sorry for being difficult. But you’re right, I have to be honest. As of now, I feel completely unattractive and frustrated with myself for worrying about something so vain. I hate myself that I'm not as happy as I should be to have such a beautiful baby."

"Rikka…" Dai murmured softly, leaning over his boyfriend's bedside to place a kiss on the crying man's forehead. "...it's normal to feel confused and conflicted after having a baby. But I'm here to listen and to help you work through these emotions."

Rikka smiled through his tears. "Did you read that in one of your expectant father books?"

Dai chuckled lightly. "Yeah. The information in those books was incredibly intuitive." A few moments passed before Dai became serious again. "But I don't want there to be anything coming between us. We need to be cooperative now more than ever since…"

He trailed off, looking fondly at the nursing baby. Rikka continued where he left off. "Since we're parents now."

Dai nodded slowly, silently reflecting upon his own behaviors. "I need to be more honest as well. It's so hard for me whenever she cries. I keep thinking I'm doing something wrong and it's making me second guess myself. It’s weighing on my psyche."

Rikka wiped his eyes with one hand before smiling reassuringly. "She's just sensitive about a lot of things right now. Trust me, Dai, you're doing an amazing job. And you're already a pro at changing her diaper."

Dai looked away sheepishly at Rikka's compliment. He was trying his best, that much was certain. One dirty diaper at a time. 

"For the record," He murmured once Lily was done feeding and he held her in his arms to give Rikka a break, "I don't think you've ever looked more beautiful."

"What are you talking about? I've never been this disheveled." He murmured. Sure, his hair had been in the same messy bun for a couple of days and his clothing attire consisted of nothing more than loose sweats but that didn't deter Dai from witnessing his radiant inner beauty.

"You just brought another human into this world. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen anyone do. You're the mother of my daughter, Rikka. Please believe me when I tell you how beautiful you are."

"Thank you, Dai." Rikka murmured, feeling a pleasant warmth envelop his entire being at Dai's honest words. The pleasant feeling simply intensified as he watched his boyfriend cradle and rock their little newborn.

While Dai rocked their baby to sleep, Rikka was allowed a few peaceful moments of rumination. He spoke softly, just as their daughter's eyes fluttered closed.

"Maybe I am being a little selfish."

"Hm?" Dai looked up from where he'd been cooing at Lily.

"Everyone's so excited to see her and I'm the only one stopping them."

"Rikka, don't force yourself if you really don't feel like having anyone over."

The pink haired man shook his head. "No, I'm still not ready. But it wouldn't hurt to send everyone a bunch of pictures in the meantime."

"That's a great idea." Dai smiled and nodded before looking down at their sleeping baby. "Lily, I think you'll be just as photogenic as your mama."

Rikka chuckled as he picked up his phone. He sat up a little straighter in bed before aiming the camera in a way that captured just how perfect Lily was and how much Dai was already wrapped around her tiny finger.

He snapped a few beautiful snapshots before Lily was gently placed back in his arms. Dai was prepared to capture equally beautiful snapshots of Lily and her mother. Pausing only to ask, "Rikka, are you comfortable with having your picture taken?"

The pink haired man nodded before tucking a few loose strands of hair behind his ears. Though he was a far cry from being his usual poised self, he deemed it necessary that his love for his daughter be captured on permanent film.

"Do I look okay?"

Dai smiled encouragingly. "You look wonderful."

Documented for their close friends and family, he was able to perfectly capture the essence of a mother's unconditional love towards their precious child.

**

It took a tremendous amount of courage before they were ready to share the birth of their daughter with the world. Gathering the courage to accept others' opinions on a matter incredibly personal to them was an unavoidable destiny. 

If they were to proceed with caution, the least they could do was make sure they presented themselves in the most desirable and effective of ways.

Fans’ first glimpse of the newly born baby was through a striking social media picture. A sacred work of art generously on display.

The picture, taken from a posterior angle, was limited in expanse but limitless in depicting the bonds of a parent and their baby.

Rikka held Lily against his chest with her chin resting on his shoulder. His silky pink hair was gathered over the opposite shoulder in an effort to showcase Lily's wide-eyed and innocent expression. His gentle hand supported the back of her head as he placed a kiss on her cheek.

It only showcased the upper part of Rikka's shoulder and the side of his own face as Lily was the focal point of the picture with her sparkling blue eyes and tiny hand resting against Rikka's shoulder. 

From what could be interpreted by Rikka's bare shoulder and Lily's unclothed upper half was the strengthening of their emerging relationship. Rikka's expression conveyed nothing short of contentment and devotion, strongly hinting that the minor struggles he faced after her birth, both mental and physical, were waning against the strength of Lily's comforting presence.

Though not physically visible in the picture, Dai's own presence integrated seamlessly with his beautiful family. Fundamentally defined by the following caption beneath the snapshot.

_ Welcome to the world, Yuri. I can't believe you're already a month old. Will time always go by this fast? Now, I can't even imagine my life without you and I know your mother feels the same way. Thank you for helping us to grow and love in ways we never thought possible. For that, we will treasure you forever. _

_ Love, _

_ Papa _

**

Lured into wakefulness by the soft caress of familiar lips, Rikka opened his eyes slowly. He smiled in bliss when a strong familiar figure came into immediate focus.

Accompanied by kind words, the figure spoke softly, "Happy birthday, Rikka."

Rikka smiled in response, stretching before sitting up in bed. He felt rejuvenated and refreshed on the morning of his twenty third birthday, responding accordingly.

"Thank you. I can't believe how rested I feel."

Dai chuckled in response. "We've made sure Lily was taken care of while you slept."

Namely, Dai had made it a priority to feed Lily in the middle of the night and play with/entertain her for much of the early morning. Rikka was accustomed to covering Lily's night shift and having Dai be more involved during the day. The sudden change was a welcome surprise.

"Where is she now?"

The twenty year old chuckled again. "She's in the living room. Tsubasa's playing with her."

Rikka chuckled as well, unsurprised by the revelation. Under favorable conditions, Shiki and Tsubasa were incredibly helpful in helping them take care of Lily. They were willing to play with her and talk with her at a moment's notice, unhesitatingly handing her right back to her parents and renouncing responsibility the second she cried.

If Tsubasa was currently in the midst of watching over Lily, it could only mean that the three month old was animated and happy. A most desirable outcome by mid-morning.

"Is there anything special you want to do today?" Dai questioned as Rikka climbed out of bed to prepare for the day ahead.

"Nothing in particular." He responded honestly. Life as a working parent with a baby was nothing more than that. His shared days with Dai were spent on work-related activities and catering to Lily's needs. Up until now, there hadn't been much time for anything else.

Fully dressed and prepared for the day ahead, Rikka pecked his boyfriend on the lips before hurrying into the living room where Lily's adorable and frequent vocalizations could be heard.

Comfortably laid out on the couch, Lily was having the cutest "conversation" with her uncle while he listened intently and offered amusing remarks when appropriate.

"Oh, Lily, look. Your mama's awake." The blonde pointed towards Rikka and Lily's curious blue eyes followed the gesture to land upon a familiar figure. She smiled immediately and reached out her tiny little arms.

Rikka sat where Tsubasa had just been, leaning down to kiss his perfect little girl. She giggled in response, reaching up to tug on a few long strands of his hair. He winced in response. More than grateful to find that his daughter was growing bigger, stronger, and more curious every day but not as keen on being the guinea pig of her tactile experiences.

"Lily, let's try to grab things that aren't mama's hair."

Dai, who was always helpful and by Rikka's side, was quick to hand the baby a soft colorful rattle that would substitute as better visual and tactile information than Rikka's pink hair. The twenty three year old sighed in relief once Lily's hands were occupied with something more substantial.

Tsubasa simply laughed in response. "She's starting to develop a personality, huh?"

Rikka hummed in agreement as he watched her drool and chew on her recently acquired toy. "She's growing so fast."

Dai nodded in agreement. Their once newborn daughter was growing into a healthy and happy baby right before their eyes. Their parenting skills were defining accordingly and the routine they had begged for when she was an unpredictable and demanding newborn was finally emerging. 

Dai couldn't help but want to celebrate Lily's growth milestones, the refined development of their parenting skills, and Rikka's birthday in a more memorable way.

"Yeah, but it's gotta be a relief to think she'll be out of diapers soon."

Rikka chuckled to himself. "Soon is a subjective word. She may not want to start until she's about three years old."

"Woah," Tsubasa's eyes widened in shock. "It takes that long for them to use the toilet? Changing diapers is hell, I'm sorry you'll have to go through that for the next few years."

Rikka looked questionably in Tsubasa's direction. "What do you know about changing diapers?"

"Whatever I learned from the three times I did it today."

Rikka looked even more confused. Tsubasa changing Lily was such an unexpectedly rare occurrence that no one could have had a chance of predicting its likelihood. What could be attributed to Tsubasa’s sudden change of heart?

“It was Dai’s idea.” Tsubasa shrugged nonchalantly, immediately receiving a response from Dai that wasn’t quite as unconcerned or calm.

“Idiot, I haven’t told him yet.”

“Told me what?” Rikka cocked his head to the side. 

Dai rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “Um, I just thought that…”

Tsubasa sighed and shook his head in disapproval, speaking for Dai before he was given the chance to properly organize his thoughts. “He already has a kid with you but he’s _ still _ too shy to tell you what’s on his mind. He thinks-”

In an ironic turn of events, Dai cut off Tsubasa before the blonde could say another word. Speaking with sudden and newfound confidence, “We’re_ always _ with Lily. And when we’re not with her, we’re working. It’s not a bad thing and that’s exactly how it should be. I just miss spending time with _ you_.” 

Rikka smiled to himself as he watched their daughter play energetically with her toy. Dai’s emphasis on how much time they spent with her had not been exaggerated. They’d been taking her to work with them, holding her in their arms while they took turns with vocal lessons and recordings, even resorting to pushing her along in a stroller during their morning runs. Whenever she wasn’t with them, she was asleep. Every time _ she _ was asleep, her exhausted parents were as well.

Of course Rikka missed spending time alone with Dai. But as busy parents, what more could they do about it?

“I miss spending time with you too.”

“Exactly.” Dai nodded. “So since it’s your birthday, I was thinking we could take the day off together without Lily.”

“Without her? I don’t know about that.” Ever since Lily had been born, not a second went by where she wasn’t in close proximity to or with at least one of her parents. Rikka wasn’t fully convinced that the celebration of his birthday would be a good enough excuse to disregard that fact.

“Don’t worry.” Tsubasa spoke dismissively. “Shiki and I will babysit.”

“Huh?” The unexpected addition of a fourth voice subsequently followed on the cusp of Tsubasa’s revelation.

Shiki entered the living room with a surprised expression on his face and a cup of coffee in his hands. “This is the first I’m hearing about babysitting.”

“Tsubasa does have a habit of volunteering people without asking.” Dai muttered and Tsubasa laughed in response.

“Sorry, I forgot to tell you. But don’t you agree that Rikka and Dai deserve the day off?”

“Well,” Their leader mused with a small nod, “They have been incredibly busy. Keeping up with all of SolidS’ activities, dealing with the press, media, and fans, and being amazing parents above all else.” He ended with a small smile while gesturing in the couple’s direction. “I do think a day off would be nice for you two.”

“It’s official. Shiki approves so you can’t say no.” Tsubasa grinned in Rikka’s direction.

The pink haired man sighed as he picked up his daughter to hold against his chest, kissing her cheek multiple times. “Mama’s going to miss you so much.”

“She’ll be in good hands,” Tsubasa reasoned. “Dai already taught me how to change her and feed her.”

At the mention of feeding, Rikka’s eyes grew wide with worry. The prospect of leaving Lily for an entire day had his mind reeling with sudden thoughts, worries, and feelings characteristic of a first-time parent. 

“Does she have enough milk in the fridge? Should I pump some more?”

“She has enough.” Shiki promised with a slightly uncomfortable look on his face. He wondered if he would ever get used to seeing an entire shelf of his friend’s pumped milk each time he sought out creamer for his coffee.

Dai nodded with a reassuring smile on his face. "It's your birthday, Rikka. You deserve to relax, okay?"

Rikka placed another kiss on Lily's cheek before sighing in resignation. The prospect of spending the entire day with Dai was exciting, though the exchange of not spending time with Lily would be difficult. But, for the sake of both of their sanities, it needed to be done.

Rikka smiled a small smile in response. "What are we doing today?"

For that question, Dai flustered in embarrassment, looking away shyly. "It's a surprise. Um...but don't expect too much. I didn't want to go overboard."

Rikka giggled delicately. He wondered if there would ever come a day where Dai wouldn't be as unintentionally adorable as he always was. It was safe to say, as Lily continued to giggle and chew on her toy, that she inherited that precise adorableness from her father.

"I'm sure whatever you have planned will be wonderful."

Dai smiled sheepishly. "I hope so. We'll leave in a couple of hours and be gone for as long as you want. Pack whatever you think you'd need for the day."

"Okay. I can't wait." Rikka smiled softly before turning his attention back to the baby in his arms. "Lily, be good for Shiki-ojisan and Tsubasa-ojisan, okay?"

A minuscule vocalization was heard from the happy baby in response. One could only infer the legitimacy of her affirmation.

**

A couple of lengthy goodbyes to a cheerful baby and a mismatched couple _(questionably suited for babysitting)_, and a few packed bags later, Rikka and Dai were left awestruck by a rose petal covered bed and bathtub. Neither of which had been in the original plan to celebrate the day of Rikka's birth.

The pink haired man walked over to the large bed, picking up a red rose petal and brushing his fingers across its velvety surface. He proceeded to playfully blow the petal in his dumbfounded boyfriend's direction.

"Dai, were you trying to imply something?"

The overtly shocked blue eyes widened in progressive surprise before he shook his head vehemently.

"I swear I didn't know about _ this._" He gestured to the obnoxious amount of rose petals covering every surface of their hotel room.

Rikka laughed in amusement. "What were your intentions?"

"I just asked for a nice room for the day. I wanted something discrete where we could just relax and not have to deal with fans. Maybe drink some champagne if you want."

Rikka nodded thoughtfully, his eyes landing upon a chilled bottle of champagne and two flute glasses on the nearest bedside table. "They didn't forget the champagne."

Dai ran a weary hand over his face. "I guess the hotel misinterpreted my intentions when I asked for champagne in the room."

"Maybe." Rikka murmured. He'd admit that he had been surprised when Dai brought him to a nice hotel in downtown Tokyo, proclaiming they would spend the day basking in its glorious views and highly rated services. A rather unconventional way to spend his birthday. But the more he explored around the honeymoon themed room, the more he could visualize the limitless possibilities that would make his twenty third birthday the best one yet.

"We can do something else if this is too much. I just thought…" He trailed off with a sigh that Rikka was quick to apprehend. 

"You just thought I would appreciate a day out of the dorm and away from work. You thought I wanted to get away from the fans and not have to worry about anything..."

As a new parent, worries were simply inevitable. As a famous figure, the demands and criticism of the media and the fans were unavoidable. And as a son who'd declared his independence long ago, the strong opinions of his parents were overbearing. He hadn't realized, up until then, how much he'd needed a break from all of those things. 

In the form of a rose-petaled bed, two champagne glasses, and a jacuzzi tub, he was eager to adapt to the dynamic environment.

"...you thought I needed a few hours of not having to hear Lily cry or having to change _ another _ diaper."

Dai nodded sheepishly and Rikka smiled brightly.

As he spoke, he strode up to his boyfriend confidently, wrapping his arms around the taller's neck when he was in immediate reach. "You were right, Dai. I needed to take a break. And I'm glad I get to share it with you."

Before Dai could respond, Rikka placed a gentle kiss on his lips. Eventually eliciting a hesitant response.

"I didn't want this to be too overbearing."

Rikka leaned in slowly, his lips brushing lightly against Dai's when he whispered, "It's not. This is perfect."

Dai wrapped his arms around Rikka's waist, embraced in their first passionate kiss since Lily had been born.

Eventually, Rikka pulled away. Reluctant to distance himself from Dai's embrace but eager to murmur, "Can we try the champagne?"

Dai nodded, smiling in response. 

As he grabbed the chilled bottle, popping the top and pouring some into the identical glasses, he couldn't deny that he'd been secretly waiting for an opportunity to spend a few luxurious moments alone with Rikka.

The unexpected conception of their daughter and Dai's juvenile age had prevented them from being able to bask in a contemporary romance that came so naturally to most other couples.

Sitting alone in bed with his boyfriend, sipping fine and expensive champagne, with the entire view of downtown Tokyo at their fingertips, was nothing short of a lived dream. 

"It's weird that I'm able to drink with you." Rikka mused as he rested his head on Dai's shoulder.

"Weird in a good way, I hope."

Rikka giggled and nodded. "In the absolute best way. You're not a teenager anymore and we now have a daughter to raise. I feel like we can finally move forward and grow together."

Dai's only response was to press a loving kiss to Rikka's forehead.

The pink haired man smiled.

Reaching out with the hand that wasn't on his glass before slowly closing it into a fist, "The world is at our fingertips."

With nothing left to hold them back, Rikka and Dai looked forward to a bright future. What was the next step in their never-ending journey? Where would life inevitably lead them?

They had the rest of their lives to explore and unravel the mysteries of tomorrow. But because the present was such a beautiful and wonderful gift, they needed to take their time to savor its endless treasures.

Spending time with Rikka, worshipping and loving his divine essence, was an endless treasure in and of itself. Dai was incredibly lucky to have such a significant part of his entire world resting in his arms.

"My world is with you and Lily."

In an effort to reinforce the commitment of his words, he kissed the soft lips of the one he desired to share his forever with. 

Rikka responded accordingly, disregarding their champagne glasses as he kissed back enthusiastically. It felt more magical than the first time, when Dai positioned Rikka delicately on the bed and settled comfortably above him. A few rose petals were scattered in the process, dreamily floating off the white sheets to gather like a halo around the bed.

With both of them together and not a single thing holding them back, their shared time felt infinite. And the magnificent shift in their relationship was felt to the same extent. 

The extent of which found Dai struggling with his desire to speak three of the most sacred words in the universe.

"Rikka." He murmured, one hand bracing against the bed as he lovingly caressed the pink haired man's face with the other.

The man's rose-gold eyes fluttered open, sparkling with passion and affection, as he gently cupped Dai's face between his soft hands.

"What is it?" He murmured, searching Dai's infinite blue eyes and immediately locating the source of his deepest emotions.

"I think…I mean, I _ do _...I lov-"

The words were lost amongst the joining of sweet lips. Rikka murmuring a quiet, "Shh," against Dai's own.

When they pulled away, Rikka's bright smile warmed Dai's pure and compassionate heart. He leaned up to whisper in the taller man's ear, pressing a chaste kiss against his temple along the way.

"We don't have to rush anything. We have all the time in the world."

All of the time in the world to love, to grow, to laugh, and to cry. To fight and to kiss, devotedly navigating through the precious passage of time.

Life was only just beginning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the epilogue. Thanks for reading.


	20. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter begins as a direct continuation of the dream sequence in chapter 14. Except now we're in reality:)

**Four Years Later**

**

…Following her mother's subsequent return, Lily's eyes lit up with excitement. Rikka smiled to himself when he picked up his four year old daughter, noting with gratitude the effervescent presence of her unconditional enthusiasm.

"Did you miss me?" He questioned the adorable girl. She nodded with a huge smile on her precious face.

"I was only gone for a few minutes, silly." Rikka teased, kissing his giggling daughter's forehead.

After having barely seen her mother all day, Lily basked in the cherished moments when she found herself on the receiving end of his soft kisses and warm hugs. 

Mindful of just how valuable his hugs and kisses were, she deemed it rather unfair to be the only one to enjoy such cherished gestures. 

"Papa too." Lily spoke matter of factly once Rikka had pressed one last kiss to her little nose.

"Hm, what do you mean?" The pink haired man tilted his head to the side curiously. 

"You have to kiss and hug papa now too."

Rikka smiled warmly, nodding in agreement. "You're right, sweetheart. It's only fair that papa gets a hug and kiss too."

In the name of justice and fairness, Rikka found himself in Dai's comforting embrace a mere moment later. He sighed in contentment when their lips connected in a manner as natural and relaxing as breathing. 

The words came of their own accord, as they often did lately, on the exhale of a synchronous breath. "I love you, Dai."

"I love you too, Rikka."

Neither could recall the first time they had uttered those sacred words to each other. Though one could infer that the beautiful sacristy of those words had been worth the initial hesitation. The right time to utter those words had appeared when they'd least expected it. Ever since then, they never grew tired of speaking so fondly to one another.

"Thanks for watching Lily all day. I didn't think I'd be this busy."

"Don't worry about it." Dai replied. It had never been of any inconvenience to take their child to swimming lessons on days when Rikka had a long shoot and Dai had an open schedule. Nor had it ever been a burden to reward Lily with a sweet post-lesson treat while they spent quality time together. 

"We had fun!" Lily piped up from her place at her parents’ feet. She tugged on Rikka's hand enthusiastically, conveying just how much she was anticipating sharing the details of her wonderful day with her mother. 

"Aw, you're making me jealous." Rikka pouted teasingly while crouching down to Lily's eye level. "I can't believe you had fun without me."

"That's why we got this." Lily held out the blue lily that she and Dai had picked out together. When Rikka had gone away to change out of his modeling clothes, Lily had taken good care of the beautiful flower in his place.

"Papa said it would make you happy."

Rikka took the blue flower from her outstretched hand with a huge smile on his face. There would never come a day where he wasn't reminded of how lucky he was to have such an amazing husband and wonderful daughter. 

"Papa's just a hopeless romantic." Rikka teased, glancing back in Dai's direction in time to see him rubbing his neck sheepishly. "And after all these years he's still as cute as when I first met him."

An embarrassed flush decorated the blue haired's face when he met Rikka's warm gaze. Nevertheless, a subsequent smile blossomed upon his handsome face.

"I hate being called cute."

"I know." Rikka's smile matched Dai's own perfectly. After 5 years of being together, they knew the other better than they knew themselves.

"Mama?" Lily drew attention with a curious tilt of her head and an inquisitive glint in her eyes.

"Hm?"

"How did you first meet papa?"

Rikka chuckled to himself while he stood and extended the hand not holding onto the lily. His daughter clasped her small hand into his without hesitation.

"I'll tell you how I met papa if you promise to tell me all about your day today."

"I promise!" She accentuated her statement with a short and joyful skip as the small family made their way out of the professional photography studio.

Reminiscing about the first day they met 5 years ago was like reliving a distant yet beautiful dream. Everything had been undecided and hazy on the day when Dai sat across from a gorgeous stranger. At that time, the only thing either had been certain of was that there was something special to be shared between them. 

Only the passage of time could reveal just how precious that something was and just how special their shared experiences would become. 

**

"Are you ready, sweetie?" Rikka murmured in his soft and comforting voice. 

Lily looked up from where her undivided attention had been focused on the hem of her pink pinafore skirt. She swung her feet languidly, emphasizing just how far the floor was from her shiny golden ballet flats.

She then nodded slowly. And with a tentative finger, traced a random pattern into the velvet couch they sat upon. 

Her parents sat on either side of her to ensure she felt as safe and comfortable as possible during such an unnerving ordeal.

Dai followed the timid motion of his daughter's hand as it absentmindedly brushed against her clip-on microphone. He could attribute his daughter's hesitant and timid demeanor to his own. As he remembered the same exact emotions he'd felt during his first big interview.

The decision had not been made lightly, to allow Lily to accompany them to the candid interview following the success of their first endearing one.

The public's response to the couple's original interview had been shockingly positive. Fans and the public had been granted an inside look into the complexities that comprised Rikka and Dai's extraordinary life. The honesty of that interview had set the foundation upon which the couple was able to grow as individuals and as artists. 

As liberating as sharing their trials and tribulations with the world had been, in being given the chance to do so again, they thought it only fitting to share the most important aspect of their entire life.

Dai leaned down to press a reassuring kiss to his daughter's forehead. He rubbed her back gently and comfortingly, silently reminding her of the reason she sat upon that velvet couch alongside them.

Neither Rikka nor Dai would ever pressure their daughter into something she wasn't ready for. And so, per her insistence, they had agreed there was no place they would rather have her than right there beside them.

When they bared their hearts and souls to the public once again, Lily would be right next to them. They wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Overhead, the same ellipsoidal reflector light cast a bright luminescent glow over the interviewees. Directly across from them, the same kind and sympathetic interviewer smiled encouragingly. 

"If you need a break at any time just let me or your mama and papa know. Okay?" The Japanese woman spoke gently.

The four year old girl nodded, murmuring a shy, "Okay," in response.

The calming environment, devoid of a live audience and live airing, would soon eliminate Lily's budding nerves and timidness. With her parents by her side, a friendly interviewer smiling across from her, and her uncles waiting backstage to take her out for ice cream once the interview concluded, Lily had nothing to fear. 

A quiet countdown preceded the blinking red lights of angled tv cameras.

"We're rolling." A producer spoke in the background at the same time Rikka suddenly found his lap and arms full of his beloved daughter. 

He chuckled when she made it very clear that the interview could not begin until she was seated comfortably in his lap. A few other chuckles were heard off set when the cameras captured Lily's determined journey into Rikka's arms.

Dai shifted accordingly, scooting closer to Rikka and eliminating the gap between them that Lily had created. He couldn't help but smile as he draped a protective arm around his husband's shoulders.

Rikka instinctively leaned into Dai's embrace whilst holding Lily warmly and closely.

"Are you ready?" The interviewer smiled and questioned after the married couple had shared a quick kiss.

"We're ready." Rikka spoke confidently, thoroughly embodying his small family's long-standing determination.

**

"I'm here once again with the beautiful and talented Sera Rikka and the ever charming yet soft-spoken Murase Dai. Cherished members of the hit unit, SolidS, under Tsukino Productions. Although introductions aren't necessary, would you like to say a quick greeting to your fans?"

The young couple, dressed and presented as immaculately as expected, bowed politely towards the interviewer before directing their attention towards a large camera.

"Hello, everyone. Dai and I are both thrilled to be back and we hope this interview can allow you to grow closer to us. Thank you for your support." Rikka bowed towards the camera, cognizant of the four year old in his lap.

Dai bowed towards the camera as well, murmuring a soft yet meaningful, "Thank you for your support. We hope this interview can be inspiring and insightful."

The interviewer smiled warmly, directing the focus of the interview to the introduction of the last interviewee.

"Would you like to introduce yourself?"

The brunette child hesitated slightly before nodding. Though she had yet to utter a single word.

Unfazed, the interviewer attempted a more direct approach to encourage a proper introduction.

"What's your name?"

Finally, the four year old spoke. "Murase Lily."

"How old are you, Lily-chan?"

"4."

The interviewer couldn't help but direct another smile towards the adorable child. The mere fact that Lily was starting to open up was a miraculous feat in and of itself.

"Can you tell me who you came here with?" The interviewer prodded gently, knowing that the simplest way to ease a child into a situation was to take small progressive steps.

Lily nodded again, looking towards Dai and up at Rikka, before facing the interviewer again. "My mama and papa. And my uncles."

"Who are your uncles?"

"Shiki-ojisan and Tsubasa-ojisan."

The interviewer chuckled. "I see. The famous producer Takamura Shiki and the famous composer Okui Tsubasa. I assume you love spending time with them."

Lily nodded in affirmation.

"And what do you want to be when you grow up?"

That time around, Lily spoke without any hesitation. "A model."

"That's wonderful. Why do you want to be a model?"

"I want to be pretty like mama."

The interviewer smiled such a bright and reassuring smile that Lily couldn't help but return it.

"Lily-chan, I think you're already as pretty as your mama."

"Really?" The child turned her head and looked up at her mother inquisitively. Her wonderful mother who was the kindest and most beautiful person she knew. The most nurturing and comforting, charismatic and charming.

"Yes." The pink haired beauty was the one whose response she truly sought. "You're beautiful inside and out."

Lily beamed just a little bit brighter. "You too, mama. You're beautiful inside and out."

Rikka chuckled softly, absolutely enamored by their cute daughter. "Thank you."

As if a switch had been flipped, Lily's personality suddenly radiated vibrant hues. The timid and shy undertones, the integrity of which served as nothing more than a precautionary measure, were overshadowed by the most dominant characteristics of her bright personality.

With the confidence to speak up just a bit more, she leaned ever so slightly towards the interviewer. A definitive sign of her eagerness to reveal more pertinent details about herself. 

"And I want to be a swimmer." She spoke excitedly, easily disregarding the multiple cameras focused upon her every move and that she had been nervous just minutes prior.

"Wow. I'm sure you'd be a great swimmer."

The four year old nodded before fixating her attention upon a familiar pair of blue eyes. "I'm gonna win lots of medals like papa."

Those familiar blue eyes shimmered with pride and appreciation. Second only to the love and affection for his daughter that remained unwavering.

A lot had changed since the first time the couple had agreed to be candid and honest for the entire world to bear witness. 

The light in their eyes had grown immensely brighter and the weight of the world no longer rested on their shoulders. 

The couple who sat across from the interviewer that day was fearless and competent. Exuding confidence and assurance. 

There wasn't anything in the world that they couldn't handle, nothing that could ever bring them down. Just for the sake of ensuring the beautiful smile on their daughter's face stayed bright and brilliant forever. 

"Well, we have a lot to discuss today." After successfully getting Lily to open up, the interviewer steered the conversation towards a more practical route. "Much has changed since our first interview four years ago. Would you agree?"

"Absolutely." Rikka nodded, rubbing Lily's back absentmindedly when the four year old snuggled further into his arms.

"Dai, do you agree?"

"Yes." He responded briefly yet sincerely.

"What would you say has been the biggest change?"

Dai chuckled to himself and murmured, "What hasn't changed?" 

Suddenly reminded that the clip-on microphone amplified every word he said, muttering under his breath was rendered useless.

The next time he spoke, his voice remained steady at a normal conversational level. "I think it's impossible to pinpoint the biggest change in our lives. We had a baby, got married, and moved to our own place. A lot of other important things happened along the way."

The interviewer nodded in understanding. "Care to elaborate on these other important events? Rikka?"

"I think Dai is alluding to some of the struggles we faced in conjunction with those milestones."

"Struggles? How so?"

Rikka gazed upon their daughter who had found great interest in playing with the shiny pendant resting around his neck. Since the interview questions were no longer directed towards her, her interest in the matter had wavered ever so slightly. 

The pink haired man took advantage of the opportunity to speak a bit more earnestly about their unavoidable difficulties.

His eyes flickered to Dai's before he spoke once more. "We had expected quite a bit of negativity and repercussions after we had Lily. As I speak for myself only, I can say that I was most affected by the aftermath of my parents' actions."

"Were your parents not supportive?"

"I guess you could say they weren't. We struggled to find common ground after Lily was born. Their opinions became too overbearing and they never took the initiative to get to know their granddaughter. Nor did they ever fully support my relationship with Dai."

The interviewer nodded sympathetically. "What is your relationship like with them now?"

Rikka smiled sadly. "Almost nonexistent."

"Would you consider that the biggest change in your life?"

Rikka nodded. "It's one of the most unfortunate."

"I'm sorry to hear that." She replied sincerely before turning to the blue haired man. "Dai, is there anything you'd like to add?"

He sighed audibly. "It's a sensitive topic for Rikka. But I've seen him grow and succeed despite the fact. He's an amazing parent to Lily and such a hardworking person. I know it was difficult for him at first but now he's overcome the effects of that negativity and is absolutely thriving."

Rikka smiled in appreciation. "It was difficult to watch my relationship with my parents deteriorate. Since overcoming it, it really does feel as if nothing can ever bring me down."

She nodded in understanding. "You're stronger now."

"As strong as I can be."

"Have they ever met Lily?"

Rikka shook his head. "Never."

"One could only hope that they watch this interview to see how wonderful their granddaughter is."

Rikka smiled to himself as he continued to watch Lily trace the smooth surface of his pendant necklace. 

"Maybe." He responded wistfully. He rarely spoke of his parents as of late. Their presence in his life or lack thereof did not stop him from living his life to the fullest, from loving Dai as if he were the last man on earth. Nor did it stop him from supporting and loving Lily unconditionally.

In abiding by the rules of candid honesty, he had long since moved on from his parents' estrangement.

Once more, the interviewer expressed a sympathetic understanding before turning her attention to the restless four year old.

"Lily, what would you say has been the most important thing that's happened in your entire life?"

Excited to be included in the conversation, Lily ignored the tantalizing sparkle of Rikka's jewelry in favor of facing the interviewer. 

She tapped her chin thoughtfully as she searched for an answer. 

"It happened yesterday." 

"Really?"

"Mhm." Lily nodded enthusiastically. 

"What happened yesterday?" The interviewer questioned, genuinely curious as to what the child had to say.

"I really want a sister and I told mama but he said no."

Both Dai and Rikka appeared a bit flustered, though they shouldn't have been surprised to find that straightforwardness and honesty came incredibly naturally to children.

The interviewer responded with an amused chuckle, seamlessly transitioning into another round of questions.

"I know this is something the fans have been wondering ever since Lily was born. Do you have any plans to expand your family?"

"No." Dai and Rikka spoke simultaneously without a moment's hesitation.

"None?”

Rikka shook his head and spoke for further elaboration. “We’re both heavily focused on expanding our careers and bettering ourselves each and every day. We’re not quite ready to put that on hold and frankly, I don’t know if we ever will be.”

“Not to mention,” Dai added, “We’ve already got our hands full with this one.” He gestured towards Lily who giggled at the blatant lightheartedness of her father’s tone.

The interviewer laughed as well, prompting the next question.

"With the newest album and promotions underway, SolidS has been very active lately. How do you manage to spend time with your daughter?"

"It's simple, really. Because she's still too young for school we take her to work with us. If there's an event we feel she can't attend, Dai's parents will watch her."

Lily nodded in response to her mother's words. Validating their authenticity tenfold.

"How have the fans been with Lily?"

"They're wonderful with her. She can be really shy around strangers so they love to give her cute gifts to help her open up." Rikka continued.

"What do the fans give you, Lily-chan?"

"Teddy bears and stickers." Lily beamed.

"That sounds lovely. Do you like going to work with your parents?"

Lily nodded enthusiastically. There wasn't enough time in the world to talk about how much she enjoyed the fan signings and backstage hangouts. Nor was there enough time to gush about photoshoots, commercial shoots, and recordings.

The glamorous side of fame was nothing more than a bright effervescent flash from a photographer's camera. The darker side of fame, the stress and pressure, the scrutiny and judgment, the snide criticism and comments, was strategically hidden away from innocent eyes and ears.

Given their level of fame, providing Lily with idealistic experiences of a typical childhood was improbable. The only plausible option remaining was to provide her with a good childhood, a _ happy _ childhood. 

Under the present circumstances, shielding her from fame's darkest secrets was inevitably the right thing to do. As much as they'd hoped and as hard as they'd tried, discrimination, homophobia, and prejudice were things neither Rikka nor Dai could ever avoid.

In exchange for the preservation of their daughter's innocence, they would stand at the forefront of a never-ending war of hate and discrimination a million times over. Just as they promised themselves before she was born, they would stop at nothing to put a smile on her face. 

"We talked earlier about some of the changes you've experienced these past few years. But how has being an idol changed for you? Or has it changed at all?"

Rikka glanced in Dai's direction, silently encouraging the younger to voice his opinions.

Dai nodded briefly to show he was willing to speak up. "Since I don't appreciate excessive attention, being an idol was something I struggled with in the beginning. I've come to realize there's a difference in having someone enjoy what you do versus admiring you and admiring what you do."

The interviewer nodded thoughtfully. "Similar to a role model?"

"Yes." The blue haired man responded. "Only after Rikka and I were honest about our relationship and his pregnancy did I notice the shift. People who were scared to be honest with themselves and their loved ones were beginning to open up. And they were accrediting their change in behavior to what Rikka and I were doing. Fans and non fans alike started using words like inspirational and motivational to describe what we were doing."

"Do you feel inspirational or motivational?" She inquired.

Dai shook his head. "I didn't then and I still don't. The thing that keeps changing is more people feel as if we are. The bigger SolidS gets, the more Rikka and I are put on this pedestal where we're constantly being asked for advice and questions we don't have answers for."

"What type of advice?"

"Anything from becoming famous to dealing with unplanned pregnancies to coming out of the closet. The fans assume since we're just making it through life that we suddenly have the solutions to all the world's problems."

"Is it safe to assume that the biggest change in being an idol is having more of the world view you as a role model?"

"Exactly." Dai nodded.

"Has it changed now? Do you finally see yourself as a role model?"

His eyes wandered to where Lily sat beside him in Rikka's lap. The child had snuggled up to her mother even more, yawning adorably without a care more demanding than her overdue nap. 

He smiled to himself before answering. "Not at all. But I realize how much effort I'm putting into becoming one. Just for Lily."

The interviewer smiled warmly. Just as it was obvious to anyone who spared a moment's glance, she could see how great of a father he was. Despite his young age and other unfavorable circumstances.

"Why don't you think you're a role model?"

Dai shook his head and closed his eyes. Small yet significant self belittling gestures.

"I curse way too much. Sometimes in front of her. I can have a short temper and don't always express my anger in the most appropriate ways. I say things to my friends that can be interpreted in a rude manner and I don't want her to pick up those kinds of behaviors." At the conclusion of his monologue, he opened his eyes slowly.

He was met with a pair of familiar rose-gold eyes, shimmering with understanding and empathy.

"Having someone look up to us is scary. Not to mention having fans look up to us as well. But I think being honest about our faults and mistakes is what matters most." Rikka spoke genuinely to his partner. For a brief moment, the couple had forgotten they were in the midst of an interview. But for the sake of authenticity, the interviewer didn't dare interrupt until they had been as open and honest as they needed to be.

"No one expects a role model to be perfect, Dai. They just expect us to be human. I think we're doing a pretty good job." Rikka smiled an encouraging smile that was eventually reciprocated.

"You're right." The younger murmured. He knew he had a tendency to expect more from himself than anyone else did. Sometimes he expected too much and needed an encouraging reminder. "Thank you for saying that."

"Of course." Rikka's hand found Dai's own and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Their hands remained intertwined when Rikka spoke softly, "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Thank you for sharing these intimate moments with us." The interviewer finally spoke, gesturing to the couple holding hands while their daughter fought to stay awake in her mother's lap.

Scrutinized underneath the lens of the demanding public, self-doubt always managed to weed deep into their minds and shallowly etch into their hearts.

The only defense they had against the harrowing uncertainty was being completely open and honest with one another. 

"Of course." Rikka smiled. Maintaining a healthy relationship alongside being famous was not easy. But they were more than willing to show off the dynamics of their persistent efforts and lead by example for others.

The interviewer suddenly gestured to Lily who had completely fallen asleep in Rikka's lap. It took every bit of self-control for the filming crew around them not to marvel at the sheer adorableness.

Her thumb had found its way into her mouth when she snuggled comfortably into Rikka's arms. Following the soft and relaxing nature of her facial expression, her breathing was slow and even.

"Should we take a break?'

Rikka and Dai both chuckled to themselves, sharing in the virtues of private amusement. Lily had been looking forward to attending another of her parents' glamorous events, anticipating the moment when she would get to wear a pretty outfit and have her golden brown hair styled professionally. So much so that the anticipation had prevented her from sleeping soundly the previous night.

Perfectly exemplified by the way she currently snoozed in her mother's arms.

Rikka eventually responded. "No, it's okay. She's going to sleep regardless. We might as well continue."

"Alright." The interviewer smiled as she proceeded with her questions. "Because it's such a huge part of your life, I think it's only fair that we talk more about SolidS."

"Absolutely."

"Where do the band and its members stand today? And where do you see yourselves and the group in the future?"

Rikka glanced in Dai's direction. Allowing the younger another chance to speak. 

"Well," he began thoughtfully, "the band has been going strong for 4 years now."

"You've recently released your 3rd album, correct?"

"Yes."

"It's been topping the charts for quite some time now, how does that feel?"

"I think I speak for both of us when I say I still can't believe it. The fact that the fans have supported us despite everything and that they continue to support us is incredible."

Rikka silently nodded in agreement, sharing similar sentiments with Dai's own.

"Could we anticipate a possible tour in the future?"

"We prefer to take life one step at a time. So honestly, who knows?" Dai spoke genuinely.

Fame was fickle and inconsistent. They needn't ever forget that. But now they would always have a permanent family to come home to.

"How do you think you would feel if the fame suddenly disappeared?"

How would it feel to no longer be recognized in public? To not have people snapping secret photos wherever they went. To no longer have tabloid articles delving into private affairs or negative press disagreeing with every decision they'd ever made.

Maybe it would have been better to raise their daughter in an environment where none of that existed. From the moment they’d met until the end of time, they would always wonder if they had made the right decisions. For Lily, for themselves, and for the band.

Rikka looked away thoughtfully as he sought for the most truthful response. He spoke only when he was sure of his words.

"Fame doesn't matter. What matters is that we have each other, our family, and our friends. It's a blessing that we're given the opportunity to do what we love and make music. But I also love being Dai's spouse and Lily's mother. If that was all I could do, I wouldn't mind it too much."

The interviewer nodded in response before turning to Dai. "Do you agree with Rikka?"

"Wholeheartedly. Music is a huge part of my life. But this," he draped a loving arm around Rikka's shoulders and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Lily's ear, "is my whole life."

The interviewer smiled pleasantly. "I don't think it came as a surprise for the fans when you first announced your marriage."

Rikka chuckled lightly. "I would hope not. Though I will admit the timing was a little rushed."

"Care to elaborate?"

Rikka smiled fondly in response. Reminiscing upon the romantic engagement that had taken place just a few short months ago and the subsequent ceremony soon to follow.

"Dai proposed to me about 6 months ago. Less than a month later we were having a proper ceremony and committing ourselves to one another forever."

"How was the ceremony?"

"It was perfect." Rikka gushed fondly. "Just close friends and family, surrounded by an enchanting garden at a Tea House in Nara."

"I can imagine just how lovely the tea house was."

Rikka nodded enthusiastically. "The garden and the Tea House were straight out of a fairytale." The pink haired man smiled to himself before adding, "I'd never been one to fantasize about a wedding that may or may not have happened. But if I had, I imagine my wildest dreams could never have captured the magical essence of the ceremony I was gifted with."

It was Dai's turn to smile as he reminisced upon one of the greatest days of his life.

"Were your bandmates in attendance?"

"Yes." Rikka beamed. "Shiki and Tsubasa have always been more than bandmates to us. They're our dearest friends."

"Is it safe to assume that the unknown future of the band will never change the dynamic the four of you have as friends?"

"Since the future can never be predicted," Dai began, "I think we can safely say that we have many wonderful opportunities yet to come our way. We hope to stick together until the end."

Whether or not SolidS continued on for future endeavors would not hinder any of the members’ determination and capabilities. Tsubasa’s growing capabilities and raw talent as an up and coming music composer would never wane. Nor would Shiki's talent in producing an unmatched array of quality songs and albums. Even if SolidS were to disband, everyone’s passions would sustain the liveliness and flair that initially attracted their devoted audience.

"I wish you all the best of luck. For your current and future endeavors."

"Thank you." They responded simultaneously.

The interviewer murmured a few more sincere well wishes before bringing into question the most significant matter of the interview.

"We've talked a lot about the future and past today. But we can't forget how important it is to treasure the present. So, how does Sera Rikka and Murase Dai live their lives right now?"

"Let's see," Rikka murmured thoughtfully. "Dai, Lily, and I currently live alone in Yokohama."

"Why Yokohama?"

"It's closer to Dai's parents. They watch Lily fairly often so it's convenient for that reason."

The interviewer nodded in understanding and Rikka continued. 

"We spend most of our days in the recording studio, dance studio, or gym. I've been working on a few shoots lately and Dai and I just finished our new commercial."

The interviewer's eyes widened with interest and recognition. "The makeup commercial featuring the princess and knight?"

"That's the one." He smiled.

Before another comment could be made, the four year old girl who had been sleeping peacefully began to stir. Her sapphire eyes slowly fluttered open, blinking against the unavoidable haze.

She rubbed her eyes with small fists at the same time her mother's soft voice spoke.

"Did you have a nice nap, Lily-chan?"

"Mhm." She nodded, sitting up in Rikka's lap to survey her surroundings. Nothing had changed since she'd been asleep except a growing curiosity about what had happened during that time.

"Well, we were just discussing what a typical day is like for your parents. What about you, how does Murase Lily spend her day?"

The four year old glanced at her father and then her mother. Silently requesting encouragement that they were more than happy to give her. Rikka smiled and nodded first with a quick nod from Dai sequentially following.

Lily turned back around to face the interviewer. With complete permission to share her experiences and opinions, she spoke without hesitation.

"First, I wake up really really early in mama and papa's bed. But I get to sleep late in my bed."

The interviewer sent a curious yet confused glance in Dai and Rikka's direction. The former of the two interjected for clarification 

"Lily often sleeps in our bed and we don't mind it either way. But Rikka and I are very early risers much to her dismay."

The aforementioned child made an adorable disapproving face to show just how much she despised the concept of early rising.

"If she chooses to sleep with us, she has to get up at the same time we do. If she chooses to sleep in her bed, she gets an extra hour to do so."

Rikka nodded in affirmation, adding an important tidbit of information. "Even at such a young age, we want her to understand that every decision has consequences."

She was too young to know and understand about the careless decisions her parents had made years ago. The same decisions that forced them into a situation they weren't prepared for nor mentally ready for. Until the time when she was prepared to make such an important distinction, they would do their very best to raise her as a responsible and intelligent individual who never made choices on a whim.

The interviewer smiled knowingly. Having first interviewed the couple when they were still adjusting to compensate for the consequences of past decisions, she understood the predicament they had once found themselves in. 

"I understand." She spoke before facing the child once more. "Go on, Lily-chan. What do you do after you wake up?"

"Make breakfast with mama."

Only when necessary did the interviewer make light commentary. Lily had a tendency of shying away from unfamiliar situations and people. So whenever she did open up it was nothing short of a miracle to witness.

No one dared stop the beautiful child from having her voice be heard.

And who wouldn't want to hear such a happy child gush about her wonderful life?

"It seems like you love spending time with your parents, don't you?"

Lily nodded enthusiastically. So much so that another loose strand of hair fell into her face. Dai tucked it behind her ear without a second thought.

"What do you love to do the most with them?"

"Cooking with mama. And swimming with papa. And going out to eat with mama and papa. And watching movies with mama and papa. And visiting grandma and grandpa with mama and papa. And-"

"You love doing everything with us." Rikka smiled, summarizing a monologue that was sure to exceed a predetermined time limit without interjection.

Lily nodded in complete agreement as the interviewer questioned her parents, "How do you make time for each other? I can only imagine how busy you two are."

"We just do." Rikka answered simply. "I know that's a vague response but we really cherish our relationship. No matter how busy we get, we always have time for each other."

Dai nodded in agreement when Rikka sought his opinion. Whether in the wee hours of the morning when Lily was asleep or on a tranquil day when she was in the capable hands of her uncles or grandparents, Rikka and Dai made time for each other. Talking, laughing, crying, embracing, kissing, making love, fucking, just _ being _ together.

For the first time since the interview began, the seasoned interviewer leaned back in her chair. A sure sign that their time together on camera was approaching its inevitable end. Sentiments of gratitude were next in line and bids of farewell were soon to follow.

She smiled warmly when she next spoke. “Thank you again for taking time out of your busy schedules to be here. Thank you for being so open and honest about your lives and sharing your story.”

“Thank you for having us.” Dai answered for the three of them.

The interviewer nodded politely before turning to face Lily. Though the child had not moved from the safety and security of her mother’s lap, she sat upright and alert. Thoroughly invested in the conversation.

“Lily-chan, thank you for coming back. It was nice to finally meet you.”

“Back?” Lily tilted her head curiously, certain that she had never been in such an environment prior to that day.

The older lady chuckled to herself. “Of course you wouldn’t remember. You were still in your mama’s belly.”

"Really?" Lily seemed skeptical until both of her parents nodded in amusement.

"I was pregnant with you when we first did this interview. It was right before you were born."

Lily's eyes lit up in amazement when she replied, "Can I see it?"

Of course it was only natural for her to want to witness the moments captured on camera before her parents became parents. Back when her father and mother were only 20 and 22 respectively. Back when they were still unsure and apprehensive about the future.

When their lives had only just begun to make sense.

"We'll show it to you when you're older, okay?"

When he and Dai had been honest to a fault, there were some heavy topics discussed during that interview. To that very day, some of the topics they'd addressed would still raise heated discussions and opposing sides. 

“Okay.” Lily pouted ever so slightly. Though no amount of pouting would make her parents change their minds. Lily needn’t yet be exposed to such complicated matters.

The interviewer smiled sympathetically before shifting the focus of the discussion just slightly.

“Before we go, Rikka, you have a surprise for the fans. Correct?"

“Yes. I do.” Rikka beamed brightly, shifting his attention to the camera pointed in his direction. "I want to thank the fans again for allowing us to entertain them. I also want to extend gratitude for how much you’ve shown to care about the wellbeing of myself and my family." He bowed politely before continuing. 

"A lot has happened in my life, good and bad, and I've been inspired by it all. I'm in the process of creating an autobiography to share everything from the very beginning. I hope you all grow closer to me because of it and I hope I can offer some insight and inspiration as well."

"That's wonderful Rikka, can we expect a release date?"

Rikka chuckled to himself. "Only after I feel as if I've captured the essence of who I am and translated it to words. Whether that be sooner rather than later, I can't be certain. Please anticipate it nevertheless."

"I'm sure fans will be on the edges of their seats until that moment." She smiled before continuing. "And you have a surprise for your family as well."

"Yes." Rikka smiled and gestured to a small projector screen that had gone unnoticed during the interview. 

Everyone's attention was on the aforementioned screen when its surface lit up with a heartwarming photograph. 

Presented in high resolution and clarity was the digital capture of the most beautiful moment shared between mother and daughter. 

As prominently as when he'd first seen the picture, the limitless expanse of love and compassion was framed eloquently amongst the two-dimensional constraints.

He remembered the moment ever so vividly when he first received his beautiful blue lily. The symbolic and heartfelt flower exchange between mother and daughter now treasured for a lifetime.

Both of their charming smiles were immortalized for all of eternity.

"On the day of my photoshoot for the book cover, Dai and Lily visited on set and gifted me a flower. The photographer had brilliantly managed to capture this precious moment on camera. This photo is the best representation of who I am and how I want others to see me."

"It's pretty!" Lily exclaimed, examining the gorgeous picture in awe. 

"It's perfect, Rikka. You both look beautiful." Dai spoke, his eyes shimmering with unconditional love and affection towards the two most important people in his life.

"Thank you." Rikka smiled, his own affection perfectly mirroring the depth and devotion in Dai's eyes.

"Rikka, thank you for sharing this photograph and your story. I look forward to the release of your book and I wish you all the best of luck in the future." 

**

Dai couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment it had happened. When the uncertainty began to fade into nothing more than the wisps of a hazy dream. Time, maturity, experience, and age were all probable contributions; his first declaration of love to Rikka likely the first step.

Waking up one morning to find Lily snuggled peacefully in his arms and Rikka a short reach away was when the realization hit. At only twenty four years old he’d found the answer that was worth a lifetime of searching. He’d found his purpose in life. His purpose for existing, for living, for _ being_. Beautifully embodied by the serene expression on Lily’s face and Rikka’s reassuring presence. 

That was around the time when everything finally made sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you might be curious as to why I named this story Austere. In short, austere means severe or strict. Every hurdle Dai and Rikka faced in life was rooted in this principle. Whether it be homophobia, abortion, discrimination, or cultural values, everything they faced originated from a strict rule or severely seeded ideal. Because of this austerity, they were able to grow stronger as individuals and continue on as the people I envisioned them to be in this epilogue. I enjoyed writing this story and I appreciate everyone who read it. As this marks the end of a journey, I would love to hear from you in the comments🥰


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